“You know him better, but Tom’s made him a very impressive offer. Those student loans, mortgage, and other debts you mentioned would no longer be an issue. Emily wouldn’t need to work, and they could live anywhere they wanted.”
“Emily likes her job. She loves teaching. Our mother was a teacher, up until the day she died. Emily enjoys doing what she does.” Claire realized she wasn’t facilitating the conversation. “But, I’m sure the loss of debt would be appealing. Emily could always find another teaching job. She does have over six years of experience. I just don’t want you to be disappointed if he refuses.”
“It’s interesting the lengths some people will go to reduce their debt.”
Claire chose to ignore that comment. “Has Tom given him a deadline? And what was the point of me talking with Emily but not knowing about John?”
“Tom asked for an answer by the end of January, and I was curious.” This time Claire raised her eyebrows. “I wondered if Emily would come right out and ask you about the job, and I figured if you knew about it, she’d think you persuaded me to offer it to him, or more accurately, persuaded me to persuade Tom.”
Claire thought for a moment. “Well, I can honestly say it never occurred to me to ask for such a thing, and obviously Emily doesn’t realize, I don’t have that kind of influence over you.”
His smile flashed, more unscrupulous this time. “Why, Mrs. Rawlings, I believe you’ve been known to be quite persuasive.”
The enlightening conversation was done. Claire had a lot to consider. She didn’t feel good about the probability of John being employed by Rawlings Industries; however, she’d been honest, both to Emily and Tony. That’s all she could do. Honesty was always the best policy—right?
Chapter Thirty-Four
Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
—Norman Vincent Peale
The New Year began, and the routines of the past year continued. Tony left in the morning for work, Claire stayed home swimming in the indoor pool, working out in the gym, reading books, watching movies, and waiting for his return. She still relied on Catherine to inform her each evening of Tony’s plans. One change was that if he were in town, he always came to her suite. She may even be asleep, but he slept with her. Another change was that he personally informed her of any events, gatherings, or activities they would attend as a couple. Claire felt this was an improvement from Catherine’s last-minute information.
Together they attended two formal events in January. The University of Iowa held a banquet, preceded by cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, to recognize platinum donors. Mr. Anthony Rawlings, of course, was one of them. They also attended a political fund-raiser for the Iowa City District Attorney’s Office where a speaker spoke about the role of private industry in the nation’s financial recovery. Claire played her part well. She remembered all the rules of her first outing at the symphony. Now, as Anthony Rawlings’s wife, she didn’t need to be the perfect companion. She needed to be the perfect wife. She projected the persona well: beautiful, polite, contented, and appreciative.
Claire had been a newlywed over a month, and most of that time was spent wandering around her home. The continual snow and cold even restricted her from getting outside into the woods. She wondered about Courtney or Sue. Perhaps they didn’t want to see her. She hadn’t seen or talked to anyone since Emily, January 1. The walls of her beautiful home were closing in upon her.
When Tony worked from home, Claire joined him in his office. It wasn’t a requirement. She thought of it as a getaway from her normal routine. He mostly worked from Iowa City, but he also went out of town a few times. He said he wanted her with him on these business trips, but things were too busy. There would be no time for social activities, and she’d be bored. He decided it was better for her to stay home.
Claire felt increasingly claustrophobic, and Tony seemed completely unaware of her plight. Claire decided perhaps this qualified as one of those: I’m a busy man. If you want something, you need to ask me—situations. One night, after Tony returned from a short stay in Chicago and the two lay in his dark suite, Claire decided to ask, “I would like to go with you on your next business trip.”
“I told you things are busy you’d be bored.”
“I’m bored now. I’ve barely been out of this house since our honeymoon. I’m going crazy.” She expected some realization, an apology for being so involved in business that he’d neglected his wife, perhaps some sweeping request for forgiveness. That wasn’t what she received. Abruptly, he turned. With his face only inches from hers, she felt his warm breath on her skin.
“Really? You’re bored?”
Resiliently she answered, “I am.”
“And you didn’t catch the end of the conversation?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t. I’ll stay out of your way, and we don’t need to go out on the town. I just want to get out of this house.”
“You’ve received many invitations for outings.” He remained too close.
“What? What kind of invitations? And why didn’t I know about them?”
Tony explained, “You didn’t know about them, because I chose not to pass them on to you.” Claire waited while he continued, “During our wedding preparations you were extremely busy. Sometimes you weren’t home when I returned. I didn’t like that.” His cadence slowed. “Besides, on New Year’s Eve, you seemed to have memory issues. I decided going out as Mrs. Rawlings alone, wasn’t something you’re ready to do.”
Claire felt the anger building within her chest and feared if she spoke, her words would fan her husband’s fury, not subdue it. Therefore, she concentrated on keeping her lips pressed together as he continued, “And, I like knowing you’re home, safe and out of trouble. I have too many things on my plate right now. I don’t need to worry about you having another accident.”
She had remained silent as long as she could. Claire asked. assertively, “From whom?”
“Excuse me?” Tony understood her tone. He wanted clarification on her meaning.
“The invitations I’ve received, who are they from?”
“I believe your ability to understand has diminished with your memory. I said I chose not to forward them to you. I decided you will stay home, safe. Good night.” Tony lay back on his pillow.
She lay still for what seemed like hours. Finally, his breathing slowed and became rhythmic. For the first time since he’d proposed, she didn’t want to be with him. Claire decided since they were in his suite, she could go to hers. She waited until she felt certain he was asleep, and then gently lifted the covers. Feeling for her robe, she heard his booming voice rip through the darkness. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m aware the conversation is done and that I have no control in my own activities. It’s all in your hands. But at this moment, I’m also aware you don’t consider me a spouse or a partner. I’m going to my suite to ponder this information.”
“No, you are not.” Without a doubt, a conclusive statement.
At a little over 6’4” Tony’s arm span was immense. Perhaps if she hadn’t been tying her robe and putting her feet into slippers, she might have had better balance. Nevertheless, in less than a second he grasped her arm and her world tilted. She was once again lying on his bed. The weight of his upper body pinned her to the mattress. Memories of their wedding pictures came to mind. She felt small and defenseless.
“Tony, remember your promise.” Her voice sounded falsely formidable.
“Which has always been contingent upon yours.” Her chest suddenly became heavy, not from the weight of his body, but from his words. He continued, “You’re right.” She didn’t speak, unsure of her correctness. “The conversation is done and I am in total control of your activities, including where you will sleep, and which invitations you’ll accept.” The tears began to pool in her eyes. “However, you’re also mistaken. I don’t consider you a spouse. I kno
w you are my wife. You belong to me.”
Her shoulders ached from the pressure of his forearms. His words weren’t a revelation: Claire knew she was his possession. He continued moving closer with each word. “You are staying here tonight. You are not leaving me, my bed, or my presence.” The tears flowed. “Now it’s time for you to respond appropriately.” His weight shifted slightly.
Claire remembered times in the past when she hadn’t replied quickly enough or to his liking. She focused her energy on keeping her body from trembling; however, she couldn’t concentrate on that and tears. So her words became muffled sobs. Swallowing hard, she tried to strengthen her voice. “I will not leave you.” “Even if I left your bed tonight,” “it would’ve only been because I’m upset,” “not because I want our marriage to be over.” She took a ragged breath, imagined his dark eyes, and thanked God the room was dark.
“Continue.”
“I will not leave your bed. I’ve agreed in the past,” “I agree now and forever” “to submit to your authority.” “I’m sorry if I’ve given you cause to break your promise.” Inhaling, she tried desperately to defuse his temper. “If you recall, this entire incident started because I asked to be with you when you went away. I don’t want to leave you. I want to be with you.”
“Your ability to respond appropriately has benefited you on multiple occasions.”
He released her shoulders and laid his head on his pillow. She stopped sniffling and tried to regulate her breathing.
“Now, take off that robe.” As she obeyed, he added, “I believe we’ll experiment with some other forms of response.” He rolled back toward her. “However, you are my partner. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. So perhaps you would rather go to sleep?”
Claire knew this was one of those offers you can’t refuse her grandmother used to talk about. She answered, “No. I’d rather respond to you.” She successfully avoided the trembling and almost stopped the tears. The end result was that her head pounded to the beat of her heart, currently too rapid.
“This time, it’ll not be verbal.” His hands seized her petite frame as his domineering tone claimed her spirit. “As you may recall, this conversation is over.”
Claire closed her eyes and nodded. She did her best to ignore her headache and respond to her husband. Just before they drifted to sleep, Tony offered more information. “Courtney and Sue have called multiple times. I’ll think about their invitations. Emily has called and e-mailed. John called. He respectfully declined Tom’s offer. I believe Emily can wait.”
Claire’s heart sank. This new information no doubt influenced Tony’s temperament. She wanted to believe Tony’s offer to John was made in good faith based on John’s credentials. John’s refusal didn’t surprise Claire, though she was sure it did Tony. He didn’t often experience rejection. This wasn’t the first time she received the consequences of John’s actions.
What concerned Claire the most was her relationship with her sister. Would she be allowed to speak to her or see her? She kissed Tony and sounded as compliant as she could muster. “Thank you, I would really like to see Courtney and Sue.” Claire wanted to move away from him, to the far side of the king-sized bed, or better—upstairs, but she rested her head on his chest. “I promise my memory is better.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He slowly embraced her shoulder as his voice softened. “I need to be in Phoenix next week. It’s been in the seventies there. Perhaps you can join me.”
She nodded her head. “Thank you, I’d like that.”
They fell asleep.
The next day, using Tony’s iPhone, Claire was allowed to call both Courtney and Sue. She didn’t utilize the speaker phone, and although present, Tony didn’t question the content. Both ladies wanted to catch up and hear all about married life. Claire said she would love to. She’d check her calendar and get back to them. She also apologized for not returning their calls sooner—things were just so busy.
Much earlier than normal, the sound of Tony’s alarm woke them on February 1. Their flight to Phoenix was leaving at 7:00 AM. The trip was only planned for one night, but Claire didn’t care. They were leaving the estate, and that was enough to propel her from bed to the shower. She would stay at their apartment while Tony met with associates. If all went well, they’d dine out tonight. He described this apartment as one of their smaller ones. As she showered, she wondered what small really meant.
Steam filled the bathroom with a muggy fog. She secured the luxurious lavender towel around her body as Tony entered. “We aren’t going to Phoenix.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Why? Did I do something?”
Tony hugged her warm body as water dripped from her hair onto her shoulders and the floor. “No. We can’t go anywhere. Eric just called. We should’ve looked out the window.”
He took her to the tall French doors leading to her balcony. When he moved the drapes she could only see white. At least twelve inches of new snow had fallen on the ground, trees, balcony rail, everywhere. With the addition of the eight to ten inches of old snow, there was now almost two feet, and it continued to fall, accompanied by wind. Barely seeing beyond the balcony, she saw drifts transforming the backyard into an ocean of white waves. Heaven knows how deep the snow was in the bigger drifts. Claire sat on the bed with large droplets gliding down her back, discouraged, and sighed.
Sitting next to her, Tony rubbed her leg. “Think of it as a snow day. Didn’t you like those when you were a kid?”
“Yeah, because I didn’t want to go to school, but now I want to go.”
He hugged her shoulder. “You want to go to school?”
Exhaling loudly, she said, “I want to go anywhere.”
Tony lifted some of her hair. “Well, I’m afraid you’ll catch pneumonia if you try to go somewhere.”
She laid her head back on the bed, pressed her lips into a tight line, and looked up at the ceiling. If she opened her mouth she would scream. She was trapped!
Leaning over her, he grinned. “How about we celebrate our newfound free day?”
She knew what he was thinking, and she didn’t want to celebrate. Telling him no was supposed to be her option; however, it hadn’t been tested, and Claire didn’t think she was emotionally strong enough for the trial. Despondently, she asked, “How do you want to celebrate?”
Still leaning over her, he said, “How about you take me to your lake?”
“What?” Claire’s thoughts spun: the lake would be frozen and was about five miles away. Would they freeze? It was out, out of the house! “Are you serious?” Her eyes sparkled as she tried to read her husband’s expression.
“If it makes that spark come back to your emerald eyes, I’m serious” He kissed her forehead. “We have boots, coats, and gloves, everything needed to ski. It was one of our honeymoon options. So let’s get you dry, us fed, bundled, and find this lake I’ve heard so much about.”
“It’s about five miles away. Don’t you need to talk to the Phoenix people, let them know what happened?”
“Are you trying to discourage me? I’ll contact the Phoenix office. We can communicate later in the day. It’s still very early there, and I know I’m older, but I really think I can make five miles.” He smiled with milk chocolate eyes. “Besides, we also have cross-country skis. Do you think you can get us there on skis?”
In the midst of a Midwest blizzard, Claire was filled with more warmth and excitement than she’d felt in sometime. Their discussion a week ago left her uneasy. She didn’t like the way he’d treated her, or the way it made her feel, but once it was done, she hesitated to revisit the subject. Now, he wanted to go to her lake. “I bet it’s prettier in the summer, but I’d love to get out. I know I can find it.”
They ate breakfast, and Catherine made them thermoses of coffee. She chided both of them for even thinking about going out in the snow; however, with Tony by her side Claire knew it didn’t matter. She was going to her lake, a place she hadn’t been since
her accident.
They dressed in layers, wrapping themselves head to toe, complete with hand and foot warmers, and were out of the house before 8:00 AM. The wind had subsided but the snow still fell.
It had been many years since Claire had cross-country skied; however, the motions swiftly returned as the long slender skis and poles allowed them to glide over the twenty-plus inches of snow. At first, she worried about navigation, but with most of the ground level obstacles covered it wasn’t difficult. Skiing was much faster than walking. They reached the clearing in less than thirty minutes. Claire told Tony all about the flowers, butterflies, and animals present in the heat of the summer.
They wore tinted goggles to shield the brightness of the snow, but she sensed his serenity as he listened to her stories. They arrived at the lake shore approximately forty minutes later. Claire wasn’t cold. She was exhilarated from the fresh air, exercise, and scenery. Green leaves and blue waters were her preference, but the snow covered the evergreens and glistening ground were beautiful. The frozen lake covered with peaks and valleys of drifts reminded her of a large flat cake with vanilla frosting. She felt as warm as if it were August.
Tony was completely enthralled by the glistening vista before him. He’d never taken the time to experience his own property. It wasn’t something he cared about or gave much consideration, until now. As they stood and watched, three deer: one six-point buck and two does, galloped at full speed from left to right across the lake. Tony stared at Claire. If the deer could do it, they could too. Skiing on the lake was effortless compared to the woods: no hills, valleys, or trees—only open space. The wind and snow had ceased. The farther west they traveled, the more of the shoreline they could see. Everything looked virgin, completely unspoiled.
After the snow ceased, other animals ventured out of their warm homes. They saw foxes and multitudes of squirrels and birds. Tony said he thought all birds went south for the winter. Claire explained not all birds migrate. She told him that in Indiana the cardinal was omnipresent. She remembered always being excited to see one in winter, it looked so red and vibrant in contrast to the stark gray of winter. Tony continued to ask questions and listen to his wife.
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