by J. B. McGee
She narrows her eyes at me, pushing the door a little more. It’s like she’s testing to see if I am going to let her close it. “I’ve had a really bad day, and you just made it the day from hell. That’s what’s wrong,” she hisses at me. I laugh to myself at the irony of that statement. This has most definitely turned into my day from hell. I thought I was going to fix my life. Then she showed up and complicated everything. They complicated everything, she and Bradley. “Goodbye, Ian.”
“Wait, Gabs. Please. I am here to ask you to forgive me.” I hadn’t really planned what I would say. I am just going with the flow. That’s not really a lie. That’s the truth. I would love for her to forgive me. I have dealt with the guilt for long enough.
“Forgive you for what, Ian? For sleeping with my very best friend? For telling me that what we had was enough? For telling me that you loved me?” Oh she’s feisty. I’m not sure I’ve seen this side of her before. I like that she’s able to stand up for herself. I just hate that everything she’s saying is true about all the horrible things I did to her. It makes me cringe. “Forgive you for ruining my friendship with Lindsey? Or, for shoving your cuddly relationship down my throat my entire freakin’ senior year? The year that was supposed to be one of the happiest of my life, but instead was an absolutely blazing hell?”
My eyes widen, and I gulp as I quietly reply, “All of it, Gabs.”
“All of it?” she hisses.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Look, can I please come in? I don’t particularly care to have this conversation outside in the cold.”
Gabby looks up and around, shaking her head. It’s obvious she’s grappling with the situation. She takes a deep breath. “Fine. Come in if you must.”
She extends her arm, opening the door the rest of the way for me to come into her apartment. She closes it and stands with her back to it. This is incredibly awkward. How do I keep getting myself into these situations?
“So…” she says as she walks over to her refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz. She turns and grabs a glass from the cabinet. Looking back to me, she holds up the bottle. “Can I get you a drink?”
I have never been more excited to see wine in all my life. I hope it will help me through this. I am trying to be so careful. I don’t want to hurt her again. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Since when did she start drinking? I really liked the good girl Gabby. But I’m thankful for the wine tonight. “I didn’t think you drank?”
She turns back to the cabinet to get what I assume is another glass. She shrugs her shoulders and nonchalantly murmurs, “Things change, Ian.”
Yeah, I’m very well aware of that. “Not all things, Gabs.”
She quickly snaps her head around. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know.”
“Um. No, I don’t”
I put my hands in my pockets, my legs are slightly spread. I tilt my head to the side. She’s a smart girl, but if I must spell it out for her, I will. “Gabs, I still love you. I don’t think I ever stopped. I was a high school boy, and all my friends were having sex. What did you expect?”
She shakes her head, never looking at me, while pulling the cork from the bottle. “What did I expect?” After pouring the wine into the glasses, she starts walking towards me. “I expected my boyfriend to be loyal to me. Tell me Ian, was that asking too much?”
“I know, Gabs. I don’t mean to make excuses. I just was stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
“So, what about Lindsey? Are you still with her?”
“No, why would I be here with you if I was still with her?” I’m beyond over Lindsey.
“Oh I dunno. Being with me in the same damn house didn’t stop you from being with her.”
I can’t decide if I like bold Gabby better or not. “You cuss now, too, huh?”
“I know you’re not seriously here to judge me?”
I narrow my eyes a little bit and smile my most charming smile while putting my hands up in a surrender gesture. I swiftly close the gap between us. I have got to lighten this mood. It’s choking me. “No. Just an observation, that’s all.”
She motions for me to sit on the sofa. Gabby gets this look on her face and starts rambling. “Shoot, I totally forgot I was supposed to call Sam. I thought you were her, actually.” She puts her glass of wine down and grabs her phone. “Do you mind if I call her real quick? It’s pretty important.”
After I sit down, I lean back putting my arm across the back of the couch almost reaching her shoulder. “No, take your time. I’ll wait.” Now it feels like old times. Maybe this won’t be so hard, after all. I sense her freeze. I try to act like I don’t know she’s done it.
“Great, I’m gonna go to my room for a minute. I’ll be right back.” She shrugs. “I guess make yourself at home.”
I watch her walk away into her bedroom and close the door. Of course she wants privacy. She thinks I have no clue, but I do have a pretty good idea. I’m almost positive that Veronica told Bradley that the baby, my baby, was his. I’m just not sure how much Gabby heard or knows. Clearly, she knows enough or she wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t be upset.
I know this is why she needs to talk to Sam. Part of me wishes I knew exactly what had gone on inside, but the other part of me doesn’t. I don’t think I can take anymore drama or hurt today. I am getting a heaping dose of my own medicine. It hurts like hell. All I want to do is get drunk and forget this mess of a life I have created for myself.
I feel so alone. It’s not like I have anyone to talk to about it all. Hell would have to freeze over before I discussed any of this with my idiot roommates. I love them, but they have less maturity than I do. There’s no way they could handle this shit.
I have no clue how to tell my parents that I not only had unprotected sex with Veronica, got her pregnant, but also abandoned her. How I become an ass when I feel commitment suffocating me. How, in quite possibly the most ridiculous, impulsive move ever, I decided that I’d sabotage Gabby’s relationship to save both Gabby and Veronica from anymore heartache. It’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever done. I would have loved to have had Gabby back but not like this. Not now. But here I am.
She can’t end up with Bradley, I know that much. If Veronica thinks he can provide a good life for my child, which I know he can because of who his family is, then I guess I can make peace with that. I can’t blame Veronica for trying to make sure the kid has a decent father and upbringing. I just hate that Gabby got stuck in the middle of this atrocity.
I’ve pulled my phone out to check to see Veronica has texted me, not that she should. And of course, she hasn’t. I feel the hole that she left in my heart today rip a little more. Gabby opens the door and come’s back in. I’m thankful she’s polite. “Sorry to make you wait like that.”
“No, no problem. It’s not like I gave you any warning I’d be here or anything.” Which would have been the polite thing to do rather than ambush you when I know you’re already down. Heartbroken.
Thankfully, I kept a decent amount of space between us on the way home. I was able to see her pull over. So I pulled over, too, but farther back. I couldn’t see what she was doing, but my guess was that she was crying. I know her. Besides, she had already had to stop to cry when she got gas. I wanted to jump out of the car and kick the shit out of the insensitive punk that beeped his horn at her while she was crying at the pump.
Gabby chuckled. “No, that you didn’t.” She sits back down on the couch and takes a long swig of wine.
I turn sideways to face her. I know I said I didn’t want to know what happened earlier, but I do. I want her to tell me so I can comfort her. I can’t if I don’t know. She can’t know that I already know. So I have to ask. “So, you said you had a bad day. What happened?”
“Don’t wanna talk about it.” I watch her take another drink, and it’s just strange. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. “You better slow down, Gabs,” I
playfully warn her trying to lighten the mood, trying to retrieve a glimpse of the old us.
She raises one eyebrow at me. “You don’t get to tell me what I better do or better not do.” She’s really cute like this. I feel bad for thinking that, but I make a mental note that when she raises that eyebrow she’s going to say something out of her newly found smart mouth.
I get up from the couch and head towards the kitchen counter. If she insists on drinking her worries away, fine with me. I honestly can’t blame her. I want to do the same thing. But I need a clear head so I don’t screw this up. “Fair enough.” I raise my eyebrow, mirroring her. “Would you like more, then?”
Gabby beams that beautiful smile that I’ve been longing to see since the moment she opened the door. “Now you’re talkin’.”
I walk back over and pour more wine in both of our glasses. “So, do you have a fake ID or something? How did you get this wine?”
“Well, last year Sam always had the fridge full. This year, my…” I watch as her bottom lip quivers, and I feel even more like a dick. I should have known that he would stock her fridge for her. He makes my blood boil.
Maybe now she’ll tell me, though. “What is it, Gabs? You can tell me.”
Gabby snickers, “No, I’m not discussing him with you.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Even though I’m pretty sure she had a boyfriend earlier today, I’m not sure she still does. This is an honest question, right?
“Did.”
“Well, I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” I’m sorry she’s hurt, but I’m not sorry he’s no longer her boyfriend. He’s the last person she needs to be with. His father has the worst reputation in Atlanta, the typical congressman with all the affairs. Bradley has done a nice job of following suit. I’m still trying to wrap my head around what it is that he wants with a girl so pure and innocent like Gabby. She’s too good for him. “I was hoping that you didn’t. You know, more of a chance for me.” If I can’t have Veronica and I’m going to ensure this promise to her, to our baby, then I need to make this work with Gabby.
She narrows her eyes and huffs, “You’re an ass, Ian.”
Half laughing, I reply, “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“NO!” She swats me and nudges me at the same time. We both pause. This is old Gabby playfulness. She can say what she wants. Act like she doesn’t feel it. But we both feel the chemistry that’s still here. Her hesitation speaks volumes. In the past, this is how our flirty banter started. I loved being playful with her.
“You feel this, too?” I have to know.
“Even if I feel it, there’s no way in hell I’m acting on it. I’m too tired to fight with you tonight.” She throws back her second glass of wine, and with a little left in her mouth, she continues, “I’m entertaining you and hearing you out, but I can tell you we are never getting back together.”
I suck in air and jump back. “Ouch, that hurts.” It really does hurt. Maybe with time, I can change her mind.
“Not as much as you hurt me. I can assure you of that,” she hisses.
Again, I deserve that. What I don’t deserve another shot, but I have to try to make this work. “Just give me a chance, Gabs.”
She shakes her head and grimaces. “No.”
She’s made up her mind already?
“Just like that, huh?” I don’t know what I can do or say to show her that I’m not that guy anymore.
I watch as she pours herself another glass of wine. She nonchalantly replies, “Yep, just like that. I’m happy to be your friend, but I can’t be any more than that to you.”
“I’ll take what I can get, then,” I concede. That’s going to have to be good enough for now. I refuse to push this too far right now.
She tilts her glass towards mine. “To friends.”
I grin as we clank our glasses together. If someone had told me five hours ago that I’d be toasting to being friends with Gabby, I would have laughed at them. I would have been happy to be her friend. And because I’m trying to make this right with Veronica, to redeem myself, I’m secretly praying I can make this more.
“Fine, now tell me what happened with Lindsey?” she asks me.
She’s going to love this part. “Actually, I caught her cheating on me.”
Gabby throws her head back laughing. “Oh, karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
“That’s not very nice you know?”
She chuckles. “Sorry, I guess.”
She’s not sorry. I love to see her carefree, and I can only imagine the elation she must be feeling about how that all went down. “But you’re not, right?”
“No, I’m not. But I’m really sorry for not being sorry.” She takes another sip of her wine. I really wish she’d slow down, but there’s no way in hell I’m mentioning that to her again. As if she’s read my mind she says, “Oh. You’re right, I should probably slow down. Geez, that didn’t take much to make the room spin.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t imagine that you’d be anything other than a light weight, Gabs.” I mean it in the most loving of ways. It’s fun to tease her.
She shrugs her shoulders and giggles. “What can I say? Anyway, Lindsey. Did she cheat on you with your best friend by chance? Because that would be the icing on the cake for me.”
“I’ll take this beating. I deserve it. No, it was actually one of our professors.”
Gabby widens her eyes. “You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me!?”
“No, they got in a lot of trouble. But they are engaged now, so I guess it was all worth it.” The thought saddens me. Lindsey is getting her happily ever after. How has she managed to do that? But I’m here with a girl whose heart I broke, walking a fine tightrope between being honest versus being deceptive. I don’t want any more bad karma. I have already gotten way more than Lindsey. It’s not fair.
“So, you really weren’t just missing me, right? You got rejected by Lindsey and then after you got a little taste of your own medicine, you realized how good you had it?” She almost hit the nail on the head.
Lindsey? No.
Veronica? Yes.
Rejection? Yep.
Own medicine. Overdosing.
“No, I always regretted screwing things up with you. But, I was too proud to come back and admit it to you.” That’s true.
Gabby shrugs her shoulders. “What’s done is done.” She reaches to the coffee table and places her empty wine glass down. “I need to use the bathroom, excuse me a minute.”
As soon as she’s gone, her phone lights up on the coffee table by the wine glass, catching my eye. A picture of a familiar face pops up on the screen. I can’t resist the urge to answer. I wish I could be a fly on his wall and could see Bradley’s expression when another man answers Gabby’s phone. “Hello.”
“I must have the wrong number,” Bradley fumbles.
I smile a sly smile. I’m probably enjoying this too much. “Who were you trying to reach?”
“Gabby Gerhart.”
“She can’t come to the phone.”
“Who the hell is this?” Bradley hisses.
“I could ask you the same thing.” Even though I know the answer, I’m enjoying playing with his head. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m her boyfriend, jackass. Put her on the phone.”
“No, she doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore. And from the sounds of how her day has gone, you’re the jackass. Have a nice night.” I hear the commode flush, and quickly end the call. I calmly place it back on the coffee table face down so she wouldn’t see the light from the phone call I’ve just intercepted.
Visit www.jbmcgee.com to stay up to date on news regarding the release of the next book in the This series, Forgiven. The anticipated release date is April, 2013.
Conspiring’s companion novella, Falling, which will complete Veronica’s and Ian’s story will follow Forgiven.
The series will conclude with Blinded(Companion to Forgiven) with the conclusion of Sam’s story.
&nb
sp; About the Author
J.B. McGee was born and raised in Aiken, South Carolina. After graduating from South Aiken High School, she toured Europe as a member of the 1999 International Bands of America Tour, playing the clarinet. While attending Converse College, an all-girls school in Spartanburg, South Carolina, she visited Charleston often. It quickly became one of her favorite vacation spots. She met her husband, Chad, during Christmas break her freshman year. They married in 2001. They moved back to her hometown. In 2005, the couple welcomed their first son, Noah. J.B. finished her Bachelor of Arts degree in Early Childhood Education at the University of South Carolina-Aiken in 2006. During her time studying children's literature, a professor had encouraged her to become a writer.
In 2007, she welcomed their second child, Jonah, and she became a stay at home mom/entrepreneur. In 2009, they found out their two children and J.B. have Mitochondrial Disease. In 2011, a diagnosis also was given to Chad. Please take a moment and learn more about Mitochondrial Disease. Awareness is key to this disease that has no cure or treatments.
J.B. McGee and her family now reside in Buford, Georgia, to be closer to their children's medical team. After a passion for reading had been re-ignited, J.B. decided to finally give writing a shot. Conspiring (This Series), is her third book and first series.
Please follow JB on Twitter and Facebook to get updates on what else is coming in 2013.
Acknowledgments
I feel like an athlete or celebrity who is on stage giving their acceptance speech and they point their finger in the air and say, “First and foremost I want to thank God.” First and foremost, I want to thank God, from whom all blessings flow. The past year of my life has been one of the hardest ever. Just when I was beginning to wonder how much farther we had to fall before we hit rock bottom, I got this crazy idea to write a book. Well, you know the rest of the story. He has carried me for so long and I finally feel like I’m standing on my own about to start sprinting!