Running a pot of coffee, I take my time sipping at the first cup. My eyes catch on the glint of silver of the keys hanging by the door. It would be so nice to drive today, but after the almost panic attack last night, it probably isn’t such a good idea yet.
I pour the rest of the coffee and a tad touch of creamer in my thermos and grab my leather jacket before heading out the door.
I manage to make it all the way to lunch without thinking about last night. Of course, as lost in my head that I was this morning, I forgot to pack my lunch. On a more positive note, I haven’t had to deal with any of the dicks today, so I’m just going to steer clear of the cafeteria and go to the library to work on my research paper that’s due Friday.
I should have known that would be too easy. Just as my hand reaches out for the door, it opens and pops me right across the knuckles.
“Oops, sorry,” a blonde says coming out.
“Don’t waste your breath on trailer trash, new girl,” Stacey Marsh says following her out. Just fucking great. The pod squad. You know, I get Derrik’s hatred, but I’ll never understand Stacey’s. It may have something to do with his obsession with torturing me, as if I have something to do with that. Everyone knows they’ve been dating since freshman year.
“Excuse me,” I say to the last of the pods, Sarah, still standing in the doorway, a blonde Barbie just like the rest of them.
She sneers at me, “Hey Stacey, aren’t those the clothes that you donated to the Salvation Army last week?”
I force my way in beside her and leave them cackling at the door. Finding a secluded corner of the room, I hunker down and get absolutely nothing done. Rain spatters against the window and I watch the water run in little rivulets down the glass. Tears roll down my face in the same pattern. I’ve never cried at school, because these people mean absolutely nothing to me. With all of the other shit going on in my head, though, it’s unstoppable. The ache of missing Casey, Will, and Brian is so deep today. It burns me so far down that I feel it in my soul. I’m surprised to look at my hands and still see flesh instead of ash. Depression is its own kind of evil and it’s weighing me down. I won’t even have the reprieve of work tonight.
When the last bell rings, I’m nothing more than a zombie. A walking bag of skin and bones with nothing firing upstairs. I hear my name being called, but I ignore it. There’s no one worth talking to at this place.
A warm hand grasps me at the elbow, “Kendall?”
My first instinct is to punch first and ask questions later, but I recognize the voice. The brown haired nice guy.
“Did you not hear me calling for you?” Lucas asks.
The bus behind me lets out a whoosh of air and closes its door. It’s getting ready to pull away and mine will be right behind it.
Lucas pulls my attention back to him, “Hey, are you ok?”
The rain steadily falls around us as we stand under the little canopy area. His hand is still at my elbow and I want nothing more than to lean into him. My eyes fall to my bus as it pulls away from the curb. Tears pool in my eyes and streak down my face at the thought of my now miserable walk home.
Lucas uses his other hand to pull my chin up to face him. His eyes roam over my face like he’s trying to figure out how to fix the white trash ruin that I am, but he has no idea just how impossible that would be. People are staring, and I couldn’t give two shits as Lucas locks eyes with me. His flick down to my lips and back up again.
He looks like he’s going to kiss me right before he clears his throat, “Hungry?”
“What?” I ask a little hoarse from not talking for so long.
He smiles, “I’m famished. Want to go over to Pete’s?”
Pete’s is a small diner kind of place that borders our small town and the next one over, which isn’t any bigger than ours. It just holds more of the upper class white collar people. It’s also about an hour walk from here. Twenty if we take a car. I shake my head.
His face shows defeat, but he still says, “Please. I promise to drive really slow and careful.”
The words take me by surprise, “How did you know?”
He shrugs, “I saw you clenching the armrest last night like it was going to fall off. I just assumed you were super pissed or scared of being in the car.”
“And you don’t think that had anything to do with me being in a car full of strange boys?” I ask.
Tilting his head back, he laughs, “With the way that you stood up to Mav, that thought never crossed my mind.”
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t admire the sight of his smile and the sound of his laugh. If he hadn’t accused me of being scared and the words hitting home, I may have told him no. So, when I say yes, I’m not sure if it’s to prove him wrong or myself.
“Come on,” he says pulling my hand to the crook of his elbow without letting go, almost as if he’s scared I’m going to take off running. That’s not too far from the truth.
He leads me over to the newest car in the lot, a huge black pick-up truck. It’s raised so high that Lucas gives me a boost up. I’m so nervous that I can’t even manage to thank him. Snapping my seatbelt and watching him walk around the front of the hood, I take several deep breaths trying to calm down. This is harder than last night, and I think it’s because I was so angry at both the Dicks and Maverick.
I try to distract myself with Lucas. When he comes around the corner, the street lamp catches his hair just right and turns the brown a tinge red. There’s a five o’clock shadow across his jawline that makes me wonder what it would feel like under my fingers. It’s been so long.
He hops up into his seat and I notice his clothes for the first time. In brand new jeans and white long-sleeve shirt underneath a navy vest, he looks like he’s ready for prep school. The only thing that argues that is a black, leather jacket lying against the center console.
It takes a minute to catch on to the fact that he is saying something, “What?”
He passes me a knowing smile, “I just asked if you were good.”
I nod and he starts the engine.
The ride to Pete’s is quiet, but not the awkward kind. Almost like he doesn’t want to pressure me into talking. Lucas makes a few turns to take us out of town. This road runs parallel with the train tracks. All I can hope for is one not to pass. The thought has no sooner left my head and I hear a horn behind us.
My throat clinches tight and my breath comes in short gasps, “Pull over.”
“What?” he asks with concern.
I reach out for his hand, “Please. Just for a minute. Pull. Over.”
True to his word, Lucas has driven more than careful and pulls slowly over to the shoulder. I close my eyes and try to slow my breathing down, so it will slow my racing heart.
When I can no longer hear it, I risk opening my eyes. The last car keeps moving until it’s no longer in sight. It’s then that I realize that I’ve been squeezing the shit out of Lucas’ hand.
“Sorry,” I say trying to let go.
His fingers tighten around mine, “Nothing to be sorry for.”
Breathing in through my nose and out my mouth, Lucas doesn’t rush me. I’m just thankful he’s not asking if I’m ok. I’d probably break down again.
“We can go now,” I say quietly.
He clenches my hand and never lets go the rest of the way to the diner.
We walk into Pete’s and a few people turn around to stare.
“Hey! What’s up, Lucas?” A tall boy says striding up to us. He’s dressed in the same uniform style as Lucas, so they must go to the same school.
They do a crazy fist bump handshake thing, “What’s up bro?”
The stranger all but jumps up and down on his toes, “You ready to whoop some Eastern ass on Friday?”
Lucas grins, “You already know,”
“This is the year we go undefeated man. I feel it,” the stranger says, “Oh and after party is at Kelly’s lake house.”
He looks over and notices me for the first
time, “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Henry Edward the third. Most people just call me Eddie.”
I take his outstretched hand, “Kendall. Nice to meet you.”
He smiles, “Likewise. You should definitely come to the soirée Friday night. It’s going to be banging. Especially if our boys take us to state.”
Glancing up at Lucas, I see he’s watching me. Possibly waiting for the next break down. I have half a second to be thankful that the tears have stopped falling and I don’t have a bad after crier’s face, other than slightly puffy eyes. Trying to make my face relax, I smile and one side of his mouth quirks up. I turn back to Eddie, “Sounds like fun. I’ll be there.”
“Most excellent,” he says before fist bumping us and making his way back to his booth where several other people dressed the same wait.
Lucas’ hand finds my lower back and sends a kaleidoscope of butterflies straight through my belly as he leads us to a booth in the corner. He gives me a little nudge to sit with my back against the wall as he sits to face me.
“Sorry about that. You didn’t make any promises that you have to uphold or anything,” he says watching my face.
I shrug, “I’m actually off Friday night. Might be nice to do something different for a change.”
This earns me a full-on smile and I have to look away before I find myself falling into it, “So you guys are like some big football stars?”
He looks surprised, “Wow, are we that easy to guess?”
I roll my eyes, “I may be the weird girl from the trailer park, but I do like my football. Just not our team because they fucking suck. Not to mention the players are complete dicks.”
There’s a quick moment of silence before he bursts out laughing. It’s a head back kind of laugh that draws the attention of the people around us, including his schoolmates in the corner. The tiny blonde girl sitting with them gives me an appreciative nod. I’m not sure I understand why, but it’s nice to not be glared at for once. When my eyes move back to Lucas he’s smiling enough that the laugh lines are still there around his eyes.
The waitress chooses this moment to walk up, “How are you doing today Lucas? Where are the other three to the fantastic four?”
His smile turns respectful, “They all had detention after school. So, it’s just Kendall and I today, Judy.”
Her gaze flicks to me, “He being a proper gentleman?”
If it were Teagan or Maverick in front of me, I wouldn’t hesitate to get them in trouble. I’m just not going to do that to Lucas, so instead I answer, “Yes ma’am.”
“Oh, pretty and polite,” she says then moves her hand beside her mouth as she mock whispers to him, “This one’s a keeper.”
He grins at me again and I feel my face turn red from the attention.
Judy saves me, “Are we ordering the usual?”
“Yes please,” he replies, “And Kendall will have the same.”
He winks at me as she says, “Ok, be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
“Did you just order for me?” I ask with mock horror.
The grin he shoots me could melt sugar, “I do believe that I just did.”
My eyebrow goes up in question, “What if I don’t like what you ordered?”
Shrugging he says, “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”
This takes me aback. It’s been a long time since I trusted anyone other than Gramps. My spine straightens, and I lean back against my seat. I pick at a spot on the table with my fingernail.
“Sorry,” he says quietly, “I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you again.”
I shoot him a sad smile, “It’s ok really. I’ve just had a bad couple of days.”
“Does it happen to have anything to do with us?” he asks.
My turn to shrug, “Maybe in an off-hand kind of way, but not really.”
Judy runs two waters out to our table and says the food’s going to take a little longer before disappearing again.
Lucas takes a long drink of his before he says, “You know, Teagan didn’t mean for all of that to go down the way that it did last night. He has never been the super serious type, so sometimes he comes off as an offensive asshole.”
Thinking back on my reaction, my face turns pink, “I may need to be the one apologizing. I overreacted a little. I just didn’t feel right taking his money like that.”
He lets out a short laugh, “You know, honestly, I think that very reason is why Maverick took a liking to you.”
I snort softly, “Right.”
“No, it’s true. He’s rough around the edges and a bit harsh sometimes, but he’s a good dude. Trust me when I say that he wouldn’t have let just anyone get in the Rover drenched with soda like you were. I’m pretty sure he’d probably go to jail for attempted murder if one of us tried it,” he says.
I think on his words for a minute, “Speaking of which. Why am I here? Why did you bother to come to the school Lucas? Especially after I showed you where I live.”
He sighs, “Because you were wrong.” My eyebrow goes up again and he says, “What? You think that just because we go to a prep school that we’re snobs? That sounds a lot like stereotyping to me.”
Shit. I don’t want them to be, but his words are true. My actions are no better than Derrik’s toward me and I never even thought about it like that, “I’m sorry.”
One corner of his mouth quirks up in victory, “No reason to be sorry. I’m sure it’s what you’re used to at that school and probably in life period.”
Before I can say anything, Judy drops plates covered in french fries and two of the biggest burgers I’ve ever seen in my life in front of us. “Y’all let me know if you want anything else.”
Lucas thanks her as I attempt a half-assed thanks. I know my eyes are as big as saucers, “You actually eat all of this?”
He laughs and rolls up the sleeves on his button down, “At least once a week.”
As he eloquently digs into his plate, I admire the way that his muscles flex in his forearms. Tattoos run from his wrists all the way up his arm underneath the rolls in the shirt.
I am completely entranced trying to pick apart the different designs, “How far do those go up?”
Looking up I see that he’s been watching me the whole time as he’s taking bites, “Eat some and I might tell you.”
Unladylike, I stuff three fries in my mouth at once and look at him expectantly. He almost chokes on a drink of his water and it makes me smile. After wiping it off his mouth and the little specks that landed on his shirt, he says, “These go all the way to my shoulders, but I have more across my back and chest.”
I narrow my eyes at him, “Wait, how old are you?”
He points at my food and waits until I take a bite of burger before he answers, “Nineteen.”
My mouth falls open in shock. Thankfully, there’s no food in it, “But those must have taken hours to do. What do you go and get new ones every weekend?”
Laughing he says, “No, I actually started some of them when I was sixteen.”
“How?” I ask
“Richie from Suburbiaville, remember?” he says with a smile.
Damn, he’s never going to let me live those words down and if I’m honest, I don’t really deserve to. I try to bring the conversation back to my curiosity, “Can I see the rest of them?”
This earns another laugh, “You better be glad you’re asking me that question and not Maverick or Teagan.”
“Why?” I ask suspiciously.
“Because,” he starts, “They have some that you can’t see unless they are fully undressed, and I know for a fact they wouldn’t tell you no.”
My face turns red and make it a point to eat and not talk anymore.
After a few minutes, Lucas says, “Want to make a deal?”
Tilting my head to the side, I ask, “What kind of deal?”
“One where I show you the rest of them,” he replies.
It sounds sketch, but what girl in my shoe
s would say no, “Ok.”
He nods as if he expected my answer, “Tell me where you were earlier, and I’ll show them to you.”
I’m confused, “What do you mean? I went straight from home to school today.”
“Not then,” he says with a sad smile, “Where you were in your head when I called for you today?”
“Oh,” I say glancing at the table. “I told you. I’ve just had a shitty couple of days and I’m just mentally exhausted dealing with the bullshit that comes with life.”
“Does it have anything to do with those assholes in the car last night?” he asks with a serious tone in his voice. I don’t want to lie to him and tell him no, because they have been some of it here lately. “Or is it about the reason why you’re scared of cars.”
My eyes flick up to his and I reign in the anger trying to bubble out of my mouth. His voice turns soft again, “My dad died in a car crash when I was two years old. I wasn’t even old enough to know anything. He was just there one day and not the next. I don’t even remember anything about him. If it hadn’t been for my uncle, I’m pretty sure that my mom would have gone insane.”
My face scrunches with confusion and he says, “Yeah, my dad’s brother is now my step-dad. Trust me. I caught so much shit for that one growing up. People love the incest jokes even though they aren’t even close to being the same thing.” He pauses and runs a hand across his jaw, “That’s how Maverick and I became friends. Seventh grade and he was new, he hadn’t heard all of the rumors yet. This kid we called Johnny come up and started shit with me one day and Maverick threw him to the dirt and beat the hell out of him. We’ve been best friends ever since.”
I mull his words over in my brain before quietly asking, “But what if my story doesn’t have a happy ending like yours?”
He leans his arms down on the table and waits until I’m looking straight at him, “With the way that you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, I assumed that it didn’t.”
I suck in a shaky breath, “My boyfriends died in a train wreck two years ago.”
Reviving Kendall Page 3