by Claire Adams
What was I going to do?
Chapter Twenty
Rebecca
I was glad that I decorated for the holidays at the last minute with Kim after all. My heart wasn’t in it at first. I’d been so worried about Kim and the fact that my parents weren’t going to be here. I hadn’t exactly been filled with Christmas cheer.
That changed when Austin showed up out of nowhere, and we seemed to have the same connection as before. I felt so much better about the holidays and seeing his family again just made me remember the good times here.
Now, it was Christmas Eve, and every Christmas light was on in the house. Austin cooked for me, filling my kitchen with amazing smells. I sipped on a glass of wine and watched him. I thought he was sexy before, but seeing him cooking lobster tails and veggies in my kitchen was a complete turn on for me.
Before he left, he could barely throw together a grilled cheese sandwich, even though his mom was one of the best cooks in the world. I used to tease him so much about that. Now, here he was making me lobster. I was drinking some of the best wine I’d ever had, courtesy of his shopping trip before coming over. I felt like a spoiled girl for a change. I smiled as he gave the tray of Brussel sprouts in the oven a quick shake.
Austin didn’t need to do all of this. I loved him already. Didn’t he know that?
“When did you start cooking? I don’t remember it being your thing when you were here before.”
He grinned at me. “Another perk of living in New York. I go out to eat a lot, and I got to know some of the great chefs after a while. We got to the point where they’d show me how to fix some of their specialties in their kitchens or even their homes. I paid attention. Cooking with Bobby Flay is an amazing experience.” His voice was filled with awe.
“Bobby Flay?” I asked. “Who’s that?”
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t you watch the Food Network?” Austin asked.
I shook my head slowly. “Is that a show?”
Austin barked out a laugh. “It’s a channel. Do you have cable, Rebecca?”
I bit my lip. I felt so out of touch next to Austin. I sipped my wine, needing the liquid courage. “Dad got some kind of streaming box thing. It’s not cable, but it works through the Wi-Fi here.” I waved my hand vaguely. “I might have that channel, but I don’t watch too much television. I read more than anything.”
“As you’ve always loved to do,” he teased me. He opened the oven and pulled out the tray full of Brussels sprouts and bacon. “I am going to get you into some of my things, Rebecca. Mark my words.”
Austin took two plates from the cupboard and set them down. Then he set the massive lobster tails on them and heaped some of the vegetables next to them. He’d also fixed a simple salad, and he put some of that on the plate and drizzled some dressing over the lettuce.
The final addition was a small dish of something that he brought to the table, placing it between where we would be sitting. Austin set the plates on the table and lit the candles that he’d brought over.
He looked over at me. “Ready to eat?”
“I am. Everything looks amazing.” I smiled shyly as I walked over to the table, pressing down my long black skirt that I’d paired with a red sweater.
After everything we’d done together since he came back, there was no question this was a date. I wanted to impress him, even though I didn’t think it would be enough to convince him to stay with me. I wished that were the case, but I went with Kim’s plan and took it one day at a time. I was going to enjoy every moment I had with Austin.
“I don’t think I’ve had any of these dishes before, other than salad,” I said.
“Well, I think you’re in for a treat,” Austin said. He took his seat and cracked open his beer. “This is the only part of the meal that’s North Reed.” He winked at me.
I laughed and took my own seat. “I am glad to see you still have that part of you,” I said as our eyes locked.
“Always,” he drawled.
Heat flooded my thighs. I swallowed thickly and sipped the wine again, letting the alcohol slide down my throat. I took my fork and stabbed one of the Brussel sprouts, before popping it in my mouth. They looked burnt on the outside but tasted incredible. The nutty taste combined with the bacon for a wonderful flavor.
“Oh my God,” I moaned around the bite as I chewed it.
Austin smiled at my reaction. I broke off some of the lobster and looked at the bowl of melted butter. I frowned at him. “What do I do?”
“Dip it in there. I mixed it with a little bit of garlic.”
I lowered the chunk of lobster into the bowl and ate it. The meat was sweet, and the butter was rich and garlicky. It was a perfect contrast.
“This is so good. I never thought that it would be so good. I’ve always seen it on the menu at places, but I thought that it must be expensive since there was no price. What does market price mean anyway?”
Austin chuckled at my question. “It just means that the price changes with the availability of the lobster. It’s a little expensive but so worth it to me.” He watched me take another bite with a tender expression.
“Is it expensive at the store, too?” I asked him.
He chewed a Brussel sprout slowly. “Yeah.” I opened my mouth, but he continued to speak. “Are you still able to come to Christmas tomorrow? Both you and Kim?”
“We’re looking forward to it,” I assured him.
Austin grinned. “Good. I got you something, and it’s waiting under the tree.”
I blushed and turned my attention back to the meal. I enjoyed every bite of it and licked my lips before I spoke again. “I loved the meal. I loved that you went through all this effort for me, Austin. You don’t need to impress me, though.”
“I learned to cook this stuff to impress the chefs, Rebecca. I am glad that you like it as well, but it’s just cooking.” Austin shrugged.
“Just cooking? That’s the fanciest meal I’ve ever eaten. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me.”
He smiled and shook his head. “I’m not trying that hard, Rebecca. It’s just dinner.”
I stood and took the plates to the sink to wash them. He joined me and helped as we shared a long look. “If I wanted to impress you more,” he said. “I’d take you to dinner somewhere in my private jet.”
I laughed and stared at him. “Seriously? You have a private jet?”
“It’s cheaper than flying commercial to meet with clients,” Austin said. “I just bought a slightly used plane and have a guy to fly it whenever I need to go anywhere. He could be here in a matter of hours to pick us up.”
I stared at him. “Wow. You are rich, aren’t you?” I smiled at him, and he kissed me. “I mean it though. You don’t have to impress me. I never stopped loving you to begin with, Austin.”
He set the glass down he’d been drying and pressed me into the counter with a hungry kiss. I didn’t need to hear him speak to know how much my confession affected him. His hands locking me in front of him told me everything. His mouth told me by the way he claimed me, and I slipped my arms around his neck to pull him closer.
Our mouths met in slow, deep kisses. We molded closer together, and my body ached for him. As much as I tried to take this one day at a time, the way I wanted him made me weak inside.
Austin reached around to cup my ass, and he lifted me. I wrapped my legs around him, and my skirt slid up. He moved us to the bedroom. I kept kissing him, needing this connection as our tongues met again.
Austin lowered me to the bed, his hands sliding under the hem of my sweater to pull it over my head. He knelt on the bed to kiss me again, His hands worked my bra open, and I whimpered against him. Austin slipped the lace off me and cupped my breasts with his hands gently. My nipples pressed against his warm palms.
He pinched me gently, pulling on my nipples with his fingers. I arched my back. Our lips brushed together again. I worked the button on his slacks open and unzipped them, sliding a han
d down to grip his hard cock in my hand. Austin groaned and kissed my jaw slowly, dragging his mouth down to my neck.
I tugged his pants down. Austin stood to kick them off and leaned over me, naked and hard. His eyes burned through my skin. He pulled my skirt down and spread my legs apart before he dove between them, sucking on the skin of my inner thighs.
He tugged the material of my underwear roughly, causing it to tear. I gasped. Austin leaned in to kiss my pussy. I dropped back against my bed weakly, feeling his tongue gently tease my folds before he found my needy clit.
Austin drew it between his lips and slid a finger inside of me, curling it to stroke me.
“Austin!” I cried out, feeling my body tense up with a pending orgasm. “Oh, God.”
His finger dragged against me, and his lips sucked my clit in, and I cried out with it. He coaxed me into a release. I wanted him. No, I needed him. I raised my hips as I came. He tasted me with his mouth as I moaned.
“You’re so fucking sweet, Rebecca,” he told me. “You’re just like honey.” He pulled away and moved above me. “Get on your hands and knees, baby.”
I moved into position for him, dropping my head down to look back as he got behind me. Austin reached out to massage my ass before gripping my hips. Then he entered me with one deep thrust. I grunted as he filled me, still wet and sensitive from the first orgasm. I felt him so deep in me. He pulled back and took me again, moving faster with every thrust.
His hand slipped around my body to pull me against him. He adjusted his angle and squeezed my breast. I dropped my head against him.
“Austin,” I murmured.
He kept taking me, claiming me. I knew that’s what it was as he came, filling me. I knew that.
Austin pulled me down on the bed and held me against his body. We both breathed in deeply, and I closed my eyes, trembling from the feelings he sent racing through my body.
We made love again with Austin on his back as I rode him. I moved slower this time, wanting to feel him filling me so I could memorize it. I was falling more in love with this man with every passing day. I came with a small moan. I looked down to see him staring up at me. He joined me in my release, and I dropped against him, kissing his lips softly.
Chapter Twenty-One
Austin
I looked out the window and sipped my coffee. The snow fell down lightly, making it a perfect Christmas Day. It almost always snowed on Christmas in New York as well, but I didn’t find it this beautiful.
When I first saw the tree in the city and all the people skating on the ice rink in Rockefeller Center, I thought that I’d found my place in the world. I thought I was in my element as I drank with my friends on a balcony and took everything in. I was on the fast track to success back then, and while I was successful, it wasn’t everything I thought it would be.
I walked over to the coffee table and wrapped the small box with the pretty red foil wrapping that Mom favored. I hadn’t lied when I told Rebecca I’d bought her something. I found it a few days ago after roaming the town for something perfect that could tell her how I felt about her. The gift brought me back to the days when we used to be together, and I knew it would for her, as well.
Would that be a bad thing?
I cursed the sloppy edges of the paper, trying to hide them with some silver ribbon that Mom gave me. Rebecca knew I wasn’t perfect and still seemed to love me.
She loved me. Rebecca never stopped loving me. I let that sink in for a bit. I slid the present into the pocket of my jeans and took a bite of the toast that was left over from breakfast. Mom had cooked some eggs for me, too. I’d showed her the present I bought for Rebecca. She gave me a long, serious gaze when she saw it. I knew what she was thinking, but I said nothing.
Every time I was with Rebecca, I fell a little harder for her. Every time that I was inside of her, I went back to the past. It made me realize that no woman felt like her, no matter what their celebrity status or how beautiful they were. It didn’t matter. They weren’t Rebecca. Nobody was.
I wondered what I would do without her once I left. There’s no way we could have a long-distance relationship, even though I could fly her out to me at a moment’s notice. I knew Rebecca didn’t want that for herself in a relationship. She wanted a man to settle in North Reed, where she was settled, and she wanted to raise a family. She made it clear that nothing in my life impressed her as far as my wealth and possessions.
Fuck. I knew that I might love her, and I didn’t know what to fucking do. I couldn’t drop everything and come back here, even though I cared for her and my parents would love the idea. I couldn’t toss all my hard work away: my contacts, my city, and my life there. I dreamed of it the entire time I was in school, and once I moved there, I was convinced that all of my dreams would come true. I couldn’t just walk away and put myself back in the past that easily.
But was I happy in New York?
I looked around the living room and took in the comfortable room, filled with old furniture. I imagined myself in a house here with Rebecca and a family, working some job in town or not at all. I thought about not being manically busy like I was now in the city, with little time for anything other than what I’d call napping. It couldn’t even be called sleep.
I didn’t even have real time for friends or the women I attempted relationships with. The best I could was a quick meal and drinks, along with sex that didn’t even last the night in some cases. I wasn’t an overnight kind of man. In the cases where I was, like Mia, it didn’t work in my favor. I shook my head at the thought of her call to me. Mia actually thought she wanted me back. She didn’t know who the fuck I was, not like Rebecca.
Damn it. My thoughts were so conflicted right now. I dropped the bread crust on my plate and rested my head in my hands. I had no idea what to do.
If I asked Mom, Dad, or Preston, I knew what they would tell me. Stay. Be happy. Enjoy life.
Enjoy love.
I looked back around the room and out the large bay window to see the light snowfall on the ground. New York was beautiful during the holidays. There was no question about that. It was fast-paced, though, and shopping was always crowded, with people practically fighting over gifts in the overpriced stores. I always told my parents that I lived for that rush. I wasn’t sure if that was true anymore.
Every time Christmas rolled around, I tried thinking of new, over-the-top activities for my parents. I wanted to show them how amazing the city was.
Had it worked? Obviously not, since we were spending Christmas in North Reed this year.
I’d avoided coming back home for a long time. I didn’t want to be reminded of what I left behind. I expected it would hurt to come home, but I had no idea of how deep that pain would go. I felt it the first time I saw Rebecca’s face in the salon. She wounded me in ways I thought weren’t possible. I felt it every time we were together. That was the kind of pain that was addictive, due to all the pleasure that came along with it. It was the kind that could kill a man.
For the last several years, I’d been content being addicted to the business of investing. I was happy making millions as fast as I could blink. I wanted to make money to take care of the people I love. I was bitterly disappointed that they didn’t want my money. They wanted me. Not my money or what I could buy them, but me.
Everything I thought I believed was crumbling around me. Less than a month ago, I’d been sure about the direction my life was heading. Coming home had changed all that. I wasn’t certain about anything anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted.
I sucked in deep breaths and reminded myself it was Christmas. It was a peaceful family day. Rebecca would be over with her sister later for dinner. It wasn’t a complicated holiday, but confusing emotions rushed through my head.
“Calm down,” I told myself in a whisper. I closed my eyes tightly. “You don’t have to worry about this right now.”
I was calm enough to take my plate and cup to the sink and wash them. I was thankful that nobod
y came into the room to witness my breakdown. That was the last thing that Mom needed, and I knew Dad was getting some rest. He went to have coffee with friends this morning, even though he looked a little pale to both of us. Mom tried to argue with him about it, but he shot her a stubborn glare and left the house.
Dad wouldn’t follow anybody’s rules but his own. Mom was alone with him, and I knew she had a hard time convincing him to take care of himself. It was a large part of why I came home, to help her out. But I couldn’t come back here permanently. It would be like admitting defeat to the world. I could just imagine the articles in the paper. I was on the Forbes list and well-respected in the business world. Men worked hard to achieve what I did and failed, but it came so easily for me.
I’d commit career suicide by coming back here. I could work remotely, but New York was the place to be to seize sudden opportunities. And I’d miss Wall Street. That was one of the most exciting things in my life the first time I knew that I made it, surrounded by guys who were like my mentors back then.
I wanted my parents to be standing there by my side, seeing what it was that I lived for. I wanted them to know what I dreamed of for so many years.
I wanted Rebecca there by my side, cheering me on. I’d always wanted her to be by my side. She was supposed to come to New York with me. She was supposed to be my girl and love me enough to want the same dreams that I did.
She didn’t, though. She turned me down and broke my heart, despite my denial about that fact. Now that I was back, I was just stabbing the knife a little deeper into my gut every time we slept together. God knows I tried to make it casual last night by turning her face away from me, something I did with a lot of women. I tried so fucking hard.
Then she was on top of me, riding my cock with that sweet body as she milked it. Her gorgeous tits bounced with the movement, making me want to suck and bite them. Rebecca liked that.
I wanted her in New York with me to work out the stressful days in my bed at night. The string of women I got within the city were just warm bodies. They were pale substitutions for Rebecca. I thought I could fuck away the memories of Rebecca, but it never worked. Fuck me. It didn’t work.