Caden's Vow

by Sarah McCarty

  “How old were you?”

  “Eight or nine, I’m not sure. My mom wasn’t real specific on my birthday. We kind of knew the year and made up the month.”

  “Did your mom raise you?”

  She shook her head. “No. She had other interests. There was a rancher who was in love with her, and she planned on leaving with him.”

  “Did she?”

  “I don’t know.”

  That was sad. He remembered his mother with a smile and sadness but always love. He didn’t have to ask whether the madam was good to her. Anybody that put a little girl to work... Hell.

  “I hope she’s miserable,” he said.

  “She’s dead.”

  “Not miserable enough. Do you hate her?”

  “Why would I hate her? Everybody has to earn their keep.”

  “Is that why you’re hauling those rocks, because you’re earning your keep?”

  She nodded. “I don’t want to be indebted.”

  “You’re my wife. How can you be indebted? What’s mine is yours.”

  “Only inasmuch as you want to give it to me. Men discard women all the time. Just drop them wherever and leave them to fend for themselves.”

  He supposed that was true.

  “That’s why you were learning to bake, right?”

  She nodded. “Yes. I like it, it’s fun and baked goods are always popular.”

  “Good.”

  It was peaceful sitting there, the water cooling their bodies and the sun warming their shoulders. Around them birds sang and bees buzzed. A perfect summer day.

  Out of the blue she announced, “I think I’m going to open a bakery.”

  He didn’t ask with what. Everyone needed their dreams. “Where?”

  “I haven’t decided yet.”

  Leaning back against the bank, he worked on containing the flare of anger that she was making plans without him.

  “Any plans for me in this baking future?”

  Her silence gave him his answer. He sighed.

  “Tell me something, are you not including me because you don’t think I’ll want to be there or you don’t want me there?”

  He was going to have a hell of a lot of mud in his hair, but it didn’t matter. He pulled her down until her cheek rested against his shoulder. The water was cool, her skin was warm, and any other time he’d lift her up, free his cock and slide it into the slit of her pantaloons up into that warm, moist pussy. But he had a feeling that Maddie’s pussy wouldn’t be moist, that such an act would irrevocably damage her. He needed her trust back, and after he had that, he could go looking for her passion.

  She laid against him stiffly, letting him do what he wanted, but not participating, and her fingers didn’t slide down his arm and circle his wrist the way he wanted. He’d thought his wife was crazy, but the truth was she was just very, very damaged. Crazy would have been easier.

  Resting his cheek against the top of her head, he wrapped his arms around her back and hugged her, holding her tightly, rocking her in his arms, just holding her.

  “You don’t have to worry anymore, Maddie. No one’s going to hurt you.”

  And before he could say it, she said it for him, but she said it with a question mark he would have left off.

  “Not even you?”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  MADDIE WAITED FOR the answer that didn’t come. On one level she had to respect a man who wouldn’t make a promise he couldn’t keep. On the other, she wanted to hate him for bringing alive that hope she’d tried so hard to kill. One day she was truly going to learn to stop loving Caden Miller.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  Maddie scrambled out of Caden’s arms, pushed to her feet, stumbling as the soft bottom sucked at her feet. He reached out but she shook off his hand and slogged to the bank, ignoring his call of her name. Who did he think he was? Blowing hot and cold, promising not to hurt her when he’d already hurt her so much. She’d never forget the way he said whore that time, the same way that other men did with such contempt. And now he wanted her to forget, because he felt guilty. But that would only last until he got mad again. She might not know husbands, but she did know men. They always got mad. She heard him behind her. She walked faster.

  Yes, she’d been a whore. She’d never had a chance to be anything else, but she did now and she was going to be better than what they all thought she could be. She was going to be who she wanted to be.

  Caden caught up to her as soon as she got up on the bank. She stood there dripping and reached for her petticoats. He took them away from her. She grabbed them back.

  “I’ll wear what I want.”

  “It’s too damn hot, Maddie.”

  She held out her hand. “It’s not proper.”

  If he made one smart comment about that, she was going to slap him. She couldn’t ever remember feeling this angry. Who did he think he was, trying to make her vulnerable by acting so nice? In the end, she let him have his way, not because she was giving in but because she wasn’t up to struggling into layers and layers of wet cotton.

  When she reached for her dress, his hand was there first. When she grabbed it, his finger went under her chin.

  “What the hell are you so mad at?”

  She turned away. “You.”

  She could feel the call of the pond, not this pond but her pond, her sanctuary, and she pushed that away, too. It used to be easy to slip away, but now it was easier to stay because goddamn it, as completely messed up as it was, she was going to have a life. Turning away, she struggled to stay calm.

  He grabbed her arm and swung her back.

  “Why?”

  How dare he ask her that? After all he’d done. “Because this is just a game to you, but it’s my life.”

  “I’m your husband.”

  The truth lay flat between them.

  “Not for much longer if you’re to be believed.”

  Just another thing to hold against him. Caden let go of her arm and ran his hand through his hair. She stepped into her dress and turned her back, yanking it on. His arms came around her from behind, sliding over her wet camisole, pulling her back against the lure of his body. Who the hell did he think he was, making her care, making her feel? She didn’t have her pond, but she had that wall of hate and she didn’t want that coming down.

  “Maddie.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Maddie mine.”

  She stomped on his toe. “Don’t call me that!”

  She didn’t ever want him to call her that again.

  He didn’t even grunt. He pushed her hair back from her face with his fingertips in that way that used to make her knees weak.

  “Maddie?”

  “What?”

  “I’ve been an ass.”

  “Yes.”

  “A fool.”

  She wasn’t going to argue with him.

  “But I’m still your husband.”

  “For what, a day? A week? A month?”

  He jerked her around. “Till death do us part.”

  She didn’t want him holding out her dream. Not anymore.

  She lifted her chin. “Until the next time you decide that I’m a whore, you mean, and that I’m in your way, and then you’ll be telling me you’re going to end it again or you’ll get on your horse and you’ll ride off and you’ll leave me just like everyone else and I’ll be alone because I stupidly believed you.”

  He jerked back as if she’d struck him. “The hell I will.”

  “The hell you won’t. You do it all the time.”

  He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “Every time you start to feel comfortable, every time you start to feel like you belong, you pack up and you leave. Well, fine, just go, but don’t make me care about you. Don’t make me want to be with you so much that it rips my heart out when you do. I don’t want that. I see who you are now.”

  “And who am I?”

  “A selfish man who cares only about himse
lf.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Well, you can’t prove it by me. And my infatuation with you, it’s just—” she made a slash with her hand “—gone.” She put her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. “And now I want you gone.”

  “Tough.”

  That one syllable contained more emotion than all her yelling. Despite her resolve, she looked at him. He wasn’t looking at her face anymore. She looked down and knew why. Her camisole was plastered to her breasts, hugging the round curves. Her nipples, drawn tight with cold, pressed against the fabric in small, inviting peaks. She crossed her arms over her chest, hiding the sight.

  “I’m a whore, remember?”

  He didn’t blink. “I remember a lot of things, Maddie mine.”

  He took a step forward; she took a step back. She took another back; he took another forward. When she would have taken the next, he shook his head.

  “Another step and you’re going to be flat on your back in that pond.”

  She looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, she was on the edge.

  “Then you stop coming.”

  “No.” And he kept walking. “You were right about some things, Maddie, wrong about others. I can be stubborn and pigheaded, but I can also be loving and loyal.”

  “Not to me.”

  “That’s a lie and you know it.”

  She bit her lip. “Not anymore.”

  He sighed. “I want you, Maddie.”

  “You had me.”

  “Yeah, I did. And I took it for granted.” His eyes were still on her breasts; the pond was still behind her. Maddie gathered up her skirts. Caden shook his head.

  “Don’t.”

  She lifted her chin. “I don’t have to listen to you.” It was pure bravado.

  He smiled that smile that made her heart skip a beat. “Yeah, you do.”

  The next step he was right there in front of her, so close she swore she could feel the heat of his body over the heat of the day. The sun glinted off his eyes, those beautiful eyes. She didn’t let herself stare into them. She didn’t let herself care. But it was hard.

  She thought of her pond, the coolness of it, the smooth surface that rippled when she tossed a rock, the peace and quiet. His hand touched her cheek and the illusion shattered and she was right there where she didn’t want to be, standing in front of Caden, the focus of his attention.

  “You’re my wife, Maddie.”

  “Now you remember.”

  “I never forgot.”

  “Tomorrow you will, when it’s convenient, when you’re in town, when you see some nice, respectable lady. You’ll remember who and what I am, and you’ll want to forget.”

  His fingers slid across her cheek to anchor in her hair.

  “You’re wrong about that.” He pulled her closer until she had no choice but to lean up against his chest, and then, with an ease that made her want to slap him, he pulled her up into his kiss.

  “No.”

  His breath caressed her lips. “Yes.”

  “I don’t kiss.”

  She felt his smile as his lips touched hers. “You do with me.”

  She had no choice but to put her hands against his chest. No choice but to wrap her fingers in the cloth of his wet shirt as he leaned her back, taking her off balance, no choice but to accept what was happening. She tried to build her wall, but with a soft bussing of lips over hers, he destroyed that effort at the first imaginary stone.

  His kiss was tender, sweet, like nothing she’d imagined. His mouth moved over hers, and she waited for him to pry her lips apart as most men always did when she refused to give them what they wanted, but he didn’t. He kissed her softly and gently as if she mattered.

  “This is cruel,” she whispered. The words flowed into his mouth, riding his breath. So intimate. She shivered.

  “No, this is how I see you, Maddie.”

  She gasped. Outrage, hope. She didn’t know what she was feeling. Everything was a jumble. But good. So good. Everything she’d dreamed of when she’d dared to dream. Closing her eyes against the glare of the sun, she moaned as it all became more intense. The power in his grip, the tenderness of his kiss, the heat of his body seeping through the dampness of his clothes. Her lips started tingling the way they had before.

  She opened her palms against his chest and braced herself against the illusion. This was no more real than her pond. This was Caden getting what he wanted. He was making a fool of her the way men always made a fool of whores. Because they could. Because no matter how worthless a woman thought herself, there always was a part of her that wanted to matter to someone somewhere. That need made her vulnerable and weak. And Caden was too good at understanding people not to see that in her. And she was too weak to push him way. Real or not, she wanted this memory.

  He continued to kiss her sweetly and gently, and she continued to let him, moaning as he grazed his lips over hers, touched the tip of his tongue to the corner of her mouth, absorbed the burst of sensation as it shot through her with a sense of wonder. She felt his smile against her lips when she jumped and gasped.

  “I like that little sound.”

  She’d bet he did. She liked it, too. And when he did it again, she couldn’t help making that sound he so enjoyed. It felt so good to have his mouth on hers. So right. So intimate. No wonder whores didn’t kiss. Kisses truly could steal a person’s soul. As if he knew what she was feeling, he pushed the skirt back down over her hips. It tumbled to her feet. His arms slipped behind her knees and lifted her up. She squealed and grabbed his neck. He laughed and gave her a little toss. She gripped tighter. He smiled wider.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Smooching on my wife.”

  Smooching! It was simply not a word she’d ever connected with Caden. Caden was just...Caden. Hard. Hardheaded. Determined. Protective. Virile. Her dream. But she didn’t trust him now that he was being her dream with her.

  She clung to his neck as he carried her across the clearing, expecting to be jarred, but even carrying her he moved with his usual grace. He sat down under the shade of a tree, taking her with him as if she weighed nothing. She went to stand up, feeling awkward as she struggled out of his lap. When she was standing, she breathed a sigh of relief. One second too soon, because in the next, he tugged her back down. She fell forward into his chest. He laughed as he caught her and lowered her slowly, so slowly until she was straddling his lap. She could feel his cock hard beneath the heavy cotton of his trousers. Her wet pantaloons were no barrier as he pushed up, wedging the thick length against her pussy.

  “You want to fuck me.” She threw the words out like knives. He took them like a kiss.

  “Of course.”

  One of his big hands held hers, keeping her put through the tension. The other slid back behind her head, cupping her skull in an oddly tender gesture even as he pulled her forward.

  “But not today, Maddie mine. Today I want to kiss you.”

  “You already have.”

  He shook his head. “No.” He ran his thumb across her lips, bringing up tingles of excitement. He had such big hands. She used to be excited by that. Big hands that could protect her and keep her safe. Now they were keeping her prisoner. But they were still exciting. The ache between her thighs, in her breasts, intensified as he pressed on her lower lip, separating it just a little from the top. The tingle became unbearable. When he released her lip, she couldn’t help but touch the spot with her tongue.

  His chuckle wafted around her like the gentlest of breezes. He leaned in until his breath was hers and hers his, but he didn’t kiss her the way she expected. He just stroked his fingers down her nape and smiled, while she...she couldn’t seem to catch her breath, couldn’t seem to find her will. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and she stopped breathing altogether. He had a beautiful mouth. Not so full but just perfectly shaped the way she liked it. A man’s mouth. A seducer’s mouth.

  “Your husband’s mouth,” he finished for her.

>   Dear heavens, she’d said that out loud.

  “Put your arms around my neck.”

  It was an order any prudent woman would have ignored. Maddie slid her fingers up his chest, riding the thick pad of muscle, everything feminine in her responding to everything male in him. When her fingers linked behind his neck, he smiled, and somewhere in her the urge to smile back grew.

  “Now, come here, Maddie mine.”

  A tug on her head and he had what he wanted, her tumbling forward into his embrace, arms sliding farther around his neck, her head tilting to the side at the press of his fingers. The tingle in her lips met with the ache in her pussy right at the point of her nipples. Such a delicious sensation. She squirmed. He pressed. He kissed the corner of her mouth when she was expecting full contact, throwing her off balance. Threading her fingers through the wet strands of his hair, she clung.

  “I’ve been an ass, Maddie.”

  “You keep saying that.”

  He kissed the other corner. “A full-out fool.”

  She wasn’t going to argue the point. He smiled and cocked an eyebrow at her. This close he was even more appealing.

  “Not arguing?”

  “No.”

  “Good. I like an obedient woman.”

  She wanted to bite his lip. “Then you need to find one.”

  “I know.”

  He pushed her camisole down off her breasts, exposing her puckered nipples to the warm air. She didn’t know whether to cover them or flaunt them.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” he told her as he unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it aside, ignoring her struggles because, well, they were nothing compared to his strength. His chest was well muscled, darkened from the sun, enhanced by a light growth of dark hair. In short, beautiful. “But I need to know what those pretty breasts feel like against my skin as we kiss this first time. Just that, honey.”

  She bit back a moan. “We’ve already kissed.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve been coaxing you, but we haven’t gotten to the kissing yet.”

  She lifted her chin. “Fine.”

  He laughed and shook his head, a stray kiss landing on the tip of her nose. “Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. This isn’t me using you. This isn’t you using me. This isn’t you enduring. This is a husband showing his wife how he feels about her.”