“I’ll see you soon,” Kaddy said, trying to keep her voice bright.
“See you soon.”
We hung up, and I blared the radio again. I sang every song that came on, trying to force myself into a relaxed state. Kaddy was already worried about me. If I showed up tense and uncomfortable, she would press me to talk, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Today was about letting go of stress, not dwelling on it.
My plan didn’t work. When I pulled into the parking lot at Kaddy’s apartment, I was still tied up in knots. No amount of singing or driving could help relax me. I was beginning to think nothing could.
“You’re here,” Kaddy said. She opened the door with a wide grin and ushered me inside. “I can’t believe it. I almost feel like I’m dreaming.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.” I rolled my eyes. “You saw me like three weeks ago.”
“Longer,” Kaddy said. “Closer to a month.”
I shook my head. “No way.”
“I’m not mad,” Kaddy said with a laugh. “You’re busy. You have a baby. I totally understand.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t bring Nina,” I said. “I know how much you love to see her.”
“I do.” Kaddy smiled. “But it’s nice to see you alone for once. I can’t remember the last time we spent a day with just us.”
“Before Nina was born,” I said simply.
Kaddy nodded and looked at me with concern. I could tell she wanted to ask a million questions, but she didn’t. She just gestured toward the living room. I sat down on her couch with a sharp exhale. My eyes fell closed almost immediately. When I opened them again, Kaddy was staring at me with a deep frown on her face.
“I’m fine,” I said quickly.
“I didn’t ask,” Kaddy said, but her expression was a little too understanding.
“Andrew and I decided to set a wedding date,” I said.
Kaddy’s eyes widened. “You did?”
“Yup.” I nodded. “Six months from now, if all goes well. I have a couple of venues picked out, but they’ve both been impossible.”
“When did you decide this?” Kaddy asked. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have helped.”
“Just a week ago,” I said quickly. “It’s new.”
“Which explains that frantic look you have on your face,” Kaddy said with a nod.
“I do not have a frantic look.”
“You do,” Kaddy said. “I’m just glad nothing’s wrong. I was afraid you were going to tell me that you dumped Andrew or something.”
I threw my head back and laughed. Kaddy and I both knew how ridiculous that was. Andrew was perfect for me. I couldn’t imagine ever being without him.
“I’m just stressed,” I said. “Which is so stupid. It’s just wedding plans, you know? That’s all.”
“Weddings are freaking crazy,” Kaddy said. “Do you remember when my brother got married? God, I thought that bitch wife of his was going to kill us all.”
“Julie’s not so bad,” I said.
“Not anymore,” Kaddy said. “But when she was planning that damn wedding, she was a nightmare.”
“I’m trying to keep my cool,” I said. “I haven’t lost it on anyone yet, but I’ve come close. Those people at the venues are such assholes. They’re the worst.”
“Which venues?” Kaddy asked.
“I’ve talked to people at the gardens just outside of town,” I said. “And that old converted carriage house in the square.”
“Both are beautiful,” Kaddy said with a nod.
“I want the gardens,” I said. “Or, at least, I think I do. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything anymore.”
Kaddy watched me closely. I could see the wheels turning in her head. She didn’t speak for a few minutes. I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong. Then, without warning, she sprang to her feet and extended her hand for me to take.
“What?” I asked nervously.
“Let’s get out of here,” Kaddy said. “Manis. Pedis. Something. Anything to get your mind off this crap for a little while.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” I said.
“Well, let’s try anyway.”
Kaddy pulled me to my feet. She grabbed her purse off the coffee table, and we hurried outside.
“There’s a place a block away,” Kaddy said. “They take walk-ins.”
I shrugged. “Sounds good.”
Kaddy led the way through the parking lot and down a side street. The nail salon was so close that driving seemed silly, so we walked in silence. I tried to let my mind clear, to allow myself a single moment of peace, but I couldn’t.
I thought about the wedding folder I’d left with Andrew. It wasn’t just the venue that needed to be booked, but the caterer and the bakery. The place settings and flowers had to be ordered. My dress still wasn’t chosen. And I realized as we entered the nail salon, that I hadn’t yet asked Kaddy to be my maid of honor.
“I can’t believe I haven’t asked you yet,” I said as we sat down in the pedicure chairs. “But will you be my maid of honor?”
“I assumed I already was,” Kaddy said with a laugh. “Unless you and Amy have just bonded so much over the past year.”
I shook my head and smiled. “Amy is a great friend, but she’s not you.”
“Well, who is?”
I snorted and leaned my head back against the seat. The pedicurist began her work on my feet. It felt strange at first, and my entire body fought against it. It felt wrong, unfamiliar. I wasn’t used to being pampered.
“Would you relax?” Kaddy asked. I opened my eyes and glanced at her. “You look like she’s pinching your toes off.”
I sighed and shook my head. Kaddy was right.
“I know,” I said. “It shouldn’t be this hard. A wedding is a good thing, right? It’s a celebration. I should be over the moon at the thought of planning it.”
“But what?” Kaddy said.
“But, I’m not.” I shook my head and felt a wave of guilt wash over me like nausea.
“Why not?” Kaddy asked softly.
“My mom,” I said.
My answer surprised me. The words left my mouth before I even thought them. I blinked and stared at Kaddy, horrified that I’d spoken the truth without meaning to.
“What about her?” Kaddy asked gently.
“It’s not the same without her here,” I said. “I used to imagine myself having a huge wedding, you know?”
“I remember,” Kaddy said.
“But in my dreams, my mom was always there,” I said. “She would help me pick out a dress. I would want gold, but she would demand I wear white. We would argue, but eventually, she would agree because it’s my day. My wedding. She would be there to iron out the details with the venue and the caterers, the bakery and the florists. Without her, it just doesn’t feel real.”
“It is real,” Kaddy said. “You can still have everything you wanted, Sophie.”
“What if it’s not what I want anymore?” I asked. “What if I don’t care about that stuff anymore?”
“Then, that’s okay, too,” Kaddy said with a shrug.
“Is it?” I asked. “Or is it unfair to Andrew. I mean, doesn’t he deserve a wedding, too?”
“Do men really care about that stuff?” Kaddy asked.
“It was his idea,” I said. “He wanted to move forward. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about the wedding until he brought it up again. I’ve been so focused on raising Nina.”
“You haven’t thought about marrying him?” Kaddy asked, raising her eyebrows.
“I’ve thought about that every day for a year,” I said. “Being Andrew’s wife is something I want more than anything, but a wedding? I’m just not sure if I can handle it.”
“Well, you don’t have to think about it right now,” Kaddy said. “Just lay your head back, and enjoy the foot massage.”
I laughed and did as I was told. It wasn’t easy at first. My feet felt strange in the warm water,
and the pedicurist’s hands were rough. But after a few minutes, I felt my shoulders begin to sink forward and the knots in my back begin to loosen. By the time the attendant moved to my hands, I was half-asleep and in a deep trance.
We finished with our nails and walked back to Kaddy’s apartment. I spent a couple more hours with her, laughing and talking like old times. Neither of us brought up the wedding, and by the time I left, I’d all but forgotten about my to-do list.
“Call me if you need anything,” Kaddy said as she hugged me goodbye.
“I will.” I smiled and let myself out.
As I drove home, the stress began to creep back in. Without Kaddy there to distract me, nothing could keep the worries away. I thought about my wedding folder and groaned, already dreading the massive amount of planning I would have to do in the morning.
I pulled into the driveway but didn’t get out of the car. The dining room lights were on. I knew Andrew and Nina were sitting at the table, ready for dinner. Just thinking about them brought a smile to my face. Despite how exhausted I felt, I couldn’t wait to see them.
I threw open my car door and hurried toward the front door. As I put my keys in the lock, I vowed to avoid the wedding for the rest of the night. I could only hope that Andrew would go along with my unspoken plan.
Andrew
Sophie’s footsteps echoed through the dining room as she made her way down the hall. Nina heard her before she saw her. She sat up straighter in her highchair and wiggled with excitement. The second Sophie stepped inside, Nina squealed and tried to jump into her arms.
“Hi, baby!” Sophie cooed, scooping Nina into her arms and placing soft kisses all over her face. “Mommy missed you so much.”
“She missed you, too,” I said, standing up to wrap Sophie in a quick hug.
Sophie hugged me back, sinking into me and sighing deeply. I frowned when she pulled away. I’d hoped Kaddy would help her relax, but Sophie seemed just as stressed as before.
“I have some good news,” I said as we sat down for dinner.
“Oh?” Sophie asked. She held Nina in her lap, snuggling her close.
“The venue is booked,” I said simply. “It’s all taken care of.”
“It is?” Sophie’s eyes flew wide. “How? I mean, what did you do?”
“I paid in full,” I said.
“Andrew,” Sophie said, shaking her head from side to side. “No. Tell me you’re kidding.”
“Not at all,” I said. “You wanted the gardens, so I made it happen. Don’t worry about it. It’s all set.”
“But that’s ridiculous!” Sophie said frantically. “Full payment more than six months in advance? They’re just trying to rip us off, Andrew.”
“I know that,” I said. “But it’s fine. I made sure the payment was fully refundable. So, if for some reason we change our minds about the venue, we can back out at any time.”
“That’s not the point,” Sophie said.
“Sophie, it’s okay,” I said. I reached across the table to take her hand. “Please, don’t worry about it.”
Sophie nodded and looked down at her food. She was still worried. In fact, she looked even more worried than before.
“I’m sorry,” Sophie said.
“For what?” I asked.
“I never meant to let the wedding get to me so much,” she said. “I know I should just relax and enjoy it.”
“Did Kaddy help at all?” I asked. “Did you guys have fun today?”
“We did,” Sophie said. “We went to the nail salon and talked. I asked her to be my maid of honor.”
“Wasn’t that kind of a given?” I asked.
“Of course,” Sophie said. “But she was worried that maybe Amy had taken her place.”
“Amy?” I laughed. “She doesn’t even work here anymore.”
“No, but we’re still close,” Sophie said. “She’s doing so well over at the new stables.”
“That’s great,” I said. “Although, I do miss having her around. She was amazing with the horses, and now Donna Lee is sick.”
“Gretchen can handle it,” Sophie said with confidence. “She knows what she’s doing.”
“I’m sure,” I said. “But she’s still new.”
“She’s also twice our age.” Sophie laughed. “She’s been taking care of horses longer than we’ve been alive.”
“Good point.” I said, laughing along with her.
As we talked, I realized how much calmer Sophie seemed. The second we stopped talking about the wedding, her entire body changed. I vowed to keep the conversation light and easy for the rest of the night. If talking about the wedding was too much for Sophie, then we wouldn’t discuss it until the morning.
“I’m glad you had some time with Kaddy,” I said. “You needed a break.”
“I really did,” Sophie said.
“Maybe we should keep it going,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Sophie asked.
“A massage?” I asked with a sly grin. “After Nina goes down for the night.”
Sophie smiled, but shook her head.
“She’ll wake up if we make any noise..”
“Not if we put her in the nursery,” I said.
Sophie blinked. I’d surprised her, but I pressed on.
“Just for tonight,” I said. “We can move the crib in there and then move it back first thing in the morning.”
“Sure,” Sophie said. “Why not?”
I grinned and stood up to kiss her. I was shocked by how easily Sophie agreed. I expected her to argue at least a little bit.
“What’s that face about?” Sophie asked.
“I’m just surprised,” I said. “I thought you would fight me on it.”
“No,” Sophie said. “She’s big enough now. It’s time we move her out of our room.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
We finished eating dinner and then said goodnight to Liam. The three of us made our way upstairs. My hands never left Sophie as we walked. I couldn’t tear myself away from her.
When we reached the bedroom, Sophie slipped into the bathroom to get Nina bathed and changed. They reappeared quickly, and Sophie handed Nina to me so I could say goodnight.
I hugged Nina close to my chest and inhaled her sweet baby scent. I would miss having her close by, but I was beyond excited to be alone with Sophie again. I wanted her more than I ever had.
“Goodnight,” I whispered to Nina. “Sweet dreams, my girl.”
Sophie took Nina back from me and settled on our bed. She held Nina close and rocked her slowly while she lifted her shirt and unhooked her bra. My eyes immediately flew to Sophie’s chest. I groaned when her breast fell free.
“Down boy,” she said with a mischievous grin.
“It’s not my fault,” I said. “You’re sexy as hell.”
“When I’m nursing our daughter?” Sophie laughed.
“When you’re breathing.”
Sophie smiled, and I stared at her for a second longer. She really was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known. The idea of marrying her almost felt too good to be true. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten so lucky, that Sophie would become my wife in just six short months.
“How did I find you?” I whispered softly.
“Indentured servitude, remember?” Sophie asked playfully.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re hilarious.”
“Go on,” Sophie said, jerking her head toward Nina’s crib. “Move that into the nursery so we can lay her down when she’s done.”
I sighed and nodded. With one last glance at my girls, I pulled Nina’s crib into the nursery while Sophie nursed her on our bed. We hadn’t yet moved Nina into her own bedroom because neither of us thought to do it. After seven months, though, I knew it was time, but neither Sophie nor I were ready until now. After everything we talked about at dinner, it seemed like the perfect night.
“Do you think she’ll be okay in there?” Sophie asked when I came back through the door.
“We’re right here,” I said. “We don’t even have to close the door if you’re nervous about it.”
“No,” Sophie said with a long sigh. “We should. She’s big enough now. We don’t have to be in the same room with her anymore.”
Sophie’s looked at the door that connected our room to the nursery. I remembered when we set it up. Sophie picked out the decorations meticulously, making sure everything was perfect and comfortable for our little girl. And yet, we barely ever used the room. Sophie often rocked Nina to sleep in the nursery, but with her crib in our bedroom, she never spent more than an hour or two in Nina’s room.
I watched Sophie for a few minutes. Nina was nursing sweetly, her little eyelids already fluttering closed. It wouldn’t be long before she drifted off to sleep for the night, and when she did, Sophie and I could be alone again.
I sat on the edge of the bed to wait. Sophie’s eyes stayed glued on the door that separated our room from Nina’s. Her forehead was creased, and her green eyes were narrowed. She was worried about moving Nina into her own room, but there was more behind her concern.
“Do you want to talk to me?” I asked softly. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I told you at dinner,” Sophie said. “I never meant to let the wedding get to me so much. I just feel guilty for being so stressed.”
“Don’t,” I said. “Sweetheart, you do so much for me and for Nina. I can’t imagine how tired you must be. Honestly, I would be worried if you weren’t stressed.”
Sophie nodded and let her eyes fall closed. While she finished nursing Nina, I took her feet in my hands and began to rub them slowly. Sophie’s eyes opened just enough to look at me. I smiled at her, feeling a familiar tug in the pit of my stomach.
“She’s almost done,” Sophie said. “We’ll be alone soon enough.”
“It’s never soon enough,” I said.
Sophie smiled sleepily and pulled Nina away from her body. Nina was fast asleep, her tiny fists hanging by her sides and her eyes tightly closed.
I watched as Sophie tiptoed into the nursery and laid Nina in her crib. My eyes trailed down Sophie’s body, resting on her perky butt. I groaned and leaned back on the bed, desperate to finally have Sophie all to myself.
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