by Piper Payne
It was amazing the kind of damage you could plan by only using your mind. You shouldn’t just be scared of evil thoughts, those dormant, guilt ridden, tame, evil thoughts. When those thoughts started to throb, thump–thump; justified, itching, blurring right and wrong, making you feel vindicated into action … that was when you should be scared.
What started out as an idea for survival had now turned into revenge. The more I plotted, the more I hated myself because I felt like my mother, conniving and devious. I tried to not lose sight of the who and the why. Before, it was guilt that drove me to find answers, but now it was pain. I couldn’t help it. I wanted this act of retaliation to hurt and devastate those that had hurt me. I wanted an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. What scared me the most was that I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pull off what I’d planned and I may sell my fictitious soul for nothing. As a group we already had a plan in motion. All we needed was the place and time, the invitation I stole from Landon’s house accomplished that, but I needed to create a different ending and outcome. I had to outsmart everyone, including my friends. If I was going to make things right for everyone, it meant I had to do things my way.
“Someone looks like hell this morning.” Max teasingly grinned as I walked into work.
“Besides my obvious lack of sleep I’ve felt like total crap lately. I just need something to eat and I’ll be fine.” I snatched the muffin he’d been eating from his hand and took a huge bite. He laughed, pulling another one from a bag and slid it toward me. “It’s lemon poppy seed, your favorite.”
“Thanks,” I said muffled with a mouthful of crumbs.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, that was dropped off for you yesterday.” He leaned back in his chair, pointing over to my desk. “It’s from Jesse’s sister. She said she wanted to drop it off when you weren’t here.”
I walked over and on my desk sat a small cream envelope. “She gave this to you?” I twisted my lips, flipping the card from front to back examining it.
“Yeah, it was about a half hour after you left. She didn’t say anything else. Read it to me, I’ve been dying to know what it says!” He put his hands under his chin, leaning against the table like a child waiting to hear a story.
I tore the sealed envelope and pulled out the stationary with a dahlia blossom on it.
Dear Larkin,
Words can never express the gratitude that is in my heart for you. I was so overwhelmed with emotion on Sunday listening to you talk to my son behind the shower curtain that I hadn’t realized by listening in on your conversation you were sharing something very personal and I may have overstepped a boundary by eavesdropping. Then on the other hand I couldn’t bear to walk away when I heard Jake speak for the first time in eight months! Eight whole months, Larkin, I’ve been waiting for my sweet boy to speak. To tell me he hates me or loves me, to tell me if he’s happy or sad. I’ve spent eight months begging and pleading for him to say even a single word.
I hope you know that night I was crying because I was happy. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story with him. For relating to him and making him feel like he isn’t alone. I can feel the change inside of him. He still hasn’t spoken since that night, but I can hear him talking to himself while he plays, and he plays pirates all day long. He laughs a little more, he smiles more, and he sings songs while in his hiding places. I got online and bought every single piece of Peter Pan paraphernalia that I could find because I never want him to stop playing and laughing and smiling. All of that is because of you.
I dropped this off after you left work because I knew I would cry like a blubbering baby if I did it face to face. I hope to see you again Sunday. I know it isn’t my place and Jesse would kill me if he knew I was butting into his business (again), but please don’t let him ruin this thing that’s happening between you guys. I can see it and I can feel it. He is crazy about you.
All my love,
Sydney
I blinked a few times to stop my tears. The what ifs were salt poured into my open wounds slit open by Jesse himself.
I threw the letter to Max, who was eagerly waiting to know what it said. It spun and slid across his desk as I pulled the ringing phone out of my back pocket.
“Hey—”
“Larkin, she won’t give it to me!” June screeched, causing me to pull the phone away with a painful squint. “She won’t fucking give it to me!”
“Whoa! Calm down. Who and what? Talk slower. What’s going on?” I looked over at Max; he’d set down the letter, motioning for me to come over to him so he could hear.
“Melissa! She said my uncle has a videotape of his victims. That he stores it in some safe in his home office like a perverted psychopath!”
“Oh God.” I gasped. Max covered his mouth with the same reaction.
“I could be on it! I could be on that tape! I’ve been pleading with her to break into the safe somehow and get it, but she won’t. She won’t even try because she’s too scared! He could have done this to who knows how many other girls! What am I going to do?” Her words were choppy as she uncontrollably sniffled and screamed into the phone. I could barely get her to calm down.
“June, do you trust me?”
“What? What kind of a question is that? Of course I trust you.”
“I need you to promise me something,” I said calmly. “No matter what, no matter how hard it may be, I need you to trust me and not do anything else. Can you do that?”
“You’re freaking me out. Just tell me what you mean. Don’t keep me in the dark, Larkin!”
“I just need you to NOT stray from the plan. I have an idea once we get there, but if you do anything else it could blow up in our faces. Do you understand?” I shook my head at Max, not wanting to explain what was going on; he was only picking up bits and pieces of our conversation because I was pacing around the office.
“Why can’t you just tell me what you’re talking about? Don’t try to be the goddamn hero here, Larkin, this is fucking serious.”
“YES or NO!” I screamed into the phone.
“AHHH! You’re being such a bitch. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing! Everything we’ve planned remains the same, but I need you to stop. Don’t bother with Melissa or your uncle! Please don’t do anything else. The more you keep bugging her, the more you’ll push her away. You don’t want Robert to get suspicious and that tape to go missing. I bought us all plane tickets to go to Aspen last night from the storage unit money and we’re leaving Friday morning. Until then, just focus on what you and Austin have been assigned to do and stay safe, leave everything else alone. Can you please do that for me? I have an idea, but I can’t plan it out until we’re in Aspen.”
Even though it didn’t make sense to her, or to Max, she reluctantly agreed after cussing me out. I’d been worrying this was all taking a toll on June and was scared what would happen when she got to Aspen. I had to make sure the next forty-eight hours Austin was by her side making sure she didn’t do anything crazy.
Every single place of refuge I had has been ruined or I was too scared to go to. It’d been eerily silent in my life. No Landon, no Jesse, and no Franklin. After work on Wednesday, I found myself wandering into a coffee shop I’d never been to, just to sit and sort things out in my head replaying my plan and its domino effect. I hadn’t noticed I’d been sitting there for hours, staring out the same window at the same tree with a cold and untouched hot chocolate until the barista came over to make sure I was okay. I sat on the corner bench with my back against the wall, completely lost in my own twisted train of thought. I decided I liked this coffee shop enough that I’d come back again. No one knew me and the couches, brick walls, and fireplace reminded me of Jesse’s home.
“Well, well, who do we have here?” A revolting sneer clawed through my eardrums, snapping me out of my subconscious. Without invitation and a cat-ate-the-lark conniving smile, Ashley Monroe pulled out the chair at my table and sat down in front of me, chest puffed ou
t in a cloud of overzealous confidence. Her cotton candy smell made my stomach recoil.
“I see you’ve managed to go from gutter rat to trailer trash. You’re really stepping it up, Larkin.” She eyed me disgusted with her judgmental brown eyes.
“What do you want?” I managed to say through gritted teeth and with all the venom I could muster.
“I already have what I want.” Her gigantic diamond ring flashed on her finger. “In fact, what was Landon saying last night when he was inside of me?” She tapped on her chin with her French tip manicured nails, letting the ring glisten under the light. “Oh, that’s right … that he loved ME. You really are an idiot if you thought he actually liked you. He’s been playing you this whole time.” She tilted her head, mocking me like a toddler, pouty lip and baby talk. “I’ve won. You’re just an emerald coat and a stupid fucking anonymous short story.”
I flinched. How did she know that? My nails digging into the small puncture wound on my wrist was the only thing keeping my emotions at bay. “That’s why you came here?” I yelled, rattling dishes as my knee bumped into the table. “To tell me you’ve won? Obviously you haven’t if you feel like you have to stalk and threaten me!”
“Tsk, tsk. Haven’t you learned by now I always win.” She eyed me in amusement. “I have a little message that Franklin wanted me to pass along to you.” Her hands vanished to the inside of her coat pulling out an envelope that she slowly slid across the table toward me. “You’ve been able to vanish for the past week but suddenly you’ve come out of hiding. Dumb move, bitch.” With that final comment she stood up from her chair and started walking away. She was almost out the door when she looked back at me with a smug, evil grin. “Oh and, Larkin…” she pointed toward my wrist “…why don’t you do us all a favor and get it over with already.”
As the door closed I released my grip, letting blood ooze from my unhealed wound. My hands trembled as I picked up the envelope sitting before me. A defiant part of me wanted to light a match and watch it burn, but curiosity got the best of me.
FEBRUARY 14TH, 2013
LOVE ME LARKIN
The Stone Mountain Resort was nestled into the white peaks of the Wasatch Mountains. We all arrived early so we could set up and do a live test demo before we started the show. Today was finally the ‘Love Me Larkin’ date, and while normal girls would worry about what type of underwear and lipstick they were going to wear, I was too busy staring at an origami bird trying to predict how the next ninety-six hours could play out.
With a gust of snowy wind I watched as Austin blew inside the lobby, shaking the snow off his poor excuse for a winter coat. “Holy shit, it’s a blizzard out there!” He suddenly took in his surroundings, mouth gaping in awe.
The resort was beyond luxurious. The interior ambiance was warm and inviting, like you’d want to pick up a good book, or stare out the window, while nestled down for hours in one of their soft chairs. There was an enormous wrought iron crystal baccarat chandelier in the grand entry of the lobby, and I counted at least five oversized fireplaces from where I sat. The limestone flooring carried itself up a grand staircase, and the ceilings were a massive structure of logs and wood.
They’d set us up in the main sitting area of the lobby, planning for resort guests to join and listen to the show while they served complimentary breakfast pastries and mimosas. The smell of their egg and sausage quiche had me gagging.
“Okay, so the plan for today is: Austin, after the show you’re going to drive back to Salt Lake and pick up June when she gets off her shift at 4:00 p.m. Larkin, you’re staying here and getting whatever specialty treatment the resort has planned. Lisa Connor is the event coordinator and our hostess for the evening; she’s got your whole day planned out so you’ll never be alone. I have to drive back with the station’s van and get things squared away since we’re going to be gone until Tuesday, and then I’ll head right back up here when I’m finished.” Max let the last part of his sentence gush out, stressed and winded. “Brett is supposed to show up at 6:00 p.m. for dinner. We just need to get some pictures of the happy couple then we can get this fucking date over with. Am I missing anything?” He looked at me and I continued for him.
“It’s been freaking me out that Franklin knows that we’re going to be up here this weekend. So let’s just be really careful. Use the buddy system and all that crap.”
“I can’t wait to get this weekend over with,” Austin mumbled, untangling his microphone cords. He was as edgy as Max.
We sat down adjusting our headsets and microphones as our morning intro started to play: This is The Music Morning Empire with Max, Austin, and Larkin on X92.9. This program is intended for mature audiences. Parental discretion is advised.
“Welcome to the show,” Max announced, with a grim monotone voice that was hysterically depressing. “We’re broadcasting live from the Stone Mountain Resort up in beautiful Park City, Utah. Usually every year we share in everyone’s misery, being that today is February fourteenth. The cursed day reminding you that eighty-seven year-old Hugh Hefner has six hot girlfriends and you’re completely alone. The day of high expectations, blue balls, and over-priced chocolates and flowers. But in fact we are thrilled this year, or at least Larkin is, because tonight the ‘Love Me Larkin’ date has finally come into fruition and the mood has been set with the help of the only aphrodisiac you’d ever need: The Music Morning Empire!” Max had become so overly animated by the end of his speech it was hard not to laugh and smile.
“It’s my goal that Larkin’s date with Brett turns into at least second base.” Austin nudged me with a wink. “I’ll play some Kenny G. in the background if I have to.”
“You said second base, not me ending up pregnant.” I scoffed, slugging him in the arm.
“Larkin is getting the special treatment today,” Max explained. “After the show, the salon and spa here at the Stone Mountain Resort will be pampering her with a massage, pedicure, and whatever else you girls like to get done. Then thanks to their onsite shopping and designer boutiques she will be wearing a goddess gown from Reem Acara on her date tonight.”
“I see what you guys are doing. Having some random male masseuse rub my body down, all oily and lubed to send off into the arms of another man. Well played, boys. Well played.”
“I’ll trade places with you if you want.” Max wagged his eyebrows up and down, making me shake my head and laugh.
We’d already been warned by management that Austin and Max could still do our typical “We Hate Love” Valentine’s Day show, but I needed to act excited about my date with Brett. The sponsors paid a lot of money for advertising and apparently our listeners were all very interested in me finding love.
“It’s 6:20 a.m. right now and we have a great show planned for you today. Around the eight o’clock hour we’ll be giving away two pairs of tickets to the Muse concert in April. And then toward the end of the show we will be reading your Valentine’s Day love letters you’ve been sending in all week, and when I say love letters, we really should change that to love stalker-creepy-pervert letters.”
“No kidding.” Austin grimaced. “I feel like I need to take a bath after we read them every year.”
“And then if we have time we’ll share our list of ‘Things That Shouldn’t Exist,” Max said.
“Oh, I have some good ones!” I said.
“That’s because you hate everyone and everything.” Austin chuckled, getting another dead arm for the comment.
The show was a hit. We had resort guests participating in all of our segments, and we even coaxed the resort manager to sing an awful rendition of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” to his wife on the air.
Our show ended at 10:00 a.m., and the last fifteen minutes we spent reading out the listeners love letters and giving them unsolicited and horrible advice.
“Well, Amy, it sounds to me like you have a serious case of denial. What’s the saying?” I pinched my chin in thought. “Oh yes, once a cheater always a backstabbing nymp
homaniac who will sleep with anything that has two legs and a lady hole, and one day you’ll wake up to find that he’s spent your life savings on prostitutes and secret trips to Thailand.” Max and Austin looked at me with wide eyes and their chins dangling to their chests, not sure if we’d get fined for that comment. “Find someone you can trust, this guy can’t possibly be the man of your dreams.”
“I don’t like this side of you, Larkin. Helping people to fall in love. You’ve been floating on cloud nine all day. The mushy-gushy love vibe you’re giving off is making me nauseous.” He winked at me, knowing it was total bullshit and didn’t even match my psychotic rambling.
“Yeah, I think we’d all like to know, before we send you off to get ready for your date, why you chose Brett over all of the other guys?” Austin asked, squinting at me warily, scared of my answer.
“It was simple. He doesn’t play the guitar or know how to make the perfect cup of hot chocolate; he doesn’t steal things from me; he’s not a manipulative liar with a driving problem; he hasn’t hooked up with a slutty, disgusting girl right in front of me while she gropes his crotch; he’s not engaged … oh, and he seems like a really interesting nice guy.”
This time their brows reached their hairlines. I mouthed “what?” at both of them, shrugging my shoulders.
“Oookkkaaayyy?” Max drew out the word.
“There’s the Larkin we know and love. It sounds like it will be a match made in Heaven, then.” Austin patted me on the back sarcastically.
“We’ve enjoyed every minute of this beautiful resort and its guests. Thanks for listening to the show. Tune in on Tuesday and you’ll get to hear all about our little lark bird’s romantical date, and we’ll also have a psychic coming into the station to give out some free in-studio readings so make sure you drop by,” Max said, already gathering his things.