“From what?”
Caden shook his head. “Herself.”
* * *
SHE WAS STILL nursing her finger when he approached. He saw her tense, but she didn’t turn around.
“Let me see,” he said when he got close enough.
She shook her head and tucked her hand behind her back. “It’s fine.”
As if he’d let her get away with that. “I want to see, Maddie.”
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s my job to take care of you.”
She opened her mouth, and he knew goddamn well what was going to come out of it. She was going to tell him again that a whore knew how to take care of herself.
He put his finger over her mouth. “Maddie.”
She glared at him.
“Don’t say it.”
Her mouth snapped shut. He slid his finger down to her shoulder, over her elbow, to her hand. She stood rigidly with none of the melting he was used to. He didn’t like it. Lifting her hand to his, he could see that she’d smashed the nail.
“You’re probably going to lose that.”
She didn’t say a word, just stared past his shoulder. He sighed.
“Come with me.”
She didn’t move. “I have work to do.”
“I’m calling a break.”
“If we take a break, we’ll never get done. More of those claim jumpers might come.”
He knew she was afraid of that. He was more afraid of the unknown person who’d sent them.
“We’re ready for them.”
She didn’t say anything. Just stiffened.
“We will protect you.”
“I can protect myself.”
Ignoring the provocation, Caden took her hand, running his thumb along the back of her hand. “But now you don’t need to.”
With a tug he pulled her behind him, leading her down the narrow path to the swimming hole. The dappled sunlight of the trees was so much cooler than the unrelenting force of the sun.
“I am thinking I probably should have come up with this idea a few months earlier or a few months later.”
“Why?” she asked as he helped her over a rough part in the path.
“Because it’s damn hot to be hauling rock.”
That honesty earned him a chuckle. It was a small victory, but he’d take it.
The trees ended at the small pond. The water looked cool and inviting with the sun sparkling off the top. Maddie stopped short of the edge. Caden let her, taking one more step than her, turning around so he could face her.
“What are we doing?”
“I told you. We’re taking a break.”
She looked at the pond as if it were poison. She’d been looking at him that same way the past two nights he’d come to bed, lying rigid in his arms until she’d fallen asleep. It wasn’t the Maddie he was used to. He was used to the Maddie who reached for him no matter what, who put up with his moods no matter what. He was used to the Maddie who loved him. He wanted her back.
He wiped a smudge of dirt from her cheek with his thumb. It didn’t really come off, just kind of smeared along the sweat. Her nails were dirty and cracked. Dirt was caked into the creases in her hands. She smelled of sweat and woman and despair, he thought. A despair she didn’t deserve.
“Maddie, I’m sorry.” The words just came naturally because he was. A sorry son of a bitch.
“Why?”
“I’m sorry for everything I did. For calling you names, for calling you a whore.” He shook his head. “For not knowing what that meant.”
“You know what it means.” She stepped back out of his reach. He had to take another step to follow.
“I can be a pigheaded ass when I get mad.”
She raised both brows but didn’t say a word.
“Say what you want. I’m not going to tear you up for it.”
He started unbuttoning her dress, and she stood there as she always did, as she had for the past two days, just letting him do what he wanted, no response on her part. Where before she’d hidden away in make-believe, now she just stood there and dared him. He didn’t understand what she was thinking, but he understood the dare.
Caden continued unbuttoning Maddie’s dress, one at a time, not stopping until he was all the way down the row. Sweat beaded her ample cleavage. He couldn’t believe she was working as hard as she was with so many layers of clothing. He’d really never thought of it before, but feeling the heat pound his back through his thin shirt and looking at her wool dress, the petticoats beneath, the corset, the camisole... Christ, it was a wonder she hadn’t passed out.
He pushed the dress over her shoulders and then down off over her hips. It caught halfway down on her petticoats.
“I don’t want you wearing all this shit anymore.”
She didn’t meet his eyes, just nodded.
He grabbed the string that held her petticoats up and gave it a tug. It didn’t give. He saw it was double-knotted. He guessed a woman would have to be careful that her drawers didn’t drop to her ankles in an embarrassing moment. He worked those knots through, too, and slid that off her shoulder.
She stood before him, skirts a puddle at her feet, in her pantaloons, corset and camisole.
“I bet that corset is hot.”
She looked at him and said, “I got used to it.”
Like hell anyone got used to it. It, too, was soaked through with sweat. He started to untie it. As he did, he started to talk. She was so far away from him.
“As I was saying, I’m a pigheaded ass. You’ve always treated me like gold, always understood me.” The corset was hard to unhook. He got it done. The heat that came off her skin was incredible. He looked at her face again. She was pale, paler than normal. Oh, Christ, had she given herself sun sickness?
He tossed the corset to the side and lifted her out of the skirts. At least she grabbed for his shoulders. It was a sign she knew he was there. He hoped she was listening. He’d never needed anybody to listen to him as much as he needed her to listen to him right now.
“Sit down.”
She looked at him.
“The grass is fine.”
She sat down. Crouching in front of her, he untied her shoes, first the left and then the right, slipped them off her feet. When he saw the blisters along the heel and the toes, he wanted to shoot himself. Cradling her foot in his hand, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You told me you didn’t want to hear any complaints from me.”
“That’s not a complaint. Blisters like that can turn sour. You can lose a foot, for Christ’s sake.”
“They don’t hurt anymore.”
“F— Damn.” He looked at them again. They were deep, broad, angry looking.
Picking her up, he carried her to a rock by the edge of the pond. She struggled for a second when he stepped to the pond and tried to lower her into it.
“I don’t want to go there,” she told him.
“Tough.”
He let her feet dangle in the water, holding her as her breath hissed, feeling her pain escape across his chest, and then feeling her relaxation as the coolness of the water on her hot feet started having an effect.
“I’m fine, Caden.”
He pushed the hair out of her face and untied the braid.
“No, you’re not. You’re hurt and you’re sad and you’re mad as hell but you’re far from being fine.” But he wanted to make her fine. He wanted his Maddie back. The one who baked him cookies, who worried about him, who ran her fingers down the inside of his wrist and held on to him as if he was the only solid thing in her world.
“I guess you stopped worshipping me, huh?”
“I never worshipped you.”
Cupping the cool water in his hand, he poured it over her calves. “It felt like it.”
“You should have told me you minded.”
“I didn’t. I should have, but I didn’t. You’re a very complex woman, Maddie. You keep a man on his toes.”
“What you’re trying to say is I’m crazy.”
He shook his head. “Nah. Even at your flightiest you’re talking common sense.”
“Flighty is a nice way of saying crazy.”
“Yeah, well, you seem to have forgotten how to take flight.”
“I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Children run away. Women stand their ground.”
“That sounds like Bella.”
“She’s a smart woman.”
She was so tense. He took her right calf in his hand and massaged it gently. She moaned under her breath but he heard it. “You two have gotten close, haven’t you?”
She nodded. “I like her.”
“I like her, too. She’s a good match for Sam.”
“She’s very kind.”
“Yes, she is.”
“She knows how to fight for what she wants.”
“Yes, she does. Is that why you like her, Maddie? Because you want to know how to fight for what you want?”
She shook her head. “I just want to know what I want, and I want what I want to be good for me and not like poison in my veins.”
Caden kicked off his boots. He’d have shucked his pants except for the fact he didn’t have anything on underneath. He stepped into the water.
“Your clothes will get wet,” she observed.
“Yeah.” The water felt cool and blissful against his feet, the muddy bottom cushioning the soreness. Maybe it was time they all took a break. The sun beat down on his shoulders. It was so much more tolerable with his legs in the water.
“You can take them off, you know. I’ve seen naked men before.”
“What makes you think I’d be naked?”
“You don’t like underwear.”
“How the hell do you know that?” Just how much had she been spying on him?
“When we do laundry, you don’t have a lot of that to add to the pile.”
“Oh.” So simple an explanation. Once again, so mean-spirited his suspicion.
“You may have seen naked men before, but between us there needs to be better respect.”
Her gaze darted to his.
“Whores—”
“Don’t say it, Maddie.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not true. Because I don’t think it.”
“You said it.” And those words had sunk into her soul. He understood that.
“I was mad.”
“That just means you speak the truth.”
“The hell it does. I can spout more nonsense mad than a drunk on a Saturday night.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Because when I’m mad I just want to hurt somebody.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I wanted to hurt you.”
“I know. I deserve it. I should’ve—”
Dammit, he didn’t want to go here. Why did they have to keep rehashing this?
“You shouldn’t have done anything other than what you did, Maddie. I came here to rescue you, and you pretty much rescued yourself.”
“I didn’t—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Maddie. I’m just telling you and I want to get this out. I don’t want to go over it. I don’t want to get mad over it again. I don’t know what happened between you and Culbart. I don’t want to know how you wrapped him around your finger. Just let it be.”
He didn’t. He didn’t want to hear how she’d slept with Culbart, how she’d fucked him into giving her what she’d wanted. He didn’t want to think of that big bear of a man sweating over her. He shook his head, shedding the image.
“How are your feet feeling?”
“Better.”
“Good.”
He picked her up off the rocks, carried her to a deep part of the water. She grabbed his neck, holding on tightly.
“Maddie, I won’t let you drop.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that.”
“What, then?”
“I don’t want to be here. It’s too hard.”
“What’s hard about this?” He bent his legs, dipping her in the water, letting the coolness run over her flushed body. Her legs came around his waist and his cock hardened despite the cool water and tension within. There was something about Maddie that was soft and smooth and inviting like the first kiss of summer that brought him alive inside. He sat down in the water. It came up to Maddie’s shoulders, floated in her hair. He took a scoop of water and dripped it over her head. Her eyes closed and she sighed.
“Feels good, huh?”
She nodded. He pulled her hair over her shoulder, leaving her sitting in his lap.
“You’re working too hard.”
“No harder than you.”
“Honey, I’ve got a hundred pounds on you, and all of that is muscle. It’s not as hard work for me. On top of that, you cook supper.”
“That’s not much of a contribution.”
He smiled. “You care for the campsite.”
“You take care of the animals.”
He just looked at her. “Maddie, I’m trying to tell you this isn’t what I want for you.”
Her lips thinned. “I don’t want a divorce.”
Ah, hell, she was pushing him faster than he wanted to where he wanted to go.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but right now—” He fluffed her hair around her shoulders, leaning her back. She grabbed his shoulders with desperate hands, her eyes flying wide.
“Don’t.”
“Why not?”
Her mouth worked. He pulled her back up, studied her face.
“What is it, Maddie?”
She shook her head. “Ponds are dangerous.”
“Maybe down Louisiana way, but besides the odd snake or two, we’re good here. I’ll protect you.”
She shook her head again. Her mouth worked. She couldn’t get any words out, but he could see she was trying. Whatever had her upset was deep-seated.
“It’s all right, then. I’ll just scoop the water over you.” And he did, cupping his hand and pouring water over her head, gently wiping at her cheeks and face.
“I should have brought soap.”
She shook her head. “This feels good.”
Yeah, it did. He rubbed his hands up and down her back. It felt very good to have her sitting so trustingly in his arms, to have her not looking through him.
“I was wrong, Maddie. Wrong in what I said, wrong in how I treated you, and I’ve got no excuse except I had a mad on. I thought you’d betrayed me.”
“I don’t understand you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t understand myself.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Right now I just want you to sit here and let me take care of you the way I haven’t, so just close your eyes, put your head against my chest and let’s just relax a minute, all right?”
She didn’t put her head against his chest, but she did sit there without another word. He scooped handful after handful of water over her head until her hair was plastered to her skull, revealing the purity of her features and the bruise on her cheek from where Alan had struck her. Many people would say that Maddie was ordinary looking, but if they thought that, they weren’t looking deep enough. She had a beautiful soul, a big heart and a hell of a life.
Giving in to impulse, he kissed the slight frown between her brows. She jumped.
“You want sex.” She said that as if she’d found the explanation to everything. She couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, he was hard, but sex wasn’t what he wanted. What he wanted was what he’d had a couple seconds before: her trusting him.
“If you’re talking about the fact that I’m as hard as a rock, I’m not going to deny it, but this isn’t about sex.”
“Then what’s it about?”
“I want you back, Maddie.”
“You’ve got me.”
“You’re here physically but you took your heart away.”
S
he winced and blushed. “That was just girlish foolishness.”
He traced her eyebrows. “Maybe, but I want it back.”
“Why? So you can use it against me some more? So when you get a mad on you can hurt me with whatever I’ve revealed to you?” She shook her head. “I don’t want that.”
He shook his head, sliding his fingers through her hair. “Nobody wants that. You’d be a fool if you did.”
He kissed her eyes closed, not wanting to see the fear as he confessed this. “I want to be gentle with you always, Maddie.”
She asked again, but differently, “Why do you want me?”
He stroked his finger across her cheekbone, the sprinkling of freckles that just invited his kiss. He gave in to the impulse and kissed the tip of her nose, holding her head there while he moved his lips down to hers. I don’t kiss, she’d told Gordon, and from the way her lips were still under his, he guessed she really didn’t.
“Because you’re the one who makes me smile.”
He kissed the left corner of her mouth and then the right, keeping it gentle and easy, tapping into that part of him that went tender when she was around. She didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and that gave him hope, because she wasn’t sucking in a breath to tell him to go to hell. He fitted his mouth to hers, tilting her head sideways, kissing her with all the gentleness he felt inside, with all the softness of the day around them.
When he pulled back, her eyes were closed and that frown was back between her eyes. A good or bad sign? He had no idea, but she didn’t double up a fist and hit him.
He waited until she opened her eyes.
“Maddie?”
She licked her lips and her eyes darkened to a deeper green.
“Why don’t you kiss?”
She frowned and took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. Before I went in with my first customer, one of the other whores told me to never kiss a man.”
“And you never have?”
She shook her head. “No, she said it’s giving away your soul to kiss somebody.”
He touched his thumb to her lips. Such pretty lips. “That’s all you got, huh?”
She nodded.
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