by Deja Voss
“Morgan,” I plead. “Can you please tell me where I am?”
“Sorry, that’s classified information,” she says with a smirk. “Holy shit, this is amazing. Having all these secrets from you. Usually I’m on the outside looking in, but my, have the tables turned.”
“Fair enough. My dad got you in on one of his little schemes and now you got a little taste of power. What’s your endgame though?” I ask. “What do you really think is going to happen here?”
“Esther, I don’t really care. As long as you’re gone, that’s all that matters. Why your dad is making me come down here and feed you and make sure you’re alive is beyond me though. I told him I could take care of this problem with one bullet and a shovel.” She’s standing taller than I’ve ever seen her stand before, her eyes wild and crazy. Maybe it’s just because I’m trapped in this cage and my body is still trying to push out whatever drugs are inside me, or maybe she really is high off her ass on power, but right now, this girl is scaring the shit out of me. At least I know she’s not going to try and kill me, at least not until my dad gives her the go-ahead.
She slides a brown paper bag through the bars of my cage.
“Open it,” she says. There’s a can of Diet Coke and a bag of beef jerky inside, along with a sandwich. My favorite things in the world. “See, I’m not a complete monster. I know what you like.”
“Suck my dick,” I say, throwing the bag across the cage.
“You’re lucky I don’t have the key to this fucking thing,” she shouts, making a fist at me.
“You know you’re on the wrong team, right? You think my dad has the power? You think latching on to him is going to get you whatever this title is that you’re looking for?” I yell, hoping to get through to her on some level. “Look what he did to me! Not just this, right now, either. I mean my life. He sold me as a sex slave when I was eighteen. Is that the life you want? Is that what you’re so jealous of?”
“You and Brooks did the same damn thing to me,” she laughs.
“And yet you came back. You could’ve had a comfortable cushy life. You could’ve had anything you asked for.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Esther,” she says. “I’ve never wanted that. I wanted to prove my loyalty to the club. I wanted to show everyone that this is where I belong, that I would sacrifice myself however I needed to. Like you.”
“Oh, knock it off, Morgan. You don’t want to be like me.”
“You’re right,” she says. “I don’t want to be like you. I want to replace you. Hell, I’m going to replace you.”
“Where’s Brooks?”
“You just don’t worry about him. I’m not after him anyway. He’s not the one in charge around here. He’s just a good fuck, isn’t he? I mean, between you and me. You already know I’ve fucked him before, though. I’m definitely kind of bummed I had to let him slide through my fingers. It’s a shame he’ll probably completely lose his shit when he sees the note you left him. What a waste of a perfectly good cock.”
“I didn’t leave him a note,” I snap.
“Sure ya did. You’re dead now, you know?”
“He’s not stupid, Morgan. He’s going to see right through it. Moses pulled the same shit with his dad. Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that all the people the man cares for end up killing themselves?”
“What?” she stammers.
“And when he does see right through it, and he will, do you really think the rest of the club is going to turn their back on him in favor of their fucked-up president, who, at this rate, could keel over and die any day anyway?”
I crawl across the floor and pick up the bag of beef jerky, tearing it open, gnawing on a piece of it while I just smile at her. I can almost see the wheels in her head turning, and I wait for smoke to come out of her ears as she paces back and forth, nervously wringing her hands. I feel pretty satisfied with my rant. The salt of the jerky doesn’t feel good on my bloodied lip, but I just chomp away purposefully, obnoxiously, chewing loudly enough that I know she can hear me.
“Everyone always tells me how dumb you are, Morgan, and I try to stand up for you, but you’re not making it easy right now. I think they might be right.”
“You’re a bitch,” she whispers.
“I know.” I smile “And you have some major work to do here, girl. I promise, if you make it right, I won’t tell anyone you were in on this scheme. Life will go back to normal. Go get the guys and tell them where I am, Morgan.”
“I’m going to have to think about it,” she says. “It’s not like you haven’t tricked me before.”
“I know. I’m sorry for that. Just know that I learned my manipulation skills from my father. You think I’m a sneaky bitch? Where do you think I got that from? That man will throw anyone under the bus the first chance he gets.”
Her phone begins to ring.
“I gotta take this,” she says. “Do you need anything before I go?”
“I need lots of things. Tell me where I am.”
“I can’t.”
“Tell me what my father is planning on doing with me.”
“I don’t know.”
“Go get the guys, then. I swear, you’ll be a hero, Morgan.”
“I’ll think about it.” She glares at me with this puzzled look on her face. She doesn’t realize how easy it is for me to see right through her. Every move she’s making is one of calculation. I can almost see the wheels in her head turning. What move is going to get her the most of whatever she wants. I don’t care what her motivation is. The real motivation I worry about is my father’s. Obviously he’s not going to kill me, or I’d already be dead.
Being kept alive means I probably have a fate much worse in my near future. I shiver at the thought of what kind of sick punishment this man has planned out for me. Morgan turns and walks off, and after the steel door swings shut, everything is silent and dark.
All I can do is sit here in this dark, damp basement and pray like I’ve never prayed before. Pray that Brooks knows what’s going on and knows exactly who did this to me. I wrap myself in the comforter that still smells like him, still feels like home, and hope that he knows I would never do anything to hurt him. I pray that my love for him is strong enough to guide him right here, guide him where he needs to be.
At the very least, I pray that Morgan actually has a soul, and that, perhaps, she will come through for me.
38
Brooks:
“Baby, you need to come back to the house,” Trixie pleads into the phone. It’s been dark for hours, but I have my spotlight. Me and the entire club have been searching the woods all day for Esther. I don’t think she could’ve gotten far, especially drugged up and shoeless. The only hope I have is that she’s still alive, passed out somewhere, safe from the threat of wild animals roaming the forest.
Even if I do find her, if what she wrote in the note is true, then my life is about to change in a big way. I’ll probably have to leave the club, and definitely have to leave the mountain. I give no fucks about facing that, though. I just want her home and safe. I’m not worried about me right now.
“I can’t,” I tell Trixie, struggling with keeping my voice from cracking. “Not ’til I find some sign of her.”
“There’s somebody here at your house who wants to talk to you. I think you’re going to want to get back here as soon as you can, kid.”
“Is it her?” I ask. She’s the only person I want to talk to right now.
“No.”
Everyone we know is out in the woods right now, searching for her. There’s no reason why they wouldn’t be. Esther is important to each and every one of us in her own way. Gavin has Sloan and Olive in the side-by-side, the other guys took their four wheelers or hiked, and we even brought the dogs out with us. I have Trixie stationed at my house, and Heat is at Esther’s trailer in case she decides to return to either place.
Nobody has seen even a trace of her, even in the daylight. No footprints, no blood, not e
ven a scrap of fabric from the giant comforter of our bed that I assume she’s been dragging around with her.
“I’m sorry, Trixie,” I tell her. “I’m not coming back until I get some answers.”
“Brooks,” a man’s voice says on the phone. I haven’t heard his voice in months, but I recognize it clear as day. “Come back, bud.”
“Goob, what are you doing up here?” I ask.
“You think I don’t care about my big sister as much as you do? I just got back from the airport. We’re at your house.” Goob had a rough life, rougher than most of us misfits, and when he left to get clean and figure out what he wanted to do with himself, we all thought it was a great thing. The fact that he’s back here right now, back amongst the life that almost destroyed him, shows once more how important Esther is. “She showed me the note.”
My stomach turns over just thinking about it, and if I had eaten or drank anything today, I’m sure I’d be losing it right now.
“You need to come back here and take a closer look,” he says. “She didn’t write this.”
I feel like a ton of bricks has been dropped on me. I hadn’t let my mind go there, so blinded by the guilt of leaving her alone, so used to fucking things up with her, that I really thought she felt that way about me. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together.
“You know who wrote it?” I ask him.
“I have a good feeling.”
So do I. The man who loves leaving fucked-up suicide notes. The man who has made it his life’s mission to take away everything I love.
“I’ll call the guys if you want,” he says. “We can all get together at the house and figure out what we’re going to do.”
“Hold off on that,” I tell him. This isn’t between the club and Moses anymore. This is personal. This man has been stripping everyone I love from me before I was even old enough to do anything about it, and now I’m going to handle it once and for all. It’s my time to get revenge, and if I ever want to see Esther again, I have a feeling I’m going to have to play my cards perfectly.
I’m sprinting back to the house, my feet catching on every rock and root in the deep dark woods. I’m trying to keep from falling on my face, but I am a man on a mission to rescue the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. I can hear the coyotes screaming, and now that I know she’s not out here wandering around, it rejuvenates me. It energizes me. Their desperate howls make me feel connected to this mountain, connected to my club, and connected to her.
I crest the tree line to the clearing that leads to my backyard. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Moses standing on my back porch. He’s pacing back and forth, sucking down a cigarette, talking on his cell phone.
I just stand and wait, watching his every move, knowing that this man is way too proud to keep his tracks covered for long. He’s gotta have someone else in on this with him. He needs someone to gloat to.
“Morgan, that’s nonsense,” I hear him scold. “You know I’m just looking out for you, honey. This is all going to be over soon. Remember what we talked about? Just make sure she has food and water. I can’t have her dying on us.”
I can’t make out much more of his conversation, but I think I know all I need to know to plot my next move. He snuffs out his cigarette on the railing of the deck and tosses the butt into the yard. He walks into the house through the back door and I wait a few minutes, digesting everything I just heard, my heart pounding.
He might be the worst person that ever lived, but there’s still hope for Morgan. At least, there’s still hope in the form that she’s easy to manipulate. She’s evil in her own right, hungry for power, quick to throw anyone under the bus for her own gain. So quick that she doesn’t actually think about what she’s doing. I almost feel bad for her. Almost.
I will be giving her a phone call really soon, but first I have to go pretend like I’m completely clueless.
Hang in there, Esther, I think, reassured that, at the very least, she’s still alive. I’m coming for you, lover.
“Nope,” I say to Goob as we sit around my kitchen table. I haven’t seen him in a few months, and he really looks good, despite the current situation. I can tell he’s clean by the way that he’s filled out. He was always skin and bones, but now he’s packing some muscle. His skin looks clearer and his eyes look sharp, his blond hair pulled back into a bun. He looks city, but that’s ok. As long as he’s getting himself healthy, he can dye his hair pink and shave off his beard for all I care.
Moses is pacing around the room, looking more anxious than bereft with grief that his daughter is missing. He hasn’t set foot in this house since my father’s wake. It’s funny that now, all of a sudden, he’s right up in my business, infiltrating my personal space. He knows he’s making me uncomfortable, and he’s loving every minute of it. He’s also making sure I don’t have the chance to put the pieces together, even though everyone else is basically spoon-feeding me this information. I can only hope that Goob sees through my acting job, which I admit is pretty shitty. I am fidgeting in my chair so hard that I feel like it might break underneath me. “She definitely wrote this. It’s her words. It’s her writing.”
“It’s not her writing,” Goob says. “She used to send me letters all the time back when she lived with Aunt Mary. She doesn’t know how to write in cursive. She could never figure it out. The woman could do calculus and chemistry but when she tried to write in cursive, it came out all backwards.”
“Well she must have learned how,” I say.
“I warned her,” Moses says to no one in particular, staring off into space. “I told her you were no good for her.”
“Knock it off, Moses,” Trixie barks at him. “This isn’t his fault. That girl would never blame someone else for her problems. She’s not hurtful like that. Either this note is a fake, or she was on something really bad.”
“Either way, it is his fault. Everyone around him is killing themselves all the time. You think that’s a coincidence?” I try to stifle a laugh. My father’s death is definitely not funny, but it’s ironic that he doesn’t think I can see how coincidental these two circumstances are.
“Can you all just leave?” I ask. “I need to be alone. I’m tired and stressed and I want to get up early so I can go back out and keep searching.”
“I don’t think you should be alone tonight, honey,” Trixie says. “You need someone here.”
“He’s hiding something,” Moses says. “I see right through his shit. She’s my daughter, and I’m staying here until I know exactly what this fucker is up to.”
“She’s my sister, and I’ll stay here,” Goob says, and I have to hold in a sigh of relief. “You need to go back to the clubhouse in case she turns up there.”
“I doubt she will,” Moses shrugs, “but ok.”
“Why do you say that, Moe?” Trixie asks. “At this point, anything is possible. We have to make sure all our bases are covered. For all we know, she just got her pot brownies mixed up with her mushroom brownies and went on a nature walk to find herself. If she’s out wandering, disoriented, she’ll probably turn up at the closest place she finds. Nothing about this is right to me. This isn’t like her at all.”
I don’t know what Trixie actually believes, but I know the only way we’re going to have a serious conversation is to get Moses out of here, and the sooner the better. Wherever Esther is, I’m sure she’s scared, and likely hurt.
His phone rings, and he frowns when he sees the number on the screen. “I have to go take this. I’ll be at the clubhouse. Call me if anything goes down. Goob, don’t let this asshole out of your sight.”
Goob shoots him a salute, and he walks out the front door without another word, making sure he drags his muddy boots on the carpet on his way.
“So who’s gonna keep their eyes on him?” I ask as soon as the door closes.
“I’ll be watching him like a hawk, child,” Trixie says, reassuring me. She wraps her arms around me in a giant bear hug, kissing the top of my h
ead. “God, it’s hard not calling him out. How did you guys not crack?”
There’s a sudden lightness around the table. All of us have been holding our breath.
“I just want to fucking kill him right now. If he so much as laid a hand on her…” Goob says.
“Don’t start with that,” I tell him. “He still thinks you’re on his team.”
“Sucks that it’s coming down to this,” he says.
“That girl’s always been the glue that holds this club together,” Trixie says. “She’s sacrificed so much. Maybe this will be the last time she has to. The only thing I can hope is that this situation brings some order back to the Misfits.”
“And that she’s alive,” I say.
“Oh baby, she’s totally alive. You think Moses isn’t gonna squeeze every last bit of leverage he has out of her? He gains nothing by killing her. We still need to find her, though.”
“Morgan,” I say. “She’s in on it.”
“That little bitch,” Trixie says. “I thought you got rid of her.”
“Apparently she didn’t want what Salazar had to offer. She has it out for Esther.”
“She’s jealous,” Trixie says. “You know exactly what you’re going to have to do to get to her to cooperate.”
“Beer me, Trix,” I say. “This is gonna require a little more than my natural acting abilities allow.”
She laughs as she grabs a bottle from the fridge and opens it, setting it in front of me. “Good luck, son. I’m going to go now. I’ll be on Moses like a fly on shit. Don’t you worry.”
“You’re a good woman, Trixie,” I say, hugging her.
“I miss you, Auntie,” Goob says to her, pulling her in for an embrace. “Be careful, please. I don’t want to see you getting hurt.”
“Honey, I know about nine hundred different ways to kill a man. Don’t think I haven’t imagined trying them all out on your father.”