“Me? Never.” I gasp, widening my eyes before stepping forward and placing my hand on the table, lining up my shot before taking it. One after another I sink the balls until I get to the black 8 ball. “Top right.” I line the shot up, taking a breath and hitting the white ball, sinking the black ball before looking up and seeing Lexi’s mouth hanging wide open.
“I should have taken that shot.” She tilts her head to the side, studying me. “Where did you learn to play like that?”
“I used to come here all the time after I was adopted.” I shrug, setting the balls up for another game. “Luke and I come here to let off steam sometimes too.”
“Luke?” she asks. “He’s the guy who stitched me up, right?”
“Yep.” I point my cue at the table when the balls are set back up. “Take your shot.”
She leans over the table again, my eyes trailing the soft curve of her back and down over her ass and back up again. I quickly look away, not wanting her to catch me staring as she sinks two balls.
“Are you and Luke close?” she asks, coming to stand next to me when it’s my turn.
“Yeah… although there’s only so close you can get to him.” I shrug. “I’m close with all the guys.”
I take my shot, purposely missing one so that she gets another turn.
“So you all work and live together?” She doesn’t let me answer before she jumps up and down again after sinking another ball. “I got another one!”
I chuckle, picking up my drink and taking a long pull of the bitter liquid.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “We all live on the compound apart from Kitty; she moved out a couple of months ago.”
She nods her head at my answer, walking around the pool table, coming to a stop within inches from me.
“What do you actually do on the compound?”
“I work with computers and that kind of thing.” I’m being vague, but I don’t want to talk about work, especially when she’s this close to me.
My hand flutters at my side, inching toward her hip and pulling her toward me, closing the space. Her breath catches in her throat as my breath skims over her lips. “I’ve been wanting to do this since I last saw you.”
I lean forward slowly, softly pressing my lips against hers, letting the cue drop onto the floor next to us as I wrap my arms around her waist. I place another two soft kisses on her lips before pulling back, staring into her eyes.
Everything fades away, the music playing through the speakers, the noise of the patrons: nothing can get through our bubble right now.
Her chest is heaving the same way mine is, but I’m determined to do this date right so I pull away, letting my hands slide from her waist and picking up the cue, finishing the game.
I pay the bill after another game, refusing to let Lexi pay for any of it and then lead her outside and back into my car. I don’t turn the engine on when I slide into the driver’s seat, instead I sit here in silence, my mind working overtime.
“Lexi?” I whisper, my voice unsure. I slowly turn my head, my eyes clashing with hers. I see the pain deep in their depths but on the surface, it’s covered with nervousness and excitement at being in an enclosed space with me. “I… I…” Damn! Why can’t I get my words out? I’ve turned into a bumbling idiot.
I shake my head, trying again but still nothing worthwhile will come out.
“Hey,” she says, placing her hand over mine that is clutching the steering wheel tightly. “What’s the matter?”
A thousand things run through my head at a hundred miles per hour: I could tell her how I’m scared that she won’t like me; that I’m afraid she’ll hurt me; that I’m frightened she’ll make me love her and then leave.
But not one of those things come out of my mouth, instead I shake my head and put my hand on the keys that dangle under the steering wheel, ready to turn them as I say, “Never mind.”
“Oh no you don’t.” She laughs, pulling my hand into her lap as she clutches it. “I’m as nervous as you are, Evan. But this has to start as it means to go on: no secrets.”
I swallow, staring into her hazel orbs, scanning them for something that makes me doubt what she’s saying. I don’t see a thing, so I lean my head back. Rubbing my thumb over her knuckles as I turn to face her.
“I know I come across as confident… but… I’m not. Not really. I constantly doubt myself and wonder what people think about me and worry that they don’t like me; not the snippet of me that I allow people to see, but the real me.” I pause, catching my breath before saying, “Wow, nothing like something this heavy on a first date.”
She smiles, her eyes lighting up as her hand lifts and cups my cheek. “I see you, Evan.” She leans across the center console, whispering, “I see you.”
I swallow at the intensity in her eyes, my skin breaking out into goose bumps as she presses her soft lips against mine gently.
She leans away but I don’t like the distance so I pull her closer to me, crashing my lips down onto hers. My hands weave into her hair, feeling the soft strands flow through my fingers as I kiss her, showing her how I feel in this moment.
I can’t explain what she does to me or the way she makes me feel. All I know is that I’ve never felt like this before; I’ve never felt the all-consuming need to be near her, to touch her, to listen to her soft voice as she talks.
We break apart, chests heaving and lips swollen, neither of us taking our eyes off the other.
“I see you too,” I tell her, resting my hand on the side of her neck. “I see the way you walk with the weight of the world on your shoulders.” I pause for a beat. “I see the way you act around new people, the way you tell them right away about your past.”
“I—”
“It doesn’t define you, Lex. What you did is not who you are.”
“It doesn’t?” she asks quietly.
“No.” I shake my head, a grin pulling at my lips. “You’re Alexis Deacon; the wonderful, kind-hearted woman who has wrapped her way around my heart like a vine.” Her chest lifts as she stutters out a breath, her eyes closing slowly at hearing the words coming out of my mouth. “I don’t understand what is going on here, Lex, but whatever it is, I don’t want it to stop.”
“Neither do I,” she whispers, opening her eyes and showing me how much she means it.
The atmosphere in the car heats up to stifling levels and I know that if I don’t get her out of this parking lot right now, there’s no way we’ll make it out of here at all.
It’s been two weeks since Evan and I went on our first date. I didn’t expect him to be how he was at the end of the night, I always thought he was this confident person where nothing could knock him down. But what he showed me had me falling for him even more. I can see it in his eyes: he’s damaged, just like I am.
Nobody is perfect, but people like to put a front on and pretend to be that all-American girl or boy. The kind where they’re naturally beautiful and have the immaculate personality that will attract everybody around them.
I’m not that kind of person, I know that, and neither is Evan. Sure people want to be around him, to listen to him when he’s joking around. But none of them really know him.
I have secrets: secrets which no one here knows about. They may know what was said in the paperwork when I was arrested, but they don’t know the full extent of what happened that day or following it. They know what he wants them to know and nothing more.
I see the pain in Evan’s eyes when he looks at me, a pain buried so deep I’m not sure it will ever come to the surface, but I won’t stop. I won’t ever stop being there for him because for me, he’s it.
He’s the one person who makes my heart sing and my soul dance. He makes me feel like a more beautiful, funnier version of who I really am.
I lean my head on my hand as I sit and watch him teach his self-defense class, the same class he teaches twice a week. His head turns toward the door, a smirk dancing across his lips before his honey eyes connect with mine
. I can’t see them from here but I know that the gold swirls will be sparkling as he stares at me.
Butterflies swarm my stomach as I sit up straighter, my palms sweating as he moves toward the front of the class, only taking his eyes off me for a few seconds to tell them today’s session is over.
They all start talking to Evan, and soon I can’t see him against the women who are surrounding him.
“Ever thought about trying it?”
I jump at the deep voice, spinning around and coming face to face with Roy.
“You scared me!” I shout, my hand flying to my chest as nervous laughter slips out.
He’s been back for a couple of days. His sister passed away and he had to stay a week longer to arrange all of the funeral and everything else. The thought of a funeral has my good mood taking a nose dive; I never got to attend my gran’s, not being able to get permission for day release.
Instead, he took care of it, the one person she didn’t want anything to do with, the one person who made all of this so much worse for all of us.
“Sorry.” He chuckles, leaning on the other side of the reception desk, watching as all the women file out of the room and out of the main doors. “I need to talk to you and Evan.”
“I…” My eyes widen when he swings his gaze to me and then back to Evan as he puts the equipment away in the storage closet. “What… what about?”
I start to panic, my breaths coming faster the longer he’s silent. Does he know about us? It’s not like we’ve kept it secret, but neither have we outright come out and said we’re together.
Wait… are we together? We haven’t even had that conversation. Come to think of it, I haven’t got a clue what we are.
What if he only wants something fun? What if he doesn’t see me as girlfriend material?
I’ve lived on cloud nine these last two weeks, having fun with him and not thinking twice about being me. But not once have I thought about what we are, not until this moment. Now, as Evan walks toward us, pulling his t-shirt over his head which causes his muscles to ripple, my mind is full of doubts.
His gaze captures mine and he must see something he doesn’t like because he frowns before coming to a stop next to Roy.
“Hey, Roy.”
Roy answers him, but I have no idea what they’re talking about because I’m stuck inside my own head. Maybe I made the whole thing up? Maybe I thought it was more than what there really was?
I’m stupid, so so stupid.
I bring my arms around my middle, hugging myself and warding off the chill that starts to seep deep within my bones.
“As I wasn’t here to organize the fun day, I’ve rescheduled it all for in a month's time instead.” The sound of Roy’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I whip my head around to him.
“Fun day?” I ask.
Both Evan and Roy turn to face me. “Yeah, I think I mentioned it to you a few weeks ago. We put loads of different activities on. Evan does the barbecue, Elena brings animals for the kids to pet, there’s activities for everyone.”
“Oh…” I nod my head, not having a clue what he’s saying, or maybe I can’t process it all right now?
“Anyway,” he says, waving his hand in the air. “I need both of your help this year.”
“Of course.” Evan nods. “You know I’ll help fundraise for the center anytime.”
“You’re a good lad,” Roy says, patting him on the back before turning to face me.
“O-oh, me? Yeah… sure… of course.”
He nods his head and spins around, walking around the large desk and into the office behind it.
I look down at a pile of papers, filtering through them as I try to make myself look busy, when in actual fact, I haven’t got a clue what they are.
“Lex?”
I mumble to myself before walking from behind the desk and heading toward the kitchen, the papers still clutched in my hand.
“Lexi?”
I wave my hand in the air. “I’ll be here late, I’ll catch you later.”
I can almost feel the frown that he’s sure to be wearing on his face, but I don’t know what to do or how to act. All of this is new to me and he knows that.
I walk into the kitchen and lean against the wall, my eyes focused on a tiny patch of dirt on the opposite wall. The papers flutter out of my hands as they start to shake, my body giving up its fight as I slide down the wall.
Why did I do that? Why did I dismiss him like he was nothing?
I hear him and Roy talking and then Evan’s chuckle as they walk out of the door. “I’ll lock up behind us!” Roy shouts before the door closes and then the lock turns and I’m left all on my own.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and let my head drop against them as the first tear escapes, tracking its way down my cheek.
I don’t know how long I sit here, letting my body fold in on itself, but at some stage, I let myself fall to the floor, curling into a ball as my eyes close and my mind wanders back to the past. No matter how many times I try to not think about any of it, I never can stop it from rearing its ugly head. It’s on my mind constantly like a bad commercial on repeat, never letting me get a brief reprieve.
“I’ll make sure you go down for as long as I can.” His dark-brown eyes meet mine, evil showing in their depths.
He sits across from me, his expensive suit encasing his body and throwing everyone off the scent of who he is: what he is.
I know him better than anyone on account of him being my uncle and Gran’s power of attorney. There was a time where he would play in Gran’s backyard with me for hours. Though all that changed when I turned twelve. He and Gran had a big argument—I’m talking screaming at each other kind of argument that ended up in her signing some important documents that made him in charge of everything.
I remember him screaming about a will and how could she give it all to a child. At the time I had no idea what he was going on about, but as I grew up, I started to learn that he wasn’t the perfect uncle who would play hide and seek with me. He was the worst kind of human being.
The kind of person who hides behind a good persona when in reality he had evil running through his veins.
“Unc—”
“No.” He slices his hand through the air. “You don’t call me that, not after what you’ve done.”
“But it was for Gran, she needed her meds—”
“Is that what you’re going to say? You going to try and use her as your out?” He shakes his head, leaning back on the rickety chair. “I told her all those years ago that you’d end up just like your mother and father: a pair of junkies who couldn’t look after themselves.”
My nose tingles with the telltale sign of tears. I know very little about my parents, but what I do know is that they couldn’t look after themselves, which is why Gran took me in and raised me from the age of two.
“Please,” I beg. “I was trying to help.”
He laughs, full-on, throw-your-head back laughter as his eyes meet mine again. “Nobody will believe you that she didn’t have money for her medication.” He leans back, a smirk on his face. “I’m her power of attorney, I would have provided them for her.” He’s lying, he’d never give her the money for them. “You’ll never get her estate now.”
“Estate?” I ask as I bring my handcuffed wrists up to my face, wiping the tears away.
“As if you don’t know. You’re her sole heir… not anymore though.” He stands up, pushing his chair under the table and walking to the door. “I’ll be trying you as an adult. Adult decisions call for adult punishments.”
I gasp, realizing what he’s saying.
My eyes flutter open, my neck aching at the position I’ve been in for the last… I look up at the clock on the wall and see that it reads two in the morning. My gaze flits around the room, trying to work out what caused me to wake up.
When I don’t hear anything, I push myself up into a sitting position and pick the papers up off the fl
oor before standing.
I jump out of my skin when I hear the office phone ringing. Why would someone be calling at this time?
Shaking my head, I continue toward the office and pick up the handset, bringing it to my ear as I softly whisper, “Hello?”
“Lex.” Evan’s voice sounds like a plea and I open my mouth to ask him why he’s calling but he continues. “Why are you still there?”
“I… erm…” I bite my bottom lip as I strain to hear what the noise in the background is. “I fell asleep.”
“Dammit! I knew there was something wrong before I left.”
“What? I…”
“Unlock the door.” My head whips around and my stomach bottoms out at the tone of his voice. “I forgot my keys.”
“Evan?” I ask, my voice a mere whisper, but he doesn’t answer because the line goes dead and then there’s a knock on the door.
“Let me in, Lex!”
My breath stutters as I place the phone in its cradle before slowly walking out of the office and toward the main door. His face comes into view, the light above the door illuminating his features.
My shaking hands reach out for the lock and as soon as I’ve turned it, he’s barging inside.
“You lied.”
I shut the door behind him, turning the lock before spinning around to face him. He paces the small area, his hands on his hips loosely.
“I… how did I lie?”
He comes to a stop a few feet in front of me. “You said no secrets: you lied. There was something wrong tonight and you didn’t tell me: you kept it a secret.”
I close my eyes slowly, taking a deep breath and shaking my head. “I’m not doing this right now.” I start to walk away, but his hand clutching my arm stops me.
“Yeah, you are. I’ve been going out of my mind since I left, knowing that there was something off, and then when I turn up at Livvy’s and you’re not there.” He huffs out a frustrated breath. “Do you have any idea what I thought? What I imagined? The things that ran through my head?”
“What?” I ask confused, not knowing what he’s talking about.
ReBoot (MAC Security Series Book 4) Page 21