by RJ Crayton
“Shhhhh,” he said again softly as she turned away from Josh. But she didn’t just roll over. She startled awake, opening her eyes and scanning the room, as if confused about her whereabouts. Her breathing quickened and she tensed, and tried to back away, only to smack into the wall behind her.
“Hey,” he said softly, watching as she tried to get her bearings. “It’s alright, it’s me.” He turned behind him to make sure Willie wasn’t there, that Elaan wasn’t frightened of something behind him. No one was. Willie was still in the opposite corner, apparently asleep. Lijah turned back to his sister, who seemed to have oriented herself to the surroundings. Her breathing was slowing to a normal pace.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said. “I just thought I could slide you over a bit, the way Mom and Dad did when you were smaller.”
She raised an eyebrow, and he was sure she thought he was crazy. Perhaps that was crazy. She wasn’t a kid anymore, and moving her had been to allay his guilt as much as it had been to try to help.
“Why were you moving me?”
He avoided her gaze, instead eyeing Josh, who was huddled a little ways over, his mouth humming with a soft snore. Lijah sighed and sat next to his sister, so she was flanked by him and Josh. “You were shivering,” he said, pressing his back against the wall of the boxcar. “I thought you’d be warmer if you were lying next to…” He paused before answering, peering directly across the room toward Willie, wondering if the man were really asleep. It was better to be safe than sorry. He tipped his head toward Josh and said, “You’d be warmer next to Ethan.”
She did a quick double take, but then her sleep-disrupted brain seemed to remember their fake names. “I’m fine.”
“No you’re not,” he said. “That’s my fault, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Lijah chuckled. “It is.” He pulled his knees up to his chest. “Today, or I guess it was really yesterday, you asked if I had another reason for being upset about you and Ethan. I said no. But that wasn’t true.” He turned and her eyes were kind and understanding. Shame reared in his gut. “What you thought was my motive was true. I didn’t realize I was doing it for that reason until you said it, and I hadn’t meant to be unfair to you two. So, I’m sorry. He’s a good guy, and I’m fine with you two being together.”
Elaan nodded, but she didn’t quite seem to believe him.
“I saw you lean toward him tonight, but then you saw me and stopped. You seemed to think I was mad, and then you laid down in the opposite direction,” he said. “I wasn’t mad. I felt bad that I’d mistreated you two. You shouldn’t be cold when lying closer to him will keep you warm. I really, truly don’t want that for you.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m fine, and I’m not going to make things hard for you if I can help it.”
“It’s not hard for me,” he shot back, with more force than was necessary.
“I know that certain things are personal, but this isn’t something you had to hide from us,” she said. “We understand. We love you. It doesn’t matter to us one way or the other.”
He tried not to sigh, refrained from shaking his head. “I know it doesn’t matter to you,” he finally said.
She didn’t say anything for a while, the rattling train and Josh’s soft snores the only noises. Finally, she turned to him, a crease in the center of her forehead, and said determinedly, “It doesn’t matter to Mom and Dad, either.”
He looked at his hands. His nails were dirty. He wondered when they’d gotten that grimy. Perhaps walking through the trees or pushing the jeep into the river. “You think it doesn’t matter to them because nothing you did wrong ever mattered to them,” Lijah said. “You have always made mistakes and been different, and you have always been OK with that. And when you did something different or not quite right, Mom and Dad expected it. They were OK with you. They expected the unexpected. But with me, I fit in. I did exactly what they wanted me to do. And on that rare occasion that I did something they didn’t expect or didn’t approve of, the disappointment in their eyes, it was so deep. It was as if I’d cut into their souls with a poisoned dagger. They never saw you that way. They decided that you were going to be different. I was supposed to be dependable and what they wanted.”
Elaan touched his arm. “You are exactly what they want,” she said.
He smiled. Sometimes she reminded him of their mother. But in a good way. The good memories of Shonda Woodson, when she was kind and compassionate. Elaan was like their mother. Just without the expectations. Elaan had never heard the conversations he’d had with his mother where she expressed her disapproval. Shonda loved him, but she had so many expectations, ones he always strived to fulfill. He wasn’t perfect. Not the way his mother had wanted him to be. Not the way she’d never expected Elaan to be. He hated the double standard. In Elaan it had produced an acceptance of people as they were, the way she accepted him right now. “Thanks,” he said. “But I’d rather not talk about this here and now.” He tipped his head toward Josh, who was still asleep. “Please don’t tell him. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.”
“Of course,” she said. “There’s nothing for me to tell.” Elaan hunched her shoulders and tilted her head from side to side to stretch out. A cold steel floor of a boxcar didn’t make the most comfortable bed.
“You should go back to sleep. You need your rest. I’ll keep watch.”
She shrugged. “I’m kind of awake now, and I think it will be hard to go back to sleep.”
Of course, he thought. Elaan. Expect the unexpected. He’d come over to help make her comfortable, and instead, he’d awakened her.
“Hey,” she said, as if she’d just had an epiphany. “What did Dad’s letter say?”
The letter. He’d forgotten about it. Everything had happened so fast that he hadn’t even looked. “I haven’t read it,” he said. He crawled over to where he’d been sitting earlier, grabbed the backpack, and then slid back to Elaan. He pulled the letter from the backpack and stared at the envelope.
He wasn’t actually sure he wanted to open it and read it. The map had been helpful, but the letter was long. Several handwritten pages. He hadn’t been able to see it well in the dark, but he’d read the opening line, “If you’re getting this letter, it means I’m dead.” Only, his father had given it to him, now. He was apprehensive to see it again. Afraid to know what his father thought was so important for him to know in the event that he died.
“You gonna open it?” she asked.
He nodded, and pulled the letter out of the envelope.
END OF PREVIEW
Exposed will publish June 14. You can preorder it so it will be delivered to your inbox as soon as it’s available. If you’d like to be included in updates on RJ Crayton’s work (including opportunities for FREE Advanced Review Copies), please join the mailing list.
About the Author
RJ Crayton grew up in Illinois and now lives in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC. She is the author of the Life First series of novels, which includes Life First, Second Life and Third Life: Taken. Prior to writing fiction, Crayton was a journalist, writing for newspapers, including the Wichita Eagle and Kansas City Star. Crayton also worked for several trade publications, including Solid Waste Report, Education Technology News, and Campus Crime. Her first novels were published in 2013. Four Mothers, a short story collection, was published in June 2014. Crayton is a monthly contributor to the Indies Unlimited blog and a regular contributor to the Institute for Ethics and Emerging Technologies blog. When she’s not writing, Crayton spends her time being a ninja mom (stealthy and ultra cool, like moms should be) to her son and daughter. You can find out more about her at http://rjcrayton.com.
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Also By RJ Crayton
Life First
"I was completely intrigued by this book from the very first page. There were fairly few characters in-keeping with the story, but they were all extremely well thought out. I really think RJ Crayton should be expecting calls for film rights because this played out in my mind as I read it like a really great film.... It gripped you like King Kong and would not let go until you had finished the book."
- BestChickLit.com
Strong-willed Kelsey Reed must escape tonight or tomorrow her government will take her kidney and give it to someone else.
In this future forged by survivors of pandemics that wiped out 80 percent of the world’s population, life is valued above all else. The mentally ill are sterilized, abortions are illegal and those who refuse to donate an organ when told are sentenced to death.
Determined not to give up her kidney or die, Kelsey enlists the help of her boyfriend Luke and a dodgy doctor to escape. The trio must disable the tracking chip in her arm for her to flee undetected. If they fail, Kelsey will be stripped of everything. FREE at Amazon.
Second Life
"Twists and turns with a dash or two of betrayal."
-Amazon Reviewer
"I just cant give the twists away, but you will be sat on the edge of your seat."
-Amazon Reviewer
Susan Harper is being held captive by her government. As the normally feisty Susan’s hopes of freedom dwindle, a mysterious stranger sneaks into her room and promises to help.
Susan and mystery man Rob grow close as he tries to orchestrate her escape. When the duo discovers the truth behind Susan’s captivity, they realize they must act quickly if they’re to save her. Susan and Rob will need more than passion for each other and their wits to succeed. They will need help from old friends, including Kelsey Reed.
In the previous book, Life First, Susan gave Kelsey a chance at a second life. But now will she get her own? Buy it at Amazon.
Third Life: Taken
"This was the best book of the series and the perfect conclusion to the story. It was a stomach churning, tension filled rollercoaster of emotions as you followed the two distinct but intertwined plots."
-Chuckles Book Cave
When Kelsey Reed fled her country to escape a forced kidney transplant, she was sure she’d never return. However, when her brother-in-law shows up on her doorstep, he commits an act of betrayal that changes everything.
Forced to head back to the nation that tried to kill her, Kelsey will need the help of her husband Luke, and friends Susan and Rob to escape with her life.
Get it from Amazon.
Four Mothers
Sometimes, a mother’s flaws are dangerous...
Nobody is perfect at being a mother, and that is especially true for the mothers featured in this short story collection. In each story, we meet a mother as she deals with a real or perceived crisis and her flaws emerge. In Almost Perfect, Bitsy’s flaw causes her to take a truly horrendous action, proving that it’s not just stepmothers who are wicked. Tilda, the mother we meet in As Luck Would Have It, exudes luck from every pore, but she has flawed expectations that may end up shaping her daughter’s reality. Felicity is relishing her overbearing husband’s absence on a business trip, when her Two-Day Break suddenly turns into a nightmare. In The Beads, Iram is living a nightmare — a child in a coma after nearly choking to death — when something happens that affects her entire outlook. Also included in the collection is a bonus story, Lynch Party, about a mother who has a different perspective on what makes a great party activity. Buy it at Amazon.