by M. A. Church
After we stuffed ourselves, Dolf opened several bottles of champagne and poured each of us a glass. Everyone stood, and I found myself being pulled to my feet too.
Dolf lifted his glass in my direction. “As you all know, Aidric recently found his mate. While this is a time for celebration, it also brings heartache with it.”
Shit. I sniffed. I knew Dolf was going to do this, dammit.
“Aidric’s mate is Alpha Carter Lovelock of the Dark Lake Pack. Because of who his mate is, Aidric will be leaving us to join Carter’s pack and has recently resigned his position as beta. Aidric, although it pains me to lose you, I wish you much happiness in your mating. I love you like a brother, my friend.”
“Hear, hear!” everyone yelled.
“To Aidric! May he have a successful mating,” Remi yelled.
“May he successfully walk in the morning!” Heller added with a smirk.
“May he successfully walk straight in the morning!” Brier hooted.
“And leave that wolf of his panting for more,” Marshell exclaimed. “Take pictures, man. We’d all love to see your wolf knocked down a peg or two.”
“If anybody can do it, it’ll be Aidric,” Dolf added with a wink at me.
Several minutes followed as more toasts were made, these much less rowdy. Their words touched my heart, and I struggled not to lose my shit completely right then and there. Then the hugs started.
I didn’t doubt their sincerity, and now it was kicking my own ass mentally. Why hadn’t I made more of an effort at friendships with any of them? Here I was, soon to leave, and I’d just now discovered this. I was totally pathetic.
The rest of the evening was spent telling stories of things past and talking about the future. As the evening drew to a conclusion, Janelle stood.
“Aidric, I haven’t had much of an opportunity to really get to know you, but from what I’ve seen, your loyalty is unquestionable, and you hold your duty in the highest regard. Because of my respect for you and your abilities, I want to make it officially known I intend to compete for your position.”
I thought I’d heard she planned to, but I hadn’t been sure.
“If I get it, I sincerely hope I bring as much style and sheer determination to the position as you. Your example will be one I endeavor to follow,” Janelle said.
Fuck. And with that I finally gave in to the tears. “Dammit,” I whispered, frantically wiping tears from my face. “Guys, shit. Goddess help me, I’m going to miss you all.”
The resulting group hug was possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. It was also one of the few times I wished our metabolism wasn’t as hyper as it was, because I would’ve given anything to be able to get drunk.
The party eventually wrapped up and everybody left. I lingered until it was just Dolf, his mates, and me. Even though it was my party, the neat freak in me insisted on helping them clean. Dolf, bless his soul, knew me well enough not to bitch about it.
“Can I speak to you for a moment?” I asked, carrying several drinks to the sink.
“Sure. Do I need to ask Tal and Kirk to leave?” Dolf threw a handful of paper plates into the trash can.
“No, they can hear. It’s nothing private.”
“Let’s go back to the living room and sit where it’s comfortable.”
“Sure.” I followed the three of them back to the living area, and we sat. “Within the last twenty-four hours, I got a phone call from Carter. He has a younger brother, named Bram, who just lost his mate. Marlena, Bram’s mate, was running on pack grounds, and humans shot her while in her wolf form. I, um, just wanted you to know, Dolf.”
Tal shook his head sadly. “That’s horrible.”
“I can’t imagine,” Kirk added, horrified.
“Yeah, it doesn’t bear thinking about,” I said, shaken over it. “From what Carter said, though, werewolves can survive if they lose their mate. But Carter is worried Bram might do something stupid.”
Dolf frowned into his drink. “Interesting. I had assumed they were like us.”
“No,” I said. “Apparently not. Anyway, I want to let you know some young human males with guns entered pack lands. Carter’s pack is quite a distance from here, but it might be a good idea to keep an eye on the clowder’s borders.”
“I’ll definitely look into it,” Dolf agreed. “Next time you speak to Carter, give him our condolences, please.”
“I definitely will. I’m sure he’d appreciate that.”
“As soon as you get settled, I’d like to enter into negotiations with Carter about possibly having an agreement between our clowder and his pack,” Dolf said.
“I’m sure he’d enjoy having some sort of treaty with the clowder. At least I hope so. Considering he’s going to be mated to a werecat, I think it’d be beneficial,” I said.
“It keeps the lines of communication open between the two groups too,” Dolf said. “That’s my main concern. You might be mated to him and no longer part of my clowder, but I refuse to lose touch with you.”
“I agree,” Kirk said. “Especially since you’re leaving everything you’re accustomed to.”
“Yeah,” Tal said. “I hope Carter takes that into consideration.”
“He’s made no effort to restrict me from contacting any of you, so I have no reason to think he would. I wouldn’t put up with it if he did,” I said. “But I like the idea of having some sort of agreement between the two groups. Of course first we have to mate.”
“There is that.” Kirk smirked. “I’m here to tell you matings can be fun. Enormous, hot, sweaty fun.”
Tal shook his head. “You’re so bad.”
Dolf snorted.
The four of us talked a little longer, but finally it came time for me to say goodbye. As I drove away from Dolf’s house that night, I had high hopes the next time I saw Dolf’s home, it would be with my mate next to me.
Chapter Fourteen
Carter
I LAY on the nice bed in the nice guest room staring at the nice ceiling. When I’d arrived, Alpha Daniel met me, and we immediately went to see Bram. The vacant, lost look in Bram’s eyes broke my heart, even as it scared the hell out of me. Daniel had taken Bram to his pack home and settled him in a spare room.
Since my brother had been trying to shift, Daniel had put him into a light sleep, but Bram was awake now. The next several hours, I’d done nothing but sit and hold my brother as he wailed endlessly. Keegan wasn’t in much better shape. Keegan was old enough to understand his mother had died under tragic circumstances and that he and his father were on their own.
My cell rang, and, recognizing Aidric’s ringtone, I quickly answered. “Well, hey there.”
“Hey, how are you doing?”
I covered my eyes with my forearm. “I can honestly say I’ve been better.”
“I’m so sorry. How’s he doing?”
“Not good.” Hearing Aidric’s voice calmed me. “He’s cried, which is good. He’s not bottling his grief up, but he still refuses to talk about it. In fact, he’s not talking at all. I’m worried.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know he’s hurting. I can’t imagine how much he’s hurting, but I expected anger too. I expected to have to restrain him, maybe keep him from knocking holes in the walls… something. Hell, Keegan’s shown more anger than Bram has.”
“People grieve in different ways, Carter. I imagine your brother’s still in shock.” Aidric cleared his throat. “Granted, I don’t know a lot about werewolves, but don’t you think you’re rushing things a bit?”
“I know it sounds that way, but that’s not it.” I could tell Aidric wasn’t getting it. “I want him to lose his temper. This…. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s as if he’s drowning in the pain, and I don’t know how to pull him out of it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to pull him out. I’m fucking terrified he’ll get stuck and be unable to move into the other stages of grief. If he completely shuts down….”
“If he shut
s down, what?”
“I don’t know, dammit. That’s the problem.” I jerked my forearm down and rubbed my eyes. Damn things were leaking again. “There’s nothing there in his eyes. Nothing but pain and anguish. Despondency. I’m afraid he’ll lose himself.”
“Like I said, I know nothing about werewolves except what you’ve told me, but I’d say go with your gut. If you feel like there’s something to fear, then there probably is. Just… be careful how you push him. I imagine he’s very fragile right now, werewolf or not.”
“Thanks.” I sighed quietly. “I appreciate that. It’s, um, nice to have someone to talk things over with.”
That was something I’d never really had before. Oh, to some degree, there were things I could talk to Temple and Shea about, but ultimately, all decisions were mine. As such, if I fucked up, that was mine to deal with too.
“Anytime. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to discuss things with me,” Aidric said. “How is your nephew doing? What was his name again?”
“Keegan. Basically he cried and then got angry. The power rolling off of him was astounding for a pup that young. He’s an Alpha.”
“Is your brother? An Alpha, I mean?”
“No, he doesn’t hold any rank, not that there’s anything wrong with that.” I really didn’t want to get into the relationship with my brother right now, so I quickly changed the subject. “Enough about me. How are you doing?”
“It… it’s been an odd combination of sadness and fun. Dolf and the rest of the betas threw me a party tonight. Their mates showed up, so there were quite a few of us. I had fun, even though there were times I did get choked up.”
“I’m sorry, Aidric. I should’ve been there for you.”
“Don’t you worry about me. You’re where you need to be.”
Maybe so, but I could hear the pain he was trying to hide. Both of us were suffering and miles apart. Wasn’t much I could do about it, but that didn’t change the fact it bothered me immensely.
“I’m glad you called,” I said, yawning. Talking with him had finally relaxed me enough that I felt like I could go to sleep. “I miss you. I wish—”
Somewhere down the hall, there was a loud crash and raised voices.
“Fuck!”
“Dammit, don’t let him—”
“Carter!”
I was out of the bed before I realized I’d moved. “What the fuck?”
“Carter?” Aidric yelled in my ear. “What’s going on? I thought I heard—”
“I don’t fucking know, but—” An agonized howl echoed through the pack house. “Oh shit.”
“What? What, dammit?”
I ran to the bedroom door and snatched it open. “Let me call you back. I’ll call you back just as soon as I can.”
“Okay, take care of yourself. Let me know.”
“I will.” I hung up, and since all I had on were my boxers, I turned and tossed my cell phone on the bed.
That was Daniel calling my name. The desperation in Daniel’s voice warned I didn’t have time to dress. I ran down the hall toward the commotion. What I found scared the hell out of me. Daniel, his long black hair a mess, was there, along with two of his pack mates, betas, most likely, and a full-grown wolf snarling and snapping at anyone who came close to him. It’d been a while since I’d seen Bram in his wolf form, but I still recognized him.
“Bram, please,” Daniel pleaded. “Don’t do this. I know you can’t imagine life without her, but you have a pup, a pup who needs you, and—”
The wolf howled again, then snapped fiercely at Daniel’s hand, barely missing Daniel’s fingers. I ran toward the group trying to subdue my brother and dropped to my knees, careful to stay out of range of the snarling, maddened wolf. “Bram!”
The wolf snapped his head toward me. I gulped. Not because I was afraid but because there was nothing in those eyes. No humanity. Nothing. Not taking my eyes off the wolf in front of me, I shouted at Daniel, “Command him to turn back!”
“I tried! I can’t get through to him,” Daniel yelled back.
Oh gods, I’d never heard of anything like that happening. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what that meant. The wolf howled again, then charged toward one of the windows in the hallway. I lunged at him, skimming my hand across his fur, just barely missing. I cursed as the wolf hit the window and broke through.
“Oh fuck!” Daniel bellowed.
All of us scrambled toward the broken window, uncaring of the glass. I noticed I wasn’t the only one who’d been roused from their bed, but at least Daniel and the other pack members had on more than just underwear.
We watched as Bram hit the ground and raced toward the woods. Daniel’s pack house was only two stories, so it wasn’t a jump that could injure Bram. No, the fact that Bram had shifted and run off was the main concern.
I clutched the window frame, unable to believe what I’d just seen. “I never dreamed he’d do something like this.” I turned to Daniel. “What are you going to do?”
Daniel also stepped back from the window frame. “I’ll go after him, although I’m not really sure what good that’ll do.” Daniel held up his hand, stopping me from speaking. “I understand you’re upset. Bram’s your brother, and you care for him. I do understand. I have brothers too. But somehow he was able to ignore a direct order from his Alpha.”
I ran my hand over my head. How the hell had Bram managed to do that? “I’ve never heard of such.”
“Neither have I, and I know for a fact that your brother is loyal to me. Best guess is he’s so stricken by grief the human side of him couldn’t cope, so he shut that off and turned to his wolf.”
“But his wolf should’ve obeyed you.”
“He should have, yes. But his wolf also just lost his mate. I don’t have an explanation, Carter. We can go out there, hunt him down, and drag him back, but I’m not sure that’s going to do a damn bit of good. If he wants to go, I can’t stop him, especially if I can’t compel him right now.”
I glared at Daniel. “So we just let him go? Just let him run wild?”
“Do you have any ideas?” Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. “I am certainly open to suggestions, if you have them.”
It galled me to admit it, but I didn’t. If Daniel, Bram’s own Alpha, couldn’t compel him, there was no way in hell I could.
“Where’s my dad?”
By all that was holy, could this night possibly get any worse? I turned slowly to see Keegan standing in pajamas at the door.
“Keegan—” Daniel took a step toward him.
“No!” Keegan yelled, snarling. “Where. Is. My. Dad?”
Shit. “Keegan, come here.” I dropped down to my knees once more and held my arms open. “Please?”
“Uncle Carter?” Keegan slowly eased toward me. “That was Dad howling, wasn’t it? What did he do?” Keegan stopped and looked at the broken window. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”
I knew nothing, absolutely nothing about kids, but I could see this one was hurting tremendously. I had no idea what the right or wrong things were to say in a situation like this. My gut told me I could lose this pup just as I lost my brother if I didn’t do something quickly. Aidric said go with my gut, so that was what I was going to do.
Gods help us all.
“Not gone. Never gone. He’s just… taking a break.” I swallowed, tears once again rising in my eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you. Your dad is struggling to accept losing your mom, and for right now, he’s losing that battle. But he loves you. Loves you more than anything.”
Keegan moved closer to me. “Then why did he go?”
Oh, somebody just kill me now. What did I say? How did I explain something I didn’t fully understand myself? “He’s trying to escape the pain the best way he knows how. It’s not my place to say he’s doing the right thing or not. I don’t know, Keegan. I’ve never lost a mate, so I simply don’t know. All I can tell you is he had to go for now.”
Keegan stopped in front of m
e. “Does he not love me anymore?”
This kid was ripping me to pieces. “He loves you. You’re all he has left, but right now, he’s not in his right mind. Right now”—I stressed—“grief rules him. He can’t think beyond that.”
“Will he come back?”
Yet another question I didn’t have an answer for. “I think he will, just as soon as he can deal with losing your mom. But it may take some time. And no, I have no idea how long that’s going to take.”
I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t wrap my head around how Bram could leave his pup, but then, who was I to judge? The unimaginable pain he was going through was something I couldn’t begin to comprehend.
Keegan threw himself at me, and I wrapped him up in my arms. “I want to stay with you.”
I jerked back. If my nephew had suddenly sprouted wings and horns, I couldn’t have been more surprised. “Uh-uh, Keegan, your dad is part of Alpha Daniel’s pack, not mine.”
Keegan stared at me, those eyes so like my own piercing my soul. “You’re my blood.”
Helplessly I looked at Alpha Daniel. This could get incredibly messy, incredibly fast. The kid belonged to another pack, a pack I really didn’t know. Daniel could react very badly. Then there was the fact I was here by myself.
Another small part of me shrieked in horror. What the fuck did I know about raising a pup? Especially one traumatized from his mother being murdered and his dad jumping out of a fucking window and taking off.
Daniel looked at Keegan, then made eye contact with me. “Keegan, I promise I won’t force you to stay here if you don’t want to. But this is your home. I want you to know you are more than welcome to stay with my wife and me. I’ll treat you like my own.”
I looked down at Keegan. Did the pup have any idea how special such an offer was? Especially since, as far as I knew, Daniel and his wife didn’t have pups. “Keegan? Your Alpha is honoring you. He must really care about you to do such a thing. You need to think about this carefully. You don’t know me, and you don’t know my pack. Not like you know the people here.”