by L. E. Wilson
Once she was finished scolding and loving on him, she ruffled her feathers and settled on his shoulder.
Shea watched him with the raven, and she wondered vaguely what it would be like to get such a welcome from him. Then she scowled and shook the ridiculous idea from her head.
He still hadn’t greeted her as he coaxed Cruthú onto the dresser again and swept his cloak from his shoulders to hang by the door. A slight breeze made its way to her, carrying a strong gust of the smell of his blood, mingled with the masculine scent that was his and his alone. Her shoulders tensed and she looked away, unwilling to let him see how much she craved him. She was just thirsty, that was all. She’d ask him to bring her some blood today, then she’d be fine.
Besides, she couldn’t feed from him even if she wanted to. Every nerve ending in her body would scream in protest if she dared. He was male, and therefore off limits to her.
Distracted by her thirst, she hadn’t noticed that he still hadn’t turned to face her and was, in fact, still staring at his cloak hanging by the door. His dark head was bent, and his powerful arms hung at his sides, his hands clenched into fists. When she did finally notice, she told herself that she didn’t care if something was bothering him or not. Or if he even spoke to her or not. She just wanted to get the hell out of here.
But she did need that blood. “Jesse?”
He stiffened at the sound of her voice. Yet he didn’t turn around or acknowledge her in any other way.
Annoyed at being ignored, she swiftly decided she didn’t care. If he was going to keep her here, she needed to feed. “I’d like to take you up on that offer you made when I first got here.”
Finally, he lifted his head and turned to look at her. His striking face gave nothing away. “What offer is that?”
Tucking her hands between her knees to keep them still, she said, “You said you could get me some bagged blood.” He didn’t confirm or deny her request. “Can you get me some? Today?”
With a nod, he turned and left the room.
What the hell was that all about? Shea rose from the bed and resumed her pacing. He couldn’t be upset with her, she’d barely seen him since he’d locked her in here. Before she had time to worry about it farther, he was back, two bags of blood in each hand.
“Is this enough? I wasn’t sure how much to get.”
“Don’t you feed the vampires here?” she asked. “The ones that work for Leeha?”
“Not personally, no. So I don’t know what they’re allotted. But I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, so if you need more, please don’t be afraid to ask.” Setting the bags on the small table, he backed away.
Shea thanked him, and grabbed up one of the bags. Ripping it open, she tilted it up to her mouth, uncaring that he was watching. With his wonderful scent filling the room, the taste of the plastic infused blood was all wrong, and she nearly gagged. Gods, how the hell did Nik drink this stuff on a regular basis? She managed to get down one bag, but couldn’t bring herself to open another even though she probably could’ve used it. “That stuff is horrible,” she mumbled.
“Do you prefer a different kind?” he asked. “We have all blood types. I didn’t know if it would matter…”
“No, this is fine,” she assured him. His golden eyes bored through her, and she had to look away.
“Would you like to go outside?” he asked out of the blue.
Shea’s pulse sped up at the thought. If she could get outside, she could escape! He couldn’t have a spell around the entire area to keep her in. She tried to keep the excitement out of her voice. “I would love to go outside.”
With a nod, he stepped back and indicated for her to precede him. “Come, Cruthú.”
The raven was even more excited than Shea, flying around in a circle before landing on his shoulder. When she reached the doorway, he stepped in front of her and waited until she looked up at him.
“Do not try to run. Because I will catch you, and I’ll have to touch you to get you back in here. And I won’t let you out again.”
Shea ground her jaw together. She didn’t doubt that he would do just that. The bastard.
“Shea?”
“All right,” she gritted out. “I won’t try to run.” She could feel him probing around in her head, but he must have believed her, for he let her pass. Stepping aside, he indicated for her to go ahead of him.
They had walked for quite some time when he said, “I’m not a bastard.”
Shea stumbled over a non-existent object on the dirt floor of the passageway. So he’d heard that too, huh? She didn’t want to argue. She was trying to pay attention to where they were going. They walked quickly, navigating the tunnels that led up and out of the mountain that Leeha had made into her home. Old-fashioned torches lit their way, and Shea remembered thinking when she was first brought here that she was being taken right to the depths of hell. Now she felt like she was rising from those depths. And she didn’t want to go back.
“I just…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she interrupted bitterly. “You can’t let me leave.”
They walked on in silence for the rest of the way except for when he told her which way to turn. Shea had no idea how he ever found his room in this maze. She was completely lost. If she ever tried to escape on her own, she’d fail miserably.
“Take a right up here, and then a quick left. That passage will take us outside.”
Her steps sped up at the thought of being able to gaze upon the stars and feel the cool breeze on her heated skin. Hell, she’d be perfectly happy if it was raining.
“Remember what I said, Shea.”
She didn’t bother to answer him. Up ahead, she could see the opening. Cruthú, who’d been riding happily on his shoulder until now, gave her wings a flap, and then flew past Shea through the tunnel. Laughing, Shea ran after her, and they both exploded out into the night with Jesse right on their heels. It was drizzling lightly outside, but she didn’t even care. Running into the trees, she followed the raven to a grove of pines and cottonwoods. Cruthú wove in and out of the branches, then circled back towards Shea and Jesse.
Shea stopped and watched her fly, a wide smile on her face. Forgetting her ire at him for a moment, she turned to Jesse to share her joy. But instead of watching the raven, his eyes were glued to her face. Her smile faltered at the intensity she saw there. They dropped to her lips, and he came closer to her. Her breath caught in her chest, and she forgot everything for a moment. Just as he lowered his head towards hers, she stumbled back out of his reach. “No! Don’t touch me!” She lowered her voice, saying more calmly, “You can’t touch me.”
The muscles flexed in his jaw as he tracked her movements. After a tense moment, he broke off the contact and turned away, but still kept her in his line of vision. “Shea, please don’t hate me.”
“Let me go, and I won’t,” she bartered.
He dropped his head back. The rain washed over his face and Shea wondered if he was asking the heavens for patience or just watching his bird. After a moment, he sighed deeply and came to stand in front of her. “I wish I could explain it to you, but I don’t know how. I only know that something is telling me to keep you with me. And I trust my instincts.”
“But I don’t want to be here,” she asserted. “Do your instincts tell you to keep females against their will?”
“I saved you. At least let me figure out what this is all about.”
“What it’s all about? What could it be about? Other than you don’t want to hurt me.”
“No,” he agreed.
“You don’t need me for anything. You can’t even touch me, so I know that’s not why you’re keeping me here.”
His eyes when they lifted to hers reflected all of the conflicting emotions going on inside of him, and Shea had to take a step back. He was always so guarded. He never revealed his emotions, inside or out. Why was he opening up to her now? And why was she responding to the need he was showing her?
She shook
her head. “You can’t even touch me,” she repeated.
“But I want to. Desperately.”
At his blunt words, she realized she wanted that too, and a deep ache opened up in her chest because it could never happen. With him, or anyone. “Please let me go,” she whispered. “I swear I won’t tell anyone anything. I’ll just say I was locked up here and I escaped. Please, Jesse.”
He stared at her for a long time. Every word he couldn’t say on his agonized features. But there was nothing for it. He wasn’t a good male. And even if he was, she could never be with him.
“Let me go.”
He looked away, and when he looked back, that emotional wall was back up. Whistling to Cruthú, he turned and walked purposely away.
Shea stood there, waiting for him to indicate that she was to follow him. He didn’t. And he didn’t look back. She watched him disappear back into the mountain tunnel.
She was free.
So, why did it hurt so much?
Chapter 24
Ryan woke up first. Lying on her back, she blinked her heavy eyelids as she stared up at the water stained ceiling. She didn’t immediately recognize the tiles up there and the anxiety she’d felt at the hospital returned. For a long minute she was scared witless. As she tried to rack her brain, a quiet snore next to her had her nearly leaping with a scream from the bed. At least until she saw who it belonged to.
Immediately, she relaxed. And then her pulse picked up for an entirely different reason as she remembered his mouth and hands on her the night before.
He looked peaceful as he slept, but underneath that illusion of slumber, she could feel a sense of him being aware. Like he could never truly rest, but was always in a semi-awake state. She wondered if he always slept like that, or if it just because that other vampire was after them.
For the monster he was supposed to be if every vampire movie ever made was to be believed, he’d been nothing but protective and kind to her. And yeah, a bit stalker-ish. But maybe that’s just the way these creatures are. In any case, though she appreciated his offer of help, she’d come to the conclusion right before she’d fallen asleep that she was a problem he didn’t need to take on. She didn’t need to be a burden on him. She could take care of herself.
Sliding out of the bed, she padded barefoot to the bathroom and closed the door quietly behind her. After she’d taken care of her most pressing needs, she went over to the sink to wash her face. A new toothbrush, toothpaste, and a hairbrush sat there. His thoughtfulness made her almost…angry, and she didn’t know why. Telling herself she was being stupid, she cleaned her teeth and then set to work on the mass of orange tangles that were sticking out all over her head. Plaiting it into two long braids, she made hairbands by ripping off pieces of the cut-off jersey shirt she’d been wearing when they arrived. Throwing the remains of the shirt in the garbage, she splashed some cold water on her face.
During all of this, she kept her mind purposefully blank. She didn’t want to think about the events that had brought her to this point in time, and she didn’t want to think about where she was going from here. And she especially didn’t want to think about the beautiful male in the next room and how she would miss him, even though she barely knew him. But he deserved something better than looking after a hot mess like her.
Leaving the bathroom as quietly as she could, she slipped on her new sandals and tiptoed to the table. The sun was still on its downward descent. If she could get out the door without waking him, she’d be able to get a good head start. And if he knew what was good for him, he wouldn’t follow her this time. Because it certainly wasn’t her and her baggage.
A pen and a small notepad lay next to the remains of her dinner, compliments of the motel, and she contemplated leaving a note for Christian. But what would she say? Thanks for the food and the orgasm, but I have to go find my next fix now before the sickness hits. Maybe I’ll see you in a strip joint somewhere sometime. Kisses!
A small, derisive noise escaped her. Yeah, it would probably be better to just go. Turning towards the door, she quietly unlocked the deadbolt. Her hand was on the latch when a breeze rustled her clothes and hair and suddenly there was six feet plus of wide-awake and completely alert vampire leaning casually against the door next to her, holding it closed.
“Where are you going, Ryan?”
Lowering her eyes and keeping her hand on the door handle, she didn’t bother to answer. There wasn’t any need.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said. Ducking his head, he tried to get her to look at him. But she couldn’t. If she looked at him, she’d want to stay. And if she stayed, she wouldn’t have anything to help when the voices came back. She wouldn’t have anything when the sickness came from the withdrawals. And he’d be stuck here with a shell of a woman vomiting all over his bathroom and screaming at things that weren’t there. And that wasn’t fair to him. They were practically strangers. As soon as the going got tough, he’d be out of here like any normal person, or vampire, or whatever, and then she’d be stuck here by herself and too sick to find a dealer. The neighbors would hear her, the cops would be called, and she’d be right back in the hospital. And this time there’d be no escaping.
“She’ashil, I want you to stay with me.” He stepped away from the door, giving her the choice, but she could feel the anxiety pouring out of him. “I’m asking you. Please. Don’t leave. Stay with me.”
“Why?” she whispered.
Carefully removing her hand from the latch, he turned her around to face him and tilted her face up with one hand cupping her jaw until she had to look at him. “Why not?” he asked. “Do you have somewhere better to be?”
She opened her mouth to name the list of places she had to be, but what came out instead was, “What does that mean? She’ashil?”
He brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “It means something like ‘sweetheart’ in Navajo.”
Navajo Indian? “You’re American Indian,” she said needlessly. Well, that explained the naturally tanned skin and black hair. Maybe the eyes were a vampire thing.
“Yeah, sort of.” At her look of confusion, he explained, “I’m a half breed. Half Navajo, half white.”
“Oh.” Stepping away from him, she made to say her goodbyes. “I really need to go. Um. Thank you. For the food and clothes…for everything.”
He laced his fingers behind his neck and looked to the ceiling for answers. As she put her hand on the latch again, he dropped his arms to his sides. “Why are you leaving me? Did I do something? Say something?”
There was such a tone of desperation in his voice that she paused with the door barely cracked. A thin sliver of weak daylight shot through the opening as the sun made its last hoorah before sinking below the horizon. Pausing, she looked over her shoulder at him in confusion. She honestly couldn’t imagine what would make him want her here. “Why do you want me to stay?”
He didn’t seem to know how to answer that. Wrapping his arms around his lean waist like he was trying to hold in his emotions, he paced back and forth a few times before stopping abruptly and saying, “I honestly don’t know. I just know that the thought of you leaving…the thought of you not being near me…” He couldn’t finish the thought. “And the sun is still up. I couldn’t follow you. I can’t…” He paced again. “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not usually like this with females. I’m the complete opposite of clingy.”
So, he felt it too. She didn’t understand what it was between them either. But she still needed to leave. “Christian, I’m sorry. But I have to go.”
“Why?” The word was torn from his throat.
Ryan sighed. Might as well lay it on him. He’d be disgusted when she was through. He wouldn’t want anything to do with her. But that was good. He deserved better. For a vampire, he was an all right guy. “Because if I stayed here and let myself get sick, I’ll wish I was dead. Because I need to go find a dealer before that sickness hits. Because I can’t go a day without shooting up. Because
I can’t deal with the voices screaming at me until I can’t hear anything but them. And when I find that dealer?” Her voice broke, but she pressed on. “I’ll do whatever I need to do to get my dope. I’ll suck his dick if the voices let me. I’ll let him jerk off while he watches me play with myself. Sometimes I do even worse things. And if they won’t let me get close to him, I’ll imagine his heart squeezing in his chest until it stops beating. Then I’ll take what I need off of a dead man, and I won’t look back.” Her voice caught on a sob. “Because I’m not a good person. I’m a whore, and I’m a druggie. I’m disgusting. That’s why.”
He was quiet as she stood before him with her soul laid bare. She refused to look at him. She didn’t want to see the look on his face now that he knew the truth of who she was.
“Go.”
She sobbed in earnest this time, until she realized it wasn’t Christian who had said that.
“Stay.”
“Oh, god.” They were back. Ryan started to laugh, the maniacal sound loud in the quiet of the room. She laughed and laughed as the tears ran down her face. Tears for herself. Tears for her family. Tears for this great guy she’d just met. Tears for the life she’d never be able to have.
Strong hands gripped her shoulders and pulled her into a hard, warm chest. She let him hold her. He was telling her goodbye, she was sure of it. And she let him, because she needed this moment of comfort before she walked out that door and went back to her fucked up excuse for a life. She pressed her ear to his chest and let the solid beat of his heart drown out the voices.
“Ryan…she’ashil…shhhh. It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”
“How can you stand to touch me?” she mumbled into his shirt.
His chest rose and fell on a breath. “I’m no one to judge you. And you’re not disgusting. Don’t ever think that about yourself.”
“It’s true…”
“No,” he insisted. “It’s not.”
She disagreed, but she wasn’t going to continue to argue with him.