Beautiful Wreck

by Kasey Lane

  Just not yet.

  *

  “Dude, why do you keep staring at Gabby?” Nathan jabbed Bowen’s ribs with his elbow. “She’s with her friends. She’s fine. And you need to get laid.”

  Bowen laughed, even though his face felt too tight, like a cotton shirt left in the dryer too long. Yep. Get laid. That was his game plan. Find a hot chick, give her some attention, and then fuck her. So what if fucking Gabby out of his system with another woman was a stupid plan? He knew it. He just didn’t know what else to do.

  Those feline-green eyes haunted his dreams and taunted him during the day. He’d tried going to more meetings, thinking maybe he was replacing one addiction with another. But nothing seemed to help. And now that she was staying with him they’d gone to Quirk together the day before, and she’d even joined him at his gym that afternoon. Watching her run on the treadmill and then work out on the equipment had been torture. He’d had no idea it was even possible to work out with a semi. Now they were here hanging at the group’s favorite dive bar and grill, the Tiki Torch, together. She was everywhere.

  Something had obviously changed. Or, more appropriately, something hadn’t changed since he’d come in her mouth and vice versa. She’d kept her distance, hiding in his room, working on her laptop. She hadn’t heard from the police yet, but she planned to call them on Monday to find out if they had any info on the psycho following her around. Either way, she’d built an even higher fence between them and she wasn’t budging.

  Apparently when she said she wasn’t having sex with him, she meant it. And she was right. He couldn’t give her anything, not long-term. As it was, she was already throwing off his focus.

  She’d insisted on coming out that night, and, frankly, he thought maybe a night out would be fun. She was going out with her co-worker and had invited her friends. He was hoping he could sneak out and hook up with someone then get back in time to take her home. Okay, he didn’t say it was a good plan. He was out of practice with this shady shit.

  But Gabby seemed happy enough to hang out with Ella and that dude Roland from her work, although Jax and Jami were meeting Jax’s mom and stepfather for dinner so they wouldn’t be showing up. The hipster dude from Labyrinth had seemed harmless enough, another stereotypical Portland geek at first glance. He was sporting that sleek, nerdy look—thick black-rimmed glasses, gauges in his ears, just big enough to still pass as business-acceptable, slim dark red jeans rolled up. Yeah, harmless enough.

  Until he looked closer and saw the guy’s muscled forearms and old-school tattoos. Until he looked even closer and realized the way he watched Gabby was not the way you looked at a friendly co-worker. Nope the doofus was into Gabby. And he was seemingly unthreatening enough to make her feel comfortable. Not on edge and on defense like she was with Bowen. For some reason, that really bothered him. He scratched the back of his neck and tried to look around the bar for people he knew.

  But no one seemed to grab his attention, no one except one certain slim, green-eyed Latina. But he needed to keep her safe so he better keep his eyes on her, he kept telling himself.

  “Dude, you already talked to Ella. Gabby is fine. Let’s go trolling. Look, Kayla and her pussy posse are here.” Nathan pointed to the hot redhead standing next to Sabre, Marco’s ex-girlfriend who’d recently started dating some small-label record exec, and her bevy of bombshells.

  “You can’t say shit like that anymore. And I’m not into Kayla.”

  Nathan stared at him mockingly, with his mouth wide open and his eyes wide. “You really have changed, haven’t you? We can bail if you want. Shall I grab your purse for you?”

  “Fuck off. Kayla’s exhausting. This was a bad idea.”

  Bowen groaned when he saw Gabby laugh at something Roland said. Not just that sarcastic grunt she seemed to reserve for Bowen, but a real laugh, with teeth showing and everything. She might have even flipped her hair. Every guy with balls knew what that meant. Shit. He couldn’t protect her if she went home with some rando. Fuck, he couldn’t protect her anywhere but their apartment. Correction, his apartment.

  “And what’s wrong with hooking up with Gabby? You’re obviously into her. She doesn’t strike me as the clingy girlfriend type. It’s perfect.”

  Bowen immediately started to deny an extended hookup with Gabby would be a good thing. But, really, it would be kind of ideal. She wasn’t the type of girl to want more than just sex. Which was good because he wasn’t the kind of guy who could be more than that. But she had deep, dark secrets—probably ugly ones like his—and he didn’t want to be responsible for messing with her head. He had enough crap to deal with on his own.

  “Maybe. But she’s like barbed wire sometimes, you know? And I don’t want to unleash all that fierceness when it goes south,” he said, still watching her. Roland leaned forward and whispered something in her ear and her eyes shot to Bowen’s. The side of her mouth twitched up, enough for him to know she was smiling at him. That she’d done it automatically before all her fire-hardened steel barriers shot up and smothered it.

  “Put a time line on it, fuck like bunnies and then be done. She seems like she’d be cool with walking away. She’s already living at your place.”

  When Roland tried to shove a beer in Gabby’s hand for the fourth time, Bowen had had enough. He turned to Nathan. “I gotta go.”

  Nathan laughed and mumbled, “Yeah,” before walking over to Kayla’s group where he was welcomed with open arms.

  As Bowen walked across the crowded bar, a woman in denim shorts and a revealing red halter stood in front of him and placed her palm on his chest, her pale blue fingernails digging into his T-shirt. “Hey there, remember me?”

  He didn’t. Sadly, there were a lot of women from the last few years he didn’t remember. They were all one long colorful blur of alcohol, fucking, and, at the end, speed. He’d literally forgotten all of them and it left him feeling sick and empty. A shallow asshole who’d only cared about himself and drowning out the endless noise in his head, leaving him a big ball of hollow nothing.

  “No, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I don’t.” He’d been told over and over the last six months that rigorous honesty would be his salvation, or at least keep him from heaping more guilt onto the pile, but at that moment it made him feel like an asshole.

  But she surprised him. Instead of pouting or slapping him she smiled slowly. “I figured. We were both pretty messed up that night. I heard you got sober. You still doing that?”

  He took her hand from his chest and placed it at her side. “Yeah, I’m still doing that. Look, I gotta—”

  Moving closer to him, she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Care for another round that you won’t forget?”

  “Bowen, I don’t feel well. Can you take me home?” Gabby’s voice interrupted before he could respond, which was ideal since he still needed practice on the whole “no thanks” thing. She pushed her toned arm between him and the woman, laying her small hand on his arm, sending spikes of lust shooting straight to his dick. Damn. Every time. The woman pulled her hand away and took a wonky step back before Bowen steadied her and stepped back.

  “Looks like I have to go,” he said. “But thanks for the offer.” Then he took Gabby’s hand and waved to her friends as they pushed through the door into the spring night. The door closed behind them, muffling the bar sounds of too loud music and happy, drunk people.

  The air outside felt swollen and thick with the threat of rain, heavy with potential. Maybe it was that potential that made Bowen grab Gabby and spin her against the wall, pressing hard against her petite body with his own, caging her in. Maybe it was that he hadn’t touched her in two days and his hand practically itched with need. Either way it didn’t fucking matter. What mattered was the pulse in the crook of her neck and the way it fluttered. And the smell of sweet oranges that invaded his nose when he bent down to drag his tongue across that spot. Her gasp when he took her head in his hands and tilted it the way he wanted it filled him with a lust
-fueled surge of power.

  When she snaked her fingers around his biceps and squeezed, he wished he wasn’t wearing his thick leather jacket, wished he could feel her short nails pinching into his skin. The idea of her leaving marks on him was not unwelcome. He continued to kiss along her neck and then her jaw. With each brush of his lips he felt a matching swell of her breasts against his chest. He finally made his way to her mouth and was brushing his lips against hers when the door swung open and Ella strolled out with Roland. They were hidden in the shadow of the building so there wasn’t any chance of being seen, but the effect was the same as if they’d been caught with their hands down each other’s pants. Gabby stiffened and tried to pull away. Reaching up, she placed her hand over his mouth, which he promptly bit. She scowled but didn’t pull it away.

  Since he couldn’t kiss her he did the next best thing and ground his hard cock against her belly. She threw him a dark look and dropped her hand when Roland and Ella got into their respective cars and drove off.

  “Well that was close.” He laughed and tugged her toward his bike. Not sure what he was laughing about. Obviously, he didn’t want anyone knowing he was screwing around with Gabby. For her own good. But the fact that she tried to hide it from her friends rubbed him the wrong way when it shouldn’t. It was common sense to keep their…their whatever this thing was…private. No need to get anyone else involved, especially when he sure as hell didn’t know what they were doing.

  He handed her his extra helmet and she stood quietly while he buckled it. “I can buckle my own helmet, Bowen,” she said, her voice dripping with disdain. “I’m not a child.”

  “I just want to make sure it’s on right, little one.” He smacked her on the ass and jumped on the bike, tightening his own helmet before kicking the starter and tucking the kickstand up with the heel of his boot. “I just want you to be safe,” he yelled over the rumble of his motorcycle’s engine. She rolled her eyes and threw her leg over the seat, taking her place behind him.

  When he’d had his old bike, the one he’d crashed a year ago, he loved riding it alone, relishing the floating feeling it gave him. He used to ride for hours in the windy Willamette Valley and even took long drives down south through the lush Rogue Valley. He hadn’t done that in years. Maybe now that he was sober, he would. He felt the bike shift slightly as Gabby situated herself, closing his eyes when she settled her hips around his and tucked her arms under his leather jacket. Yeah once he’d liked riding his bike alone, sans complications and messy passengers with dangerous pasts. But now he kind of liked the press of Gabby’s front plastered to his back. Liked how she laid her cheek against his shoulder blade when he took a turn. Liked how she clenched her slim thighs around his hips when he shifted gears.

  Fuck. Now he was hard. Again.

  Maybe Nathan had been on to something. Maybe it was time to get Gabrielle Alvarez out of his head and into his bed.

  Chapter Ten

  “Don’t run off, I want to talk to you,” Bowen barked when Gabby shot through the door and raced to the bedroom. She stopped in her tracks and slowly turned.

  “I’m going to talk slow so you understand, pretty boy. Stop telling me what to do. You are not my boss. And you’re certainly not my boyfriend.”

  He walked to her and grabbed her hand. “That’s what I want to talk about.”

  She yanked her hand to her chest. “Bowen, I don’t want a boyfriend. Boy­friends…relation­ships are messy. I have enough stuff going on in my life. Hence why I’m living with you.”

  Taking her hand again and leading her to the balcony, he smiled as he sprawled on the lounge and she flopped into the matching chair. “I agree.”

  “You do?” Her cute dark brows threaded together and the corners of her mouth turned down.

  “I do. What about a friends with benefits thing? Wait. Before you respond, hear me out.”

  She nodded sharply, skepticism drawn in her features.

  “We’re attracted to each other, right? But neither of us wants or needs a relationship. We’re already living together. So why don’t we fool around until the person who’s been messing with you is caught? Or until you find a safer place to live?” The words just spilled out. He knew he was wrong to do this. Getting involved with any woman was a mistake right now. But screwing Gabby was a whole new level of stupid. Even for him. And, yet, he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted her so badly.

  Gabby looked down at her hands. And then back up at him like she might actually consider his proposal. His pulse sped up and his heart felt like it might jump its rails and fly across the room. This might happen.

  “I can’t. I can’t have sex with you.” Wait? What the hell just happened here? She was into him. She’d said so. Was she afraid?

  “Was it that guy?”

  “What guy? What are you talking about?”

  “The hipster dude you work with. Do you like him?”

  Her face transformed. Her nose wrinkled up and her eyes narrowed. “Roland? Ew. No. You’re kidding, right?”

  “Then what did I do? You said…” It had to be him. His past. Something else, because he fucking well knew that she was attracted to him. He hadn’t forgotten that much. A dude knew when a chick was into him and Gabby was totally into him.

  “Bowen, it’s not what you think.” She looked out at the glowing horizon and though she only sat a couple feet away, that look meant she was somewhere else entirely.

  “Well, then, tell me what the fuck it is.” He clenched his jaw so tight he thought he might snap the bone. “Because I’m not seeing it.”

  She stood and leaned back on the iron grating of the balcony and stared up. Her arms were crossed over her chest, pushing her boobs up so he could see her hard little buds pressing against her thin T-shirt. He leapt up and put a hand on either side of her, essentially pinning her in. He didn’t miss the hitch in her breath or the pink flush high on her cheekbones. “Why don’t you want me to hook up with anyone, yet you don’t want to have sex with me?”

  She drew a ragged breath. “I don’t care if you hook up with anyone.”

  “Bullshit. I saw how you reacted when that woman stopped me at the Tiki.” He gazed down at her and she looked away. “It’s okay, babe, I can take it. I’m a big boy.”

  A rueful chuckle broke free from her lips and she looked into his eyes with that unsettling way she had. “I do want to have sex with you…but…it’s just…”

  “What is it, Gabby? I promise, it’ll be okay.”

  “I don’t have a lot of experience, okay?” She looked him in the eye like maybe there was something else, more than just her lack of dating skills.

  “I figured. How old are you, Gabby?”

  She pursed her lips into a straight line and turned her head to the side.

  He tucked his knuckle under her chin and forced her gaze back to his. “Gabby, how old are you?” For just a moment he felt the ground beneath his feet waver and his stomach drop.

  “What does it matter?”

  “It matters.”

  “Twenty-three,” she said with a defiant tilt of her head and he expelled a breath. Young. Very young.

  “Shit. That’s young.”

  “Fuck off and let me go.” She squirmed against him and arousal pulsed through his body despite their very awkward conversation.

  “Okay, so you’re twenty-three. Most girls lose their virginity pretty early nowadays and date and stuff,” he blurted.

  “No shit, Sherlock. See, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.” She huffed and ducked under his arm. “I’m going to bed.”

  She was quick, but he was quicker and grabbed her hand. Until she moved like a fucking ninja and spun him, whipping his arm up behind his back in a painful twist. Within a second she dropped his hand like a burning ember. “I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to…I don’t…”

  He turned and opened his arms, giving her the option to come to him or not. Hoping she would choose this once to let her guard down and not walk aw
ay like she always did. Like he always used to. “It’s okay. I get it,” he murmured as she tentatively moved closer to him before sighing deeply as if finally surrendering. She tucked her body in close to his. He wrapped her in his arms, once again surprised at how easily they fit together. He dropped a kiss on her head, which she laid on his chest. “I think I do get it.”

  She shook her head and sighed again. “No. I’m pretty sure you don’t.”

  “I’m sorry I made it sound like not being experienced is some kind of issue. It’s not. And I know the shit with your foster father was fucked up. You weren’t protected and they hurt you. It stands to reason you’d be a little gun shy.”

  Her arms came up and wrapped around him, low around his chest, and she tucked her head beneath his chin, just how he liked her. He could surround her slim body with his bulkier one, keep her safe…warm. “How’d you get so smart?”

  He laughed and shrugged, moving them back over to the lounge chair, and pulled her down into his lap. Triumph surged through his chest when she didn’t push away or try to wriggle free. “I have my moments.”

  His body burned everywhere her body touched his. She was all this controlled fire and heat just waiting for the right moment, the right combination of chemicals, to release it. Did he want to be the one to do that? Being the first man to really teach a woman about sex could be a heavy burden. He should walk away and move on, let her find someone worthier. For women, it could be different, holding more importance than for a guy.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” she said.

  “Yeah? I doubt it,” he said tugging the ponytail band from her hair. He let her bronze and red locks fall down her back and over her breasts.

  “You’re thinking I’m a girl so getting all sexy with you will imprint me on you like a baby duck or something.”

  “Something like that.”

  She took a breath so deep he could feel her chest rise and fall against his. “I want to have sex with you, Bowen. A lot.”