“Hold back on the old guys. I don’t think I could take another round of them popping into my head. I think we need to talk about a lot of things. For starters I need to tell you about being vampires beloved.”
CHAPTER 19
Laura’s POV
I was desperate for my tiger mates touch. I wanted to complete the blood bond and have our souls dance together. I wanted all the misconceptions, miscommunications and missed opportunities to be left in past. I wanted to have the fairy tale moment where everything went exactly perfect. Where I wouldn’t need to find words to explain how completing the bond with me would work. I wanted nothing more than to have it all happen and me to just be a happy participant not someone who was accountable for the outcome.
I was afraid to open my mouth and try to explain. It seemed both my wolf and I suffered severely from 'open mouth insert foot syndrome'. I already allowed too many lapses of judgment to occur to have even one single word wrong. My words needed to be perfect and concise with no room for error. I was somehow, someway going to be the sensible mature woman I was supposed to be. Today was going to be the first day of my new life.
I found myself thinking about every moment I spent with Jeremy since I came out of my self-induced coma. I’d known the moment Jeremy came into the hut. I could hear him grappling with my appearance before I felt him lift me into his arms and take me out into the fresh air. I could tell, at least initially, he was running at his top speed. I went on high alert and tried to restart my bodily function. Jeremy rejected me but I still felt it was my obligation and honor to protect him.
I felt my heart begin to beat and I knew if I needed to attack that I could pull the strength from inside me. Just as I forced my eyes open, Jeremy slowed his pace and came to a complete stop. I felt him lower both himself and me gently to the ground. Then I heard him shuffle around before I caught a whiff of his blood. I knew his intention before he’d even brought his wrist to my lips. I felt his warm blood splash on my tongue and realized he was feeding me his own blood.
Since I could tell he’d already made a large gash in his arm effectively opening his vein, I sealed my lips around his flesh to create a vacuum effect so that I didn’t have to puncture him with my fangs. Once I was sure I had sealed out the air that would diminish the nutrients in his blood I pulled deeply and gulped down my tiger’s sweet tasting blood. From the first swallow I knew that from that moment on my life would never be the same.
I let down the barrier in my mind and embraced my side of the blood bond. Jeremy’s emotions flooded my entire consciousness. I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the emotions that were swirling through my tiger mate. I felt his love and concern for me as he tried to force his life saving blood into my mouth. I felt his fear and uncertainties about my wolf as she made her presence known with a small growl. Then I felt his lack of confidence in his ability to make me happy and provide for me. I suddenly realized how low Jeremy’s self-esteem had fallen.
I knew that the recent events of his life had battered his sense of pride and left him feeling broken and dejected. It was a series of events that culminated in my disastrous attack. It started during the time Grier used him as a test subject. Grier had performed medical tests and forced Jeremy to do things that he felt were repulsive and unforgivable. I’d seen evidence of the horrific testing before I’d rescued Jeremy from Grier’s compound. The experience had all but shattered Jeremy’s will to survive. In what could only be called an act of valor my tiger mate tried to end his own life so that Grier couldn’t use him to hurt other people again like what happened to Renalda.
When Jeremy realized I was his true mate he gathered his battered pride together as best he could and attempted to make himself appear to be a respectable and worthy mate. Despite his best efforts my stupid arrogant wolf started to cause problems and treat him with a lack of respect and dignity. That was the final and most painful blow for my tiger mate. She gave him no respect and an insignificant fact proved that she thought he was insignificant and a useless mate.
I knew it was a good thing that I was still basically a useless corpse because if I’d had tear ducts and vocal cords I would have started sobbing my apologies to my tiger mate. I’d been such a pigheaded fool. How could I have ever thought my tiger mate wasn’t worthy of me. It was me and my wolf that were damaged useless goods. My tiger mate survived horrors that I could barely watch on a video tape and continued to live. I had allowed myself to shrink away from life from just the idea of rejection.
I could feel clearly that my mate never rejected me. He only tried to protect his own heart and soul from my continuous and vicious attacks. I would have to do whatever was necessary to make this up to him. That included if necessary, killing my own wolf. I already knew that it was possible. Both my mom and my sister Leona lost their wolves when their mates died. I had no doubt that I could find a way to get rid of mine if she continued to create problems.
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind when I felt her presence scratching at the back of my consciousness. I could hear her whining and begging for forgiveness from both Jeremy and myself. I wasn’t ready to deal with her petty behavior and forced her back into the far recesses of my mind. Her piss poor attitude nearly cost us our happiness and I wasn’t in the mood to forgive her just yet.
I was starving for blood but was happy that Jeremy pulled his wrist away from my mouth. I could feel him losing some of his strength and didn’t like the idea of him being vulnerable because of me. I felt Jeremy pull himself to his feet while still gently holding me in his arms. Once standing I could hear him taking deep breaths before he sprinted off at a slower but steady pace.
Since I was a runner and actually chose to run more often in my human form than my wolf form I knew Jeremy was going no faster than ten miles an hour. Part of me wished I hadn’t allowed myself to get this emaciated since I knew I would be able to run closer to a hundred miles per hour carrying him without even breaking a sweat. With that thought my wolf again perked up in my mind. This time she refused to back down and growled at me
“You blame me for our faults. The problem isn’t always my pride and ego. You are always judging as well. Listen to yourself belittling his effort to carry and run with us. Maybe you should consider killing your vampire side as well.”
Then before I could even argue back. She disappeared on her own accord this time. It would have been a fruitless argument the truth was my wolf was right. I was an argumentative, judging bitch in any form I took. I had too much pride and ego. I needed to get both sides of my personality in check if I ever wanted to have a relationship with my tiger mate. I started to make a very long mental list of all my faults and was surprised when my mate stopped and again fed me his blood.
The pattern repeated several more times, but with each stop I purposefully chose to drink less and less of his healing blood. It was clear Jeremy would be an excellent provider for me but I could feel his emotions and knew with each feeding Jeremy was losing more of his strength and it was taking longer to recover. My stomach growled loudly and I felt Jeremy come to a complete stop again.
This time Jeremy gently laid me on the ground. Then I felt his own desire for nourishment just as I heard him say there were birds nearby and he was going hunting. Knowing that my tiger mate was finally going to provide for himself pleased me and I managed to pull enough energy together to give him my approval through our mental connection. I was exhausted and still in need of more fresh blood and real food and could feel myself falling back asleep. I noticed Jeremy was lingering and could feel his overwhelming concern for my well being in his absence.
If I hadn’t been so tired and if my throat had been working I would have laughed out loud about his concern. For gods sakes I am a freak of nature that can’t be killed. I had my fucking head cut off the day I rescued Jeremy. I would be just fine laying here while he was gone. What could possibly happen that was worse than what I did to myself. I pulled as much strength as I could into my mind and sa
id
“Go! I will be fine. Nothing can kill me anyway. Get some food so you can stay strong”
I’m not sure how long Jeremy had been gone but when I next woke I knew most of my body had completely regenerated. With my healing came a desire so strong and so demanding that I knew I was going to be forced to feed from Jeremy’s veins again. I didn’t want to but if I didn’t feed from him I would likely go into blood lust and that could be a death sentence not only for Jeremy but for any human, Bastet or wolf within a hundred or more miles. With that thought in mind I pushed myself into Jeremy’s mind and said
“I hate to ask, but I need more blood and some real food please.”
Within seconds I felt his bleeding wrist shoved into my mouth. I forced myself to drink enough to stop my body from going into blood lust but I promised I wouldn’t drink any more than necessary. After just a few minutes I heard Jeremy say out loud
“I am almost finished preparing them and they should be done cooking in hour or so. Can you wait or do you want to eat them raw?”
I assumed he was talking about the birds that he’d gone hunting for. I was starving and knew I would become dangerous if I allowed an entire hour to go by without more sustenance. I was quickly unraveling and would soon be in big big trouble. I could feel my vampire begging to be turned loose on the world so it could feed until it was content. Food would help, but I didn’t think I would have the strength to swallow in my human form.
My wolf was my best option. My wolf could keep my vampire’s blood lust at bay while feeding us with traditional food. It just sucked that I was still very angry at her. I hated that she was right, that both sides of me were dangerous and unworthy of our tiger mate. My thirst for blood was further proof of that. While I was stalling and my thoughts were warbling back and forth, my wolf made the decision for me. She took over my thoughts and said almost smugly to through our mind link
“I’m going to shift into my wolf and eat them raw. I’m starving”
I gave her the equivalent of a mental slap and then warned her if she did anything that jeopardized our potential relationship with our tiger mate I would find a way to kill her. She growled and responded ditto before taking over and pushing me to lick his wound in an effort to help it heal. Then I quickly shifted into my wolf.
Even in my wolf form I had very little strength. I watched as Jeremy moved away from me then tossed a bird the size of a chicken in my direction. I snatched them out of the air and swallowed them whole. In total Jeremy threw three birds at me. I could feel them making their way towards my stomach and almost immediately felt better. Then I heard my tiger’s tummy growl and realize that I’d eaten everything he had and worse that I was going to need more.
It was a damn good thing I had shifted into my wolf form and that she currently had control. I could feel myself slipping further and further into blood lust. If I had been in my human form I would have already started devouring the blood of any living creature near me. That included my tiger mate. Without blood or a lot more food even my wolf wouldn’t be able to stop me. My wolf growled in my head to back down then said to our tiger mate through the mind link
“I’m sorry but I need more. A lot more!”
Then somehow just knowing that he would find a way to provide for us she forced both of us into unconsciousness. When I next came around I was healed and the blood lust had left me. It was safe to not only return to my human form but I could now actually feed on food and blood and know that I could control myself. Jeremy tried to be casual and even jovial when I came out of the tent. His good mood only further improved my own mood.
We laughed and even chatted a little about his people’s lack of modesty. I knew from the conversation that Jeremy and I came from very different worlds. I knew Jeremy and I had many things to learn about each other and that both of us would need to become more tolerant of our past and our cultures. I was enjoying his company and I could feel he was enjoying mine as well. So much so that by the time he offered to feed me from his vein again I nearly jumped in excitement and anticipation. As a vampire I had the ability to release chemicals through my fangs that could make the feeding extremely pleasurable for both me and my tiger mate.
I had never chosen to release the chemicals before because my mom had convinced me it was an intimacy that should be kept for my mate alone. Now that I have actually experienced it I had to agree with mom. The moment they slipped into my tiger mate’s vein, I was suddenly overcome with lustful and erotic feelings. My sweet spot started throbbing with need and my body was aching for Jeremy’s touch. That’s when I formed a new plan. Jeremy and I would just complete the bond and we would automatically be forced to be tolerant. My vampire side would force me to bend to his every need. I was ecstatic and had planned to use this experience as a springboard into completing our bond.
Then out of the blue my strange but wonderful tiger mate started sending me nasty ugly images of fat old men dancing through our mental link. For a few seconds I couldn’t imagine why my mate was thinking about anything but me. Then I realized he was scared of my arousal. I forced myself to ignore his images and get myself even more revved up. By the time I finished feeding and licked his wound shut, even wild wolves would have smelled my yearning.
Despite my forward attempts at breaking through both our inhibitions, my mate continued to hold back. I could tell by the look on Jeremy’s face he had no intention of giving in to his baser instincts. I may have wanted the easy way out, but it seemed the fates were yet again not on my side. So here I sat looking for all the right words and coming up with none. I was a failure and I just knew no matter what I said it would be the wrong thing.
CHAPTER 20
Jeremy’s POV
Laura looked so vulnerable peeking at me through her long eye lashes. I could hear her heart racing and her breath was ragged and labored. I could almost smell the smoke coming off of Laura's brain as she tried desperately to come up with the words to say to me. Laura's offer to blood bond was like a gift from god. If we could bond then maybe a lot of our problems could resolve themselves on their own. We had so many differences in who we are and where we came from that we just kept making things worse.
Laura shifted around and I could tell she wasn't happy about her statement. I think she expected me to decline blood bonding with her again. I however had no intention of declining. I realized that Laura was my future and delaying the inevitable only served to hurt both of us more. Laura had no idea how much I learned while she'd been sleeping. Based on the look on her face I was grateful that Micah tried his best to explain many of the differences between Bastet and vampires. I understood that not only would Laura's wolf and my tiger bond but our souls would also connect in the traditional way of my people. According to Micah there were no words to describe what I would feel.
Micah said once our souls were fully connected most of our problems would simply seize to exist. We would know each other in ways that we could have never communicated through words. We would feel each other’s emotions and be connected in ways that no one else who wasn't a blooded vampire couple could begin to understand. I was ready to make that commitment. I was ready to expose my heart and soul to Laura. Her heart rate increased even more and I heard her take a long deep breath. I realized she was getting ready to say something, maybe even take back her offer to complete our bond. I was almost desperate to move forward. There was no way I was going to let this opportunity pass, so I quickly lifted my hand and placed a finger over her lips and said in a soft but almost demanding voice
"Don't retract your words. Micah told me about becoming your beloved. I know the process bares our souls to one another. It will expose every thought, feeling and intention. We would have nothing left that was hidden or shrouded in shadows. Laura, you need to know that nothing would please me more than to complete our blood bond."
Then I leaned forward and allowed my lips to glide lightly over Laura's. I shocked myself with my own actions. I'd had no intention of to
uching her. I was riddled with fears and inhibitions when it came to being intimate with Laura. I quickly pulled myself back and looked deeply into her eyes. Part of me was afraid of what I would see written in them. My biggest fear was that I had repulsed her with my kiss. What if Laura was thinking about what I' done to Rena. I shouldn’t have allowed my insecurities to drive me because what I saw in Laura's eyes was anything but disgust.
I saw passion, desire and maybe even lust. I took a deep breath and was overcome by the scent of Laura's desire. It teased my nose and made the rest of my body get rock hard. Every muscle tensed and I wanted to be with her. I was still scared though and knew that I had to have Laura tell me she wanted me the way I wanted her. I had to hear the words. I needed Laura to tell me exactly how she felt and exactly what she wanted me to do with her. Before I could stop myself the words burst from me
"Laura, you need to tell me what you want. You need to guide me with your words step by step. I simply can't touch you without you telling me exactly what it is you and your body desire from me."
Shredded Bonds, a Blood Ties Novel, Book 4 Page 10