A small tear escaped and she pulled in a deep, ragged breath. She pressed her hand lightly over her neck, comforted by the steady beat of her own pulse. Callie knew Trey truly believed he’d lost everything when Jamie died, but the truth was, he had made a choice to give it all up. He’d walked away from everyone. For a slight moment, she allowed herself to remember how close she'd come to making the same decision. How close she had been to giving up on everything and everyone.
She closed her eyes and whispered, “I will fix this. I promise.”
Stepping up onto the running board, she swung herself into the cab of Trey’s work truck, puffing out her cheeks and releasing a big breath as she fastened her seatbelt. She saw the smirk on his face as he put the truck in reverse. He threw his arm over the back of the seats, checking behind him, and started backing out.
“Why do all of the guys around here have such big trucks? It makes it a little hard for normal-sized people to get in.” She folded her arms across her chest and lifted an eyebrow at him. “My best guess…you’re all compensating.”
Instead of putting the truck into drive, Trey shifted it into park, turned his body toward her, and smiled. He stretched his arm across the top of the seat behind her. The cab suddenly got very small and warm. Callie swallowed against a lump in her throat as her hands dropped to her lap. She looked away from his dominating stare. She felt like she might self-combust inside this God forsaken, super-sized truck.
“First of all, you aren’t normal-sized.” Trey lifted his hand from the back of the seat, running his fingers through a few strands of Callie’s ponytail and watching as the soft hair slid out. His rough fingers found their way to her chin and he gently turned her face to look at him.
“And Callie, believe me… There is no need for compensating here.”
He dropped his hand from her face, shifted the truck into drive and headed down the long driveway and onto the gravel road.
After a few miles of silence, Trey decided it was time to get some information.
“So, Crazy Person…where do you come from?”
She laughed sarcastically at his nickname for her. “Well, Asshole…what lifetime are you talking about?”
He glanced sideways at her, casting a confused look.
She inhaled deeply, “I may only be 23, but it feels like I’ve lived several lifetimes already.”
“And that means?”
“I originally came from the east coast, but now I travel a lot. I guess my home is still the coast – at least that’s where my family is – but I haven’t been there for a while.”
“So, you’re homeless?”
“Oh, you would love that wouldn’t you?” She made air quotes with her fingers like she was quoting a newspaper. “Homeless girl moves into guesthouse of unsuspecting farmer’s widow.”
Trey threw her another sideways glance, both of his eyebrows raised, a questioning look on his face.
She huffed, “No, Trey. I’m not homeless at all.”
“But isn’t the definition of homeless not having a place you come back to every night?”
“Why does that make someone homeless? And why does home have to be brick and mortar?”
Trey’s face wrinkled as he shook his head like she was speaking a language he didn’t understand. Lifting both hands from the steering wheel and raising his shoulders to his ears he said, “What the hell are you talking about now? Of course it needs to be structural – walls, a roof, a foundation. Those are all the things that make it a house. Without it, you don’t have a home. Hence the meaning of homeless.”
Callie threw her head back and laughed. “You really are self-absorbed, aren’t you?”
Trey smiled. He liked the way her laugh made him feel. It was light and carefree, even if it came in the form of an insult to him.
“I’m waiting for your well thought out explanation,” he teased.
A distant look suddenly crossed her face. It was like a mask had been removed and there was a pain underneath her cool cover he related to. Something haunted her and it seemed to be stealing everything from her. He knew she wasn’t in the cab of his truck with him anymore, but somewhere deep in her head. He looked to the side of the road, fighting the desire to pull over, wrap his arms around her small frame and hold her against him tightly, protecting her from whatever memory was taking her away. His heart fluttered in his chest as his eyes darted back and forth between her and the road. He wanted her to come back to him.
He reached out and touched her hand. She flinched at his touch, looking first at where his skin connected with hers and then searching his eyes for something. Every cell inside of him fired off a warning, but he kept his face as calm as possible. “Lost you there for a second,” he said softly as his thumb circled slowly on her bare leg.
Callie blinked rapidly, trying to clear the painful sting of her past life. “Yeah, sorry,” she said, her eyebrows pulling together as she forced out a small chuckle. And just like that, the mask was back in place. Trey frowned and slowly removed his hand and gripped the wheel tightly. This girl was definitely hiding something.
“Back to what you said about being homeless. I think it’s way more important to put your self-worth and security in something like your own heart, your own beliefs – your own kindness and your own thoughts. It’s a safer bet than putting it in physical things. You say I’m homeless, but I can make my home wherever I am because I don’t need the security of land and rooms and walls.”
Trey drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, nodding his head and looking at the fields as they passed. His fields. His land. “You’re a Gypsy then? You just wander from place to place?”
“I guess, but I don’t really wander. I go with purpose and when I’ve filled that purpose, I move on. I don’t expect you to understand because you are so heavily tied to your roots. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You just can’t understand the freedom of spirit I’m talking about.”
“Why do you think that?”
“It’s just something I feel about you.” Callie made a sweeping motion in Trey’s direction. “Everything is so controlled, so planned.”
“There is nothing wrong with having things in line, Callie. It feels good to know things are going to happen the way you want them to.”
“Nope, nothing wrong with it, except when things fall apart, then what? What do you do next?”
“Well, that’s easy. You use the three R’s.”
“Huh?”
“It was my dad’s saying. He used to preach it to Jamie and me all the time. When life isn’t going the direction you want it to, you use the three R’s. First, you regroup – that means going back to the beginning, reminding yourself what your goal was, and formulate a new plan. Next, you repair any of the damage done by your failed attempt. And the last R is regain. You regain your composure and move forward.” Trey ran his hand over his mouth and glanced at Callie. “I haven’t thought about that for a long time.”
Callie bit the edge of her lip, thinking hard about what Trey had just told her. “The three R’s, huh?”
“Yep. Jed O’Brien’s words to live by.” Trey looked across the cab at Callie, smiling as he remembered his dad. She returned his smile.
“I like it,” she mused as she nodded her head and returned her eyes to the road.
And for some reason, her words made his heart skip a beat.
Eleven
The ride back from the nursery was quiet…too quiet. And while it should’ve given Callie a reprieve from her constant reevaluation of the situation, it only made it worse. Why was he suddenly so relaxed? Why was he smiling? Why did he wave at everyone as they passed? Surely, he couldn’t know all of them? And for the love of all things holy, why was he driving so damn slowly?
By the time they made it back to the farm, Callie was ready to crawl out of her skin. Parking between the side of the barn and the guesthouse, Trey jumped from the truck, smiled at her, and then disappeared.
Sh
e stayed in the truck, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. This had to be another one of his games. The yelling, glaring smart-assy, Trey… That’s the one she knew how to handle. This sweet, cordial, quiet Trey freaked her out.
Callie absentmindedly got out and walked to the rear of the truck, hoisting herself onto the bumper and then climbing into the bed.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” Trey asked as he walked back around the corner of the barn.
Callie jumped, his voice startling her. “I’m going to help you unload these bags of fertilizer.”
“As much as the idea of you in the back of my truck, tossing around these bags makes me very happy in all the right ways,” he waggled his eyebrows at her playfully, “it’s not happening. Now come on out of there.” Trey waved his hand, motioning her to come out of the truck.
Callie shifted her weight to one foot and crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you think I can’t help you?”
“No…no, that’s not what I’m trying to say. Come on now, just get down.” He motioned again.
“Is this a girl thing? Do you honestly think I can’t do this because I’m a woman?”
“What? No. You being female has nothing to do with it.”
“What is it then? Am I not strong enough?”
“Callie, get out of the damn truck.”
“No, I’m not getting out until you tell me why you think I am incapable of lifting these bags of fertilizer.”
Trey dropped the tailgate of the truck and pointed to the ground.
“You have lost your ever-loving mind if you think I’m going to move with just a point of your finger. I’m not a dog.”
Trey blew out an exasperated breath. “I don’t think you’re a dog. I just want you to get out of the truck so…”
Callie crouched down so she was eye to eye with him, poking a finger in his direction. “You can’t tell me what to do. You can judge me all you want about how I live my life, how I dress, how short I am, but you cannot and will not order me around like a child.”
“Then stop acting like one,” he snapped.
At that very moment, Andy came around the corner of the barn in a skid loader. Callie looked toward the noise, giving Trey an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. He grabbed her around the waist, intending on easily lowering her to the ground…except she was fighting his touch like it was causing electrical jolts to run through her body. “Relax, I’ve got you.” He assured her as her feet touched the ground.
She turned on him, slapping at his ankles. “And I’ve got you, Trey! I’ve got you all figured out. You are just some man-child with a caveman complex who thinks women should fall at your feet because you look like a Greek God and then you flash your panty-dropping smile every time you want something.”
Trey blew out an exasperated breath and moved toward her, crowding her with his body until she had no choice but to back up. For every step he took forward, she took one back until she was against the barn wall.
Callie glanced around Trey and watched as Andy lifted the pallet full of fertilizer bags, easily and quickly removing it from the back of the truck.
“I guess they loaded the fertilizer into the truck when I was looking at the rose bushes, huh?”
Trey nodded as he leaned into her, placing a hand on each side of her head caging her in. She held her breath and closed her eyes as he spoke right next to her ear. “I’m not sure what suddenly got you all riled up and I’m not going to say I don’t like it, but let’s be clear on one thing, okay?”
Callie nodded, unable to think with him this close.
“I didn’t say you couldn’t do it, Callie. To be honest, I’m pretty sure there isn’t a thing you can’t do. I just didn’t want you to have to do it.”
He pushed himself off the barn wall, taking a lazy moment to let his eyes explore every curve of her body. “One day you’re going to find someone who wants to take care of you in every way, Cal. And you’re going to want him to…and it will be amazing.”
He started toward the main house, pulling his work gloves from his back pocket before looking over his shoulder at her. “Let’s see… man-child, caveman complex… and what was it, Greek God with a panty-dropping smile? I do believe, Crazy Girl, we have finally found something to agree on. You’ve got me all figured out.”
Callie threw open the guesthouse door, marching inside the living room and pacing back and forth as she tried to calm herself. God, the man was infuriating and frustrating and beautiful and hot… and an asshole!
She needed to remember the last part.
It was so hard when he gave her glimpses of what she suspected was the man he used to be.
She was here for one reason and one only – to help Eve. And as soon as she could, she would get back in her little car and return to the freedom of the life she made for herself. She ran her hands over her face, growling to herself and wondering what she had gotten herself into. She wanted to run, wanted to grab the few items she had brought inside, and just move on. But she knew she could never do that to Eve. Not now, and not after everything this family had already been through.
She threw open the French doors and stepped out onto the deck. Her body hurt everywhere and the sunlight felt so good. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d worked this hard before lunchtime. Eve had spent the morning teaching Callie the basic ins and outs of gardening and as much as she felt completely out of her element, she couldn’t deny how much she enjoyed digging around in the dirt and listening to all the stories of Eve’s life she openly shared.
She moved the patio furniture to the side and sat down on the warm boards, crossing her legs in front of her and rolling her head from side to side. She focused on her breathing and the constant comfort of her own heartbeat. Her body began to relax, releasing the tension she was holding on to. She focused on the warmth of the sunlight as it made its way through the tree limbs above, breathing in the mixture of smells only being this close to the water could bring.
She concentrated on the sound of her own breaths slowly filling her lungs and the controlled release of each that took all the tension with it. But no matter how hard she tried, her mind continued to go back to the green in Trey’s eyes and the curve of his lips when he knew he had done something that affected her.
“Ughh!” She screamed out as she threw herself backward, closing her eyes and spreading out on the deck.
He wanted to know her name, wanted to know things about her. She rolled her head back and forth against the wooden deck. She wanted to know things about him, too. Wanted to see pictures of him as a boy, to know what position he played in baseball, who he took to his senior prom… What he thought made a man a man.
All things she had no business knowing.
And she wanted to tell him things. Share her experiences with him – her illness, the surgeries… What it was like to be a prisoner in your own body.
She wanted to tell him about the people she had helped over the last two years. She knew he wasn’t ready for any of it. He wasn't prepared for her.
But most of all, she wanted to tell him he wasn’t alone. He didn’t have to carry this burden. The life he was supposed to have, the one his mom and Lauren had hoped for him, was waiting for him. He just needed to choose it.
Happy, married with a family of his own – this could still be his. The small glimpses she’d gotten of his playful side warmed her heart. It filled her with the hope he could one day be that person again, but now she also understood how tragic it would be for this family if he never found his way back.
Trey was lost, not only to his family but to himself. The fear of coming back without Jamie was too high. He didn’t know who he was supposed to be without his brother. She needed to figure out a way to reassure him that he wouldn’t ever be the same person as he was before, and that was okay. He just needed to pick himself back up, even if it was piece by piece. The people who loved him were willing to wait. They’re prepared for the pain and the fear and are eager to
love him through it all. He needed to trust in that, everything else would fall into place.
Trey’s voice echoed in Callie’s mind, I didn’t say you couldn’t do it, Callie. I just didn’t want you to have to do it. A warmth spread through her body as she rolled to her side so she could watch the rushing water of the nearby stream.
All she’d lived through and that man was going to be the death of her.
Twelve
Trey pulled into the driveway of the farm at 5 AM, a smirk on his face as he parked in front of the barn instead of the guesthouse. He jumped from his truck, quietly closing the door, making sure not to wake anyone.
Today would be the day he began to break down the walls Callie had carefully constructed around herself. He’d seen her soften the few times he allowed himself to be kind to her. Soft words and helpful actions were the way he’d crumble her defenses. It should be easy for him since he’d been raised to treat a woman with respect, but this was under different circumstances.
When he was quiet in the truck yesterday, her frustration shot through the roof. He didn’t really understand why being in comfortable silence with someone was what put Callie on edge, but he also didn’t really care about the details of her personality quirks. What he did care about was how she felt in control within the chaos but struggled in the calm.
Grabbing the sack of food he’d brought from home, his mind flashed back to yesterday, recalling the fit she threw while standing in the back of his truck. Damn if she didn’t look cute with her hands on her hips, holding her ground as she argued her point. It took everything inside him not to grab the woman and kiss the sass right off those perfect, pink lips.
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