He walked over to her and took her by the shoulders, "Claudia, you need to learn to trust. You'll drive everyone who cares about you away if you don't overcome this insane need to protect yourself."
He let her go, but stood in front of her, waiting for her response. It was a long time coming. She refused to meet his eyes, stared into the fireplace.
"But this is different, Andrew. This situation with Gates isn't the same as keeping people at arms length. Gates is my biological father! He abandoned me, threw money at my mother to see that we stayed away from him. Yet, he loved you and you're not even his son. He loved his other children. But not me. All these years, I consoled myself with the thought that he was incapable of loving anyone. But then you kept telling me what a great guy he is and how great of a father he is to his kids and how great he is with you and your brother. It put a lie to the story I had made myself believe all my life. You need to understand that the stakes were a lot higher for me with this, Andrew. I felt like I had to run for my life, to preserve and protect what I had managed to build for myself and to put some distance between you and me."
"You were running for your life and that meant away from me..." Andrew said with bitter incredulity.
"Please try and see it from my point of view!"
"You are so stubborn. Can't you just say, 'I was wrong and I'm sorry'?"
His question took her aback. She knew she was wrong and she was definitely sorry for doubting him, because when she really thought about how well she knew Andrew, she knew in her heart of hearts that he wouldn't have dumped her. She was sorry she had left town so suddenly, without giving them a chance to work through the problem. She was sorry that her actions had seemingly put an end to their relationship because it was obvious that he didn't think of her in a positive light anymore. And, in her mind, she deserved to lose him. She had shown herself to be an extremely poor judge of his character. They had talked again and again about her needing to trust in him, but in the end, she had been the one to betray his trust.
"You're right. I was wrong and I'm very sorry for what I did," she quelled the urge to try to excuse or rationalize her behavior again. To do so would lessen the impact of her apology, which was truly from her heart. "Please forgive me, Andrew."
"I do forgive you," there was a 'but' hanging in the air, but he left it unspoken.
"Thank you. I probably don't deserve your forgiveness," she said formally and with a careful detachment as she reached down to pick up her coat and began to put it on. "Thank you for giving me a chance to apologize and for being gracious enough to accept my apology. Maybe I'll see you back in Boston? It's probably too soon for me to be 'just friends' with you, but... maybe we can try that later?"
Andrew flopped down in a chair and heaved an exasperated sigh. This woman would be the death of him.
"I don't want to be friends with you! Do you think I came all the way over here because I want to be friends? You're out of your mind!"
"Andrew, I honestly don't know why you came here. I thought maybe you wanted closure. Or maybe a 'hot fuck' – isn't that what you called it before? – or whatever," she sounded tired, run down. She rubbed her temples as though she had a headache.
"You idiot," he said, walking over to her. He removed her coat and tossed it on the floor again.
"I'm sick of taking that coat off of you. Leave it off, wouldja?" he said, once again only half-jokingly. "You're doing it again. You can't just leave, Claudia."
She looked into his eyes and saw frustration mixed with the heat and possessiveness that darkened them to deepest blue. The same dark heat that appeared in his eyes when they made love. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling the easy slide of arousal that so typically occurred when he was near. She backed away from him a little so she could better see his face.
"What's going on?"
"What's going on is that I'm not letting you leave. We have a problem that needs to be dealt with, not run away from. So let's deal with it. Together."
"OK..." she said, not sure how they would resolve their problem in a way that they could both live with.
"But here's a new rule for future reference: don't go running off when we have an argument; stay and let's talk it out before you do anything rash."
"We have a future?" she asked hopefully. "You mean you liked my plan to deal with your family?"
"Hell, no."
Claudia's expression went totally blank with confusion.
"That plan sucks, baby. We're not even going down that road. When has avoidance and compartmentalizing ever solved any problem?"
She frowned, "Well, I don't see any other way. I can't be around Gates. You didn't see how he treated me. Like I was a piece of property or something. He offered memoney, Andrew," she shivered at the memory, "like I was some gold-digging whore! I can't just forget that or that he threw me away when I was born!"
"I don't expect you to forget that, Claudia. It's impossible for me to forget it, too. When you told me all about your childhood it made me so angry that whoever your father was would leave you at the mercy of your mother. I still really can't believe that that heinous individual is none other than my father's best friend."
He was quiet for a minute, thinking of the past, of all the happy occasions the Gatess and Conals had shared. They weren't real to him anymore, though. Gates was a fraud, had been keeping a terrible secret from all of them. He had had an ongoing affair with Claudia's mother, but had never had contact with his daughter. He had to have known that Marcheline was a selfish woman and that she would be an equally selfish mother. But he hadn't cared. He hadn't cared that he was betraying his wife and their three children, his closest friends or, worst of all, his daughter.
"Listen, I'll tell you just what I told Gates. You are my family. I loved Paddy," he said, "But, now that I know exactly who and what he is, I want nothing to do with him."
Claudia's mind had gotten hung up back where he said he had talked to Gates.
"You talked to Gates about me?" she asked tentatively, wringing her hands nervously.
"Yeah. I told him I knew everything. He tried to deny it at first. Then he tried to justify what he did in the most reprehensible way. I told him he was a liar, a hypocrite and a pretty sorry excuse for a human being."
"You did?!" alarm tinged her voice.
"Yeah, I did. I found out, too, that he and your mother never stopped seeing each other," he said quietly, not sure how Claudia would take the news.
"What?! You can't be serious... Maman always spoke of him so angrily. How could she be sleeping with him after what he did to us?"
"I am serious. I'm sorry if that hurts you. He told me that they had reached an 'understanding', a financial understanding from what I could tell. But he is oddly infatuated, almost obsessed, with your mother. When he talked about her, the look on his face was sort of dreamy and besotted. It was pretty creepy."
"This is unreal," Claudia walked away from him. She felt betrayed all over again. Her mother had been seeing Gates for all these years? A woman didn't have an affair for some thirty years and not develop some sort of feeling for her paramour. In typical fashion, her mother had put her own desires, her own feelings, before those of her daughter. She had known that, as a child, Claudia had longed for her father. Instead of making sure that Gates did the right thing or doing the right thing herself, Marcheline had sided with her lover, the deadbeat dad.
"I'm so tired of being hurt by my mother," she said sadly.
"I know, baby, and I'm so sorry she hurt you again. If you don't mind, can we talk about Marcheline a little later? Right now, I want you to know that I told Paddy to stay out of our lives, Claudia. If I never set eyes on him again, it will be too soon. You don't have to worry about seeing him. You won't. And if you do, I'll be there."
"But... What will your parents think? Do they know about Gates and me?"
"No, I haven't told them yet; we can tell them together. I can only guess at what they'll think, but I'm p
retty sure that they'll side with us. When I called them to tell them I was coming here to bring you home after an argument, Mom wished me luck and told me how much she liked you and how she hoped to get to know you better. She dropped a very unsubtle hint about hoping to even out the family on a more permanent basis – a little more estrogen to balance out all the testosterone," he finished, referencing that his mother had raised two very masculine, mischievous sons who were the image of their father in looks and personality.
"I don't know that my dad will be able to just end his friendship with Gates. They've been best friends their entire lives. I know he'll be as hurt by this as I was; so will Mom. I don't know how this will all shake out," he said thoughtfully.
"This affects Pam and their kids, too. It could get pretty messy if everyone finds out. But I know that Mom, Dad and Brian really like you; they think you're perfect for me. That's not going to change just because of what Paddy has done. It's not your fault and I'm sure that if it comes to it, you'll be the choice they make, Claudia."
Claudia didn't know what to say. No one had ever come to her defense before; no one had ever been on her side. For Andrew to have said that she was his family now elated her and made her feel scared at the same time. She didn't really know how to be a part of a family, day in and day out. She had spent time over the years with Marie-Josée, Tante Josephine and Uncle Bertrand in Martinique, of course, but that had been for only a few days or weeks at a time. With Andrew and the rest of the Conals, she was dealing with the rest of her life as a member of a family, every day, every night. It was almost overwhelming.
Andrew sensed that she was pulling away from him emotionally and gripped her shoulders, shook her a little.
"Hey, it's going to be fine, baby, don't worry. Trust me."
She looked at him, saw the sincerity and the love in his eyes, knew that she had to take the leap. It was now or never.
"I'm really scared, Andrew. I've never done this before."
"I haven't either, but I feel like I have to. No matter how hard you've tried to push me away, I haven't been able to let you go," he sounded chagrined to admit it.
"I'm glad," she said tearily. "I have to tell you something."
"Oh no, not again," he deadpanned.
Claudia punched his shoulder playfully. She took a deep breath. Here goes nothing, she thought. "Um. Andrew, I think I... I think I'm in love with you," she finished in a rush.
"You think you're in love with me?" he asked in mock outrage, "After all this, you're still not sure?"
He began to tickle her, went straight for the sides of her waist where he knew she was most sensitive. She giggled and squirmed, trying to get away from him. She ran away from him toward the bedroom. He cornered her between the bed and the wall, then picked her up and dropped her lightly on the bed. He pounced on top of her and continued to tickle her, giving her raspberries on her neck whenever he got an opening.
Gradually, the tenor of their embrace changed. He did more caressing than tickling and the raspberries he'd given her neck became kisses. Claudia looped her arms around his neck, brought his head down and sipped from his lips. They kissed lazily, taking their time, relaxed and content.
Andrew finally pulled away, "You think you love me?" he asked, serious this time.
Claudia looked at him, feeling soft and warm inside. "I know I do. I love you."
The words rolled off her tongue easily this time and she felt good to have finally said them. Andrew kissed her leisurely, rolling onto his back so she was on top of him. He wrapped her tight in his arms, filled with contentment at the knowledge that they had the rest of their lives ahead of them. Relief burst through him. He'd finally won her! She had finally said the words and said them first. Deep down, he had known how she felt about him, but he had also known that she needed proof from him that he wasn't going to run out on her or use her. She had been fragile, skittish as an abused pup. He'd taken a few risks along the way, calling her on the carpet for her fearful behavior and pushing her past her comfort zones, but in the long run it had paid off. Finally, there are no obstacles in our way, he thought joyfully. But then he remembered...
He broke their kiss and cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"Um, remember when I said earlier that we'd discuss Marcheline later?"
"Yes, why?"
"Well, I think I should tell you that I met her back in Boston."
"You met her? Oh, shit! I forgot she was coming! Oh, my God! Was she furious with me?" Claudia jumped off the bed in a panic.
"Not at first..." Andrew hedged.
"Oh, my God! I can't believe I forgot about her! I was just so upset about the fight we had and I just completely forgot. How could I do that? Fuck, fuck, fuck!" she finished with feeling.
"Relax. I don't think it's that big of a deal. She was sitting on your stoop, wrapped up in a big fur coat and hat, when I stopped by. We got Mrs. H to open your apartment with your spare key."
"Thank God!" came her heartfelt reply, relief evident in her tone, "so she's OK?"
Andrew thought Claudia's relief that her mother was safe and sound was a little tooheartfelt. Marcheline didn't deserve to be protected and cared for by Claudia. But that was Claudia. On some level, even though she knew it was completely irrational, she wanted her mother's approval. She had been doing Marcheline's bidding for so long, waiting for that magical day when she would receive her mother's unconditional love, that she found the habit hard to break. The anxiety she felt at the moment was a byproduct of an ongoing cycle of behavior.
Displeasing Marcheline, and she was always displeased about something, had meant that Claudia would be held hostage emotionally. Marcheline had dangled absolution for various 'sins' in front of Claudia like a carrot in front of a balky horse, telling her that if she did this or that to atone for said sin, she would receive a reward. In the end, she had never come through with the promised treat, whether it was attending one of her daughter's recitals or buying her something she wanted. There were times when she would do something special with or for her daughter, but only to keep hope alive in her young heart that someday her mother would be happy with her and to ensure that her daughter was easily manipulated. There had been no child as easily manipulated as love-starved Claudia.
"Don't thank God just yet..."
"What do you mean?" The anxiety was back.
"We had a little tête-à-tête that didn't exactly work to the finish in Marcheline's favor."
"What do you mean?" I'm starting to repeat myself, she thought, say something else!!
"I put her in your guest room and left her there when I went to see Gates. When I came back, the whole place reeked of smoke and I had already told her you wouldn't like it if she smoked inside."
"She doesn't care what I like or don't like; she always does just exactly what she wants."
"She was also digging around in your closet, piling the nicer stuff on the bed. I, ah, assume she meant to, um, appropriate them for her own use. So, I kicked her out. Made her go to a hotel until you got home."
"Oh, God! That must have been awful for you!"
"Actually, it felt kind of good. I have to say – your mother's tough to take... and that's putting it mildly," Andrew told her with a frown.
"I know. You have to be careful what you say to her. You're lucky she didn't go off on you. She can get really ugly when she wants to!" she dropped onto the bed next to where he still lay.
"She was plenty ugly, trust me. But, since I'm not afraid of her and couldn't care less what she thinks, I told her exactly what I felt like telling her. I'd seen enough of her obnoxious behavior to have a better idea what it must have been like for you to live with her. I couldn't let her get away with disrespecting you and she won't get a chance to do it again. She can either respect your – our – wishes if she comes to visit or she won't set foot in any place we call home."
"Oh, Andrew... Thank you for that," her eyes and voice softened as she looked at him, gratitude and love shinin
g in her eyes. He made her feel safe for the for the first time in her life. "I'm sorry you had to deal with her. I had hoped that I'd get a chance to sort of finesse your first meeting with her, but with everything else... I forgot."
"It's ok. Besides, I probably made things worse for you when you get back," he told her ruefully. "You should have seen the way she looked at me when I made her carry her own bags downstairs!"
Claudia squealed and punched his arm. "You did not make her carry her own bags?!"
"I did. Well – just the little ones. I practically killed myself carrying all her stuff upstairs; I wasn't about to lug it all down again by myself!"
"Oh my God, what did she do?" Claudia asked with horrified curiosity.
"She was all superior and puffed up; terribly indignant, with her delicate little nostrils flared like I reeked of dog-shit or something. She swept into the Taj hotel like she owned the place, swanning past the valet and doorman like they weren't even there."
Claudia collapsed next to him on the bed, shaking with laughter. "Now I'm convinced. You really did meet my mother. You described her to a T! God, I would have paid money to see you two go at it!"
"Don't worry. I'm sure there'll be other opportunities. A lifetime of them," he promised her as he reached for her.
They stripped each other's clothes off without ceremony. Their mouths and bodies fused together, their hands roamed. Claudia pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. She knelt, hovering above him on all fours, and dipped her head to kiss him. His hands covered her breasts, fondled her nipples. He reached around her, cupped her ass, tried to pull her more fully atop him, but she resisted.
"Not yet," she told him.
She took his lips again, licking greedily into the warm cavern of his mouth. His hands roved her body, igniting her passion. She trailed kisses onto his neck, sucking and biting. Working downward, she gave the same attention to his nipples. Touching them in turn, lightly with her hands first, then with her teeth and tongue. She sucked hard, drawing them into her mouth and flicking her tongue roughly over them. She knew how much he liked that.
The Seduction Of Claudia Page 27