“How'd you sleep?” Jay asks, drinking his coffee.
I take a sip of mine, “Really good. I don't even remember dreaming.” I pause to take another sip. “Thank you for letting me stay over. I'm sorry about the past few days, I'm not normally such a nuisance...or so dramatic,” I sheepishly smile.
“You're not a nuisance, Lily. I've just always lived a solitary life. I've never gotten personal with anyone, so this,” he points back and forth between us, “is foreign to me and throws me off.”
“What do you mean by never getting personal with anyone? Surely you've had close friends or family?” I'm trying to ignore how flutter-filled my tummy is at the moment. His comment didn't insinuate he had feelings for me so I don't understand why it caused so many butterflies.
Jay shrugs, “I guess I was close with my dad, but we never really talked to each other. I've talked more with you than I ever did him. I prefer to only have acquaintances, not friends. I'm an extremely private person.”
“No shit,” I mumble. I tighten my lips together; I hadn't meant for that to come out.
Luckily he chuckles and smiles at me.
I stop my mug midway up and become mesmerized by him. He's never smiled like that before and he's gorgeous. It's the kind of smile that makes sweet, innocent girls want to drop their panties and throw out all inhibition. It makes me feel flustered, and even more aware of the pure, hard man that he is. I avert my eyes because my cheeks have flushed and I don't want to know if he noticed.
I set the coffee mug down and get up, “I think I've wasted enough of your time.” I finally get up the courage to look at him. His head's cocked to the side, looking perplexed and slightly amused. “You have no idea how awesome it was to get some sleep. Thank you doesn’t seem good enough...but, yeah...” Now he has an adorable grin that he's trying to hide behind his cup, but I see it and it makes me more flustered and unable to form sentences. “So...yeah...thanks.” I hop off the bar stool, slightly tripping as I scurry out the door.
11:17pm
I wake up from a horrible nightmare, drenched in sweat. This one had me stuck in the car but now all the men were Will, hurting me and forcing me to have sex.
I look out my bedroom window. Even though I told myself not to bother him anymore I can't stop myself from wanting to go over there. It's more than just wanting a good nights rest; nobody would dare hurt me with Jay next to me. He's become my safety net whether he likes it or not.
I hurry across the street. Even though the area is well lit I'm still spooked by every shadow.
I knock on the door, and when Jay answers he stares at me a moment, face stripped of any expression, then speaks, “Nightmare?”
I nod my head yes.
Jay steps back and goes to the couch, leaving the door wide open. I assume that's my invite to join him, so I do. I close the door and lock it behind me.
I sit down in the same spot from last night and silently watch while Jay plays a first person shooter game. He's not bad, but I know I'm just as good. I get up and go to his console in search of another controller. It's sitting next to the cable box so I grab it, turn it on, and when he dies I join in.
As luck would have it, we are placed in a section I naturally kick ass in and I annihilate him.
Jay's mouth drops open at the screen when he sees how many kill shots I got, “No fucking way. Rematch.”
We play for a couple more hours until I can hardly keep my eyes open and I get up to stretch.
Jay shuts everything down and follows me to bed. I'm glad I'm walking in front of him and he can't see the absurdly happy smile on my face.
I snuggle into bed, listening to him use the bathroom and brush his teeth. He gets in and we are both on our backs staring up at the ceiling.
“Where did you learn to play like that?”
“My younger brothers. Any time I visit or when I still lived at home they would always challenge me to a match.”
“You're really good for someone who doesn't play that much.”
“I've always had natural aim, and I guess it carries into video games too.”
“You want to tell me what had you so scared in your dream you came here?”
“Just reliving the way it felt when one of them touched my breast and the way they described what they were going to do to me, and my dreams always have the stench of vomit from me choking on mine when it happened.”
Jay's body stiffens next to me, “They felt your breast? Bare?”
“Yeah. Only one of them did.”
“I didn't know that,” Jay whispers. “Which one was he? The one holding your top half in the car?”
“Yeah.”
He turns his head and studies the side of my face, “You choked on your own vomit?”
Shit, I shouldn't have told him that. It's humiliating. “It was when one of them got very descriptive on how they wanted me. It was scary and sounded horribly painful.”
Jay brought his hand up that was next to mine and brushed the back of his fingers on my cheek, “I don't want you knowing details, but they won't be hurting anyone again.”
I turn my head to look at him and his hand gets stuck under my cheek, “They can't trace anything back to you, right?”
Jay's lips tighten and it looks like he's stifling back a laugh, “No, babe, they can't. There's nothing for them to trace. I know what I'm doing.” As he speaks the pad of his thumb runs along my lips and my breathing stops as I watch his eyes following it.
His words should bother me, the fact that he basically just admitted to making them “disappear,” but they don't. I'm glad they can't hurt anyone else.
“I know what I told you can't stop the nightmares from coming, but you don't have to worry about them anymore, okay?”
I nod and he moves his head to look back at the ceiling, bringing his hand back down next to mine.
I take Jay's hand into mine and interlock our fingers.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He doesn't respond and we lay like that, eventually dozing off.
Chapter 7
Monday, January 6
9:46am
When I wake up we are still holding hands, but opposite ones. We have both switched to our stomachs. Our hands are now at the head of the bed between the pillows, entwined together. I can't say who initiated this, but his arm is the one overlapping mine. I smile into my pillow.
As quietly as I can, I get out of bed and make coffee. A half hour later I'm done drinking mine. He's still not up, so I leave him a note thanking him and go home. The rest of the morning he's on my mind, but I distract myself by running errands. Today's my mom's day off and she treats me to lunch before she goes to the salon to get her hair cut and colored.
I'm job searching when my cellphone rings. It's not a number I recognize and I almost don’t answer, but the area code says it's local and I decide to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Come over at two. I'll teach you some more moves,” then the line goes dead. Jay is the most bizarre man I have ever met. Nothing he does is how normal people go about things. At least his voice used the warm softness that I love, even if it was in a demanding tone.
At two o’clock sharp I'm about to knock on Jay's door when it flies open and he's standing there, bare chested and pulling on a shirt. The sight of his iron-packed chest and his tidal wave of abs makes my mouth go dry. I'm so turned on I can't think straight. I hardly have time to get a proper viewing before he's covered by his shirt. It's then that my brain registers the different markings and scars that cover his bare skin. I'm more curious than ever about the mystery that is Jay. I don't even know his last name.
“It's Lincoln,” he informs me.
I blush, “Just talked out loud, didn't I?”
He smirks, “Yeah. You always been like that?”
I sigh, “My whole life.”
We immediately jump into it, and he teaches me to take down an attacker.
Jay takes a hold of me with one hand and
has me grab his hand on top making sure he can't rip it away. Then he shows me to twist the hand in, towards his thumb, making him lose his hold and locks his elbow. With his elbow locked, I can pivot around and thrust a foot into the side of his knee. This takes him down and gives me a chance to escape.
I fail miserably and can hardly make him budge. Granted he is double my size, but still.
He tries showing me how to get an attacker off if he has me on the ground, but I fail at that too.
“Your muscles are weak. You need to start working out.” He stands up, offering his hand to help me up.
Jay has me flying to my feet by my hand as if I weigh nothing.
“Geez, you're strong.”
“I am, but you're also incredibly tiny and barely weigh a thing. Another reason you need to gain muscle. Your frame is so tiny you need the extra help.”
“What should I start doing?'
He pulls me down the hall to the door leading into the garage and opens it, “You work out.”
He turns on the light and his garage is a personal gym full of machines, weights, punching bag, and various other equipment. The left wall is covered in long, wide mirrors, side by side with a ballet bar running across. The thought of Jay doing ballet moves makes me start to laugh.
He smiles at me, “What?”
I point to the bar, “Is that what I think it is?”
“Yeah, it's for flexibility. It's just as important as strength.”
I grab a hold of his bicep and try to ignore how muscular it is, “Please promise I can watch you use it.” I giggle.
He rolls his eyes, “You make me feel like some ungraceful barbarian.”
I make sure he sees my eyes scaling his body, “Any reason I shouldn't?” I have such a huge smile on my face, still thinking of Jay doing ballerina moves on the bar.
He lets out a big, deep, barrel laugh that fills the room. It's such a friendly, welcoming sound. “Good point. I probably look silly doing it, but it makes a huge difference on my body.”
“Do you do yoga too?
He nods his head yes, smiling just as wide back at me. I can't get over how different he looks when he smiles.
“Okay, enough making fun of me.” He gestures to his garage/gym, “You can use my stuff.”
“Cool, thanks. When can I come over and do it?”
He smirks, “God, Lily, you sure have a way of wording things.”
I blush and laugh, “And you have a dirty a mind.”
“Yeah, well, I'm a guy. We're hard wired that way.”
I laugh, “Very true.”
“I would start off three or four days a week for about an hour.”
“When?”
“When what?”
“When should I come here and workout? What's a good time of day?”
“Any time after ten. On Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays I start work at seven. Sundays from four to eleven. You’ll want to come before that. Speaking of work, I keep forgetting I work tonight.”
My face drops, “But it's a Monday.”
“Yeah. Some dude's renting the bar for the night for his twenty-first birthday and they want me there for backup. I guess he's invited a lot of people.”
“That sucks,” I whisper more to myself than him.
“Yup.” He enters the garage and goes over to a machine, adjusting it's weight by a lot, “Let's try everything out so I know you're using it properly and we can find a good weight for you.”
I try out a few. When I'm at the leg press Jay starts to adjust the weights, then stops to stare at me. “You're worried about me working tonight because I won't be home for you to come over.” It's a statement, not a question, because we both know he's right.
I don't look at him but I nod my head in agreement.
“You've got to get past this, Lily,” Jay moves in front of me and bends down, making our eyes level. He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. I panic, pulling my head back as anxiety sets in.
“Don't do that!” I yell.
Jay looks stunned and his face has paled a touch, “Don't grab your chin or don't touch your face?”
“The chin, please don't ever do that!” It was what Will always did, and when Jay just did that it made me panic and feel queasy.
“Never again,” he promises, studying my face. “You okay? You look like you're holding back a panic attack.”
I put on a fake smile, “Nope, I'm cool.”
I can tell he doesn't believe me.
“Those men can't hurt you. I know that doesn’t take away what happened but you can't let them have that kind of control over you; don't give that to them.”
He sits down on the weight bench across from me, “When I was a kid, I had a recurring nightmare. I'd wake up in cold sweats, scared shitless. My dad would have me close my eyes and go back to the exact point I woke up, no matter how scared I was to do so. Then he had me imagine how it ends as if I had kept dreaming, but I had total control and could make the dream however I wished the outcome to be. Sometimes I would turn it into something humorous or sometimes I would make it a happy ever after story. But it worked...most of the time.”
“So when I wake up I should just remember how you saved me and I'm safe?”
“Yeah, something like that. Or go back and have yourself fight back and win.”
I give a half-smile, “Okay, I'll try it.”
Jay leans over, resting on his elbows, and stares at his hands, “When I got to the car and saw it was you I remember thinking, for a runt she sure doesn't go out without a fight. The way your face looked and how you were moving your body, it was clear that you weren't giving up even if it killed you. I was impressed.”
He looks up to meet my eyes. They are soft and caring, making my insides feel squishy, “You're a fighter, and strong-willed. Don't forget that.”
I snort and roll my eyes.
“Seriously, Lily. You have internal strength not everyone possesses, you just need to believe in yourself.”
I think of my relationship with Will and know that's not true, but I don't argue with him.
“You were terrified of me when we first met, but you still came and brought me pie. Anybody else would have never come back.”
“Doesn’t that make me an idiot?”
Jay grins, “It shocked the hell out of me when I saw you there with food in your hands. You seemed real nervous, but not scared. Why?”
“You fascinate me, even the parts of you that scare me,” I respond honestly, because that's how comfortable Jay makes me.
“That's the point I’m trying to make. There are two ways girls respond to me: pure fear and they run like hell, or they see me as a badass they want to wrap their legs around. And then there's you.” I can't tell what he means by that, especially since the very idea of wrapping my legs around him has my body heating up, craving intimate contact.
“You're different, Lily,” my face must have shown my misunderstanding, “You treat me differently. I'm not anybody to you but me; I'm not your dream of a wild night with a bad boy or someone you avert your eyes from, afraid that an act as simple as a smile might make me stalk you. Nobody's treated me like you do.”
“I thought you were bad news when we first met,” I guiltily tell him.
“Your first instincts about me weren’t wrong, Lily. I am bad news, and if I weren't leaving in a month I'd make you stay the hell away from me.”
“You're leaving?” I hate how much it hurts to say those words out loud.
“Yeah, I never stay in one place for too long. Nine months is my max.”
“You move every nine months?” I'm shocked. Who does that?
People who are running, that's who.
“At least.”
“I'd ask why, but I'm sure you won't tell me.”
“You are correct.”
“Why haven't you left here yet?”
He chews on his lip, contemplating how forthcoming he wants to be, “I can't leave until some matters are taken care
of. I figure another month should settle it.”
“Who are you?” I'm studying him intently, trying to read any underlying layers, but his skin is so thick with disguise it's useless.
“It doesn’t matter. I'll be gone soon and you'll never see me again.”
I can't believe how sad that makes me.
He finishes showing me all his equipment and I head home, more exhausted and drenched in sweat than I have ever been. I really do need to start working out.
That night when a nightmare strikes, I try Jay's technique. It doesn't put me to sleep but it does give me something else to think about, and within an hour of waking I'm asleep again.
At eleven the next day I go to Jay's house to work out, and I'm disappointed when he leaves to run errands instead of joining me.
Chapter 8
Friday, January 10
7:11pm
On Wednesday, Jay had abruptly called me to come over to learn more moves. He kept asking about my nightmares and making sure I was doing okay. I lied to him and told him his technique was working. It was more of a white lie, because it has helped me. I am getting more sleep. However, I think now my lack of sleep is me preferring his bed to my own.
We practiced kicking to the groin but I made a mistake and turned the wrong way so I rolled into him. I had lost my footing thinking I could still try and escape, causing me to stumble and fall back and bringing Jay with me. I landed flat on my back with his heavy body pressed on top. His forearms were on the sides of my face, making our noses centimeters from touching. We stared into each others' eyes and all that could be heard was our heavy breathing.
I had nervously licked my lips, but his face had been close enough that the tip of my tongue grazed his bottom lip. His eyes squeezed together before opening and staring down at me. His face was hard, serious, and devoid of any emotion, but he didn't get up. Instead of our heavy breathing subsiding, it seemed to increase the longer we stayed like that. He eventually got up, mumbling something about having errands to run and I was pushed out the door.
Marked. Part I: The missing Link Page 6