“You think I’m a whore.”
“I think you’re sweet.”
“You’re punishing yourself.”
“I’m rewarding myself.”
“Why?”
“Because I can.”
That she believed. “I don’t want to be your reward.”
“I don’t want to be your punishment,” he countered.
“So where does that leave us?”
“Sitting here sparking in the sunshine.”
“We’re in the shade.”
“So we are.” He eased her forward until her breasts flattened into the hair-roughened skin of his chest. “Are you done arguing?”
Heat. Pressure. Beauty. She had to clear her throat before she could demand, “Are you going to give up on this ridiculous notion?”
“No.”
“Fine. Then I’m done.”
But he wasn’t going to get anywhere. He could take what he wanted for a kiss, and just because he could force her to sit there didn’t mean he could force her to accept it or to like it.
“Good.” Pressure on her back urged her forward. It was just a scant inch for his mouth to meet hers. She had to shift or fall forward. She chose the former. His cock settled deeper between her thighs, dragging across that so-sensitive spot before throbbing against her pussy. The ache in her breasts spread downward, and that slight pressure became so much more significant. She rocked her hips. Caden moaned. A sound she never thought to draw from him. She liked it.
Her breath caught as his mouth pressed against hers with those chaste little kisses that she knew were a lie, but he wouldn’t stop. He just kept kissing her as they sat groin to groin, chest to chest, lips to lips. Gentle, tender kisses until she couldn’t hold on to her rancor because this moment with him was sweet. And tender, and after five minutes or so a little boring. She relaxed further, his cock pressed harder, and it was her turn to groan.
“Done fighting?” he asked again.
What was the point in lying. “Yes.” There wasn’t really anything to fight.
“Good.”
He continued touching her, but something within that touch changed. Something that found that womanly part of her and dragged it forward with a harsh gasp as his hips pressed up and his tongue slid between her lips, teasing the moist inside, and she knew then, right then, why whores never kissed. Because kissing was a window to the soul. It allowed a man in, gave him access to things they had no business touching. It gave him access to her heart.
Too late she tried to push away, but it wasn’t Caden that stopped her. It was her foolish love for him. It wanted this. It took control the way her pretend never could. Absolutely, completely, melting her against him, making her pliant and responsive where she should have been mad and hateful.
“Good girl.”
Oh, God, when he spoke to her in that voice, common sense left. It made her want to give him her heart, her soul, everything just so he would say it to her again in exactly that tone. He nibbled at her lips, smiling when she rocked against him, not saying a word, just letting her feel.
His kiss, his smile. She didn’t know what to identify as his emotion. The only word that came to mind was tenderness. But men weren’t tender with her. Caden had never been tender with her. Cautious, careful, yes, but not tender. But he was tender now and it wasn’t enough. She needed more. She reached down between them. He caught her hand in his and put it back around his neck.
“I want my kiss, Maddie.” The words flowed into her with her next breath.
“We don’t have to just kiss.”
“I’m the husband and I want my kiss.”
She was kissing him. “I am kissing you.”
“Mmm, you’re starting to.”
Starting to? What the heck did he want from her?
“Then show me what you want.”
“I am.”
“Now.”
He laughed. “You greedy woman. I’ll get to it at my own pace, thank you very much.”
She wanted a faster pace. She didn’t know if that was because she wanted it over or if she wanted to find out what was beyond this tenderness, but in the end it didn’t matter. She just wanted his hands on her body, his mouth on hers. She wanted his taste, his scent, his passion, and the more he kissed her, the higher that want went until she was the one who parted her lips, until she was the one who ran them over his mouth, until she was the one who made him gasp.
“Oh, yes,” he drawled in a deep voice that was just one more stroke of pleasure. “Now you’re starting to kiss me.”
“You wanted me to be in charge?”
“No, honey. I wanted you to want.”
And with that, the kiss changed again. It became hotter, more insistent. His hand slid down her back toward her buttocks, feeling like a brand against her hip as his fingers dug in and pulled her up into his embrace. His tongue slid inside, finding hers. She could feel the passion behind the slow, gentle gesture, feel it raging, and knew that this tenderness wasn’t what he wanted, either, but he was giving it to her. A gift she couldn’t comprehend.
“I don’t understand.”
He shook his head slightly. “And that’s the shame of it. Just hold on to this. I like kissing you, Maddie mine. I like hearing you gasp. I like feeling your lips flutter against mine. I like that little sound you make in your throat when I touch my tongue to yours. I like the way you make me feel when you come alive in my arms.”
Come alive. What an apt way of putting it because she did feel as if she was, for the first time in her life, alive. She rocked her hips on his and he stilled them, not letting her move.
“No. We’re just kissing, Maddie. There’s no need.”
“It’s not like I’m not—”
His lips bit at hers, cutting the rest of the statement, and his tongue thrust into her mouth, finding hers, tangling with it, teasing it, luring it until she was digging her nails into the nape of his neck and kissing him back. Then it was her tongue in his mouth and her lips on his making the demands, and he chuckled and let her. His hands skimmed up her arms, over her shoulders and down her back and then back up, skimming the side of her hips, her waist, her breasts, just a light caress that made her kiss him harder, press against him more firmly.
She couldn’t rock on him. She couldn’t do anything with her body. She only had her mouth to share how her body burned and ached in this new way, to beg for him to make it go away, but he had no mercy. He just drove the feeling harder. His kiss so skillful she wanted to cry. Not because of how he yearned but because he was taking care to show himself to her, his passion and desire. His caring.
“This is how a man kisses a woman he respects,” he told her. “This is how a man kisses a woman he cares for.”
The kiss deepened, burned out of control, destroyed time until there was only flesh on flesh, lip on lip, passion on passion. Finally, when her nails were digging into his neck and she was moaning incessantly, he pulled back, kissing her left cheek, her right cheek, her nose, and then finally pressing his mouth to her forehead as his chest soughed in and out against hers.
“That, Maddie mine, is how a man kisses a woman with whom he intends to have a future.”
It took the longest time to make sense of the words, and as their meaning sank in, all that lovely heated passion chilled to ice. Maddie scrambled off Caden’s lap. How dare he offer her her dream, make a mockery of reality, treat her like a child? Maybe now, in this moment, he was thinking of a future, but tomorrow or next week, the first time somebody recognized her and sneered at him, that pride of his would rear its head.
He sighed. “Maddie.” She shook her head and retied her camisole, grabbing her dress. Kissing was dangerous. It made her so weak she wanted to believe the lunacy he spouted against all common sense.
She remembered back to when she’d been twelve and had been sweet on a boy and the other girls made fun of her. She’d run home looking for sympathy, and Hilda, the girl she thought of as her best friend at
the time, an older whore, had looked at her and asked her, “What did you expect? Whores are for fucking. Nothing more.”
And that reality was never going to go away, would always stand between her and anything she wanted.
“Whores are for fucking,” she told him. He winced as if she’d struck a blow. “So if you want to fuck me, feel free. I’m your wife and I can’t stop you, but I don’t want to hear fairy tales and I don’t want to hear promises that won’t hold water.”
“Goddamn it, Maddie.”
“No, goddamn you for thinking I’m stupid enough to believe a lie.”
He sighed again, drawing up his knee and resting his arm across it, watching her with eyes that saw too much. “Why would I do that, Maddie?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you just need to feel like you win.”
“And for that to happen, you have to lose, is that it?”
She shook her head and repeated, “Whores are for fucking. There’s no losing.”
“You say that one more time, I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap.”
“You kiss me one more time and I’m going to cut off your cock.”
His eyebrows rose at the harsh language. She didn’t care.
“Are you, now?”
She turned on her heel and stomped away. He had no right to take away her safety.
“Count on it.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
CADEN WANTED TO follow Maddie, needed to, actually, but he held himself back. He wasn’t a man known for rushing his fences, and he wasn’t going to start now. He’d much rather see her vague and smiling, making up fairy tales, than see that wall of hurt rising around her. Yet another thing he hadn’t recognized. How much he’d come to rely on her hiding to shield herself from hurt. He rubbed his wrist, breath hissing in as he reopened the tears from the rope. It was going to take some getting used to the fact that Maddie didn’t run away anymore, that she stood her ground and hurt just like the rest of them. He’d have to be more careful.
Hell. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the mud and leaves clinging to it. Grimacing, he shook his head. For a man who came to the swimming hole to cool off, he’d ended up a whole lot more hot and bothered. He shucked out of his wet pants. His cock fell hard and hungry into his hand, so sensitive the warm air in itself felt like a caress. Stroking his thumb across the tip, he imagined the kiss of Maddie’s sweet pussy and shivered. He just knew her pussy was going to fit him like a glove. Everything about the woman was made for him, from the softness of her breasts to the softness of her nature. Another stroke of his thumb, another shiver of sensation. It would be so easy to seek release this way, thinking of her, but he wouldn’t. Not until Maddie was ready would he come. And then they’d come together. It was a form of atonement she probably wouldn’t appreciate even if she were aware of it, but it mattered to him that they share something, even if it was just frustration. With a groan and a muttered “Fuck,” he jumped into the water. It felt like heaven to his overheated senses. He stayed under until his lungs felt as if they would burst, trying to will the fire in his blood to cool. He had marginal success. He broke through the surface, shaking his hair out of his eyes. A few laps across the pond took the edge off his hunger. Swimming back to where he could stand, he dunked his head and combed his fingers through his hair.
“You should have brought soap,” he heard from the bank.
“What the hell do you want, Ace?”
Ace walked a coin across his fingers, looking as though he hadn’t a care in the world. In some ways Ace was a master of illusion. “Well, I would say a better result than you got here, by the look on Maddie’s face when she came back to the camp.”
“But?” He knew that tone of Ace’s. It always heralded trouble.
“But we’ve got trouble.”
“Shit.” He stood up straight. “Culbart?”
“In a way.”
“Don’t be beating around the bush.”
“One of his men rode in to give you a warning.”
“Dickens?”
“No.”
“About what?” If Culbart thought he was going to dictate to him anymore, he had another think coming.
Ace pushed his hat. “Injun trouble. They’re on the rise, burned out a settlement a few miles beyond Culbart’s.”
That had to be New Haven. Ten families had banded together to build that town. It was remote but well armed. If the Comanche had taken that out, they were serious. “Shit.”
“He sent a message, said it’s not safe for us to stay here,” Ace added.
Caden didn’t kid himself that Culbart had any fondness for him, but he clearly still saw Maddie as his concern. First chance he got, Caden would disabuse the man of the notion, but in this case, Culbart was right. It wasn’t safe for Maddie here anymore. If it ever had been. Caden combed his hair back from his face, sloughing the water from it with his palms. “How long ago?”
“Three days.”
It was a two-day ride back to Hell’s Eight. A day’s ride to Culbart’s and an equal distance to the town of Simple.
“Culbart says you can leave Maddie at his place,” Ace added.
Culbart had a lot of men, but if the Comanche were truly rising up, all the men Culbart had would be nothing. And point-blank, he didn’t trust anybody else with Maddie’s safety.
“No, she’s not going there.”
“It’s a two-day ride back to Hell’s Eight.”
“I know.”
“We might be able to make it.”
“Maybe, but that’s straight through hostile territory, and you said you saw Indian sign earlier.”
Ace nodded. “A lot of riders moving fast. Likely that war party that took out New Haven riding through.”
“Any indication they know we’re up here?”
“I think it’d be foolish to think they didn’t.”
Yeah, it was. He wasn’t a foolish man, and he wasn’t taking chances with Maddie. “Simple’s only a day’s ride away.”
“That’s big enough the Comanche won’t raid there. They might hit a few settlers on the outskirts, but they’re not going to take a chance on that many white men.”
“True.” But that didn’t mean that one of the other threats wasn’t lying in wait.
Caden ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t leave the claim. Hell’s Eight needed that gold to survive. He’d promised away the foal to Culbart, which meant he was going to have to stay, and Maddie was going to have to leave. “I’m going to have to send Maddie to Simple.” Stash her in the hotel and hope like hell she stayed low.
“She’s not going to be happy.”
“I know. She’s been avoiding going to town ever since she came to Hell’s Eight.”
“Can’t really blame her for hiding out.”
No, he couldn’t.
“When do you want to leave?”
“First thing in the morning.”
“When are you going to break it to her?” Ace asked.
Caden sloshed out of the water and grabbed his clothes, shrugging his shirt on over his wet shoulders, shoving his hands into the sleeves, yanking at them when they stuck.
“First thing in the morning.”
Ace laughed. “Either you’re a chicken or you’re hoping to make some progress.”
Caden buttoned his shirt. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m going to be on guard duty tonight.”
“I want to move the campsite to that holler in the ledge. At least that way nobody will be able to sneak up on us.”
“I already have Maddie packing.”
“Does she know why?”
“She assumed because the claim jumpers had found us.”
Caden didn’t know whether to smile or sigh that Maddie was so flustered. “They’re dead.”
“That’ll occur to her eventually, but right now she’s peaceably packing up the camp, getting ready to move to a different location.”
“She scared?”
Caden tugged on his pants. It was hard work getting the cotton up over his wet thighs.
“She doesn’t do that so much anymore.”
“No?”
Caden shrugged. “I guess she’s outgrown the need.”
“I gotta admit it’d be easier right now if she’d just slip away into some compliant fantasy.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“Believe it or not—” he grabbed his boots and socks, tugging one onto his left foot first and then his right “—I like her angry.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I do.” There was a lot of passion in Maddie and he enjoyed all its manifestations.
Ace tossed the coin in the air and caught it with a subtle flourish. “Should I be checking you for fever?”
Caden smiled. “No.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Help her get packed.”
“What are you going to tell her?”
“I don’t know.”
Ace chuckled and tossed him his hat. “It’s good to know you’ve got a plan.”
He settled his hat on his head. “I’ve always got a plan,” he lied.
Ace’s laughter followed him up the trail.
* * *
WHEN CADEN GOT back to the campsite, Maddie had it pretty much under control, which shouldn’t have surprised him. Looking around, he saw all that was required was for the packs to be wrapped and tied. And to soothe Maddie if the nervous glance she cut him from under her lashes as she motioned to the gear was anything to go by.
“I don’t know how to tie it.”
And that explained the nervousness. Maddie always worried about doing things right. Likely because there hadn’t been a lot of tolerance in her past for mistakes. “It’s all right. I’ll show you.”
She scooted quickly over when he hunkered down. He pretended not to notice. “You do it like this.”
Taking the corners, he folded them into the middle before rolling it up over the rope and then tying it off into a finished package.
She frowned at him. “That’s it?”
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