by C. J. Archer
"Would you prefer they have it later?" Meg asked.
"I don't care, just as long as I am not there. It's too macabre for me." She hooked her arm through Erik's.
He kissed her forehead. "You did well, Kitty. You hid your face when Barborough appeared. He did not see you."
She wrinkled her nose. "Horrid man. I hope the only work he finds here is cleaning out cesspits."
"Or scooping up horse dung," Quentin chimed in.
"Or work in a tannery," Meg added.
They laughed.
I took the opportunity of their distraction to fall back and have a quiet word with Dane. "Did you know Lord Barborough was near?"
"I knew someone was there, waiting for an opportunity to make themselves known."
Theodore turned around, having overheard. "Then why did you leave to chase after shadows?"
"My leaving was the only way to draw them out. Erik had to come with me—or Max—or Barborough wouldn't have attacked."
"You left us vulnerable on purpose?" Theodore asked.
"You weren't vulnerable. Barborough wouldn't attempt to kill anyone in full public view. He knew he’d never escape."
By now the others had stopped their discussion and were listening too. Kitty seemed the most horrified by Dane's admission. "You gambled with our lives?"
"A calculated gamble."
Erik patted her hand. "Trust the captain. He would not gamble with Josie's life."
"So I must stay close to Josie or risk my life being gambled away next time?"
"Not at all," Dane said. "I value your company too, just as I value everyone's."
"Oh. You do?" She looked pleased.
"Of course he does," I said on Dane's behalf when he didn't elaborate. "Everyone in this group has a reason for being here. In your case, who else could we tease about her princess ways?"
She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Duchess, thank you. Princesses are terrible snobs."
We decided over dinner to leave Noxford first thing in the morning. With Brant most likely having returned to Glancia, and with the Glancian war looming, we unanimously agreed to cut short our visit. Balthazar's reason for secretly coming to Freedland would have to remain a mystery.
With Max's past already discovered, that left only Dane and Quentin as potential Freedlanders with something to learn about themselves there. Quentin was quite happy to abandon the search for his family and, to my surprise, Dane readily agreed too.
I sought him out later to learn why.
"Come with me for a walk," he said when I accosted him outside his room.
"Is it safe?" I asked.
"Lord Barborough has no more men who'll follow him, and Brant and Deerhorn have left the city. No one will attack us."
Even so, I put my hood up. Dane did too.
We walked in the direction of the river and once we reached the bank, Dane sat on the grass. He patted the patch beside him.
"Should I lay my cloak down for you?" he asked.
"I'm not Kitty," I said, laughing as I sat.
"She would take offense at that these days."
The river was narrow at this point, but quiet. No boats sailed past in the night, and the docks were further north. A water bird flapped its wings as it settled in the reeds to our right, and the symphony of chirping insects surrounded us, but otherwise, the night was calm.
My heart was anything but. Its erratic beat tapped against my ribs as I waited for Dane to tell me why he'd asked me to walk with him. My nerves stretched thin as he lay down on the grass, hands behind his head, and stared up at the stars. It was a long moment before he spoke.
"I like the sky at night," he said simply. "But I never noticed it in Mull."
I glanced up too. "Why not?"
"I was too busy. There was always something to do, somewhere to go, even at night. I never stopped and gazed up." The moon was a mere sliver and did not offer much light in which to see his expression by. His voice, however, was deep, yet soft and filled with awe. "It's amazing, isn't it? There are so many stars. I didn't realize how many until we began this journey and I looked up properly for the first time."
I lay down next to him and studied the sky too, but I was more in awe of Dane than the stars. He never ceased to amaze me. This softness was unexpected after such a day as we’d had.
"I wonder if I ever noticed the night sky before," he said. "Did I take the time to count the stars, see their patterns, or was I too busy?"
"Is this your way of saying you want to stay in Noxford to find out if you're from here?"
"The opposite." He propped himself up on one elbow and turned to face me. "I'm telling you I want to go home. I want to continue to take the time to gaze up at the stars, but not here."
Home. "Do you mean Mull?"
"Yes." It was barely a whisper louder than my own. "I want to go home to Mull and be with the woman I love."
All the breath left my body, leaving me light-headed and a little faint. "Oh," I managed to whisper. "Do you mean me?"
There was enough light to see him inch closer. His face filled my vision and despite the darkness, I could make out the intensity in his eyes, the shine of his wonder. That was for me. All for me.
The kiss shattered me into a thousand pieces. It enveloped me with its heat and pushed out all common sense. There was just Dane and his body pressing against mine, his mouth exploring, tasting, devouring, as if he couldn't get enough of me.
I couldn't get enough of him, of his kiss. I ached for his mouth to kiss me everywhere, for his exploration to find the secret places of me and make them his own. As his lips moved to my throat, I arched up to meet him and groaned.
The sound startled some sense into me. I pushed him away only to instantly regret the loss of his touch.
"Josie?" The vulnerable hitch in his voice tugged at my heart. I wished I could see his face properly and that he could see mine so he knew how much I wanted him to continue.
But something had to be said before we got to the point where we couldn't stop.
I clasped his face in both hands and caressed his cheeks. "I don't want you doing something you'll regret later, Dane."
The softest sigh escaped his lips. "I could not bring myself to regret this. But if you want to wait, I will do my best to resist you."
I smiled. "Resisting is the last thing I want to do."
I felt his smile in my hands. It was as though I'd captured it, held it. I certainly cherished it.
"I am worried this isn't what you really want right now," I went on. "It wasn't that long ago that you declared you needed to learn more about your past before we could be together. What's changed?"
"Everything. But Brant, mostly."
"That's not a name I expected to hear at a moment like this."
"I can't murder him, Josie. Not even to get my memories back. Nor can I sit by while someone else does it. Even if Balthazar is the one to kill him, Brant's death would be on all our consciences. My memories aren't worth that."
"So…you're giving up?"
He kissed my palm. "You could say that. Ever since realizing that killing Brant is the only way we'll get his wishes, I've been thinking about what my memories mean to me. I've decided they don't mean as much to me as my future with you."
I opened my mouth but only a gasp came out. I could think of nothing to say. Mere words could not do justice to the sacrifice he was making for us to be together. He was giving up his entire past for me. He was drawing a line under it and turning away. He was facing forwards and embracing the future.
A future with me.
"I've been thinking how my life would be without memories," he went on. "In Mull, I was too busy to truly think, but ever since leaving to go on this journey, I've had a lot of time. I've decided that releasing my memories might be the only chance of happiness I'll get."
"I don't understand."
"Barborough might be right. Perhaps the sorcerer did me a good service. Listen," he said when I protested.
"I've already learned that I committed a terrible crime and landed in prison, and that I beat a guard with my hammer. I'm willing to concede that something happened to drive me to do those things. But maybe it's for the best that I don't remember them. Maybe it's for the best that those incidents are lost to me. It gives me a chance to be the man I want to be, not the man I once was, formed by a past that may not have been pleasant, to put it lightly."
"Ignorance is bliss?"
"So they say. Look at Theodore, for example. He has no interest in returning to Dreen to learn more about himself, and he seems happy. What he has discovered so far is enough to satisfy his curiosity. And the other servants who remained at the palace could have left to find out more about themselves, but they chose to stay. They chose to remain ignorant of their pasts. Perhaps they're the happiest of all of us."
I could see his point. But Dane wasn't like other people. He had a strong sense of duty and responsibility, for one thing. "What of the people you left behind?" I asked in a small voice. "What if you have a family?"
He stroked the hair at my temple then his thumb caressed my jawline. "They think I'm dead. As far as they know, I was executed along with the other escaped prisoners. It's more than likely they've moved on. If I was married, my widow could have remarried by now. My showing up alive would cause problems."
He did not mention children and nor did I. Some things were too painful to put into words.
Part of me worried that he was not sincere. That he was taking the easier path because he thought it was what he wanted. I doubted he could truly move forward into a future with me, not wholeheartedly and without regret. Not without wondering what, or who, he'd left behind.
But my reservations were soon shredded along with my resolve to keep my distance. I was weak where he was concerned. Especially when he did such wonderful things with his hands and said such beautiful words that scattered my wits and filled my heart.
"I love you, Josie. I want to be with you forever. I don't want to waste my future looking for my past. I have the opportunity to make new memories." He kissed me lightly, tentatively, as if testing my willingness to continue, to accept him and this new philosophy. "I want to make new memories with you."
I pulled his head down and met his mouth with a hungry, passionate kiss. He returned it, sating my hunger with his own voracious appetite. I buried my hands in his hair as he tugged up the hem of my skirts. He caressed my calf, inching higher, higher.
"Josie…" he murmured against my mouth. "I want you."
"Yes," I gasped out.
His hand stroked my thigh, sending waves of desire rippling through me. "May I…?"
"Hmmm," I murmured. "You may."
We walked hand in hand back to the inn. I was finally able to see his face as we passed a torch lighting a tavern entrance, and what I saw made me smile. He looked happy. I hoped so. I wanted him to be happy more than anything. I wanted what he said to me on the riverbank to be true, that he was ready to leave his past behind and move forward with me.
We would know, in time. For now, the decision had been made and we were heading back to Mull to make a new life together.
He stopped me in the circle of light cast by the torch at the inn's front door and plucked a leaf out of my hair. "Everyone will know what we've been doing if you walk in looking like you've been rolling around on the ground."
I smiled against his mouth. "Let them. I don't care."
He smiled too and kissed me.
With our eyes closed, we didn't see the assailant until too late. Dane's body suddenly jerked and he arched his back, growling in pain. He shoved me away from him then swung around, drawing his sword in the same motion. Blood dampened the clothes at his back.
There was not one assailant but four. All wore hoods, unlike us. We'd not put them back up after leaving the river. Foolish, stupid mistake.
Dane engaged two of the men while the other two lashed out. Dane managed to fend them off, but only just. Each strike sent him backwards. Each blow and kick beat him down. With a deep wound already bleeding profusely, his movements were hindered. He could not fight them all off.
"Max!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Erik!"
Dane was cut and cut again as he weakened and his assailants struck relentlessly. Help would not arrive quickly enough to save him.
I grabbed the torch from the wall bracket and lunged at the man about to swing his blade at Dane's head. My blow wasn't strong enough to render him unconscious. It merely distracted him enough to miss Dane. But the fire set his hood alight.
One of the others also became distracted by my torch. I swung it from the right, and he dodged left, straight into the point of my surgical knife. He hissed in pain then gritted his teeth and came at me. I ducked out of the way and tripped him up with the torch.
He fell face first onto the pavement in front of the door. Erik opened the door and drove his sword through the man's throat, then stepped over him.
Dane grunted as he fended off another blow, but with only two assailants left, he was able to beat them back alone. When they saw Erik and Max emerge from the inn, they abandoned the fight and fled. Quentin came out too, sword raised in one hand and a piece of paper clutched in the other.
Dane fell to his knees, breathing hard. I crouched beside him and checked his face. It sported no injuries, but his clothes were bloodied. He was in pain and the efforts of the fight had taxed his waning strength further.
"We need to get him inside," I ordered. "Quentin, fetch my medical kit, cloths and warm water. Run!"
Max and Erik helped Dane to stand and almost carried him between them up the stairs. The innkeeper watched on with incredulity while his wife told us we'd have to pay for damages.
"Will he be all right?" Theodore asked as we entered the room, voice shrill with panic.
Balthazar rose from the bed where he'd been resting and moved with surprising speed to clear the sheets off. Max and Erik lay Dane face down on the mattress then removed his doublet, jerkin and shirt. The latter gave them trouble.
"Tear it," I said. "I must work fast."
The gash in Dane's lower back was the worst. His other wounds were superficial. The fact that he'd been able to move after the stabbing and fight back was an enormous relief. It meant nothing vital had been severed. I'd once seen a back injury caused by an accident at the docks where a strong man never walked again.
"Is it deep?" Quentin asked. He already had a cloth in hand, soaked in the warm water from the basin held by Meg at his side. Kitty hovered behind, a hand over her mouth. She looked very pale.
"Deep enough," I said, inspecting the wound. It still bled.
Dane grunted then hissed as I pressed down on the wound.
"Sorry," I told him. "The bleeding needs to be stopped." I did not need to tell them what would happen if he lost too much blood.
"Josie?" Quentin held up the bottle of mother's milk and I nodded without hesitation.
He removed the lid and asked Theodore to fetch a spoon from my medical pack.
"No," Dane said when Quentin presented the spoon to him. "Save it for when it's needed."
"Shut up and take it," I barked.
He opened his mouth and dutifully sipped the mother's milk off the spoon. It felt like a small triumph. I waited until his eyelids drooped and I could feel his muscles relax then I pressed harder.
A few moments later, I dared check to see if the bleeding had stopped. We all breathed a sigh of relief to see that it had.
I gently cleaned the wound and inspected it again. The gash was short but not deep enough to cause any permanent damage except for scarring. As long as it was kept clean and bandaged, it would stay free of infection.
If there was one thing I knew how to do well, it was stitch wounds. Usually I stitched women torn during the birthing process, but I'd once had to stitch a cut similar to this on Max's shoulder. It had healed nicely.
"Pass me the needle and thread," I said to Quentin.
He did
so then hovered over my shoulder, peering down at Dane's back. "Can I try?"
"Certainly not. You'll have to practice on the carcasses of pigs before you stitch a live human." I pricked Dane's skin with the needle. He was semi-conscious but didn't flinch. He was far too relaxed to feel pain.
Behind me, however, there was a commotion. "Kitty!" Erik cried.
I glanced back to see that Kitty had fainted and he'd caught her. He picked her up and carried her out of the room.
Theodore sat on a chair beside the window. "I need a drink. Do you think they'll deliver strong liquor up here?"
Meg headed for the door. "I'll ask."
"I'll come," Max said, following her out.
I finished stitching the wound then placed a folded bandage over it. Dane had fallen asleep under the influence of the mother's milk so I couldn't bandage him properly. I told Quentin he could help me when Dane awoke.
"I'm going to stay with him tonight," I said.
No one suggested it was a bad idea, or that Quentin could do it.
Balthazar sat on the bed and peered at Dane's peaceful face. "Remarkable stuff. Will he be all right to move in the morning?"
"He has to be," I said. "Whoever tried to kill him knows where to find him. We have to get away from here." How we would do that without being seen was a question no one voiced.
Max returned with Meg, carrying a tray laden with cups. Erik followed behind.
"We checked outside," Max said with a nod at Erik. "They're gone."
"Who were they?" Quentin asked.
"Barborough’s men?" Theodore suggested as he accepted a cup from Meg.
"Doubtful," I said. "We killed half of them earlier and the rest scattered."
Balthazar agreed. "He also had no reason to kill Dane. For all he knew, Dane was the only one of us who knows the location of the gem."
I frowned, trying to think of those moments leading up to the attack. I'd been consumed with Dane and his kiss, but not to the point of completely losing my senses. "They made no demands," I said. "They did not ask for anything, did not tell us to leave the city or hand over the gem. They didn't utter a word. So why did they do it? What would killing Dane achieve?"