He rested his cheek against her scarred shoulder. For a long moment, he didn’t move or speak. Finally, he eased back and righted her shirt, carefully buttoning it except for the top three. He gripped her arms and urged her to turn in his embrace. With one hand on her stomach, he held her against his chest.
“You’re her friend?” Nic asked.
Ben pushed to his feet. Blood still seeped from the puncture marks on his throat, but he didn’t swipe at the wetness soaking his shirt. He stood, hands loose at his sides, and gaze at the floor. “Yes. I’m sorry I disturbed you while you were with your mate. I didn’t know she was yours.”
“She’s not, nor will she ever be, my mate.”
She sucked in a rough breath at the finality in his tone. She tried to turn in his embrace, but he pressed her closer to his body, his heart pounding against her back.
“This”—Nic tugged her shirt down, exposing her scar—“was a mistake. I was young and got caught up in the moment. I pulled back before I mated her.”
His words stabbed her, and her throat thickened on tears. She swallowed hard. Ben looked at her. Sympathy softened his expression. After a moment, his image blurred. She squeezed her eyes closed before he saw the moisture pooling in them.
“It looks real,” Ben said.
Nic brushed his lips over the scar. Tingles radiated outward. Her body grew aroused despite her heart cracking in two. He pressed his fangs into the raised entry points, and her knees gave out. A nibble to her sensitive skin, and she moaned. She hadn’t meant for the sound to escape, but couldn’t stop it. One simple touch, and she was ready for sex.
He licked the spot on her shoulder once more and eased back. “I was two seconds away from soul-bonding with her. You understand what that means, don’t you?”
Ben cursed. “Yeah.”
“So you’ll keep this a secret.” Not a question. Nic’s words held certainty.
“Of course.”
She tipped her head to the side. “Well, I don’t. Explain it to me.” His chiding look hit her, reminding her of their company. At the moment, she didn’t care to play by the rules, but her anger didn’t overrule her common sense. Her stubborn lover wouldn’t respond if she ordered him in front of Ben. She ground her teeth. “Please, Nic. Explain to me why.”
He cupped her face between his hands. “If my future mate finds out about you, she’ll kill you.”
She covered his hands. “You already told me the unmated females would hurt me because I carried your mark. This is something more, isn’t it?”
He sighed. His hot breath washed over her face and filled her lungs with Nic’s scent. It didn’t comfort her as it normally would. Fear formed a lump in her belly.
“I own your body, Riley. Until you die, I will always be drawn to you. Desire you. Crave you. It’s why I left. I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from you.” He rubbed his thumb over the corner of her lip. “Even after I take a shifter mate, I’ll still feel the same drives to be with you. You’ll become a threat to her, and any dominant female, whether she loves me or not, will be obligated to eliminate you. It’ll become a social move. If she allows you to live, she’ll lose the respect of the pack.”
He dropped his forehead to hers and wrapped his arms around her middle. “You see why nobody can know? Unless I’m with you twenty-four-seven, you’ll die because I was foolish enough to fall in love with an angel.”
Chapter Seven
Nic tightened his hold on Riley, but it wouldn’t do any good. He couldn’t hold on to her, and it was damn clear he couldn’t keep her safe either. He’d royally fucked over the only person in his life that mattered.
“You weren’t planning on telling me, were you?”
Riley’s voice cracked with her question, and he choked on his regret.
He cleared his throat. “If you’d planned to stay, I would’ve, so we could take extra precautions.”
“Because you’d still be tempted to fuck me, even after you took a shifter mate, right?” He nodded, and she snorted. “So what? I’d be your mistress? Your damn whore? Is that what you’re telling me?”
Ice dripped from her words. He deserved it, but he couldn’t blindly accept it, not with an audience. He looked behind her. Ben, the young wolf Nic had attacked, stood next to the coffee table, his gaze on Riley, not him. “You will take the knowledge you learned tonight to the grave, Ben. If you share it with anyone, you and your wolf will meet an early death on the pyre altar. Do you understand?”
Ben sucked in a rough breath and nodded quickly, fear widening his eyes. The ceremonial death ensured neither man nor wolf would find the afterlife. It was a hideous punishment reserved for the cruelest of their kind. If the gaunt kid caused Riley’s death with his loose tongue, Nic wouldn’t think twice about condemning him to it.
“Good.” Nic nodded. “Now go to my old place and wait for me. You will give me your blood oath.”
“Of course.” Ben rushed to the door.
“One more thing.” Nic waited until Ben glanced over his shoulder. “Leave your key. You’re no longer welcome in Riley’s home.”
Ben dug the key out of his pocket, dropped it on the hall table and fled out the door.
Nic turned his attention to the woman in his arms. Riley glared at him, hatred in her eyes. He cupped the side of her face. She jerked her head to the side, breaking his hold. He dropped his hand. “No, I would’ve stayed away from you, as much as I could’ve, anyway. I’m not ruled by my lusts.”
She laughed. “Really, Nic? It seemed to me like you couldn’t wait to stick your dick in me a few minutes ago.”
He clamped his hand on her shoulder, right over his bite mark. “I missed you, Riley. Just like I said. And I wanted our last time together…”
“To what?” She narrowed her eyes. “Be special? Give you some good last memories of me? Or did you think giving me a few orgasms would make up for breaking my heart?”
He flinched, and she chuckled.
“Caught. So which one is it? Or did all those thoughts go through your head when you were fucking me?”
“Yeah, I wanted to make enough memories of you to last. Is that so damn wrong? I love you.”
“You don’t love me.” She stood on her tiptoes and grabbed on to his shoulders. “If you loved me, you would’ve mated me. Together, we would’ve figured out a way to get you the heir you so desperately want. Or you would’ve passed the spirit of the pack onto Hannah’s mate. She told me she wants to rule, that we only need to wait until she matures.” Venom dripped from her voice. She leaned closer and leveled a challenging glare on him. “So tell me again how much you love me, Nic, and I’ll tell you to fuck yourself because it’ll be a lie.”
He wrapped a hand around her throat, not to hurt her but to hold her still. “Sure, I could’ve done all those things, but I didn’t, because in the end it comes down to my wolf. He doesn’t want you. Not then, not now. In his eyes, you’re weak and not worthy of my love, let alone my eternal worship. It fought me four years ago when I tried to make you mine. And tonight?” He snorted, hating himself as much as he did his wolf. “As soon as I put my mouth on your shoulder, he made it clear he’d stop me again. I can’t mate you without his agreement.”
She mapped his face with her gaze, focusing on his chin, lips, nose, and finally meeting his eyes. Hope lingered in her blue depths. It hurt to see. “What about Hannah’s mate? Can’t you transfer it to him? Her kids will still carry Kagan blood. They can continue the bloodline. Once the fate of the pack is secured, you can convince your wolf to love me too. Right?”
He slid his hand from her neck to sift through the silky strands of her hair, cradling the back of her head. “Maybe if I wasn’t set to be alpha, but I am, and it knows what awaits us. It’s been salivating for years over what the position will give us.” A bitter laugh escaped. “Power, Riley. Not love. It doesn’t give a shit abo
ut love.”
He dropped his forehead to yours. “My only hope had been to stay away long enough that Hannah’s mate could’ve take control in my place. If I didn’t know about the transfer, neither would my wolf, but it won’t work any longer. I missed my chance.”
“What do you mean? We can leave tonight. Hannah said she wants it. Why can’t you—”
“Because Derek Tanner has forced me onto this path.” At her pinched brows, he sighed. “The infection my dad got that almost killed him?” He waited until she nodded. “It severed his tie to his wolf. He can’t shift.”
“Your dad’s heart.” She sucked in a rough breath. “I did CPR on him and restarted it.”
“And left him and the pack in limbo. Come the next full moon, the spirit wolf will seek out a new host. If I’m in the circle, it’ll naturally come to me as I carry Kagan blood, but if there are other dominants in there, we’ll have to fight for the right to house the wolf spirit. To the death, Riley. Once in the circle, only one shifter leaves it. I’ll have to kill my friends. My cousins. And I won’t care. I’ll be caught up in the fight. So will the other dominants.”
The very idea of what he might do churned his gut. He swallowed hard. “It’s brutal, but the spirit wolf will want the strongest shifter to act as its vessel. I can’t allow that to happen. I won’t be able to live with myself knowing my pack members died because I turned my back on the role I was born into.” He eased back and let her see the truth in his eyes. “Power is everything in my world. No matter how much I love you, it doesn’t change what I am.”
Moisture pooled in her eyes and collected on her lashes. She didn’t blink it away. “And what are you, Nic?”
“The alpha wolf.”
Riley stared at Nic while his features turned blurry. She wanted to scream, cry or maybe rant. None of those reactions would do any good. The truth stamped onto Nic’s beloved face wasn’t one she couldn’t deny.
He loved her.
His wolf did not.
Biology had fucked them all over—man, woman and beast.
She cleared her throat. “Answer me one question.”
“Anything. No more secrets between us. I should’ve been truthful with you years ago. I just…” He squeezed his eyes shut and licked his lips before focusing on her. “I didn’t want to admit my wolf considered you unworthy.” He cupped her face in his big palms. “In my eyes, you’re everything. My equal. My partner. My angel.”
Her tears spilled over. Dammit, she did not want to cry.
She couldn’t stop them.
Nic kissed her eyelids, licked away the twin paths from her cheeks, and held her close. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to make you cry.”
She tipped her head back. “No, you wanted me to hate you so I’d move on, didn’t you?”
A single dip of his chin answered her.
“I tried, Nic. I failed.” Her confession came out as a strained whisper.
He pressed an openmouthed kiss to her forehead. “Me too.”
“But you will, won’t you? Your wolf will need your agreement too, and you’ll give it.”
“Yes, I’ll take a mate”—he eased back and stared into her eyes—“but she won’t replace you, not in my heart, soul or life.”
“So what? You’ll just fuck her?”
“Dammit, Riley, I want nothing to do with her. Hell, I don’t even want to associate with her.”
“But you will, won’t you. You’ll make love to her just like you did to me.”
“Never! I won’t love her.” His chest rose and fell on his rough pants. “Once. I need to fuck her once. That’s it. Love has nothing to do with it.”
She opened her mouth but closed it without saying a word. What good would it do? No matter what Nic thought he wanted, when the day came for his kid to be born, things would change. His mate would be a part of his life, and the child they created would bind them together. He’d be protective and possessive of her.
Just like he was a few minutes ago with me.
She brushed her fingertips along his jaw. He closed his eyes on a sigh as if the simple caress meant the world to him.
“Does your wolf hate me, Nic? Or is it that he doesn’t want you to mate me?”
“He cares for you, baby.” He mimicked the caress along her cheek. “You’re pack.”
“Cares for me. I see.” And how am I supposed to make an animal I can’t talk to love me? Especially when I’m not the same species and can’t be more than…what…a friend to it? A companion? She didn’t have an answer.
He turned away from her and walked toward the hall table where Ben had dropped his key. Nic picked it up and curled his fingers around it, squeezing it tight. He glanced over his shoulder. “I need to go and deal with Ben. Make sure he’ll keep his word.”
With a blood oath.
She’d heard of the practice. Normally given between the pack protectors and the alpha, it ensured complete loyalty from the one giving the vow. Any order from their alpha would have to be followed, or they’d suffer physical pain and ultimately death.
She nodded, knowing Nic would never abuse the privilege.
“I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.” He opened the door, gaze straight ahead. “And just to be clear, we’re over. There will be no more repeats of tonight.”
He stepped out. She waited for the door to slam before making her way to the bathroom. She went through the motions, turning on the shower and washing the evidence of their loving away without allowing any thoughts to take hold. The few precious minutes of nothingness were necessary. She needed to think clearly, not react solely on her emotions because her decision was made. She was going to fight for what belonged to her.
Nic.
In light of everything he’d said to her, however, she wasn’t quite sure how she’d accomplish it. Human-shifter matings were rare. She knew of only three in the States. All the reasons Nic gave explained why. Even the beta wolves wanted to procreate. It was a drive they couldn’t ignore. Animalistic. Primal. All-consuming. The primitive need to continue the bloodline was something every animal species experienced, and love wasn’t necessary for breeding.
Shifter reproduction hadn’t been a topic that had been shared with her, but she knew the basics, including that only mates could procreate because there was a mystical side of conception that tied the baby to the pack, making it necessary the male shared a piece of his soul with his mate.
Humans could not conceive or impregnate a shifter even if they were soul-bonded to a shifter. Their eggs and sperm weren’t compatible, and not once had a half-breed ever been born.
She choked on a sob and slid down the tile wall of the shower stall.
She was screwed. All she had to offer Nic was love, and only half of him cared about the emotion. Or her.
Chapter Eight
Nic’s family home, a large, historic, five bedroom farmhouse, had served as the Kagan pack’s meeting place since the mid-1800s. With its woodwork and high ceilings, it was beautiful and inviting. The gardens and walking paths surrounding it added to the welcoming atmosphere. He’d enjoyed growing up on the estate and always felt at peace on the property.
Tonight, though, he paced.
Ben hadn’t shown up.
Anxiety tightened Nic’s muscles and set him on edge. Hannah had picked up on his unease as soon as he’d arrived. He’d told her what had happened and his plans to deal with the young shifter, but remaining inside under her judging eye had been impossible. He’d retreated to the woods. That was ten minutes ago.
And still no Ben.
A growl crawled up Nic’s throat. He stood there vibrating with anger and worry. His instincts had told him the young wolf could be trusted. It was the only reason he’d let him go. At the time, it’d seemed more important to calm Riley. Her emotions had beat at him,
demanding he see to her needs. The urge had been too powerful to ignore. He should’ve. Nothing he had said helped. He’d only made it worse. Then again, he shouldn’t have expected anything different.
Hands balled, he swept his gaze over the area once more. Nothing. With a head start, there was no reason for the delay, and Nic couldn’t stand around waiting for him. He yanked out his phone, sent Hannah a text telling her his plans, and then dialed Sean.
“Yeah?” Sean’s groggy voice was barely more than a whisper, probably so he didn’t wake his mate.
Nic ground his jaw. Resentment he knew he shouldn’t feel added to the tension already gripping him. “I need you to help me find Ben.”
“What for?”
“He saw Riley’s scar.”
“Shit, hold on.”
Silence filled the line while Nic kicked off his shoes and made his way across the property.
“Okay, I’m back. How the hell did he see it now? Riley’s been careful all these years.”
“I was at her house. Ben walked in on us.”
“Ahhh…”
Another long pause. Nic yanked off his sweats while he waited for Sean to finish speaking..
“I’ll go to his house first then sweep outward and meet you at the circle.”
Nic glanced in the direction of the ceremonial ring. He couldn’t see it from where he stood. It was at the top of the hill behind his house. In a little over a week, he’d step into it, and the future of the pack would become his to ensure. The weight on his shoulders grew a little heavier. “Thanks, and I’m sorry to pull you away from your mate.”
“Jenna understands. She’s good friends with Riley.”
Nic closed his eyes. “Maybe she can go over to her. Riley probably needs a friend right about now.”
Sean’s sigh carried over the line. “Yeah, I’ll send her.”
Nic ended the call and dropped his cell on top of his sweats. His wolf pushed at him, demanding to be released. The beast he’d been born with might not love Riley, but it wanted to protect her.
If only that was enough for the primal animal, Nic wouldn’t be so fucked up.
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