by Amanda Wylde
Trace nods with a frown placing two slices on his paper plate. "It's been a rough week."
That spikes my curiosity and I wonder if he means because of Travis. "Why's that?"
"Did you hear about Travis?" he asks as he opens the fridge.
"Yeah," I wince. "He got arrested last week. I heard."
I dare not mention how it was my entire fault. How if I'd just agreed to talk to him sooner that could've been avoided. I swallow back the emotion and wait for him to respond.
"Yeah," he says pulling out a glass and pouring himself milk then shakes his head. "Mom warned him if he ever got arrested again she was done."
My heart nearly stops. "Done? What do you mean?"
"She said she can't afford all the fines," he said sounding a little disgusted. "But he said he'd pay them and she didn't have to worry about it. He promised this was the last time and she still sent him away."
I nearly gasp and am instantly choked up. "Away? Where to?"
"To live with his dad in Philly."
My jaw drops. I've never been, but Philly feels like its worlds away from Atlanta."But," I struggle not to cry. "But what about you guys? You and Trevor are so close to him. When will you see him again?"
Trace shrugs staring at his pizza. "We have no idea. That's why things have been bad this week. We didn't want him to go. We begged mom to let him stay but she was so pissed. She said he only got off because of his age but he's still gonna have to pay all kinds of fines and check in with a probation officer. His dad just fixed it so he can take care of all that in Philly," Trace shakes his head taking a bite of his pizza. "So we've been mad at her. Even Trevor's been talking back."
I shake my head. Sweet Trevor worships Travis. No wonder he looks so sad. I can't take this. My stomach is in a complete knot now. This is all my fault and I bring my hand to my mouth feeling my brows pinch. My first thought is maybe if I talk to Ms. De Luca, she'll let him come back. Maybe if I explain this was all my doing. I could even tell her a part of the whole Chaz thing leaving a few things out of course. She might think twice if she knew her son was a hero. Not just a trouble making thug like everyone else makes him out to be. I could offer to babysit for free.
"Mom's talking about us moving too," he says sucking what little hope I was beginning to wheedle. "My aunt from The Bronx, her husband just died so we might move in with her. We'd only be two hours from Philly then. She says she'll let Travis visit and maybe let us go visit him. But it might be a few weeks if that happens."
I'd had a couple of incredible moments with Travis. A couple of amazing experiences I know I'll never forget and it feels like I've lost something huge. For weeks I cried and fell into a deep depression and I couldn't even tell my parents why. My mother began talking about getting me into therapy so I forced myself to pretend I was better.
But I'm not.
I'm so not. And as dramatic as it sounds I don't think that hole in my heart will ever go away. Then just after graduation I drive by his house and see the moving truck. I haven't watched the De Luca boys in weeks so I'm not up on what's was going on but my heart sinks. It's happening. This is really the end to any real possibility of me ever seeing or even hearing of Travis again. Once they move, my nightmare will be officially complete.
I pull over because I have to. Maybe I can at the very least send a message to Travis even though I've since sent dozens to him. Messages he's never responded to. Ms. De Luca is suddenly at the door and it's when I notice something. They're not moving things out, they're moving things in.
My heart begins to pitter patter like it always has every time I come to the De Luca home. Is it possible his brothers convinced their mom to let Travis move back in? The only thing that squashes that long shot of hope is I don't think Travis would have a truck load of things to move in. So I'm confused.
Ms. De Luca smiles when she sees me. "Hey, Remilynn," she says. "Congrats, I heard you graduated. Good for you."
I nod as I get close enough to see inside the truck. There's a woman in there moving boxes around and someone else. A guy and my heart begins to flutter. I even begin to choke up.
"Thank you," I say but I can't take my eyes off him. Only he's bent over, so I can't be sure. All I can see from this angle is that he's shirtless "Are . . ." I start to say but the guy begins to turn around then he bends over again. I turn to Ms. De Luca. "Are you guys moving or something?"
"No my sister and her kids are moving in." A young blonde girl walks out of the house and stands next to Ms. Deluca."
My stomach tightens in disappointment when I realize that's not Travis in the truck. But at least I can still hope to see him again someday. Trace did sound hopeful about the possibility of them visiting him and Travis visiting them. "This is Riley," Ms. De Luca says caressing the girls head. And that's my sister Nancy.
I smile at the little girl then turn to the truck to meet Nancy but my eyes are immediately distracted with the guy standing next to her—the tall, very shirtless guy about my age holding on to the top of the truck—with his big muscled and tatted arms. He's wearing a backwards ball cap a very sinful smile even as he moves the sucker in his mouth while staring straight at me.
"Nancy," Ms. De Luca says. "This is Remilynn the young lady who watches the boys for me when I go out. She lives right up the street and around the corner."
I turn to Nancy and smile retuning her hello. But my eyes are back on the guy when I see him bring one arm down. He pulls the sucker out of his mouth and smiles even bigger. "I'm Kris with a K—" he says thoroughly licking what I imagine are sticky lips, "—your new neighbor."
My first instinct is to run. He's looks like an older version of Travis except I could be wrong because I can't tell with his ball cap, but he might be bald. He might also be younger if this is something that runs in the family. Sinfully good looking guys that appear to be much older than they really are—who clearly enjoy making me squirm.
"Kristiano," his mother corrects him.
He sticks the sucker back in his mouth with a continued smirk as I gulp and say hello. I turn to Ms. De Luca. Despite the utter distraction I'm still very interested in what I'd really like to know. "Any word from Travis?"
She shakes her head with a frown. "I haven't spoken to him in days but the boys talk to him daily on that Face Time thing."
I'm almost afraid to ask but I have to. "Is he coming to visit anytime soon?"
She shakes her head again. "His father just got him a job out there. So I doubt it. But I told him he can come visit any time he wants. I just don't have the money or the patience to be dealing with him on a daily basis."
My heart is crushed once again. I nod feeling that familiar knot at my throat. "Okay, I just stopped by because I thought maybe you guys were moving."
"Nope, I ain't going anywhere. Nancy has a job that could transfer her. I don't."
I smile and wave as I start back to my car. "Bye, Remilynn," I hear Kris say and I turn to him.
Nancy's gone back into the truck but he's still standing there, one arm holding the top of the truck and the other holding his sucker. I'm indulged with another sinful smile and despite the butterflies I feel in my belly I know nothing will ever feel quite like what Travis makes me feel or rather made me feel. No one will ever replace the piece of my heart he now owns.
I smile back at him and wave as he takes me in from top to bottom so unabashed. Then I turn away quickly. "Don't even think about it," I mutter under my breath.
A few days later I get an even closer and more breath taking look at Kristiano. I'm engrossed in picking out the perfect tomato in the produce section of the Super CostMart when someone hands me one. "This one's perfect," he says. "I promise. I know my tomatoes."
I look up at a pair of the most uniquely colored eyes. They're this deep gray almost bordering on green but they're not. Though they do nearly match the green of the Army fatigues he's wearing and for a moment I'm stunned silent. Until I snap out of it and shake my head taking the tomato f
rom him. "Kristiano," I say because there's no mistaking who he is especially since he's once again holding a sucker he sticks back in his mouth.
He smiles shaking his head as he pulls the sucker back out. "You don't have to call me that," he says licking his lips clean. "My mom and occasionally my aunt are the only ones that call me that. Kris is fine, Remilynn."
I smile feeling my heart speed up as I give the tomato he just handed me a gentle squeeze. "You can call me Remi. It's what everybody else except Ms. De Luca calls me."
I lift the tomato up at him trying not to put too much stock in the way he’s looking at me. Despite his not hiding the fact that he's taking me in again like he did the first time, it's not quite as blatant and heart stopping as the way his cousin has always done so. But it's still enough to get my blood pumping. "You're right. This one does feel perfect." I say and he nods but doesn't say more. I'm not sure what else to say so I ask the obvious. "You're in the Army?"
"Yeah—" he says glancing down at his fatigues, "—reporting back to duty tonight. Just getting some last minute items I wanna take back with me."
I nod, slightly disappointed to hear this incredibly hot guy who gazes at me the way he does, will be gone soon. But then I'd be nuts to even get any ideas about Travis's cousin, even if Travis is gone for good. How awkward would that be if he ever does come visit and I'm hanging with his cousin? No way.
"Is that your diary?"
He points at the pink leather notebook with the lock and key in my cart. For whatever reason, that makes my face heat. "No I just thought it was cute and I occasionally enjoy doing some good old fashioned writing in notebooks."
He smiles bigger, and then those gray eyes are back on mine. "I was gonna say. There's gotta be some pretty juicy stuff in there if you take it everywhere with you."
I'm distracted momentarily by his licking then sucking his sucker. I shake it off annoyed that it reminds me of his cousin of all people. "No, nothing juicy."
Those unnerving eyes gaze at me curiously. "What do you write?"
Surprised by his question, and the fact that I'm still standing here talking to him, my mind races for an answer. I never talk about my writing to anyone. My poetry has always just been my own personal little secret—my escape from the real world.
"Just thoughts—" I shrug feeling my face and neck flush again, "—anything on my mind."
"So you like to write," he says then his eye goes wide as if something just came to him. "Ever write to anyone in the military? You have no idea how huge letters from home or even just pen pals are. Phone calls and Skyping are even better but there's nothing like getting a letter you can carry around with you and read over and over." He licks the sucker again then lifts and drops a shoulder. "It's hard to describe but they're sort of like a keepsake from home or an old friend."
I smile remembering my grandpa talk about the letters he got from my grandma when he was in the service. To this day he still has them.
"Kristiano." We both turn to his mom pushing a cart. "You ready?""
"Yeah, I'll be right there," he says as his mother smiles at me then starts toward the check out and Kris turns back to me. "I wish I'd had more time to get to know you. My aunt can't say enough about you and I gotta say you took my breath away the moment I first laid eyes on you." He motions at the notebook in the car as my insides go nuts. "Maybe I'll hear from you?" He starts to walk away backwards before I can respond to anything he just said. "You can get the info from my mom or aunt. Don't say yes or no," he says pointing his sucker at me. "I'll just hold out hope."
I smile as he turns around and this time I'm the one left standing there completely breathless.
Chapter 6
Remi
2-1/2 years later
He's back, Kris that is. I gave into the temptation of asking his mom for his mailing info when I ran into her for the second time while out running errands. At first our correspondence was strictly on a friendly basis. We got to know a little about each other. He told me about his step-dad's long battle with cancer until he finally lost it just months before they moved out to Atlanta. His immense respect and pride for the man who raised him like his own from the time he was two. He was a part time musician and full time Bronx County Sheriff. His pride for the man he refers to as his dad not step-dad came across even in his written words.
I went against my better judgment and agreed to take the step further. We went from just written correspondence to chatting online, then even doing the Skyping thing so we could chat in person. We'd been going back and forth for months so by the time he came home to visit I was beyond excited to see him.
Of course by then he was flirting outrageously, making me squirm even if it was in much more respectful way than Travis used to. The one thing about him that makes my heart pound so much is how much he reminds me of his cousin. Like Travis he flirts like crazy. Only I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that it's because of Travis that I feel so drawn to him.
Travis on the other hand has made quiet and almost secret visits to see his brothers. Visits I've only heard about after he's left. He's made it perfectly clear he wants nothing to do with me ever again. I'd like to say I understand why, but I don't. I can see why he'd be upset about seeing me with Chaz. After what had just happened the week before the incident that sent him away I'd have to be an idiot to be socializing with Chaz. But I'd since explained to him numerous times via text that I had no idea he'd be there. The last time his brothers went to see him I sent him an old fashioned hard letter on paper like the many me and Kris have exchanged. My penmanship sucks so just like the ones I always sent Kris I wrote it on a word doc and printed it out then signed it.
That was three months ago. I still have a copy of it on my laptop. I reread it every now and again wondering each time what his thought process must've been when he read it. Was any of it new to him or is he over it? Is he sick of hearing my explanations? I stare at my computer screen and sigh as I reread the letter I sent him for the umpteenth time.
Travis,
I don't know if you ever read any of the many texts I've sent you in the past couple of years. If you have I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself here. But in case you haven't I want you to know that no. I absolutely had no idea Chaz would be there that night. I was hurt about seeing you with that girl and that's the only reason why I didn't want to talk to you. I also never got a chance to explain about the deal I made with his parents. Long story short they had some ugly stories about your mom. Things they called provable facts. Facts that could have you and your brothers taken away by childcare services. I remember your mom comparing your brothers' dads a few times. It scared me to think you might all be separated. I know how close you've always been to your brothers. It's why I felt so terrible when in the end you were separated anyway. I'm so sorry about the way everything went down. I hate that I'm sure you blame me and hate me now given how I've heard nothing back from you. I just want you to know that even though nothing too significant ever happened between us, I realize now that I too have been in love with you for years. I'll never forget you and always remember you as my first love. I hear you're doing well now and I'm happy for you. I wish you the very best and hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Cherry
I signed it using the once distasteful nick name he bestowed upon me because the last few times he called me Remi even when it was just us, I could tell it was because he was pissed at me. The last time he called me Cherry was so much sweeter and I hoped he remembered that. Hoped that he'd know why I signed it that way.
I know that at this point it doesn't even matter anymore. He never bothered to respond and Trace assured me he'd given him my letter. So obviously he's made up his mind. I'm either a huge mistake he doesn't want to be reminded of anymore. Or a blessing in disguise that helped him get out of here and turn his life around and he's never looking back. From what his brothers and Ms. De Luca have mentioned he really is doing well for himself. He got his GED an
d he's working for his dad now.
I should be happy for him. I know I should but I can't help but wonder what could've been. In hindsight I know if he'd stayed it probably would've been more drama than the bliss I like to imagine. My parents wouldn't have allowed it just like they didn't even want me babysitting for his brothers anymore. While I don't dwell on it nearly as often as I once did, I still can't help but think about him even now, especially with Kris being such a constant reminder of him.
"I'm in."
I look up to see Kris and that wicked smile of his. I've been sitting here at Starbucks staring aimlessly at my laptop for who knows how long. "In where?"
"The Sherriff's department. They're just doing the final background but I passed my physical which was a joke after being in the military," he laughs and I can't help but laugh with him. "Passed the interview and my psychological eval. My background's clean so I should be a shoe in."
I smile genuinely happy for him. "Congrats."
"What are you up to tonight?"
My heart speeds up a little. "Studying. I have my boards coming up soon. If I pass them I get my RN license."
"Cool. I think we should celebrate."
"I haven't passed yet." I laugh nervously.
"I'm sure you got it."
"How do you know that?" I laugh again sipping my iced coffee.
"Because from what I know about you—" he says taking the seat across from me, spinning it around and straddling it,"—you're pretty brilliant."
"Thing is, you only know what I've let you know about me," I challenge and of course that only makes his wicked smile go bigger. "Of course I'd only share the good stuff. Not my weaknesses."
He leans his arms across the back of the chair and tilts his head resting it against his arm. "I can't imagine you having any real weaknesses but it'd be interesting to hear what you think they are. So give me a chance to get to know you better already, Remi. For weeks I've been trying to."
The very thought and the way he's eyeing me speeds my heartbeat again. Having corresponded with him while he was deployed and staying in touch now is one thing. But doing anything with Kris and getting any closer to him seems wrong somehow. I know it's ridiculous. I know I'll likely never even see Travis again and I have dated since Travis left. I have made an effort to get myself out there even though no one has come even close to making me feel what he did. Kris is the only one who's managed to make me squirm but I fully acknowledge that it's only because he's Travis's cousin. Well, that and the fact that he is sexy as hell. I'll give credit where credit is due.