Until the slam of the screen door pinned him to his spot.
Alex O’Brien had heard enough, and she couldn’t take one more second of it. She clenched her little fists at her sides and leaned forward, screaming out a sound that stopped Trey in his tracks. He turned quickly, watching as Alex took in another deep breath and screamed at the top of her lungs again.
It was a horrible mix of cries and shrieks and it spoke of everything that had been lost to this precious little girl. She was desperate for a release.
Lauren reached for her, but Andy held her back, and they watched as the littlest O’Brien silenced them all. She stopped for just a second, her shoulders heaving up and down as she gasped for breath, but she was nowhere near done. Her face was red, and tears streamed down her cheeks.
“Why are you all such stupid heads?” she wailed, looking at each of them.
Everyone froze under her gaze. “Why is he leaving us again?” she pointed directly at Trey. “And why can’t we all just be a family?”
No one spoke, it had all seemed so clear just a moment ago when Trey was ready to walk away from everyone. But right now, facing down his beloved niece, things seemed clouded and blurred.
“I want an answer and I want one right now,” Alex demanded, pointing her finger at the ground and stomping her foot.
“Alex, honey,” Lauren whispered.
“No, Mama. No!” She cried loudly. “All of you are messing this up so bad!”
Andy walked up behind Alex and bent down. She spun around, wrapping her arms around his neck as she wept into his chest. He whispered softly to her and gently rubbed her back. He reached a hand out toward Lauren and she gripped it tightly, connecting the three of them.
Trey tried to swallow past the thickness in his throat. He knew Callie had been right about one thing. If it couldn’t be Jamie, Andy being Alex’s daddy was the next best thing. It didn’t mean anyone loved Jamie any less, just that they could love Andy as much and in different ways, for different reasons. And that was all right.
Andy stood as Alex turned back toward everyone and slipped her hand into his. She wanted to be strong but still needed him for support. The three of them stood hand in hand on the porch and Trey’s heart stopped as he held his breath. This…this would make his brother happy.
“Go ahead, baby girl. Speak your mind. You have everyone’s attention.” Andy threw a warning look at Trey, letting him know if he screwed this up, there would be hell to pay.
The little girl took ragged breaths as she tried to speak. “I’m sorry I called you all stupid heads.”
She looked up at Andy and he gave her a reassuring smile and a wink.
“I don’t know why God and the angels took my daddy.”
Lauren covered her mouth, trying to hold in her sobs as tears spilled from her eyes.
“I’ve spent a lot of nights in my bed praying and trying to figure out why he would leave me. I thought maybe I was too naughty, too sassy, or maybe I didn’t tell him I loved him enough.”
Alex held her breath, trying to stop crying as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. “But Andy says that if Daddy would’ve had a choice, he never would’ve left me.”
Eve nodded, “That’s very true. If he could be here with you, he would be.” Alex gave her grandmother a smile and a nod before turning back to Trey. “But Uncle Trey, you’re going to leave us because you want to. You’re choosing it. And you let Callie leave.”
“Hold on, Firefly –”
“Shut your mouth, Trey, and let the girl talk,” Andy warned between gritted teeth.
Trey shifted his weight from one foot to the other before looking back at his niece and nodding his head.
“You love me, right?” Alex asked.
“Yes, of course, with all my heart,” Trey affirmed without hesitation.
“And you love all of us?” she questioned.
Trey swallowed hard. “Yes.”
“And you love Callie?”
Trey’s voice came soft and broken as he answered her. “Yes, Firefly. I love Callie.”
“Then stop messing this up! I know you’re mad because we didn’t tell you Callie had Daddy’s heart, but you don’t leave people because you’re mad.”
“I don’t think you understand,” Trey said.
“I understand my daddy didn’t have a choice or he would’ve chosen everyone he loves. Because that’s what the O’Brien’s do. We choose each other over everything else, every time. Grandma tells me that all the time. Is she wrong?”
“No. No, Firefly, that’s right,” Trey agreed softly as he watched his niece. “That’s what we do.”
“Good,” Alex said as she crossed her arms over her chest and nodded her head like a decision had been made. “Now stop fighting, stop yelling, stop being a stupid butt, and choose us! Choose Callie and stop leaving all the time. It’s really annoying.”
Trey let out an unexpected laugh, “Annoying huh?” Trey felt the vice grip on his chest loosen.
“Yes,” Alex said, a smile spreading across her tear-stained face.
“I would have to agree,” Lauren added, wiping tears from her cheeks and smiling at Trey.
“No one asked you, Sis,” Trey said as he pointed at Lauren, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “How about you, Mom? You think I’m annoying?”
Eve shook her head as she walked down the steps toward her youngest son. She leaned back and looked him in the eyes, “No, not annoying. I think stupid butt was a better fit.”
Trey leaned down into his mother’s comforting hold and for the first time since Jamie’s death, he said goodbye to his brother. He said it with apologies to his family, he said it with the tears he finally let run free, and he said it with a promise that he’d never leave them again.
Twenty-Six
Callie stood ankle deep in the warm waters of the Atlantic. She wrapped her light-weight cardigan tightly around herself, trying to ward off the light wind that blew around her while digging her toes into the scattering sands below her feet. The world swirled around her in a beautiful mixture of blues and greens and she let herself get lost in it.
Her life had changed so much in such a short amount of time. Even after everything she had been through, Trey O’Brien had been her greatest adventure. But her heart was trapped somewhere between the brilliant sunrise of having been loved by someone like him and the enormous void his absence left.
A storm was coming but she couldn’t make herself return to the beach house. She needed the comfort the ocean provided. The promise that even in the worst of times, she had prevailed. She had overcome what would bring most people to their knees, and yet she survived.
In the horizon, where the sky reached down and touched the ocean, she found him. This place where it was almost too far to see, yet somehow went on forever. Where the boundless sky reached down and touched the infinite water. Two things that should never come together, and honestly, never really did, but made something so beautiful and so breathtaking that she was unable to look away.
That was where she would keep her love for him.
She smiled through the pain. Even knowing exactly how it all ended, she wouldn’t change a thing. Having Trey for even just a short time, was better than never having experienced him at all.
Her only regret was the pain she had caused him. She wiped away a rogue tear. Taking a deep breath, she hugged herself a little tighter. She was surprised she had any tears left. There had to be a point that physically someone couldn’t cry anymore.
“Don’t cry, Crazy Girl,” said the familiar, husky voice from behind her.
She froze, her stomach twisting and threatening to steal all the breath from her lungs. Slowly, she turned to face the man who would always own her heart.
“What are you doing here?” she asked breathlessly. Her eyes moved over every inch of his face in case this was the last time they would be this close.
Trey’s eyes never left hers as he spoke. “This view is pretty breath
taking,” he said as he lifted his chin toward her. She glanced over her shoulder for only a moment before turning back to him.
“Yeah, the ocean is pretty amazing.”
“I’m not talking about the ocean, Cal.”
“Trey, I –”
“The night my brother died…” Trey interrupted, shoving his hands into his front pockets. He closed his eyes tightly and blew out a quick breath, shaking his head and running a hand down his face. “he and I had a talk.”
Callie stilled, not wanting to miss a single second of whatever time she had with him. The warm waters rushed up a little higher against the back of her legs, bringing in a string of colder water.
He opened his eyes and found hers, starting a burn in her chest. "He told me he was worried. Worried that Lauren, Mom…all of them…were worried about me.”
Callie felt another tear slip down her cheek. Trey’s eyebrows pulled together, the color fading from his face. “I didn’t listen to him because I thought I knew better, I thought he was just being Jamie. You see, my brother…” he trailed off staring out at the ocean, and she knew he was seeing his brother. He suddenly whispered while shifting his weight from one foot to the other, “God, he would’ve loved you.”
He shook his head slightly as if shaking away the pain of the memory. “My brother was a stubborn SOB. He liked things to go the way he thought they should go. He did everything with determination. He worked hard for his family, he was good at business, he loved hard. And if he loved you, he was loyal. No questions asked, he was on your side.”
“He sounds like a wonderful man,” Callie whispered.
“He was the best person I’ve ever known. But that night, he told me if I didn’t slow down, I was going to miss the pause.”
“The pause?” Callie asked.
A small laugh slipped past Trey’s lips and Callie’s heart twisted when she saw him smile. “It’s when you stop the craziness of life, look around you, and appreciate what you have. Lauren says that people get so caught up in making a life that they never pause to actually live their life. I think she might be onto something.”
He took a step, holding out a hand to her. Her entire body relaxed, and a flash of relief crashed down on her. It was all she could do not to whimper as she reached for his hand. He closed the distance between them, taking her hand in his and pulling her close. He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed.
“That night…the night I saw you in the rain, do you know I almost kept driving?”
Callie shook her head, afraid if she uttered a single word, he would stop, and the sound of his voice was the most beautiful thing in the world to her right now.
“I did,” Trey kissed the top of her head lightly, “but then I heard his voice. My brother’s voice,” he took a deep breath in. “He said one word to me, Callie.”
“What did he say?”
“He said…pause. I sat in my truck watching you swirl around as the rain fell on you, and I couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful. I was out of my truck and standing behind you before I even realized what I was doing, and the moment I touched your skin, I knew. I knew Jamie was right. I was missing everything.”
Callie closed her eyes tightly as her chin dropped. Her shoulders shook with the weight of what he was saying and he pulled her in closer.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Callie,” Trey hooked a finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to his. “The night he died, I died with him. There will always be some truth to that. I will never be whole again.”
“But you were right. It’s okay if I let that night change me. I was never meant to be the same person I was before he died. I just couldn’t find a way out of the darkness…until you. You are what brought me back. You showed me how other people were moving on, how other people were living their lives without him. Not because it’s what they would’ve chosen to do, but because it’s what he would want them to do. Keep living. Keep loving. Keep moving forward. Stay loyal to each other and keep the family together.”
He pulled her even closer, slipping his arms around her waist and nuzzling his face into her hair. “You are my pause. In the darkness of the night, on a back road, in the middle of a rainstorm, I paused. And when I did, my life changed. I could no longer just exist without seeing everything that was passing me by.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you right away,” she apologized.
“There is no way to tell how I would’ve reacted if you would’ve told me that first day that you had Jamie’s heart. But after thinking about it, I do understand how you got caught up in everything and there wasn’t a good time to tell me, or maybe it just didn’t feel right? I don’t know. But I think once you loved me, the risk was maybe too great. Maybe it was fear of losing what had just begun, fear of being the reason I finally pushed my family completely out of my life?” He kissed her temple and then cupped her cheeks in his hands, pulling back slightly to look into her eyes.
“The one thing I do know, none of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. You couldn’t help the fact that you were born with a faulty heart. You didn’t choose to have Jamie’s life taken from him so you could continue yours.”
She held onto his wrists, needing something to keep her up as she got dizzy with relief. “The only thing you did was fall in love with an O’Brien boy, and just ask my Mama, that’s not your fault either because we’re pretty irresistible.”
Callie playfully swatted at Trey’s chest. “Yeah, you are. I can’t even argue with you.”
He reached between them, running a finger lightly down Callie’s scar, her eyelids fluttering at his touch. “I know you have a wanderer’s heart, and I know you’ll need more than what I can offer. And I also know that it’s selfish for me to ask, but I’m asking it anyway.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, velvety black box and lowered down on one knee.
“Come home with me, please. Make a home with me. Better yet, make me your home.”
He opened the box containing an antique, square-cut diamond ring. “My Dad gave me this ring right before he died. It belonged to my grandmother. He promised one day I would meet a girl who would make me think I was losing my mind.” Trey smiled brightly, pushing his way even further into Callie’s heart. “He said she would be beautiful and crazy, strong and independent. All the things it took to love an O’Brien man.”
“What he forgot to tell me about was the peace you would bring into my life. The truth is something about you heals my pain. I feel you, Callie.” He placed her hand over his heart. “Right here. I feel you whenever you’re near. And when you left, it was unbearable pain. What I’m trying to say is, I’m not strong enough to live my life without you.”
Callie was quiet even though her dreams were coming true. She had been right; the universe didn’t give second chances at life very often. But had been wrong thinking the gift Jamie O’Brien had given her, his heart, was her second chance. Trey was the adventure and the life she had always been searching for. He was her second chance.
Trey pleaded, “Please, Crazy Girl, let me change your last name. Be mine and I will be yours.”
The skies suddenly opened, a downpour of rain falling on them. Callie lifted her hands to the heavens and laughed. “Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!” She shouted. Trey stood, slipped the ring on her finger before he picked her up and swung her around.
He twirled them in the rain, a dance for everything they had been through, for the future they would have, and for the family he almost let go but Callie somehow pieced back together.
“I’ve got you,” Trey whispered as he held her tightly against his chest.
She kissed his neck and held onto him tightly as she whispered, “And I’ve got you.”
Also by Micki Fredricks
Chasing Jenna
Reckless Fear (The Black Vipers Series Book 1)
Winds of Darkness
visit www.MickiFredricks.com
A Note from the author
If they’d known about ADHD when I was little, my Ritalin dosage would've been OFF THE CHARTS!!
It goes without saying; I spent A LOT of time by myself after the teacher moved my desk out into the hallway. ** Silver lining** With all that alone time on my hands, I used my imagination to make the world a more interesting place.
When I was little, people said I had an active imagination. In elementary school, teachers called me a daydreamer. My high school counselor said I needed to learn how to focus and my college professors warned me to buckle down if I wanted to be successful.
Before I knew it, it was time to grow up.
So that's what I did. I grew up, got married and had five kids. I work as a full-time nurse, I'm part of the most amazing book-club, blog about books with my best friends and spend my days defusing the drama that only a household full of teenagers could bring.
Oh, and I write a bit when I can and now people call me talented.
Moral of my life story: Hug your kids and embrace their differences. Love them for who they are. Someday, the traits you think are struggles might be exactly what they need to make their dreams come true.
Micki lives in small-town Iowa with her husband, kids and a fat Cocker Spaniel named Joey.
You can find Micki at the following links:
Website
Goodreads
Facebook reader group
Pinterest
Acknowledgments
Thank you to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without his grace, I wouldn’t make it through this life.
To my husband, Derek. Without you, none of this would matter. You are my why.
To my kids who inspire me every day to be better, push harder and love more deeply.
Lori Rattay: Thank you for your endless hours of reading and re-reading and for your constant encouragement. I’m grateful you never letting me push delete, even when the impulse hits multiple time a day. You are just the best of the best!
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