by Edie Claire
It had to be hormones. But she couldn’t explain. Her pregnancy was not a secret, guilty or otherwise, but without divulging the whole complicated, ethically divisive story behind it, the topic was impossible to bring up.
And today she was just plain Haley.
“Nothing’s funny,” she answered. “I’m just happy to be here.” Her eyes held his a moment. “I’m sorry about… being so touchy. It’s just that my work is very consuming. Sometimes it’s hard to switch off that part of my brain.”
“You want help?” he offered, almost too quickly.
Haley raised an eyebrow. “Such as?”
He reached forward and plucked her cell phone out of the cup holder into which she had dropped it. “Leave this in the car,” he said beseechingly. “You won’t be able to get a signal most of the day anyway.”
Haley hesitated. She hadn’t emailed Micah yet. And Bob had wanted her to take a look at one particular memo…
Ben’s hazel eyes saddened, and Haley felt an annoying tug at her insides. The man was worse than a puppy.
“All right, all right!” she acquiesced.
Ben’s face brightened immediately. He opened up the glove compartment and tossed her phone inside. Then he opened his door, stuck one foot out, and looked back at her with a grin.
“Let’s go see the whales.”
Chapter 10
The sky was overcast, and as the boat chugged out into the open bay, the wind that rushed past Haley’s cheeks was frigid.
It was the most amazing feeling ever.
The second the boat had been unmoored from the dock and the rhythm of the ocean began to rock beneath her feet, Haley felt as if her soul had been unleashed. A warm, bubbly wave of happiness crept up from her toes and put an uncontrollable smile on her face.
She was free.
Free from what, she wasn’t sure. She would think it was freedom from her phone, except that she had already spent the better part of her time in Alaska with no reception. Perhaps it was the physical separation of her body from its tether? Or maybe it was the sheer ecstasy of being surrounded — in every possible dimension including straight down — by sights and sounds that were uniformly peaceful, natural, and beautiful.
Whatever it was, it felt amazingly, wonderfully good.
“Bald eagle at three o’clock!” Carol called out merrily to the passengers gathered in the front of the boat. Haley watched as another of the giant birds soared high across the water. Binoculars rose and cameras clicked. Everyone aboard seemed to be in a jubilant mood.
Haley cast a glance through the boat’s windshield into the bridge. Ben smiled and nodded back at her. The tour company for which he worked was a mom-and-pop shop specializing in small-group tours, a fact for which Haley quickly found herself grateful. The larger companies, whose passengers were just loading up as Ben’s boat headed out, operated multi-level vessels carrying a hundred passengers or more. Kenai Marine’s 43-foot-long craft was catering to fourteen.
Haley pulled down her newly purchased knit hat more snugly over her ears. Ben was right; she did need it. And her new water-resistant black gloves as well. Yet as cold as her cheeks were, she felt surprisingly snug inside her many layers… and the giant grape.
She put a hand subconsciously to her abdomen, as she had developed a habit of doing ever since her waistline began to swell. As much as she welcomed the separation of her person from everything else she’d been able to leave in the car, she did not begrudge the company of her unborn niece or nephew. None of her problems were the baby’s fault.
“You liking this, Fred?” she murmured in a whisper, using the pet name Micah didn’t know about and wouldn’t appreciate. “I wish you could see it with me. Maybe later… when you’re older.”
Haley had been warned during the counseling stage of surrogacy that her feelings about the pregnancy could be confusing — that she might begin to fantasize that the baby was her own. But that hadn’t happened. From the beginning she had thought of herself as only a babysitter for her unborn niece or nephew. She looked forward to a lifetime of Christmases, birthdays, and trips to the zoo with herself as Fred’s indulgent auntie. But Haley could always go back to her own home at night.
Thank goodness.
“Everybody look over at around the two o’clock position,” Ben’s voice announced over the loudspeaker, “and you’ll see your first marine mammals of the day. Sea otters!”
The passengers, including Haley, all flocked to the railing on their right. She grinned to herself as she thought of Ben’s earlier jest. If the boat capsized every time this happened, Kenai Marine would not be in business very long. She looked out to see several brown furry creatures frolicking in the gentle chop of the bay. Two seemed to be playing with each other; one head would pop out of the water, followed by another head attached to the first otter’s tail, the two turning over and over in tandem like a wheel. The passengers cooed and exclaimed with delight, and Haley wished that she’d brought a camera. A camera not attached to a phone.
Ben slowed down the boat as they drove around the otters, maintaining a steady distance from them that Haley presumed was a predetermined safe berth. She had no doubt that if it came to pleasing passengers versus protecting the wildlife, Ben would come down firmly on the side of the animals. She listened as he began a running commentary on sea otters that made his audience laugh out loud. If the whale business ever dried up, she thought fondly, the man could always go into stand-up comedy.
All too soon, the boat left the sea otters to their amusement and began cruising south down the bay. Ben continued his narration with stories of the abandoned army dock at North Beach, which he lauded as a fabulous hike, despite the fact that if you didn’t time the tides right, you could easily get stuck there. Haley made a mental note not to get herself conned into that one, even as she smiled to think that with Ben along, she would doubtless have nothing to worry about.
They passed Caines Point, and the waters of the bay grew wider. Ben took a break from narrating and sped the boat up a bit, and Haley decided to explore the rest of the deck. The front section was by far the windiest, while the larger back section was calmer. The center of the boat was enclosed and heated, featuring comfortable seating, a tiny galley area, and an even tinier bathroom. The galley was stocked with supplies for coffee, tea, and cocoa as well as a plate of cookies, and Haley shamelessly helped herself to a cup of hot water and two vanilla creams.
“This, Fred my dear,” she said out loud as she returned to the rail with her booty. “This is living.”
She gazed out in awe at the ragged coastline, where towering peaks plunged steeply into the deep blue water while rock islands like castle spires jutted up from below. Seabirds soared overhead, swooping and diving for fish and calling to their comrades nesting in the rocky crags of the cliffs. Higher up on the steep slopes, tall evergreens clung, and Carol pointed out the nest of a bald eagle to her cadre of dedicated bird watchers.
All the while, the boat skipped nimbly across the waves, and Haley thrilled to the feel of the movement beneath her.
She was free.
The boat slowed down again, and Haley almost felt sorry. She glanced at her watch, then on impulse removed it from her wrist and dropped it into her pocket. She would not worry about time today. Today, she wouldn’t worry about anything.
“Having fun?”
Haley jumped as Ben appeared at the railing by her side, leaning in just close enough to speak to her without yelling. Their arms and shoulders brushed, causing a tingle of heat beneath Haley’s multiple layers of clothing.
Seriously? She thought with embarrassment, inching away from him slightly. What was she, thirteen?
“I am,” she answered warmly. “I’m having a fabulous time. At least I was, until I realized no one was driving the boat.”
He chuckled. “Carol’s spelling me. She knows when a man needs a cookie break. You didn’t eat all the vanilla creams, did you?”
She smiled guiltily.
“Not all of them. Not yet anyway.”
“Is that a whale?” an older man called excitedly.
“Whale?” Ben jolted upright and hurried off toward where the man stood, looking out over the open sea. Haley followed.
“Not a whale,” Ben announced. “But you’ve spotted something else for us!” He dashed up to the bridge and exchanged some words with Carol, who immediately steered the boat in the animals’ direction as the passengers gathered to watch. “They’re Dall’s porpoises,” Ben shouted gaily to the clustering passengers. “They’re black and white, and sometimes get mistaken for orcas, but they’re smaller. Only about six feet long, on average. And very fast swimmers.”
Haley watched with fascination as the animals came into view, perhaps a half dozen of them, leaping out of the water to display sleek black bodies with white-tipped fins and a broad band of white on their bellies and sides. She was disappointed when, before they reached the same comfortable viewing distance they’d had with the otters, Carol turned the boat to the side and sped up again. “Can’t we get any closer?” Haley asked.
“No need,” Ben replied, his eyes dancing mischievously. “They know we’re here, now.” He gave a tug on her sleeve. “Follow me.”
As the other passengers moved to watch the porpoises from the side railing, Ben steered her toward the bow.
“They’re coming this way!” a woman called joyfully. Cameras and binoculars flew up again as the animals indeed moved steadily closer, despite the ship’s speed. For a long moment, the porpoises disappeared. Then, to Haley’s delight, a striking black and white form leapt out of the water mere feet from where she stood.
The passengers moved quickly to the front of the boat, pointing and laughing as porpoise after porpoise zipped up through the boat’s wake, then sped in front of the bow as if running a race. The animals first swam underneath the boat, darting from side to side, then they would speed ahead of it, leaping out of the water and dropping back, only to catch up and repeat the game all over again.
Haley laughed out loud with the rest of them. She had seen dolphins jumping along beside boats before, but she had forgotten until now just how much she had always enjoyed watching them. “They’re bow riding,” Ben called from his position farther back, where he had moved when the other passengers came forward. “Nobody knows exactly why they do it, but they sure seem like they’re having fun!”
Haley agreed. The porpoises had, after all, come swimming after the moving boat of their own free will. And it did look like fun. Tremendous fun.
Oh, to be a porpoise…
The animals kept up the game for nearly five minutes before peeling off to less energetic pursuits. As the passengers drifted away from the bow, Ben appeared at Haley’s side again. “Did you like that?” he asked, his hazel eyes twinkling at her. His arm brushed hers again, making her acutely aware of his broad shoulders and solid biceps.
“It was amazing!” she replied happily, realizing from the answering glow on his face how much her enjoyment meant to him.
Kiss me.
Haley took a reflexive step back. Where had that come from? Had she been thinking the words herself… or reading them in his eyes?
It felt like both.
“I’m glad,” he said, straightening. Was it her imagination, or was his tone a little stiffer, suddenly? “Gotta get back to the bridge. Enjoy!”
In a blink, he was gone again.
Haley gave her head a shake. Hormones. Libido was supposed to pick up in the second trimester, wasn’t it? Never mind that she welcomed it no more than would a nun. Her body was out on temporary loan, and even if it wasn’t, her luck in the romance department was abysmal. She hadn’t managed even a semi-serious relationship since college, back in the wild and carefree days before every flippin’ man she encountered was another attorney.
When I grow up, Micah had announced from their father’s knee, I’m going to marry a lawyer just like you, Daddy!
And what about you, Haley, babe? He had teased, bouncing her on the opposite knee at the same time.
I’m going to BE a lawyer just like you! Haley had proclaimed. And… I’m going to marry one, too!
She closed her eyes at the memory, its bitter-sweetness reviving the familiar ache in her middle. “Sorry, Dad,” she whispered to herself. “We’re good on the first part, but the second ain’t happening.”
Fighting a shudder, she opened her eyes again. Why any two people in the same profession would marry each other was beyond her. She might as well go to bed with a file box of case law.
Ben’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Who knows what’s hanging out on the island at ten o’clock?”
“A turkey!” yelled a grade-school aged boy, his voice ringing with mischief.
Ben made a sound like a buzzer. “Sorry! Try again.”
“Sea lions!” shouted his excited younger brother.
Ben imitated the ding of a bell. “A hundred points and an extra bag of chips to the man in the red jacket!”
The younger brother punched his older sibling playfully on the arm, and the two laughed as they clambered forward to nab prime spots along the railing. Ben drove the boat closer and everyone gathered to watch the small colony of Steller sea lions hauled out on a rocky shelf of the small island.
Haley smiled as she watched the giant bulls raise their heads and bawl at the much smaller females around them, many of whom barked right back. Sea lions were nothing new to her; their California cousins were viewed as little better than rats in Newport Harbor, where they hauled out on boats in the marina and often caused considerable damage. But watching these creatures felt different. The animals she saw at home were trying to survive in human territory; but to these creatures, she was the interloper. In fact, from where she stood, no other signs of human existence were even visible. These animals were wholly wild — part of a vast, non-human wilderness she felt lucky to be granted even a glimpse of.
Ben continued a lively narration about sea lion biology until, all too soon, he seemed to judge that the people’s presence had affected the animals enough, and the boat moved on. It was not long, however, before they came upon another “hauling out place,” this one occupied by a very contented looking group of harbor seals. Haley drank in the sight of the cute, speckled gray animals with delight. Ben launched into an amusing description of seal life, and once again he had everyone on board chuckling, until he began to talk about the effects of a devastating oil spill twenty-five years before.
Haley suffered a sudden sick feeling. The Exxon Valdez. She knew more about it than she cared to. One could hardly go into environmental law without at least a passing familiarity. Yet she had conveniently forgotten that this part of Alaska, this beautiful bay and these islands and cliffs with all their engaging wildlife, had once been blackened and deadly.
As Ben sobered up the crowd with a description of the devastation, Haley’s sick feeling turned into a gnawing pain. He obviously cared deeply about threats to the environment. Thank God she hadn’t told him any more about her job. Nothing would wipe that gorgeous smile off his face faster than finding out that in the distinguished environmental division of Merriweather, Falstaff, and Tynes, attorney Haley Olson represented the polluters.
The boat sped away from the seals and headed northwest up into Aialik Bay, where Ben announced that they would stop for lunch near a glacier. Haley forcefully pushed down her grim thoughts, taking in deep breaths of the brisk ocean air and bathing her eyes in the unending beauty of her surroundings. Another group of Dall’s porpoises showed up to bow ride, and Carol and her group of bird watchers went practically giddy over huge flocks of puffins. The two boys kept watch along the beaches for wandering bears, and the rest of the passengers mingled and socialized as they cycled in and out of the cabin area to stay warm.
Haley herself spent every second out on deck. Ben hadn’t left the wheel for hours now, and she chastised herself for feeling abandoned. The man was working, after all. He wasn’t intent
ionally avoiding her.
At least she hoped he wasn’t. He had left her rather abruptly after… After what? Nothing had happened. It was all in her hormonally challenged mind.
The passengers’ stomachs were grumbling — and the cookies were long gone — by the time the boat pulled off into the narrower waters of the Holgate Arm. Rocky cliffs rose up steeply to either side, and Haley felt a spooky sense of unease as the water gradually turned grayer and colder and floaters of ice began drifting down the current to meet them. As they drew nearer to the giant wall of frozen blue water that formed a dead end ahead of them, Ben slowed down the boat to weave around large chunks of ice sticking up above the surface. The water became increasingly clogged with a lacy soup of floaters, and Haley could hear and feel large pieces of ice scraping along the hull of the boat beneath her.
She moved up the side railing toward the bridge, where Ben sat on the other side of an open window. “By any chance have you seen the movie Titanic?” she inquired nervously.
Ben’s gaze stayed fixed on the water, but his mouth twisted into a grin. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “I got this.”
Haley returned to the back of the boat, not daring to distract him any further. Just when she had decided to ask for a passenger vote affirming that they were close enough now, thank you very much, Ben steered the boat sideways to the glacier and turned off the engine. As the rumble of the boat’s motor stopped, a new sound reached everyone’s ears, and all talking ceased.
Haley held her breath in awe. All around them the floating ice popped and crackled in the water like a very loud bowl of Rice Krispies. A few seconds later, the massive wall of frozen blue water that cascaded down the mountains and into the ocean before them began to make noise of its own.
“Is that thunder?” asked one of the boys.
Ben had materialized on deck. “No, it’s coming from the glacier. Watch.”
Haley’s muscles tensed as the cracking, rumbling sound continued, seeming to vibrate the air around her, almost like an earthquake.