killed.”
“Ditto.” I shoved her behind the metal vent, and scanned the rooftop
for the shooter. “Now stay down.”
She nodded, pushing my gun into my hand. “No bullets, but if you
get close enough, you can club one of them with it.”
I kissed her. “Thanks.”
“You’re wel—” a scream of pain ripped through her, cutting off her
words. Her stomach knotted, the baby straining against its confinement.
Oh God, not now. We had an assassin shooting at us, Armageddon
upon us, and the Messiah hanging perilously from a cage a few feet from us.
Now, Lilith was about to give birth one hundred and two floors up.
During a pause in gunfire, I rolled from my hiding space, and vaulted
into the darkness. At first, I saw nothing, the night providing ample cover for
the shooter. A bullet slammed into the brick above my head stripping it like
string cheese. With a duck and weave move straight out of a Buggy’s Bunny
cartoon, I danced my way across the rooftop. The pounding of the four
horsemen in synch with the thundering beat of my heart.
The kid’s mewing grew louder, as did the rate of falling hamsters. So
there I was, dodging bullets and hamster parts, while keeping one eye on the
kid cage, and the other eye on my laboring lover. All in all, I’d had better
days.
A flash on my left told me what I needed to know. The shooter hid in
the elevator alcove. A perfect ambush spot, except Lilith had forced me up
the stairs. Again, I owed her my life.
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Taking a steadying breath, I charged the alcove, yelling like a
madman. The element of insanity, or maybe surprise gave me the time I
needed. I launched myself at the shooter. My momentum pushed us from the
alcove and against the protective railing. Rattling my teeth, but my grip on
the killer stayed strong. The metal barrier released a squawk of protest and
gave way. The assassin screeched once before plummeting over the edge.
Lucky for me, the surgical gown I’d pilfered from the hospital
snagged the busted railing, and stopped me from falling to my death.
Lucky for her, as she toppled from the ledge, Mary had grabbed a
hold of my boot, and now hung one hundred and two stories from certain
death.
“Stop struggling. You’re going to get yourself—” I glanced at her
swollen belly, “—and the baby killed.”
“I don’t want to die.” Mary hugged my foot tighter. “Oh God, please
don’t let me fall.”
“Jace.”
“What?”
“‘Oh, Jace, please don’t let me fall.’ Not God.” With every ounce of
strength left in my body, I struggled to pull Mary and myself to safety.
“God’s a little busy at the moment with the apocalypse you started.”
“I didn’t start anything. Samuel did.”
“Samuel?” Damn, I’d thought after the God’s Ball incident I’d seen
the last of him. The devil, embarrassed by his son’s defeat, had banished
Samuel to hell, for not limited to one hundred years.
“He hates it,” she whispered the words, “down there.”
“I’ll bet.” Hence the apocalypse.
She sniffed once, her eyes clearing. “I never wanted any of this to
happen.” Her voice hitched. A sure sign of the crocodile tears to come. “I
never wanted to hurt you.”
“You shot me.”
She tilted her head. “When?”
“In the alley.” The muscles in my arms quivered, and for a second, I
considered kicking Mary in the head, and being done with it. “With my own
gun. Remember?”
“It was only a flesh wound.”
Yep, a kick in the head seemed like a perfect solution. Too bad, I’d
already crawled back over the ledge, dragging Mary in my wake. Once safe,
I lay on the concrete, sucking in mouthfuls of smoky air.
The kid’s mewing had grown louder, but I didn’t have the strength to
move yet. My arms felt like rubber, and my heart slammed wildly in my
chest. Mary appeared unaffected, continuing her tirade, “I’m everything a
man could want, but no, you went and chose a demon as fucked up as you
are. Then Sid dies, and I’m left with no choice.”
Choice, a funny word with little meaning. I struggled to sit up, to
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finish my job, rescue the kid, sacrifice myself, and save the world.
“Heaven belongs to me. Can’t you see that? I’ve sacrificed
everything.” Mary pounded on the cement. “It’s my turn. I’m the prettiest.”
The kid’s shrieks reached ear-splitting level. “Jesus, shut him up
already.” She covered her ears with her hands. “That kid is driving me nuts.”
Yeah, Mary took unfit parenting to a new level. Tomorrow morning,
if there was a tomorrow, I’d call a lawyer. Find out about custody. I doubted
any court would deny God’s bastard son custody of his own bastard child.
“Don’t move,” I ordered as I stumbled to my feet. “I mean it. If I
come back and you’re gone, there will be hell to pay.” An empty threat at
this point, but what the hell.
I limped to the ledge where the kid’s cage rattled in the wind. “I’m
right here, kid.” As I pulled the cage from the ledge, his mewing ceased, and
the hamsters raining from the sky vanished.
The kid crawled from the cage, his eyes wide. Other than a few
scratches, probably from the pissed off Bodhi cat in his arms, the kid seemed
all right.
“Mine find me.” He smiled up at me, drool slipping down his heart
shaped chin.
“Yeah kid, I found you.” I patted his head. “Now can you do
something about the end of the world?”
He smiled up at me, his hair standing on end. “Okay, Mine. I make
horsies go bye-bye.” And like a flick of a God’s favored son switch, the roar
of horse hoofs and approaching doom winked out.
Damn, I had to learn that trick.
The city returned to normal, or as normal as a city packed with eight
million people who’d just witnessed the end of times could be.
I nodded, feeling both foolish and proud. I’d found the kid and saved
the world, all without any grand sacrifice. Of course, I’d almost destroyed the
world too. Hell, I still might. It was early yet. Give me a week.
A pain-laced scream drew my attention. Oh God, Lilith. She needed
a hospital and fast. The baby, much like his father, Samuel, was about to
come premature. The kid lifted Bodhi cat, and waddled to Lilith. His
incessant chatter blocked my growing terror.
Before I helped Lilith though I had to deal with Mary. Clearly
demented, Mary was a danger to the kid, not to mention Lilith. It was time to
end it. One way or another.
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Sixty Five
“So it’s a deal?” I glanced from the contract, written on the side of a
Starbucks cup, and back to Mary. She wiped a tear from her eye and nodded.
Behind me, Lilith argued between labor pains. The kid did his best to soothe
her, but every time I opened my mouth, Lilith exploded.
“Moron, why not sign over Easter too?” Lilith slapped me in the
back of the head before clutching her belly. “Ahhhhhh.” Her body shook
with the force of a contraction.
“Breathe sweetheart.” I winced as her nails dug into my skin.
“Breathe? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m passing a basketball
here, and your advice is breathe?” She blew out a long breath, followed by
three sharp indrawn ones. The tightness in her face eased. “I hate you.”
I winked, and returned my focus to Mary, who had turned pale under
her fake-n-bake tan. “I’ve changed my mind,” Mary said, stumbling to her
feet.
“You can’t.” I jumped up. “We had a deal. You rule Heaven on the
fourth Tuesday of the New Year, and in return, leave the kid, Lilith, me, and
our yet-to-be-named kid alone.” God could use the time off. Besides, what
harm could she do in one day...?
Mary was shaking her head. “Yes, we had a deal, but that...” She
pointed at Lilith. “I refuse to give birth.”
I shrugged, peering at the growing pool at Mary’s feet. “Might be a
little late to complain.” Her eyes followed my gaze, and she let out a scream
rivaled by the eternally dammed. Mary dropped to the pavement writhing in
pain.
Lilith rolled her eyes. “Drama queen.”
“Slut,” Mary answered back.
“Why you—”
I grabbed Lilith as she lunged at Mary. “Kick her ass later. Right
now, I want you to do something for me.”
“Haven’t I done enough already?” She bit her lip, signaling another
contraction, but she didn’t cry out. When it passed, she signed. “Okay, what
do you want?”
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Kissing her softly, I patted her belly and listened for the telltale
whoop of an ambulance siren. “Give me a son.”
~ * ~
Pacing the hospital room, I swallowed another cup of bitter coffee
waiting for the birth of my children. Five hours had past since our arrival at
the hospital. And one hour ago, I’d been kicked out of Lilith’s room. A minor
complication, the doctor had told me. Nothing to worry about. But a whisper
of terror crawled up my spine burrowing into my brain as minutes clicked off
the clock.
The kid sat on the worn waiting room floor, coloring, almost like a
normal child. Almost, because he’d drawn a damn good forgery of the Mona
Lisa except with yellow eyes. His presence comforted me, as did a carton of
milk-turned-whiskey.
A nurse smiled at me, and knocked on the delivery ward door where
both Lilith and Mary labored. The door opened, and I could hear Mary
bitching about me.
Nothing from Lilith though. No screams, shouts, or bitter outbursts. I
gulped another mouthful of whiskey. Mary continued to yell, comparing me
to the son of a dog. The dog-man came out on top.
My mind wandered. Soon the next ruler of Heaven, a child born of
my loins, would arrive. What did that mean for the kid, for the world? Ruling
heaven was a hell of a responsibility. I hoped God knew what He was doing
because that mysterious ways crap wouldn’t fly.
A scream cut through my musing. “I guess we’re about to find out if
the world’s ready for my seed,” I said to the kid. He glanced up, grinned, and
returned to his coloring.
The yelp of a baby burst from the delivery ward. A lusty cry, manly
cry. A minute later, a doctor stepped through the doors. Blood soaked his lab
coat turning it a dark pink. The tingling of terror inside me exploded into full
on horror. Something was wrong.
“Mr. Miller?”
I nodded my head, sickness pooling in my intestines. My mind
pictured a smiling Lilith, our child tucked in her arms. The vision vanished as
the doctor’s words hit me.
“There was a complication during delivery.”
I closed my eyes. “The baby?”
“A health boy.” The doctor smiled slightly. “A big healthy boy.”
“And...” I couldn’t force Lilith’s name past the lump in my throat.
Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I stonily stood in the chaos swirling
inside me.
“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “Your wife...”
I closed my eyes, waiting.
“She died giving birth.”
The final sacrifice.
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Sixty Six
The Kid’s Third Birthday, the Year of Our Lord...
“Hey kid.” I shoved Jesus with my foot, careful not to spill the tray
of peppermint laced hot chocolate in my hands. “Pick up your toys, and go
find somewhere else to smite Bodhi.”
The kid’s bottom lip quivered, tears sparkling in his blue eyes.
“Forget it,” I said. “Water works ain’t going to work. Now grab your fleabag
cat, and go play in your room. Quietly,” I added with a glance at the sleeping
babies curled in God’s arms.
After some eye rolling and muttered bitching, the kid did as I
ordered. Bodhi cat hissed at me, but followed meekly behind the Messiah.
“I can’t believe how much he’s grown in two months.” My mom
waved at the disappearing kid, bumping my arm and nearly showering
herself in heated liquid. But Joe saved the day, steadying the tray, and my
mom.
“Thanks.” I nodded to Joe, and he nodded back. Setting the tray on
the wobbly coffee table, I passed out cups of cocoa, adding a hefty dose of
whiskey to mine. God raised an eyebrow.
“Fine,” I said, pouring a splash into His mug too.
He smiled at the babies in His arms. “Your daddy’s a wise man.”
The green eyes, God’s green, of the girl-child in His right arm
popped open, and she squirmed before letting out a squeak of displeasure.
Ringlets confined with a tiny pink bow danced around her head as she kicked
her tiny legs. She looked so much like her mother.
“I’ll take her.” I scooped the next ruler of Heaven into my arms, and
kissed her wrinkled forehead. She quieted, but only for a second. Her fingers
groped the air, reaching for her brother, who still lay peacefully in God’s
arms.
“Isn’t that sweet,” my mom gushed. “Little Lily wants her baby
brother.”
Odd was more like it. Whenever the two were separated, Lily cried.
Bubba, on the other hand, paid Lily little mind. He was too interested in his
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next meal. Round in all places Bubba, looked like neither his mother, Mary,
nor me.
I had a sneaking suspicion the baby shared DNA with another bald
headed, round guy. But it didn’t matter. From the moment, I held the bloody,
mucus covered, newly orphaned kid, he’d joined my growing clan. A
sacrifice I had willingly made.
“Mary sends her best,” Hades said, taking a seat on Lilith’s white
cushioned sofa. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. Mary had given me
Bubba, and for that, I forgave her for trying to kill me. On the other hand, I
wasn’t overly sad when Mary had succumbed during childbirth. If anyone
belonged in hell, it was she. However, her recent hellish nuptials to Samuel
were enough to keep me awake at night. Together they were the match made
in hell, literally. I shrugged, they were the Devil's problem now. Let him deal
with her hysterics and Samuel’s thirst for the
end of days.
Lily let out a fiery belch, scorching my eyebrows, and shaking me
from my musings. She giggled as I screamed. “Damn it, Lilith. Did you feed
Lily jalapeños again?”
“Damn it, Jace.” Lilith glanced up from decorating the kid’s birthday
cake, frosting streaked her cheek, and cake batter stuck like glue in her hair.
“You made me mess up the cake. Happy Birthday, Jesup,” Lilith read the
blue frosted text.
I laughed, scooping up the frosted P, and smearing it on Lilith’s nose,
thankful for every second we had together. At the hospital, I’d thought I’d
lost Lilith forever. Instead, Mary had died. A sacrifice I could live with.
Lily burped again, this time frying the kitchen curtains. Like a pro,
Lilith grabbed the fire extinguisher with one hand, and smacked me in the
back of the head with her other.
The angel, recently paroled from his Heavenly imprisonment,
suddenly appeared in front of the burning curtains. As much of a pain in the
ass as he was, I couldn’t forget the fact he’d saved my life. Many times. Hell,
if he hadn’t fucked up, and brought me the kid, I would’ve put a bullet
through my brain. No more Second Coming. And then where would the
world be? Or me for that matter? Yep, a divine coincidence had saved the
day. I glanced at Our Father, and raised an eyebrow. He winked. Mysterious
ways, my ass.
“I brought the Messiah a birthday gift,” the angel said, and held up a
clear plastic jar labeled, Myrrh.
Whoosh!
The ensuing explosion leveled the kitchen, sending birthday cake
flying. I shook my head, gazing at my cake splattered first born demon-child.
One part demonic-angel, and one part Son of God. Together, Lilith and I had
created life, and just maybe saved the world.
Third times a charm, right?
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About j. a.
In Ohio during the 1980’s, a young dyslexic kid grew up loving
books. After a few years, j.a. escaped Cleveland and moved to Denver,
CO where j.a. currently lives and writes. For more information about
j.a. kazimer or to read the New Never News fairytale blog visit
http://www.jakazimer.com.
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