by Kasey Lane
“She won’t care either way.” She probably wouldn’t. Gabby was the definition of independent and casual.
“You’d like her to, though.”
He nodded.
“Well then why don’t you introduce me to her?” Monty said with a smile stretching his face.
“She probably won’t be around long enough.” And as he said the words he knew he shouldn’t have, he cringed. Old habits die hard and casual used to be his middle name. If he didn’t care about anything then nothing could fuck with him…hurt him.
When his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, he turned and pulled it out, glancing at the number. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a woman standing in the hall doorway. A woman he recognized. A woman who had apparently heard him dismiss her like she was the flavor of the day. As he pulled the phone to his ear to answer the call from his parole officer, he realized her lips were flat and her brows furrowed slightly, but other than that she showed no outside emotion. Nothing to indicate she’d heard what he’d said and that it had hurt her.
Not a damn thing.
*
Bowen held up one finger indicating Gabby should wait. But how could she do anything else when he’d yanked her heart from her chest and crushed it to dust in his hand? So she stood there. Trying not to look awkward and trying not to let her feelings show on her face.
But she’d spent a lifetime doing that… Hiding her emotions from anybody and everyone. She picked at a hangnail on her thumb and looked everywhere but at the man standing behind Bowen. The man who had heard her so casually dismissed kept looking at her like he could see through her, like he could see her pain and understood that what Bowen had said hurt so much, more than she’d ever let anyone know.
She knew it had been a mistake to swing by and pick him up. But it had started to sprinkle and she didn’t want him riding his bike if it was raining.
“That was my PO,” Bowen said shoving his phone back into his leather jacket.
“What’s your PO doing calling you out of the blue, Bowen?” The older man behind him stepped forward with a frown. “I thought you touched base with him once a month. Never heard of a PO just calling somebody randomly. At least not someone with minor charges like yours. What the heck did you do?”
“I don’t know. He just said he wanted to talk and I need to come by tomorrow before work,” Bowen answered, a grave look on his face as he tried to lock eyes with her. But oh no, she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him. He’d just broken her heart, but of course he didn’t know that. And now his parole officer was calling him out of the blue.
“Bowen, do you think it was my mom?” she asked quietly. “Do you think she might’ve called your parole officer?” A wave of nausea rolled through Gabby’s body settling in her stomach.
If Bowen’s offhanded comment to his friend wasn’t a sign, then this clearly was. It was time for her to move on and she needed to do it sooner than later. The thought of leaving him made her feel sick to her stomach, but the thought of digging in deeper with him or getting him into trouble made her feel worse.
“I’m sure she wouldn’t do that, Gabby,” Bowen said, but he didn’t look convinced. “I mean, I gave her money and she seemed okay with that.”
Sure. Sure she did. Gabby wanted to laugh to herself, but was afraid she might start crying right there in the middle of all those people streaming out of their happy little recovery meeting. “When she’s drinking or using, she’ll do anything and everything to hurt everyone she can,” Gabby said feeling the conviction of every word settle into her chest.
The older man Bowen had been talking to put his hand out. “Hi, I’m Monty. Bowen’s friend. You must be his new roommate.”
She laughed; she couldn’t help it. Monty had a mischievous glint in his eye that she just felt comfortable with. For some strange reason, he reminded her of Bob Little. She held out her hand, and said, “Well temporarily anyway. Bowen’s been great helping me out until I could get a new place. Gabby Alvarez. Nice to meet you, Monty.”
“Monty is my sponsor, Gabby. He’s been with me from the beginning. He’s the guy who keeps me on the straight and narrow.” Bowen turned to Gabby and smiled thinly. “Well, if we’re going to get out to Oaks Park before it closes we better be on our way.”
As they said their goodbyes to Monty, Bowen reached for Gabby’s hand, but she quickly pulled away and walked in front of him to the car before dropping into the driver seat.
After he’d tossed his helmet in the back and buckled in, Bowen laid his much larger hand over hers on the center console. “Gabby,” he said quietly, beseechingly. “Gabby.”
She started the car and looked straight ahead as she started pulling out of the parking lot. “It’s okay. Really, Bowen.” She wasn’t going to pretend that she didn’t know what he was talking about. It was too late for faking nonchalance since he knew her too well already. He knew what she was all about. He knew he had hurt her. The best she could do was try and fix what was left of their twisted, fractured relationship and move on with as much of her heart intact as possible.
Bowen’s thumb roughly caressed the tops of her knuckles, sending shivers of desire up her arm and straight to her nipples. Fuck. Not now dammit.
“It’s not okay, little one. I just wasn’t ready to talk about us or about what’s going on with this.”
“What is going on with us, Bowen? I’ll tell you what… Nothing. We said at the very beginning of this we had nowhere to go. This would be over when it’s over. It’s almost over, Bowen. It’s almost over.”
“Is it Gabby? Because it doesn’t feel like it… It feels like it’s just getting started.”
“Well you’re wrong. We’ve run our course and we had some fun.”
“Yeah. I don’t buy it.”
“Well, tough shit. I don’t care whether you buy it or not. I got that apartment in Roland’s building. I move in next week. After that we are done, just like we said we would be. Just like we agreed.”
Gabby was watching the road and couldn’t see his face but she could feel his hand tightening on hers before she pulled it away. “No. We said this would be over when McNeil was caught. McNeil hasn’t been caught. You’re not safe and I’m not letting you out of my sight until you are.”
“Fuck you, Bowen. Do you even hear yourself right now? You don’t own me… It’s not up to you to keep me safe. And now my life is starting to bleed over into yours. I know my mom is somehow responsible for calling your parole officer. And I can’t be the one fucking up your life even more.”
She turned the wheel and drove into the entrance of Oaks Park. After paying the parking attendant, she found an open spot near the front and turned the car off.
Gabby pulled the keys out of the ignition and turned to face Bowen with a deep sigh. She was surprised to see his neck and face were red and his brows were furrowed so deep the crease nearly reached his hairline, but she could see him trying to get his temper under control with deep breaths.
“Gabby, listen to me, please. You are not interfering in my life. I didn’t mean what I said to Monty. I know I can’t take it back, but I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am. I don’t know how to do this.” He motioned between the two of them. “I really care about you and I really want you to be safe.”
“Believe me, Bowen, my safety is pretty important to me too. And I know I keep saying it over and over, but I have been on my own for a long time.”
“Please stop saying that. You are not alone anymore. And even when this does end between you and me, we’ll still be friends.”
Friends, she thought. Great. More fucking friends.
She sighed and grabbed his hand in hers. “I know we’ll stay friends. I honestly really hope we do. But I don’t know how to do this either, especially since I don’t even know what this is anymore. I just know it’s getting a lot more complicated than it was supposed to.”
Bowen’s free hand came up and caressed her cheek, his thumb slowly moving al
ong her bottom lip. “I don’t want to let you go yet.” His words were so soft, she could barely hear them. “Let’s pretend it isn’t over yet. Let’s go have a great day and I’ll deal with my PO tomorrow. Then we’ll figure this shit out okay?”
God, when he looked at her like that and talked like that it turned all her hard resolve into goo. She didn’t have the strength to stand up to him and those gray-blue eyes. So she nodded and then she sucked his thumb into her mouth and bit hard before she jumped out of the car and walked toward the ticket stand of Oaks Park for their first and probably last real date ever.
Chapter Eighteen
“Oh. My. God.”
Gabby’s screams into Bowen’s ear made his dick hard. Apparently, the tiny roller coaster at Oaks Park made his tough cookie crumble, which he thought was sexy as hell and just a little bit adorable. He loved the way she wrapped her hands around his arm. He loved the way she hid her face in his chest. He knew he was a prick, but the way she clung to him on the attractions filled him with a sense of joy. He felt like a man. Someone a woman could feel comfortable counting on when she was frightened.
When they staggered off the ride and she was panting and laughing, he was sure he was finally seeing the real Gabrielle Alvarez, sans shields, armor, and scathing wit. Although he liked those facets of Gabby too.
Unable to keep his hands from her any longer, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a small alcove outside the exit of the ride. “God, you’re so beautiful right now.” As if moving on their own, his hands coasted up the sides of her body and got lost in her now wild hair.
Her wide eyes gazed into his and he pressed his lips to her forehead. “I’ve tried, Gabby. I’ve tried to give you space today. ‘Just have fun,’ I kept telling myself. But I have to kiss you. If you want me to stop you need to let me know now.”
Gabby closed her eyes and shook her head. Slowly he lowered his mouth to hers, but kept his focus locked on her face. When they went back to being friends, he wanted to be able to look back on this moment and remember the beauty of her leaning her body against his, the way her fingers felt as they crawled up his neck and clasped the sides of his face. But, mostly, he wanted to burn the look of serenity on her face into his memory. Because her walls would go back up, and he would go back to single-mindedly pursuing his recovery and making amends to everyone he’d hurt.
With one hand he stroked her cheek and wiped away a single wet tear that had escaped. With his mouth he told her everything he’d never be able say about how much he appreciated the gift of her body and how much he’d enjoyed their time together. He could feel her chest rising and falling, quicker and quicker, against him. No longer caring they were in a public place, but wanting to respect her—or maybe keep anyone else from seeing the wild woman he had pinned against the wall—he glanced around for more privacy. Without lifting his mouth from hers, he picked her up and pulled her farther into the shadows where they could still hear passersby, but they couldn’t be spied on.
Setting her back down on her feet he moved his mouth down her throat. Slowly, he dragged his sandpapery fingers under her T-shirt and wrapped one around her untattooed ribs and the other he tucked into her waistband at her hip. She gasped, laughing. “Your hands are like icebergs.”
He leaned over her and snagged her earlobe with his teeth before pressing his lips against her neck again. “I know,” he moved his fingers to her bra, tugging down the cups and squeezing her nipples. Her brisk inhalation and deep exhalation did something to him—lit a fire, a rocket, something.
Knowing his body would keep her hidden, he snaked one hand down the front of her pants. The heat from her pussy scalded him, made him desperate for her. Cupping her, he reveled in the wetness soaking through her panties, letting the temperature warm him before he pushed the fabric aside. He ran two fingers up and down her soft crease, teasing her, priming her. She arched her body into his, jutted her hips into his hand.
“What do you want, baby? Tell me.” Getting her to admit what she wanted from him, in bed, was pushing her out of her comfort zone. He should probably make things easier for her because of her experience level. But the more he tried to rationalize the more he wanted to do the opposite.
Her cheeks reddened from both passion and emotional discomfort. He had to push her though, push her into that place where she flew, where she owned her sexuality, where all her boundaries and armor disappeared, and where he could reach her. The real her.
Pulling his fingers from her wet panties, he smiled into her neck when she cried out, “No, please…”
Bowen reached down again and barely caressed her outer lips. “Is this what you want, little one?” he teased.
“Yes,” she panted. “Please, I need you, Bowen.”
For a moment, he couldn’t move, as her words sunk in. What if she really meant that? What if she did need him? It had been so long since he’d been needed by anyone. He found that he liked the idea of Gabby wanting more from him. He liked it a lot.
They could hear the coaster barreling down its last curved dip and the passengers screaming with fear or excitement or a little of both. Boy, could he relate. In the back of his mind he knew his thoughts were dangerous to his focus and to Gabby’s happiness. But the feel of her slender limbs wrapped around him and her hot pussy rubbing against his hand, chasing her orgasm, erased all whispers of doubt. All that mattered right now was her body moving under his hands.
“What do you want, sweetheart?” he whispered against her mouth. “Do you want me to get you off out here in public?”
She nodded. “Yes. Yes…” A liquid heat spread out from his hand as he plunged two fingers into her channel. In and out.
“If you were wearing a skirt I could unzip my pants and fuck you right here, right against the wall. With all these people walking by and they’d never know.”
She cried out and rolled her head back against the cement wall. “Would you like that? Would you like me to take you out here where someone could catch us?” Her eyes went wild and she panted loudly as she clawed at his clothes. “No, little one,” he said quietly and grabbed her wrists with one hand and held them above her head. Somewhere on the main strip he heard a woman laugh. He’d love to drag this out, bring her to her knees and reduce her to jelly, but he didn’t really want anyone to walk up on them.
Squeezing that sweet bundle of nerves between her legs, he smiled wickedly. “Come for me, Gabrielle. But don’t make a sound.”
Gabby squeezed her eyes shut and held her own hand over her mouth. God, that was sexy. Her body convulsed and his hand was flooded with her juices. Damn, he loved watching his woman come. His chest filled with pride and something akin to affection as he held her, gently coaxing her back down with reassuring words.
After a moment, she smiled. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.”
“No?” He chuckled, tugging her close for a kiss.
“No.” She pulled away from him, quickly arranging her clothes back into place. And just like that her shields were back up and fully functional. Which was for the best. Definitely for the best. But he couldn’t help the broken feeling inside. For a moment, they were in their own world and everything was perfect. Then they weren’t. A thin smile was all it took before he realized, once again, they were at the end of this ride. “I’d love to help you out with that rather large hard-on you’re sporting, Mr. Landry, but…” She glanced around. “But I’m not sure we have enough privacy.”
He laughed, but the thought of her on her knees in that little alcove turned the blood in his veins to lava. The look on Gabby’s face said it all though. Despite her playful words, their moment of intimacy was just that. A moment that had passed.
That’s what he wanted. He wanted the flippant Gabby back so they could eventually go their separate ways without hard feelings. It was good. Definitely good. He didn’t want her getting too attached or anything. Swallowing down his denial, he smacked her ass playfully.
“Ready for an
other ride?”
“Hell yeah.” She swept past him and back out into the real world where people laughed, ate cotton candy, and darted in and out of ride lines and the arcade.
Bowen grabbed her hand and pulled her back toward him. He didn’t know why. Okay, maybe he did. Because he was a selfish prick and he couldn’t get enough of her. She was becoming his new high even as he told himself over and over she wasn’t.
“Gabby, don’t take the apartment. You can stay with me until I leave and then you’ll have my place to yourself,” he blurted before he could stop himself. He knew better than to give her hope for more. He knew better than to give it to himself. But she’d be safe. His friends would watch over her.
Her eyes softened, and she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, although she barely grazed his jaw. “We both know that’s not what you want. You’re sweet, but this is the right thing. For both of us.”
“I don’t feel comfortable—”
“Bowen, you won’t even be here. My new place is totally secure. Alarms, video cameras, coded entries. The whole nine yards.”
Gabby was right, of course. “Okay. Well, think about it anyway.”
She furrowed her brow and he held her face in his hands. “No. There’s nothing to think about. I’m moving next week. We had a deal.”
Obviously, she’d made up her mind. And this really was the end for them. “Yeah. You’re right. We had a deal.”
*
The next morning, when Gabby walked into the police station with Bowen, she was instantly struck by the familiar smell of disinfectant and sweat. So many times in her life—far too many to count—she’d spent hours and sometimes entire nights in different police stations all over California. But they were all the same. Sad, confusing, and reeking of a special kind of loneliness. And though it was a little more civilized and a lot less chaotic than some of the others, the Portland Police Department wasn’t that much different.
“I need to go this way.” Bowen pointed down a hall over his shoulder. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be, but it’s usually less than thirty minutes if he’s on schedule. I’ll text you when I’m done, okay?”