by R. R. Virdi
I grunted in acceptance. I couldn't be all polite and understanding with Church. It would set a dangerous precedent for him.
Church snorted as if I'd said that aloud. He crossed his legs as he sat and clasped his hands. “Will you sit with me, Vincent?”
That didn't sound odd at all. “Well, when you put it that way, how can I say no?” Placing a hand on the back of the pew for support, I eased myself into a comfortable position on the wooden bench. I had to shift a bit before my butt stopped complaining. You'd think they'd find softer seating for a place offering comfort to troubled people.
“So, Vincent?” Church let the question hang in the air.
“So, Church?”
“You usually have questions after an assignment. Has that changed?”
Oh, God, do I ever, Blondie. Where do I start?
“With whatever is first on your mind, Vincent.”
“You know, I'd appreciate you not reading my mind.”
“I'm not. It's complicated, an explanation best saved for another time. For now, let us stick with what you have to ask about this case. Are you fine with that?” he asked in his always-soft tone of voice.
I unleashed my inner caveman, grunting once again. There's no dignified way to answer when he's speaking to you like you're a child. “Okay.” I exhaled. “Ah, hell, I don't know. Lizzie! She's been through a lot—”
“Yes, she has,” he interjected. I glared at him for doing so until I noticed the intensity of his reaction. His head looked heavy. He was drilling a hole through the floor boards. “Harder things than anyone her age should have to endure, and harder things to come.”
“What?” I snapped. “No. She's out now. This was her crucible. That little girl is going home to a life full of boring school, thinking boys are idiots, and, one day, an awkward prom.”
“If the world worked that way, then, yes, she would. She deserves as much, Vincent. As you know, this life isn't easy to leave. Many people have their roles to play.”
I buried my face in my hands. I didn't need to hear this crap, not about Lizzie. I blew a breath through my fingers. “Lizzie, will she—”
“She will be fine, Vincent. Her grandmother is a strong and caring woman. She will take care of Elizabeth.”
“Oh, okay, Church, another thing. I don't know if you can do this, if it's allowed in whatever rules you play by, but—”
“I will spare what time I can to keep an eye on her, Vincent, for you. You've earned that much.” His tone made it clear he would do exactly that. Church was honest as far as I could tell.
“Thank you.”
He didn't respond.
I pulled my hands away. “Speaking of roles, Church... What role does Ortiz have to play in this? This is the second time she's popped up in one of my cases and I'm starting think it's more than coincidence.”
“Her role”—he mulled—“is whatever she decides it should be.”
“Cryptic...”
“She's free to choose her own path, but we both know the sort of woman she is, don't we, Vincent?”
“She's tenacious,” I said as Church nodded. “She won't stay out of this world. She said it herself. She can't, not really.” Church gave me a knowing look. “You didn't answer my question though, not all of it at least. Why was she here?”
“Because of what happened with the Ifrit. It took quite the toll on her. She was here to recover.”
I snorted. “Yeah, some recovery. Damned phage mucked that up.”
“Did it?”
I blinked. “Uh, well...yeah, I think? She went through hell again on this one. She didn't need that, Church.”
“Different people need different things. You think of her as a woman of steel, don't you?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Fire tempers steel. She needed this, to be thrown back into this world. Yes, it was hard on her, Vincent, but she had friends to help her through it.”
“Oh, yeah, I did a great fucking job. She nearly died...again! She nearly lost it, Church. If I had screwed up, Ortiz, Lizzie, and God knows how many more people, would've wound up brain dead. Worse, they could've been stuck in a coma reliving their worst fears!” I stood over him, seething.
Church was calm as ever. “But you didn't screw up. You helped her through it, helped both of them through what they needed, Vincent...” His voice sounded strained near the end. “Your job isn't simply killing monsters. It is not about just saving people. It's helping them, helping yourself, helping people on a level beyond the physical.”
“Eh?” was my brilliant response.
“Vincent, tell me what you think you accomplished here today.”
“I, well, kicked the phage's ass...” I trailed off as Church eyed me, arching a singular pale eyebrow. I cleared my throat. “Ahem, sort of. Ortiz, you know, did the important part,” I mumbled. “I wore it down. She killed it. But I helped save Lizzie, her sister too. I saved a couple people.”
“You saved every living person in the asylum. You helped Camilla Ortiz work through her most paralyzing fears. You reunited a girl with her departed sister. You worked through many of your own fears as well.”
“You mean when I thought my borrowed body was falling apart?”
“Yes, Vincent. Part of this case was to help you learn to face and deal with your fears.”
“Church, I'm afraid all the time, damn it. That's nothing new!”
“But setting your fears aside for the sake of others is.” His words dropped like a hammer.
“Oh.” I blinked. I hadn't realized it at first, but he was right. I was terrified throughout this case. I didn't tough it out because of my own fortitude. I did it because I was more afraid of what would happen to Lizzie and Ortiz if I didn't. I did it for them.
“Exactly,” Church commented and I glared at him. This mind reading shit was getting old fast. “That's something you needed to go through—feeling fear, having it paralyze you, and pushing it aside for the sake of others. There's something else you're overlooking as well, Vincent.”
I remained silent.
“The asylum’s ghosts. You gave them closure. The creature that caused so many of their deaths, so many of them pain, is gone. You saved them from the shadowed—”
“Shadowvores!” I said.
Church stared at me like I had said something incredibly stupid. “Vincent,” he sighed. Church removed his glasses to polish them with his shirt. “There is a good reason why some creatures do not receive a definitive name throughout the ages.”
“Lack of creative inspiration?”
“Because, sometimes, when people try, they come up with terribly stupid names.” He eyed me like I had done exactly that.
“Whatever.” I waved a dismissive hand. “I fought 'em. I kicked their shady butts. I get to name them.”
“That...was a horrendous pun, Vincent.”
I smiled. Suffer as I do, Church. Suffer!
“As I was saying, you saved them from those creatures. They may not be what they once were, but that doesn't make them any less than what they were. Do you understand?”
I frowned. “I think so?” The corners of Church's mouth quirked into a slight smile. “Church, why aren't I a ghost?”
His thin smile vanished.
“I died too, once. I know that. I still don't know what did it. I never got my closure. So why aren’t I one? Shouldn't I be?”
“A ghost can't be formed if there's still something whole to cling to.”
The air in my lungs froze.
“My body,” I whispered. “It's still out there.”
“Yes.” Church looked away.
“Where?” My voice hardened.
“Safe.”
“That's not an answer, Church! Damn it, that's not the one I deserve.”
“It's the one you are going to get, Vincent, for now.” Church's tone hadn't changed from whisper soft, but it was clear that he wasn't going to discuss it any further. “You need to trust me.”
“No. N
o, Church, I don't. I bleed for you. You know that. And you're not doing a good job earning my trust right now.”
“But you're doing a great job earning mine.” He sounded like he meant it.
“This is about that whole shadows in the dark, menacing forces crap.” I waggled my fingers in an ominous gesture. “Isn't it?”
“Yes.”
“And you still can't tell me what it is?”
“No, Vincent.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I don't know myself. Not all of it.” His voice wavered when he said it. Church was scared!
Holy shit. This was serious.
“For now, Vincent, keep doing what you are doing. Save people. Keep being yourself. I know it's hard not knowing what happened to you, where your body is, but believe me, one day you will.”
“But it is not this day, huh?”
“No, Vincent.” He was oblivious to the reference.
“If you keep stringing me along like this, Ortiz is going to figure it out before I do. It'll be quite the blow to my investigator ego.”
“I'm sure you'll survive.”
“She deserves to know, Church. Ortiz risked her neck for me. Twice now. I want to tell her, but I don't know if she'll trust me after that.”
“And her trust means that much to you?”
“Yes.”
“Vincent, in the few moments you have to spare in your cases, when you are given a slight reprieve from things, have you ever stopped to just think? Have you ever asked yourself if some things will work themselves out? That maybe it is a good thing that you are torn over telling Camilla Ortiz your secret. You value her trust. Have you considered that maybe you are not supposed to tell her?”
“What? Keep her in the dark? You're kidding, right? I seriously thought about staying put and not coming to visit you until Lyshae pulled that stunt.” I broke off to look at the floor for a moment. “I don’t have enough real, honest, human friends that I can afford to lose them.”
“You're not listening, Vincent. Have you ever wondered if Camilla Ortiz is meant to figure it out in her own time? That she needs to get to the bottom of the mystery that is you—by herself?”
“I...uh...erhm...no?” I mean what the hell do you say to that?
“If she intends to be part of this world, Vincent, she will have to begin learning on her own. You cannot expect to explain everything to her, prepare her for everything. Life doesn't work that way.”
“I know,” I whispered. “Ughf.” I exhaled as I plopped back onto the pew, rolling my neck and kicking out my legs.
Church's hand rested on my collar. He gave me a bro squeeze. “She's a smart and resourceful woman.”
I chuckled. “I know. That's half the reason I'm afraid of her.”
“Give her the time and space she needs, Vincent. She still needs to wrap her mind around a great many things. Camilla Ortiz will make the best decision for herself in time.”
“Yeah,” I said. My heart wasn't completely in it though.
“Is there anything else on your mind, Vincent?”
“Thanks, I guess. Pretty generous timeline you gave me. Last time it was thirteen hours. Not cool by the way.”
“The Neravene can be a troublesome place to navigate. And I seem to remember extending your timeline during your last case in New York.” Church's face remained neutral save for a glint in the eyes.
“Of course. You knew I'd wind up in the Neravene.” I sighed. “Church, promise me one of these days you'll be straight with me, seriously.”
“One of these days, Vincent. In the meantime, might I suggest keeping a closer eye on these?” He brandished a pair of leather bound journals. “Found by the wrong beings, these could lead to a lot of trouble.”
I nodded in dumbfounded silence. I had no idea how he knew where I’d hidden them.
“And a final piece of something to think on. New York. The place has many more surprises in store for you.”
Fatigue took hold and I breathed out through my nose, closing my eyes as a yawn escaped me. “Yeah, Church, I'll keep that in mind,” I said through another yawn. I opened my eyes and looked to where Church was sitting. I blinked.
Alone again. I shook my head and let out a rueful chuckle. I thought about the past six months as I waited to leave Charles' body. First the Ifrit, now a phage. My life was certainly becoming more interesting.
And Church said there were more surprises on the way.
“Ah.” I sighed. “New York. It's a helluva place.”
Thank you for taking the time to read this novel. If you would like to know more about the author, please visit:
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Also by RR Virdi
The Grave Report
Grave Beginnings
Grave Measures