As her words pierced his heart, he came to the only conclusion he could. “You mean you were seeing Erik Dalton while we—”
“No,” she retorted. “Erik happened before I met you and there was no ‘seeing’ involved, no dating, if that’s what you mean.”
Lilli stopped, momentarily too emotional to continue because she was reliving the horrible incident that had all but destroyed her life and turned her entire world up side down.
She looked as if she was going to bolt.
Not until you finish telling me. Kullen gently put his hands on her shoulders. He could literally feel her anguish, could sense her being torn between telling him and keeping silent.
“Tell me,” he urged quietly.
The war within her was reflected in her eyes. And then, she squared her shoulders, as if she were about to go into battle.
When she finally spoke, her voice was firm, quiet. Al most oddly removed.
“My first year in law school, I forced myself to accept an invitation to a frat party. I was so terribly shy and I knew I had to make an effort to get out of my shell.” A sad smile played along her lips. “I mean, who wants a painfully shy lawyer, right? There were a lot of people at the party….” Her voice trailed off.
“Including Erik?” he prodded.
She nodded. “Erik was there. He seemed nice, attentive.” Every word took effort to say. “Almost sweet.” A rueful sound accompanied the description. “Somewhere in the middle of the evening, he suggested that we go somewhere more private, get a ‘real’ drink.” She stopped.
“And you went with him?” He’d always pictured her being innocent, but never naive.
Lilli raised her chin defiantly. “No, I didn’t. I told him I had to get back home because I had a paper I needed to finish for Monday. He told me he could get a paper on any topic under the sun, and that shouldn’t interrupt the good time we were having.”
She shrugged helplessly, wishing she could change the rest of the narrative. Wishing that it had never happened. But that would mean she’d have to wish away Jonathan and she could never do that.
“I told him I wouldn’t feel right about that. That I need ed to earn my grade. He laughed and said I was a rare person. I left the party and went home. None of the other girls I lived with were there.” She paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath. “He followed me. When the doorbell rang, I thought one of my roommates had forgotten her key. But it was Erik. He pushed his way in….” Her voice broke.
The horror of the situation suddenly hit Kullen with the force of an anvil dropping on his head. He called him self seven kinds of a jackass. Here he’d been feeling sorry for himself for loving her, and all along she’d been a victim.
“He raped you?” Kullen asked, struggling to contain his outrage.
She drew her lips together in a thin line, then nodded.
He stared at her, stunned. “Why didn’t you report him to the police?”
“Because I was ashamed.” It was so hard not to cry. Talking had sharpened all the edges of the incident. She could feel them all pricking her flesh again. “It would have been just my word against his. People saw him at the party talking to me. Walking me out to my car. They’d think that the sex was consensual and that I cried rape after the fact because he wouldn’t allow himself to be blackmailed.”
It seemed too fantastic for words, but Kullen was acutely aware of the dead man’s reputation. “Is that what he said?”
She nodded, avoiding his eyes. “He told me it was my fault. That I’d asked for it and that I couldn’t expect a guy to shut down after I ‘got his engine going.’” She drew in another shaky breath. “All I wanted to do was for get that it ever happened.” She smiled at Kullen and it all but broke his heart. “You almost made me forget. And then I found out I was pregnant—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He would have taken care of her—after he’d beaten that scum to a pulp.
“Because I didn’t want you to look at me with disgust, or pity—”
“So letting me think that something was wrong, that you’d rather run away and disappear than marry me, was better?” he demanded. She made no answer. “Didn’t you know me any better than that?”
She wasn’t going to cry. Please, God, don’t let me cry. “At that point, I didn’t know anything except that what I had once hoped for was now completely out of reach. I had a child on the way. A child I didn’t want.”
“There were options,” he told her quietly. Not options that he would have chosen for her, but they were hers to reject, not his.
She shook her head. “Not for me.”
“Then adoption,” he suggested.
Lilli shook her head. “My mistake, my burden,” she said firmly.
Her reasoning frustrated him. His anger against the dead man bubbled up within him and he had nowhere to vent it. His temper flared and it was a struggle to keep it under wraps. “He raped you, you didn’t rape him. How the hell was any of this your mistake?” he asked.
She’d told him what he needed to know. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
She waved away his question. “That’s all in the past. And in one of those ironic twists of fate, Jonathan is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Pausing, she looked at him, then softly amended, “Well, one of the best.”
She could sense that he wanted to ask more questions. Lilli looked down at her hands. She’d just stripped herself naked and felt utterly vulnerable.
“Satisfied?” she asked in a whisper.
Chapter Seven
Sympathy, guilt and anger suddenly warred within Kullen.
The sympathy was self-explanatory. The guilt was because he’d had to force her to relive the ordeal, and the anger was directed against the narcissistic bastard who’d assaulted Lilli. And ultimately robbed them of a life they could have had together.
“No, I’m not,” he told her. “I won’t be satisfied until I can beat Erik Dalton within an inch of his life.”
“But he’s dead.”
“Hence, my dilemma,” Kullen acknowledged with a straight face.
It took her a second to realize he was kidding. Lilli laughed softly. “You always did know how to make me smile.”
“We do what we can,” he quipped with affection.
He kept it light. What he really wanted to say was that she should have come to him with this the moment she knew she was pregnant. It pained him to think of her facing something so huge on her own. He would have been there for her every step of the way if only he’d known. If only she’d trusted him to stand by her and not judge her.
But for now he kept the question to himself. He could see that Lilli just wanted to table the subject. He had no choice but to abide by her obvious wishes.
In his mind, Kullen promised himself that they would come back to this discussion in the near future. Lilli needed to fully purge herself of this incident. She’d taken the first important steps. The rest would come.
“Do you think she can do it?” Lilli asked, trying her best to disguise the tremor in her voice. “Do you think that Mrs. Dalton will be able to take Jonathan away from me?”
He chose his words carefully, his eyes never leaving hers. “I think Elizabeth Dalton’s going to do her damnedest to try,” he told her, “but no, I don’t think she’s going to take your son away from you.”
Her hand covered his, creating the bond that she so desperately needed. “Promise?”
Logically, Kullen knew he couldn’t guarantee anything. It was no secret that judges were a whimsical breed. If he and Lilli drew the wrong judge for the case, one who was either impressed by Elizabeth Dalton or whose appointment had somehow been facilitated by her pull or covert financial backing, then they were in for a hard fight—and the daunting possibility of an initial ruling against them.
But he knew that Lilli wasn’t asking him for a logical answer, or the truth when it came down to that. She was asking him for an answer that she could hang on to with bot
h hands. An answer that told her everything would be all right. What she needed most of all was hope.
After all she’d been through, he figured it was the least he could do. So he smiled at her and said the one word she wanted to hear. “Promise.”
The sigh that escaped her lips was one of relief and she mirrored his smile. But her expression told him she knew what he was doing and why. She appeared grateful that, for her sake, he was playing the game. There was time enough to deal with reality and all its hoary ramifications later.
“Thank you,” she told him with feeling. “And now, I’d better get back and tell my mother she’s free to go home if she wants to. Although half the time I suspect she likes sticking around Jonathan and me. Now that my dad’s gone, we’re all the family she has.”
It occurred to him that he hadn’t given her condolences where they were due. “I’m sorry to hear about your dad.”
“Yeah, me, too.” Her father had died shortly after Jon a than was born. Because she’d been in the midst of dealing with her own issues, she hadn’t known of his sudden illness until a week before he passed away. She blamed herself for that, too, and still grieved that her father never got to see his grandson.
Wanting to change the subject, Kullen nodded toward the pizza box. There was still a little less than half left.
“Why don’t you take some of this with you for Jonathan?” he suggested. He saw that she was about to demur—he could still read so much of her body language. Funny how some things never left you, he thought. “I don’t know of any seven-year-old boy alive who doesn’t like cold pizza.” With that, he went to the kitchen to get a container for her.
Lilli followed him. “Don’t you want it?”
“I’ve got more than enough,” he assured her. “Just in case you didn’t notice, you still eat like a bird on a diet.”
Kullen opened an overhead cupboard and she saw a collection of plastic containers of all sizes and shapes crowded together. She couldn’t help wondering if they would all wind up raining down if he attempted to take one out.
“New hobby of yours?” she asked, nodding toward the containers.
He laughed. “My mother thinks I’m going to starve to death. She makes it a habit of dropping off what she calls leftovers from her catering business about once every week or so. I keep meaning to give these back to her.”
Carefully extracting a rectangular container and its lid, he managed not to upset the rest of the pyramid. Apparently, Lilli mused, the man had added magic tricks to his skills since she’d last seen him. She followed him back to the dining room.
Opening the container, Kullen put two slices of pizza into it. He saw a quizzical look enter her eyes. “One for your mother, in case she’s built up an appetite running after your son.”
Her smile widened. “She doesn’t chase him around. Jonathan is extremely well behaved. Not an ounce of trouble, ever.” She was aware of the note of pride in her voice.
“Like his mother,” Kullen commented. Taking the container with him, he walked her to the door, then handed it to her just as he opened the door for her.
She turned in the doorway and looked up at him. “Thank you again,” she said with feeling. “For everything.”
He knew she meant for understanding and for not pushing the matter. What good would it have done to verbally pin her against the wall? Berating her would have made neither one of them feel any better.
Leaning over, he brushed his lips ever so lightly against her forehead. It was what a big brother might have done with a sister. Though he longed to really kiss her, he had a feeling that it would really spook her.
Just like old times, Kullen couldn’t help thinking. After all these years, this had the familiar feeling of square one. “It’s included in my fee,” he told her glibly.
The fee. She knew his services didn’t come cheaply and she was not about to impose on him because of their past friendship. He’d mentioned taking her on pro bono but that wasn’t what she wanted. She paid her own way, no matter how long it took.
“About that—”
He knew without asking that she didn’t have the kind of money this case would cost. He would have to figure something out. If push came to shove, he could cover the expenses out of his own pocket. Barring that, he could possibly do a little string pulling if need be to satisfy the senior partners. And there was always pro bono to fall back on as a last resort. He didn’t want her to have to worry about money on top of everything else.
“We’ll work it out,” he promised her, cavalierly dismissing the subject.
The look of gratitude in her eyes had no price tag. “You’re a godsend.”
“Yeah, that’s me,” he cracked. “A gift from God.”
Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek and then hurried away to her car, parked at the curb right in front of his house. He stood in the doorway, watching her as she unlocked the door on the driver’s side. She waved at him just before she got in.
Waving back, Kullen followed her with his eyes until she’d driven down the block and turned the corner, disappearing out of sight.
He stood there a little while longer. Absently, his fingers traced the very real imprint of her lips against his cheek. The phrase about not being able to go home again echoed in his head.
Leaning against the doorjamb, Kullen took a deep breath and straightened up. He was going to regret this, he thought. No matter how altruistic his motives might be, he was opening himself up for a world of hurt and he knew it.
Turning on his heel, he went inside and closed the front door. Wishing he could close off everything else just as easily.
“So you were serious this afternoon? About taking on a case as a favor for an old flame?”
He’d stepped outside for a moment to throw what was now an empty pizza box into his recycle bin. When he came back inside, it was to the insistent sound of a ringing phone. Kullen managed to snatch up the receiver just as he heard his answering machine start to pick up. His intervention terminated the action.
Kate was on the other end of the line. She certainly didn’t waste any time, he thought.
Suddenly thirsty, he caught himself wishing for a beer. With the receiver nestled against his shoulder and his neck, he opened the refrigerator. He had a hunch that no matter how much he stared into the interior, a bottle or can of beer would not materialize.
“How come, all those years we lived at home together, you never told me you thought you were a psychic?” His voice grew more serious. He hadn’t told her that he’d had any sort of relationship with Lilli. There was no reason for her to believe that it was anything but fleeting, the way all his relationships had been these last seven years. “Who told you she was an old flame?”
He heard her chuckle and suddenly knew he’d walked into a setup. “You just did, big brother. Although I have to admit that Selma started the ball rolling this afternoon by saying that you looked a little off your game with the new client.”
He knew how she operated. “And being the insatiably curious person that you are, you had to know why and you started digging.”
“Like a little ferret,” she informed him. “Especially when I wheedled your client’s name out of Selma. You do remember that Mom sent this woman over, right? It’s her way of playing matchmaker with you.”
Yes, he knew, but it didn’t matter how Lilli got here as long as she did. Closing the refrigerator door again, he straddled the kitchen chair he’d pulled over. “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Isn’t your caseload big enough?”
“Fortunately for you, I’m very fast as well as very thorough.” She got down to business. “I’m calling you to offer my services.” When there was only silence on the line, she prodded a little. “You know, do some research, find the right references. Off the books, of course,” she was quick to add. “This way, Rothchild won’t get his shorts in a twist. After all, he won’t be pleased when he hears you’re going up against Elizabeth Dalton, she of t
he Dalton Pharmaceuticals fortune.”
Kullen sighed. “Is there anything you don’t know?” he asked.
“You mean about how much your old flame meant to you and how cut up you were when she disappeared?”
“Who—?”
“Gil told me. And before you go blaming him after all these years, he told me because at the time he was worried about you. I just didn’t make the connection when you mentioned a new client earlier.”
“And telling my little sister about this so-called flame was going to help?” he asked, annoyed with Gil, a friend he had since lost touch with through no fault of his own.
“Eventually,” she said loftily. “See, I’m offering to help you now. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Kullen,” she advised playfully.
He laughed shortly. “I’d hardly call you a gift, but there is something you can do for me.”
“Charming as always,” she quipped. “Okay, what is this thing I can do for you?”
His answer surprised her. “Get me Jewel’s phone number.”
Jewel and Nikki were both her best friends and they went way back. They were also, all three of them, victims of their mothers’ matchmaking endeavors. “She’s spoken for, remember?” she deadpanned.
“I remember, wise guy. And that’s not why I want to talk to her. I want Jewel to do a little investigating for me. Off the record,” he added.
“Of course. Jewel’ll be thrilled.”
“I don’t need her to be thrilled, I just need her to be thorough,” he told Kate.
“Then you’re in luck. Thorough just happens to be Jewel’s middle name. Hold on a sec.” He heard Kate putting the phone down and then shuffling in the background. His sister was back on the line a couple of minutes later. “Got a piece of paper and a pencil?” Without waiting for him to answer, she rattled off the number for the cell phone that Jewel used on the job.
Kullen thanked her and just as she was about to hang up, he stopped her. He had to ask. It wasn’t that he and Kate had the kind of relationship where they were at odds all the time. For the most part, they got along fairly well. But this was definitely tendered out of the blue and he considered it over and above the call of duty on her part.
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