“I remembered having a good life,” Garrison said suddenly. I turned to look at him but his gaze was far away in a memory. “It’s hard when you have all of these feelings, and all of the … repercussions that come with having lived a whole life already. But none of it is within your control. You can’t go back to that life, but you’re saddled with all the baggage.”
Tell me about it, I thought bitterly.
The sky was growing dark. The sudden change of weather surprised me, but the air felt charged. I felt like he was using magic, but I had to remember to ask Garrison about it at another time. For now, I listened. The air felt so thick around us that I didn’t dare move.
“I was just a child when I saw my entire family murdered,” he said flatly. I stared at him in shock. “I couldn’t tell what was then and what was now, I was too young. I would live two lives — in one I would have my hippy parents who encouraged me to develop any kind of psychic ability, and in the other I would live in the past, on my own.”
I didn’t know what to say. My bad situation seemed just peachy compared to his.
“So what happened?” My voice came out in a whisper.
“I just dealt with it,” Garrison shrugged. “The memories grew when I grew. I remembered becoming a soldier. I knew how to fight. I’ve actually enjoyed these lessons with Kian. Sometimes an image will float through while I’m waving that damn heavy sword around. Then my magic kicked in. I could move things, draw things to me and push them away.”
I eyed the clouds moving quickly to hover over our heads. Garrison saw me look.
“That happens sometimes,” he dismissed, waving a hand at the clouds. “Then,” he continued, “just as I thought I was going crazy, I found Seth. This was about,” he counted on his fingers, “three years ago. We tried to add our memories together — his had just started — but it still didn’t make complete sense. So we just decided to wait until someone showed up one day to claim us.”
Three years. Three years that Seth had known about me, and I had no idea about him. I processed Garrison’s story. My naiveté seemed ridiculous now.
We spent another hour or so wandering around town. We eventually returned to the hotel for dinner. While we waited to be seated in the small dining room, Kian and Seth finally shuffled in. If it weren’t for the hard lump in my heart that formed at seeing both of them, I would have laughed at their similar sulky postures.
Inside me a conflict raged. The past me wasn’t turning out to be an awesome person. I felt like I needed to hide this side of me if Kian were to ever come near me again. But he encouraged me to develop who I was. And embrace it. He didn’t know what I might become.
As they both walked in, I felt it clearly for the first time. Yes, it was Kian I wanted. My past life ached for Seth, but I couldn’t let her win. She would take me over and turn me into her. I processed it with the clearest logic I could muster. Just like I couldn’t be judged now on the merits of my past life, so he couldn’t be loved for his. I startled myself with the thought. I guess my decision was clearer than I had thought.
“Good day?” Garrison asked.
I tried to act casual but was dying to know what they had talked about.
Seth nodded. “It was alright,” he said.
I eyed Kian for any hint of what had happened, but his face was impossible to read.
The next few days crawled by. Kian didn’t seem to be interested in speaking with me and had been grumpy since our first day in Chester. I wanted to know when he would take us to where we were from, or even ask him why we were here, but he was avoiding me. He slept on the floor during our first night in the hotel, and the next day he took another room that had become available.
While Kian’s treatment of me hurt, the buzzing I had experienced during our first day came back in quick bursts, where I felt like my body was being zapped with electricity. I found myself using my magic just to burn some of it off. Moving things around with currents of air, I discovered my powers were similar to Garrison’s.
“Maybe we’re long-lost cousins or something,” he told me one day.
One evening we were watching television and news of the drought in the southern states and flooding in Florida played back-to-back. I had lost count of all the places the magicians’ touch had reached. We were in Seth and Garrison’s room; the two lay splayed out on their beds behind me, while I sat on the floor in front of the TV.
“How do you suppose we fight that?” Seth asked, waving a hand at the TV.
The footage showed people paddling boats through what used to be a town.
That question plagued me every day.
“I don’t even have any real magic,” Seth was nearly pouting. I turned around and gave him an incredulous look.
“Without you, we would never be able to find them. You can sense them. Know what they’re going to do … right?” I tried to sound supportive.
Seth shrugged, bypassing my comments. “That or get sucked in again by a trap,” he remarked glumly.
That wasn’t what I had wanted to hear. Deciding it was time for bed, I stood.
“See? You scared her off,” Garrison said half-heartedly to Seth.
“No way.” Seth smiled at me and his demeanour melted a little. I felt a pang of guilt as my eyes lingered over his face, looking for the man inside.
Your life to lead, I told myself. I said goodnight and left the room.
Guilt hung over me like a dark cloud. I wanted Kian to like me. I wanted him to talk to me and joke with me like he used to. And wanting this made me roll my eyes. His marble personality made it that much more rewarding when he would open up to me and reveal the softness underneath the granite exterior. The man was like stone. But I had only come because of Seth. I had loved him for nearly two thousand years and a part of me still felt too insignificant to break the chain.
One foot here, one foot there, Kian had once told me. Be careful or you’ll never find your present.
Before entering my room, I heard Kian’s voice. It was the first time I had heard it raised in a long time. I immediately became paranoid about who was in his room. Before I knew it, I had crossed the hall and had my ear pressed to his door.
Subtle, Gwen.
“… too difficult … have a lot of magic.” His voice came muffled through the door.
Damn you, Victorian hardwood.
After a second, there was no reply. I realized he was on the phone. I had never actually heard him speaking on the phone to one of the magicians who were sponsoring us. His attitude made it clear he followed their orders, whether he liked it or not, but now he argued heatedly.
“I won’t do it.” The words rang clear. Some more silence, then, “You cannot … the promise is …”
I strained.
The promise is what?
The door swung open and I nearly fell onto Kian’s chest. He took me by the arm and ushered me across the hall into my own room, where he slammed the door shut behind us. It startled me and I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at him. He was towering above me, his long nose making him look like a bird of prey. He eyed me like an eagle would do a snake far below. His eyes were narrowed with suspicion.
“What are you doing, Gwen?” His voice was hushed but dangerous. I realized he was angry with me. It stung, since this was our first conversation beyond “Good morning” and “Good night” in a few days. He had avoided me, and now he was yelling at me. Irritation itched under my layer of dismay at his treatment.
“I’m sorry I was listening in, I just thought —”
“You don’t trust me,” he stated.
His tone stung some more and I didn’t know how to answer. Seth must have told him everything about me that I had hidden. He must think I’m a horrible person. Something had been divulged. The paranoid thoughts circled my mind like vultures.
“What do you mean?” My voice came out in a pathetic whimper.
I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. Had I been a terrible person? Had Seth told him
about my husband?
“Whose life are you living?” His eyes were imploring while his voice still simmered.
“My own,” I answered. The accusatory note in his tone was undeserved. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Had I?
“Why are you …” he stopped, thinking about how to continue, “being affectionate with me?”
I sat and stared, not knowing how to answer. I vowed to never eavesdrop again if this mess blew over. How had the conversation gotten here?
“Seth told me about the memories you share … about being together,” Kian prompted.
I felt a fresh wave of fuchsia flood my face as my heart began to race again. Okay, worst fears confirmed. Kian’s anger had gone as quickly as it had appeared and he just looked confused. I realized I owed him an explanation, but before I could open my mouth, he went on.
“I don’t know what I feel when I am around you anymore,” Kian went on. “It has become difficult. I don’t have any of my own magic, you know that.” I nodded, waiting for him to explain. “The magic I have came from the magicians who brought me here, and only to find you. That’s all I have.”
There was a moment of silence when I realized he waited for me to speak. I had no idea what to say or what he was going on about.
“Go on,” I suggested.
“So why choose me?” he asked. I stared at him in disbelief.
“What do you mean?”
“Why choose me? I’m powerless, yet I feel power around you. Why?” Kian continued. “I shouldn’t; I have nothing but the magic given to me. You’re vibrating. I can feel the energy off of you. It’s hard to be near you without feeling it spread to me. It seeps into my bones and I don’t even have anything to defend myself with.”
I sat speechless. I loved it when he dropped the indifferent attitude, but he was flying off the handle a bit here.
“But I don’t even mind that anymore,” he said. “If I feel that with you, why does Seth tell me you were his? If you think you were with him then …”
I took in a deep breath. Kian’s speech was like a roller coaster ride on my emotions. I was beginning to realize that he would simmer and stew, and then explode like a volcano. I needed to steady myself.
“I was,” I said, though a strong portion of my mind argued that I had never been anyone’s. Something Kian said sounded off to me. “I don’t think I may have had something with him. I did have something with him. But that doesn’t mean anything now,” I said. Not mentioning the fact that Seth was probably Roman and therefore I had more than likely sold out my own people. “I know that. Meeting Seth was just … surprising after all the memories.”
Kian looked utterly confused. His irritation has dissipated and was replaced by a frown.
“There is nothing between us in this life,” I reiterated. “But you told me I have to figure out my memories to gain my magic. That’s all.”
He stood, his face growing more and more bewildered. He scowled at the wall and placed a hand on his chin. In any other situation, his befuddled appearance would have been comical.
I sighed and went on, well aware that I was quickly talking myself into a hole.
“I am realizing that this is a new life. And nothing has happened to make me …” Love? Did I dare say love? “… want to be with him. We may have been together then but —”
Kian cut me off with a raised hand. “Gwen, I don’t know what kind of magic or trickery has convinced you otherwise, and it is strange that you both tell the same story, but I can guarantee you that you have never been … associated … with Seth.”
Chapter Twenty
I blinked at him like a total idiot. “But …” was all I could manage.
“I thought Seth had been lying. I know who he was, and I know you have never been together,” Kian said. “That’s why I was angry. I thought you or he was trying to … trick me or something.” He leaned against the door and rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t know his reasons to lie, so I watched you two. But you seem convinced of your past. I need some time to think about this.”
“Uh, yeah.” It was a weak defence, but I had nothing else.
My heart beat like a drum at the thought that I might have been mistaken. What if my memories weren’t actually memories at all? I couldn’t bear to think of it. The last grip I would have had on any of my lives was quickly slipping away. I jumped up and rushed to Kian so quickly that he backed into the door.
“Do that thing you did when you kidnap —” I stopped, “— found me. That thing where you read my memories or whatever. You’ll see it was him.”
Another flood of red went straight into my face as I began to worry what Kian would actually see, but he shook his head.
“It doesn’t work that way. I have the magic to unlock your memories, but they are yours. What you saw then is what you’ll see now. Those images were focused around you. He wasn’t in them.”
“How can you be sure we were never together?” I asked, suddenly skeptical.
“Because I am.”
I wasn’t going to get more out of him.
“Who were you arguing with on the phone?” I asked.
A change of subject was best. Arguing with Kian about what I knew in my very soul wasn’t going anywhere. I’d prove him wrong. Somehow.
“We have a new location,” was the reply.
I sighed and we reached for the doorknob at the same time. His face was mere inches from mine, and my breath caught in my throat. I looked up into his eyes and for a moment the world was transformed. His eyes shone brighter. Slowly, his face moulded and changed and became that of the Roman soldier at the waterfalls. Seth.
I jumped in surprise. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest, but Kian appeared not to notice anything. His expression didn’t change as he pulled the door open and walked down the hall to Seth and Garrison’s room.
I stood in the doorframe, leaning against the wood for support and grasping my chest.
What is going on? The thought raced through my mind but I had no answer.
While I still stood immobile, Seth poked his head out of his room and down the hall.
“Gwen?” he called. “Come on! Kian’s doing one of his announcements.”
I walked into the room, trying to act calm, though my heart still palpitated violently. But, I couldn’t look at Kian in the same way. He and Seth now felt the same to me — looked the same, smelt the same. I couldn’t focus on his words.
“… countryside. Be in control.”
“What?”
Kian turned to me with an annoyed look but quickly looked away. He shook his head slightly when he looked my way, as if willing the confusion to tumble out.
“I said we were going into the countryside to find the next of your kind. Your memories are growing — so are your powers. So make sure you remain in control.” He finished his speech and walked out of the room without another word.
“Wow, man of steel, he is,” Garrison said. Seth nodded and then noticed me eyeing him. I realized too late that I must have worn a suspicious look.
“What is it?” he asked.
I looked meaningfully at Garrison, silently asking for a private minute. He got the hint but chose to only sit up in his bed and hug a pillow.
“If you’re going to discuss your lovey past, then I know all about it, so no point in kicking me out into the hall.”
Seth hid his face in his hands as his ears turned pink. I crossed my arms and tried to look stern, but I kind of didn’t care. I surprised myself by separating the past from the present. I guess it is easier not to identify with your past life when you turned out to have been an adulterous traitor.
“Whatever,” I said to him. Then to Seth, “What did you tell Kian?”
Seth looked taken aback. He must not have realized there was anything that needed to be held back. He screwed his eyes up and thought.
“I told him most of my memories were like photographic portraits. The sea. The forest. You.” He shrugged. “Those few th
ings were all I knew of my past life, other than the feelings that came with them. From those, I figured out what was going on … I realized our story.”
“And you’re sure it was me?” I was nearly wincing with anticipation.
“Of course,” Seth answered.
My chest eased a little and I mentally devoted some time in the near future to proving Kian wrong.
“Did I upset anyone?” Seth asked, eyebrows rising.
He was obviously referring to Kian so I shook my head to reassure him.
“He’s not mad,” Garrison said, joining the conversation. “It’ll blow over. I see the way he looks at you.”
I ducked my head, trying in vain to hide the blush creeping up my neck. I had been ignoring him watching our exchange from his bed.
“I don’t know what —” I began, but Garrison cut me off.
“Yes, you do,” he said. It wasn’t an accusation, just an observation. I stole a glance at Seth but he seemed indifferent. Deciding to retreat, I waved goodnight and raced to my room, where a whole lot of concerns were mixed with a bunch of questions.
“It’s too hot,” Garrison complained from the back seat.
He sat with me in the back of the rental car while Seth and Kian rode in front. The sun shone on our legs and it did feel a little like being baked inside an oven.
“I thought England was supposed to be cold, dismal …” He trailed off, throwing his head back dramatically.
“Stop whining. The air conditioning is on,” Seth called from the front.
We could hear the small car struggling to cool the air, but weren’t feeling it.
Despite Garrison’s dramatics, the morning had begun quite differently. He had come downstairs with puffy eyes and red welts on his cheeks that looked like burst blood vessels. A night of crying would do that. I chose not to say anything and asked Seth.
“Memories,” he said. “Kian warned us. He’s trying to stay in control, but it’s hard.”
When I looked at him questioningly, he went on.
“His family,” Seth explained. “Both his families.”
Lives of Magic (Seven Wanderers Trilogy) Page 15