Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten. She needed to hunt. Yet she was having too much fun to break it off, at least just yet. Her hunger pangs would have to wait.
Though not for long. A quick whiff of a scent had her turning, just in time to catch the flash of gray as a rabbit raced past. Without a second thought, she took off after it, leaving Eric to bring up the rear. Unlike wolves, bears were omnivores, she knew, just as comfortable eating roots and berries as meat. The need to hunt might not be as ingrained in Eric, but JJ felt compelled to follow the tantalizing scent of her natural prey.
Without heed to direction or distance, she crashed through the brush, running low to the ground. Eventually, she lost scent of the rabbit, raising her head to find she had no idea where she might be. Again, she lifted her snout and scented the wind. Nothing. Odd, since Eric’s bear smell had been strong, almost overpowering.
Thinking hard, she remembered where the moon had been positioned, and took off in the direction from which she’d hopefully come. Several times she stopped and sniffed, slightly worried that she still could not locate Eric.
Just as she felt confident that she’d almost reached the clearing, she came across the same large boulder she’d passed a few minutes earlier. Which meant she’d been traveling in a circle. While wolves didn’t get lost, as far as she knew, her bad sense of direction as human had translated to tonight’s change.
No scent of bear reached her, but in the distance she heard a crashing sound. Something big, moving fast. Bear Eric? Or someone else? Instinct had her staying hidden, low to the ground, at least until she ascertained whether it was friend or foe.
The scent reached her at the same time as the snuffling sounds. Bear. Eric. With a joyous woof, she ran toward him, head-butting him hard enough that he staggered. Instinctively, he let out a startled snarl, which, had she not known him, would have scared the heck out of her.
Her stomach growled again, loudly this time. Panting, she wondered if Eric would object to one more hunt, a productive one this time. But no, he shook his massive head, and then moved off, looking back at her as if asking her to follow him.
After a few minutes, they arrived back in the clearing where they’d left their clothes. Eric stopped, eyeing her. She knew he wanted to know if she wanted to change back to human first, or should he.
Sitting back on her haunches, she considered. She had no way to communicate other than by body movement, so she couldn’t tell him she thought they should both shift at the same time. She dipped her head at him, aware he’d take the gesture to mean he should begin.
A second later, he did.
Inhaling sharply, she initiated her own change. This time, going back to her natural state, the pain seemed far less and was over much more quickly.
Just like that, she found herself lying in her human form, stark naked on the cold, damp forest floor.
Restless and stimulated, she stretched once, her nipples pebbling from the cold, and pushed herself to her feet. Anticipation making her heart pound, she looked around for Eric, eager to see the force of his own arousal, hoping it would match hers.
Chapter 19
To JJ’s disappointment, Eric stood with his back to her, already stepping into his clothes.
“Wait,” she rasped. “Not yet.” Her quiet plea reverberated with longing. Slowly, he turned, holding his shirt over the part of him that she most ached to see.
“JJ, we discussed this.” He shook his head, almost as if by doing so he could shake off the primal urge of his body’s desire. “Friends don’t take advantage of friends.”
“Friends don’t make friends beg.” The words slipped out before she had time to consider them. Once said, she couldn’t call them back, so she decided she might as well run with it. “You know I want you. And I’m aware you want me, too. What could be the harm?”
Turning away, he continued dressing, as if he hadn’t heard her. While she stood shivering, naked and aching, refusing to let the sting of his rejection win.
Finally, he faced her again. Now fully dressed, even in the shadowy forest he couldn’t hide the desire blazing from his eyes. “Put some clothes on, please.” He sounded as if he’d swallowed a mouthful of rusty nails. “You know I want you, JJ. But if and when we ever come together, it won’t be because we’ve just shape-shifted. I want it to mean more than that.”
Stunned, she lowered her gaze. How could she argue with that? Even though she knew coupling after shape-shifting was as natural as breathing.
No matter what words he used, she couldn’t keep from feeling inadequate. As though her naked female form hadn’t been enough to make him want her.
Dressing quickly, her movements wooden, she wondered how she’d ever face him again.
He must have sensed this. For whatever reason, Eric seemed unusually attuned to her emotions. But as soon as she’d finished dressing, pulling on her winter parka, he strode off, barking out a quick order to follow him.
If they hadn’t been in an unfamiliar area, she would have done the opposite. Anything to keep from facing him and making herself realize he didn’t need her, at least not in the way she did him.
Finally, they emerged from the trail into the parking lot. His SUV still sat there, under a streetlight. She kept as far away from him as possible. Once he’d used the key fob to unlock the doors, she climbed up into the passenger seat and turned her face toward the window.
Silent as well, he turned the key and started the motor. “The heat will take some time to come on,” he said, his tone casual.
Small talk. She refused to acknowledge his comment, but continued to stare out at the dark parking lot and wait for him to put the SUV into Drive.
Instead, he reached out and squeezed her shoulder. Despite herself, she jumped.
“Come on, JJ. I don’t break my word. Not if I can help it.”
This got her attention. “Your word?”
“Yes. I promised not to touch you. No matter what. We discussed this, well in advance of what we both knew would happen.”
She closed her eyes. She hadn’t had the nerve to tell him earlier how much she would have welcomed his touch, and after what had just happened in the woods, she didn’t know, either. “It’s okay,” she said, pleased her voice came out steady. “We’re friends, nothing more. I was just overcome after shifting. It happens. It’s all gone now.” A tiny white lie, but completely necessary.
With his gaze shuttered, he nodded. “All right. Now let’s find a motel and bunk down for the night. We’ll head back home early in the morning.”
Her stomach chose that moment to loudly protest. “I need to eat,” she said. “I didn’t have much luck hunting earlier.”
“You know what?” His remote expression relaxed. “I do, too. Let’s find a place to grab a late dinner.”
By the time they’d located a restaurant and taken a seat in a booth near the back, JJ felt better. “Listen,” she began, gathering up her courage to tell him the truth. “I—”
“Can I get you two something to drink?” the waitress asked, interrupting. JJ ordered a glass of wine and Eric a beer. Once the woman had hurried off to get their drinks, JJ opened the menu and studied it.
“You were saying?” Eric asked.
Suddenly glad she hadn’t spilled her guts, JJ shrugged. “I don’t remember. Whatever it was, it mustn’t have been important. Now to decide what I want to eat. Everything looks so good.”
Eric nodded, taking one more glance at his menu before closing it. “I’m in the mood for steak,” he said, studying her. “How about you?”
She thought of the rabbit she’d been chasing in the woods and her mouth watered. “Since rabbit isn’t a choice on the menu, I’m going with chicken.”
After bringing their drinks and taking their orders, the waitress promised their
food would be ready soon and took off again.
“I’m sorry,” Eric said, reaching across the table for JJ’s hand. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
Though she had a fleeting urge to cover her embarrassment with a flip remark, JJ decided if he could be honest, so could she. “I’m trying not to take it personally, but it’s difficult. It’s just...” She gave a helpless shrug. “It’s just what we do.”
He nodded. “I’ll be honest with you, JJ. I want you. But right now, with Garth missing, I can’t focus on anything else. And if you and I—when you and I—ever get together, I want to be able to give you my undivided attention.”
Though warmth flooded her at his words, she hoped she didn’t show it. “You’re good, I’ll give you that.”
His puzzled frown didn’t seem feigned. “Good?”
“At sweet-talking.” She flashed him what she hoped was a careful smile. “Thanks. And know this. We will get Garth back.”
“Yes. We will.” Because the alternative was not only unacceptable, but unthinkable.
Their food arrived and they each dug in. JJ had to pace herself, feeling she could have shoved the entire meal in her face and inhaled it. Even so, she cleaned her plate in record time. But looking up at Eric, she saw that he, too, had finished.
“I wonder if we set a new record?” She kept her tone light, though the fact that she had to stifle a yawn before she’d finished might have ruined it.
“Maybe so.”
After paying the bill, they drove down the street and checked into a single-story motel. The room they were given was small but clean, with two double beds.
“Are you going to be okay with this?” Eric watched her closely. She couldn’t help but wonder what he’d do if she said no. Offer to sleep in the car? Of course, the knowledge that he wouldn’t be touching her would make any woman feel at ease, right? Even if she still, despite everything, wanted more, she’d get over it. She had to.
“I’ll be fine.” Another yawn. “I’m so tired I don’t care where I sleep. I just need a place to lay my head.”
Despite her exhaustion, falling asleep seemed impossible. Her body craved rest, but she couldn’t shut off her mind. She’d made sure to slip in between the sheets well before Eric came out of the bathroom, and yet the heat suffusing her had her fighting the urge to kick away the covers.
He’d emerged from the bathroom fully dressed, clicking off the lights before divesting himself of his jeans. Every movement, every rustle, had her imagining him naked beneath his covers. She couldn’t help but wonder what he’d do if she crossed the space between their beds and joined him there.
Sometime after, she dozed. She woke to a sound she didn’t recognize, the faintest noise, muffled. Listening, she pushed herself up on her elbows, wondering if she should alert Eric, just in case. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she realized Eric had gotten out of bed and taken a seat in one of the armchairs near the window. She could barely make out his outline, but he appeared to be doubled over, hunched in pain. And then, with growing worry, she realized what she’d heard had been him, trying hard to silence the sounds of his anguish.
Her heart broke. Without a second thought, she hurried from her bed and went to him. Kneeling in front of him, she saw he’d covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders shook with the force of his silent emotion.
What else could she do but gather him close to her? “It’s all right,” she soothed. “I promise, it’s going to be okay.”
The instant she touched him, he froze. As she gently peeled his hands away from his face, she wasn’t surprised to see the gleam of moisture in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice breaking. “I’m just worried sick about my baby boy.”
She kissed him then, aware she could do little to ease his pain other than offer herself. As a distraction, maybe, or in sympathy... Either way, she knew her desire, her need, could help make him feel better, if only temporarily. As for herself, well, maybe he could heal her, too.
As their lips touched, the jolt of the connection sent warmth through her. Opening her mouth to him, she let her tongue spar with his, finding the taste of him intoxicating and arousing. She knew he claimed he couldn’t want her, but she also knew he needed something to take away the sharpest edges of his pain. She was willing to be that distraction, giving them both what they desired.
He turned, she shifted, and then she found herself straddling him. A bit shocked as she settled herself over his arousal—Shawn had never allowed this—JJ found she quite liked it. The fact that she wore only thin panties, while Eric had on boxer shorts, made the contact almost as good as if they were naked.
He stroked her with his fingers. Already wet, her body became slicker. She moaned, unable to keep from clenching herself around him as he pressed inside her. At her fevered response, he arched himself, thrusting up.
“That’s it,” he growled. “The clothing has to go. I need you naked, touching me skin to skin.”
Hooking one finger into the waistband of her panties, he tugged them down over her hips. She lifted herself, stepping out of them as he hurriedly divested himself of his cotton boxers. His body, hard and thick, rose to meet her hungry gaze.
Heart racing, she couldn’t resist touching him. As she closed her hand around his shaft, he groaned. His body throbbed. Frantic, she rose, settled over him again, then lowered herself slowly, until she’d sheathed him deep inside her. The feeling of fullness, of completion, so stunned her that she froze, unable to move, unable to breathe.
And then, beneath her, he brought himself up, going even deeper. She gasped, and rocked in response. Together, they danced the age-old movements of mating. As the pleasure built nearly to the point of explosion, he went still.
“Don’t. Move.” He sounded as if he spoke through gritted teeth.
Though the order had been clear, she could no more resist moving than she could stop her heart from beating. Though she tried to go slow, the frenzied need built inside her. This time, he didn’t try to stop her. Instead, he let himself go along for the ride.
When her desire finally peaked, she shuddered again and again, as pleasure rippled through her in waves. A second later, he groaned and pushed himself even deeper inside her, his body pulsing with his own release.
As they held each other, sweat-slickened bodies gradually cooling, she realized they hadn’t used protection. Their lovemaking had been too spontaneous for either of them to think about such a precaution. Foolish, but even worse, she wasn’t on contraceptives. Though with Shawn she’d always vigilantly taken her birth control pills, she hadn’t refilled the prescription last month, after she’d run out. She hadn’t thought she’d need them, with no man on the horizon.
Keeping her concerns to herself, because Eric definitely had enough on his mind, she finally rolled away and headed to the bathroom. When she returned, she went to her own bed, feeling slightly awkward, a whole lot sore and way more satisfied than she probably should.
He got up slowly and, on his way to the bathroom, stopped and kissed her cheek. While she lay there dazed and ridiculously pleased, he continued on, closing the door quietly behind him.
Turning on her side, she shut her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep.
* * *
The next morning, Eric wasn’t sure whether to be angry with himself over his shocking lack of self-control or to push it to the side until he had the strength of mind to deal with it. Right now, worry and fear for Garth consumed him, though JJ with her generous spirit and earthy sensuality had managed to make him forget temporarily. Despite what he’d told her earlier, turning away from her splendidly naked body in the forest had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Only the knowledge that giving in to a moment’s intense desire could ruin their friendship had stopped him. He didn’t know what he’d do wit
hout JJ’s help and support. He could only hope the previous night’s lovemaking hadn’t managed to wreck everything.
After cleaning up in the bathroom, he’d walked past JJ and gone to sleep in his own bed, though he would have liked nothing better than to crawl in next to her and hold her. But while he knew he would have drawn comfort from the simple touch of her, doing such a thing might hint at promises he wouldn’t be able to keep. Not now, maybe not ever. He refused to do that to her. In his mind, that would be an even worse betrayal than what had already occurred.
Somehow, despite his inner turmoil, he’d managed to sleep. When he next opened his eyes, sunlight spilled around the edges of the light-blocking curtains. In the other bed, JJ sat up and stretched, glancing over at him while he lay motionless and watched her through half-closed eyes.
When she got up and headed to the bathroom, he stayed in bed a few minutes longer, trying to calm his instantly roiling gut. If Garth had been here, Eric would have been the first one up, changing his son’s diaper and warming a bottle. The thought made him ache all over.
JJ emerged a few minutes later. He tried to smile at her, aware his weak attempt probably resembled a grimace.
“Your turn,” she said, her voice brisk. “Do you want first shower, or shall I?”
Grateful that she didn’t want to talk about what had happened between them, he exhaled. “Do you mind if I go first?” he asked quietly. As usual, worry and fear continued to simmer within him, but he refused to give in to it again, as he had last night. “It’ll just take me a few minutes and then the place is all yours.”
“Okay.” She seemed unusually shy. “I’m going to turn the TV on and see if there’s anything interesting on the morning shows. Maybe I can catch the local news.”
He took his shower the way he always did—hot and quick and furious. Once he’d toweled off, he felt at least fairly ready to face the day. While JJ showered, he planned to try and firm up his plans to find his son.
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