“Honey, the type of things you want to do go against pack traditions. You are already a misfit. Don’t make things worse on yourself by acting like a boy. Can’t you just go with the flow and enjoy your rightful place in the pack?”
I chalked mom’s comments up to her own bad childhood. She’d been treated like a leper in her pack and would have given anything to be a welcomed member. My mom didn’t realize she was putting me down. She just wanted me to be accepted and loved. Dad however was judgmental, based on tradition and pack history. Females were the weaker species and needed to be protected and coddled. My dad made sure to regularly keep my mom down as well. My mom could have been and done so much more, but she always allowed dad to make the decisions for her.
Dad never approved of my choice to be a warrior. During my youth I trained beside Liam every chance I got. But in order to keep peace in the house and limit the amount of fights and arguments I hid it from my dad. Mom knew, but she chose to look the other way. Then when my dad got sick and we knew he was dying, I made the decision to tell him the truth. I tried to tell him of the successes that Liam and I had as mercenaries but even then he still treated me as less than. I can remember his thoughtless and hurtful words
“Poor Liam. What a shame you put so much added stress on him. Forced to take on missions and watch out for you the whole time. I guess that shows just how good your brother is.”
Uncle Nik let go and I hugged Momma then Liam. Liam also decided to whisper in my ear
“Don’t blow it Sis. Jeremy’s your one shot at happiness. I would do anything to have mine. Figure out a way to force your wolf to submit. Oh hell Sis fake it like you did with Dad and Nathan if you have to. But whatever you do, don’t blow it and throw away your one chance.”
I kept a fake smile on my face as I watched everyone get ready to head back to Rena’s and Jeremy’s Bastet pride. I watched as Chase slung the large cooked tapir over his shoulder and embraced Jeremy as a goodbye. The moment everyone was gone, I felt unshed tears just waiting to find a way out, hiding at the back of my eyes. Jeremy sensed my sadness and immediately came over and wrapped his arms around me. I felt him run his hands up and down my back a few times before saying.
“Anything you want to talk about?” I didn’t know what to say or even if I needed to say anything so I just shook my head no
“No problem. I’m here to listen if you change your mind.”
I felt myself smiling and pulled away just enough to place a warm and loving kiss on his lips. Then I said
“Thank you. I’m not really ready to talk right now.”
Jeremy nodded and grasped my hand in his. Then as a couple, we started walking towards his cabin. This was the first time I casually strolled through the jungle. I was amazed at how absolutely beautiful it truly was. So many amazing and different animals and so many fantastic colors I could only imagine that it would be an artist’s haven. I could understand why Rena and Jeremy were proud to call the Amazon home. We strolled along at less than five miles an hour and I was perfectly content. I knew I could have offered to run us there, but in truth the journey was half the fun. Besides it was time I learned that just because I could do something didn’t mean I had to.
I was enjoying the slow pace and completely easy going atmosphere. Ever since my dad died, I found I forgot to take the time for the little things in life. I never ever remembered to stop and smell the flowers. Instead I became pushy, overbearing and very domineering. Every single action I did had a purpose. I did nothing for pleasure. I wanted to prove I was smarter, faster and just plain better than everyone I came across. As a result I forgot how to relax. Being with Jeremy walking at snail’s pace reminded me of that.
About an hour into our hike, Jeremy started tickling me then ran ahead until I caught him. Each time I caught him he would kiss me passionately then do it all over again. By the fifth time we were both getting overly needy and I think he realized we would be making love on the ground again if we didn’t find a way to distract ourselves. He laughed and said
“Do you feel like shifting and having a game of hide and seek? At least in our animal form it is unlikely that we will get to passionate” then he winked and kissed the tip of my nose. I thought it would be blast and said
“Yes and you’re it!” I said to him through our mind link as I shifted.
Playing hide and go seek brought out the competitive side in me. I knew I cheated just a tiny bit but… My paws hit the ground and I was off. With my combat training and special ops experience I knew I was an excellent hider and an even better seeker. I had never really done my missions in my wolf form but I had practiced and I was sure I could avoid detection.
I found what I believed was a fantastic hiding place and settled in. I figured eventually he would slip into my mind and ask me to come out. I was taken by surprise and completely perplexed when Jeremy’s huge tiger landed on top of me just a few minutes after I hid.
“Gotcha” he all but purred in my mind
“You’re it” and I watched as he pranced away from me.
Determined not to let him get away from, me I kept my eyes open and watched as he crept away from me. It was only a few moments before he managed to completely hide himself. I knew the coloring of his tiger was a better camouflage in the plains than in the dense jungle we were currently in, but despite that I knew he disappeared faster than Ii expected. I gave the equivalent of a humph sound and headed out after him.
I used my nose and my hearing to follow his path. I thought I got close several times, but he managed to take off and stay hidden each time I closed in. I even called to him through our link and asked if he was cheating by hiding in trees. He claimed he was sticking to the ground. Then, I was finally certain I was right on top of him but I couldn’t seem to lock in. I was staring up into a tree thinking he was cheating when I felt him drop on top of me. Then in a voice that managed to just irk me just a tiny bit he said through our mind link
“You’re still it” his tiger was purring loudly while it covered me with its huge body.
I used my teeth to nip him on his ear and laughed through our link when he yipped and jumped off. This time, I didn’t give him a head start; I took off right behind him. I stayed tight to his hind legs and three times I leapt into the air and tried to bring him down. All three times he managed to evade my attack with quick shifts in his direction. I was having fun, but my wolf was getting a little frustrated that his cat continued to avoid us. I felt her pushing me out of the way so that she could more control. I felt her press her ears against her head as she quickly darted forward and sunk her teeth into his hind legs. Jeremy kicked back more in surprise then in defense but he said through our link
“Dang baby that was a little hard. Sorry I kicked back. Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you did I?”
I should have known better. I could even feel his genuine concern. Nothing in Jeremy’s tone or action was meant to be a challenge. We were playing and it was my wolf that was becoming overly competitive. I should have reined her in and most definitely I should have stopped listening to her. But I did none of those things instead I said
“Of course I am okay Jeremy. I am capable of taking much more than the tiny little kicks you just sent my way. I am a warrior not a porcelain doll. I am more powerful than you are. You can’t possibly think your tiger poses any real threat to me.” Then I jumped on his back with the intention of showing him just how strong I truly was.
CHAPTER 23
Jeremy’s POV
I knew eventually Laura and I would have to fight. I had actually thought it would have been before we blood bonded not after. How could she even question my feelings towards her when she must be flooded with my emotions? Both my cat and I were disappointed and resolved. We would do what needed to be done.
This time we could not back down. If she was going to win it would need to be by force. She would have to make me submit or I would have to make her. I could not give her a false sense of winning. Tha
t would only undermine the value of our relationship. The thought of being aggressive with Laura caused a bad taste in my mouth and my heart to ache. In order to push myself through this I had to think of her as just a wolf. I couldn’t afford to think of her as my mate. Based on the amount of blood she had already drawn and the fierceness of her bite, I knew she was not thinking of me as her mate.
My cat hissed in warning, but the wolf ignored me, so I bucked it off my back. I heard the wolf sail across the ground and smash into a tree. I could hear the tree groan under the weight. I didn’t think the wolf was going to be much of a challenge to me. I weigh in at over six hundred pounds with the wolf being no more than a third of my size, weighing in at maybe two hundred pounds, tops.
The wolf managed to pull itself back to its feet quickly and snarled showing me its teeth that were still covered in my blood. She charged again and I was able to swing my paw and make direct contact with the wolves head. My paw smashed against its skull and I felt bone shatter. The wolf took two steps back then charged again. This time I sunk the long deadly claws on both of my paws into the wolves’ torso. My claws sunk below the fur and deep into the wolves flesh. The wolf threw its head back and howled in pain. Then pulled itself off of my claws tearing out its own hair and chunks of it’s own flesh. Blood was now pouring from the wolves open wounds and from its eyes alerting me to its internal damage.
My cat pounced and used the weight of its body to drive the wolf to the ground. I knew it never really had a chance but I had never intended to so severely beat it. I heard the crack of the wolves spine snap and saw its head lull to the side with its tongue hanging out. If it had been a wild wolf it would have died when I crushed its skull. This wolf however was even now recovering under my weight. Now that this was my best opportunity to end the fight I allowed my cat to wrap its mouth around the wolf's throat and bite for all its worth. I tore the wolves’ jugular out. No matter how you chose to look at it I was the victor. The wolf was defeated. I pulled away from her and immediately shifted back into my human form. Her wolf was curled in a ball and I knew shifting between forms would help her to heal faster. I looked at her broken body and said softly
“Shift Laura”
Laura shifted but remained in the same ball her wolf was in. I looked at her body and tried to take in all her injuries. Even though it was clear she was healing fast the sight of her caused my body to quake in shame and disgust. I was the one responsible for hurting her this way. Tears were streaming down my face as I pulled Laura’s into my arms. Her eyes found mine and she had such a broken defeated look in her eyes.
My heart ached and I suddenly regretted not just allowing her to think she was the stronger beast. I gained nothing if I still lost her. The look in her eyes was worse than the day I rejected her. They were filled with such pain, sorrow and betrayal. She quickly averted her eyes when I looked directly in them. It was clear that her wolf had completely submitted and had accepted defeat. It was heartbreaking to see my proud Laura groveling on the ground. I had expected it to make things easier. I never expected that Laura’s wolf finally breaking would also break Laura’s spirit.
Laura’s POV
I was going to show that man what a woman was capable of. I would not be pushed down or held down or made to feel less than ever again. Jeremy needed to know how strong and powerful I was if we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I would not hide and pretend to be weak just to fill his manly ego. I would never live the way my mother lived. My mom was nothing more than a valued slave.
Never again would I bow to a man. I would keep my head high and force them to eat the crow I have eaten too many times for them in the past. My wolf and I are strong and can’t be defeated. We are invincible and have trained in battle for more years than Jeremy has been alive. My prowess on the field of battle is unparalleled. Only Liam could be considered my equal and in some ways I was sure I was even better than him. My wolf was clawing at his belly while ripping the flesh off the back of his neck. I could hear it hissing beneath me in pain. It bucked hard and managed to throw me into the air. I swung myself around but the momentum threw me into a rather thick tree. I felt several ribs crack upon impact.
No worries, I am invincible and I can survive a little pain. They will heal on their own in a matter of time. The tiger has no such ability. I will wear it down, and then I will press my mouth around its throat and force it to submit beneath me. I pulled myself up and growled at the tiger. I allowed it to see my large teeth covered in its blood. Then I charged again. I felt blood coming from my eyes and realized I might have hit the tree harder than I first expected. I was a little dizzy and my vision was blurred. I overshot the cat and instead felt its massive paw slam into the side of my head. My jaws clamped shut and I bit off my own tongue. Not wanting the cat to see it hurt me I swallowed it down.
Pain flooded my senses. I knew he cracked my skull and that my brain had begun to swell. I had amazing healing abilities but even I would eventually pass out when the swelling in my brain got to severe. I was now on borrowed time. When the fight has started I was so positive that I was stronger better animal. Now victory was slipping from my grasps. I could not allow him to win. I could not be relegated to nothingness. I hated the idea of being at his beck and call fully subjected to domination. I could not live the way my father forced my mother to live. Always accepting the unacceptable being his puppet in all things without thoughts and desires of her own. I needed to win. I pushed myself up despite the pain and charged again.
This time the tiger dug both of its claws into my sides. I felt them sink far below my fur into the most tender part of my flesh. I didn’t care. I pulled myself free from his claws and saw hunks of my flesh and fur now attached to him rather than to me. I felt vomit slam in the back of my throat as the pain in my body rose to new heights. Just as I thought it could not be worse, I felt his cat land on my back. His weight was more than I could withstand and the combination of movement and weight managed to completely sever my spine. I was forced to the ground beneath him. With my spine broken my body went slack as I lost the ability to control my extremities.
I knew what would come next. The cat placed its jaws around my neck and tore out my jugular. It was a death blow. I would survive but it was enough to break my wolf. She shattered in a million tiny little pieces. Her pride was stripped from her and nothing was left but broken shattered dreams. I felt my wolf retreat to the far recesses of my mind. Running from the pain she couldn’t face.
My father and my brother Nathan had used their alpha abilities against me. I was forced to swear my allegiance to them. Then they forced me against my will when I chose to disobey. Always they would say 'For your own good Laura' but it never felt that way. I hated the idea that again I would be subject to a man's whim. Worse the man was my mate. He would not only dominate me he too would relegate me to the shelf. 'For my own good'
Now that Jeremy had beaten me in battle he would feel the need to protect me from myself. I could not do it again. Living that way wasn’t living at all. I needed my freedom or I wanted nothing at all. Even the idea of being with my mate paled to freedom. What good was a mate that crushed my will to survive? Life would be just a series of endless days.
My wolf and I suffered in silence for so many years and the idea of now being subjected to indefinite servitude was just too much for her. We would be forced to obey his commands. We worked so hard to free ourselves and to be our own chief. We gained our freedom and broke through the repression. Now we lost and our freedom would be taken from us. We had a new alpha, Jeremy owned our soul. He would boss us around and tell us what to do. Hell he would probably even try to tell us how to feel about it. We had lost and now we would suffer for our weakness.
“Shift Laura” I heard my new owner command
And so it begins… I shifted quickly and averted my eyes. I wanted desperately to look upon him and stare him down but found my wolf wouldn’t allow me. We were no longer his equal. He was our ma
ster now. I saw tears falling from his face and my heart wanted desperately to join mine to his but I refused to cry. I’d made my bed the moment I challenged him and now like my mother I would be forced to lie in it. Her sentence had been far less than mine. She'd broken free from her prison and rid herself of the tyrant after just a few hundred years. My sentence was possibly forever.
CHAPTER 24
Jeremy’s POV
I carried Laura’s naked and battered body to the lake near the cabin. I walked inside the lake with her in my arms and gently bathed her. Laura was still silent and I could feel the emotions coming off her in waves. She was doing her best to hide from me but not having complete success. I could tell she was wrestling with the fact that she lost. Laura really thought just because she couldn’t be killed meant she couldn’t lose. I hated to be the one to prove differently to her. Laura was an amazing woman and a fantastic warrior in her human and wolf form. She was a formidable opponent. She would no doubt have beat most of my Bastet pride members with the exception of me and my regent Chase. She would be a great asset in my pride as an enforcer or any other job she wanted to have. I was proud that my mate was strong and capable. I would feel confident that she could protect and care for our cubs even if something happened to me.
Shredded Bonds, a Blood Ties Novel, Book 4 Page 12