“Monitor, stop message.” I didn’t want to hear the rest. “Delete message from Erina Kassius.”
“Confirm deletion.”
“Confirmed. Get rid of it.” Lowering my head into my hands, I added morosely. “Get rid of all of them. All messages. I don’t want to hear them.”
“Confirm del—”
I raised my head. “Confirmed!”
After a moment, the Monitor announced my message stack was empty.
I flopped back across my bed and stared up at the ceiling for a while before closing my eyes.
- II -
Estranged was an apt description for my relationship with my family. Every year I missed my parents less, and every year I forgot a little more of their faces. I chose not to keep tabs on them online, preferring instead to make believe that I had no parents. But things were different when it came to my sister. I missed her because she was more of a parent to me than my mother and father ever were. Thus I bitterly resented the way she cut ties with me down to the slender thread of a written message delivered once a month, and at times I hated her and wished never to see her again.
Erina raised me. She was fifteen years old at the time and I was four when our parents left us in the care of the city-state authorities and set off for the depths of the solar system and beyond, seeking the previously mentioned holy grail of trans-light travel, and thereby following their belief it would bring them closer to God.
There is a saying that God is everywhere at once. Therefore, if the relative outside universe grew smaller the deeper you travelled into the trans-space, then it stood to reason that at some point all the outside universe would be condensed to a small confined space. Ergo, you would be almost everywhere at once, and close to the definition of God. The problem was that no starship had been able to dive to that theoretical depth and survive. Reaching that goal was an obsession not unlike wanting to break the sound barrier by manned flight centuries ago, and it was an obsession that consumed my parents leaving no room in their lives for their family.
So when they left in search of God, my sister was relegated the duty of raising me, and I believe she brought me up well, even though there were times she was oddly frustrated with me. I remembered many occasions when I glimpsed her crying by herself in her bedroom in the luxurious apartment Ar Telica’s Health and Welfare Department had assigned to us. I assumed it was always because of something I’d done, so I tried to be the best that I could be and trouble her the least possible. However, despite my best efforts to ease her suffering, my sister’s sadness grew, and it weighed upon me so heavily that I too cried at times, frustrated with not knowing how to support her or alleviate her misery of which I strongly believed I was the cause.
When she graduated from third tier education and joined the Telos Corporation, my sister left the apartment, and I was reassigned new accommodations. As I was commencing middle school at Telos Academy, I was allocated living quarters in a megascraper apartment complex that had several floors designated as dormitories for the Academy’s students. Shortly afterwards, I started receiving packages from Erina once a month. They arrived in small boxes bearing the logo of the Telos Corporation, and according to her instructions they contained vitamins vital to my health and development.
I didn’t know if it was true or not, but I took the tablets as she directed, because I didn’t want to disappoint her.
I didn’t want to make my sister any sadder than she already was.
- III -
Lying on my back, I pondered my next move.
I had the weekend ahead of me, so I took the leisure of planning out activities I could perform solo. Perhaps I would harden my resolve and eat lunch at the crêpe shop after all, regardless of its pink façade. With any luck I wouldn’t run into Monique Valjean again.
I snorted and wondered if I should go inside disguised as a girl, but then remembered I lacked the clothes to do so. However, when I opened my eyes, I gave the idea some sincere thought.
I had been thoroughly convincing as Silver Blue, but that was through the combined masterful talents of the Cosplay Club’s members. Afterwards it took weeks for my eyebrows to grow back to normal, requiring me to hide them under long bangs that incited my classmates to dare me to cross the great gender divide, while others accused me of hiding my true nature. Then there was my hair to consider. The girls had dyed it this weird silver color because none of the wigs they’d purchased looked believably natural, but then risked using extensions to make it longer like Silver Blue’s. Afterwards, I had to dye it black to hide the silver, worrying for months my hair would never return to its natural dark color
Taking it all into account, I doubted I could pull off a convincing girl on a solo effort.
I threw an arm across my face and laughed.
What the Hell am I thinking?
From the direction of the door, a chime sounded in my dormitory apartment, startling me up onto my elbows. Thus supported by my arms, I looked at the door, and heard the chime a second time.
“Monitor, who’s at the door?”
“Tobias Matheus Praetor the Third.”
I started to wonder why he was here on a Saturday, and soon regretted deleting all his messages without giving them their due consideration. Climbing off the bed with a loud groan, I ambled down the short hallway and then opened the door, remembering too late I was dressed in a tee-shirt and track pants.
“What do you want?” I bluntly asked the tall blonde boy standing in the wide corridor outside my dorm apartment, wondering absently why he was dressed in Telos Academy’s summer uniform.
Tobias gaped, then ran his gaze over me with incredulity spreading across his face. “Cass, what are you doing dressed like that?”
“It’s Saturday. Why can’t I dress how I want?” I sneered at him. “Or what? Were you expecting to see me in a bra and panties?”
His face twisted in a mixture of confusion and disgust. “Huh?”
“Yeah, figured as much….” I shook my head slowly. “What are you doing here? And why are you in uniform?” I blinked. “Wait—are you attending cram school now?”
Tobias looked at me as though I’d sprouted a second head, or maybe turned into a girl before his eyes. “Cass…we have class. It’s Monday morning.”
“Heh?”
He grabbed the edge of the door and attempted to push his way in, but surprisingly I was able to hold it still, denying him entry into my dorm apartment.
Visibly puzzled by his inability to push me back, Tobias needed a moment to recover. He changed his approach but it was still forceful. “Cass, let me in.”
“No. What’s this business about class and Monday?”
“Today is Monday. We have classes to attend, or are you planning on breaking your perfect attendance record?”
He looked sincerely serious and a little frantic, so I stepped back a few steps up the apartment’s hallway. “Monitor, what’s today’s date?”
“Monday, February 10th, Twenty-Two Seventy-Three. Presently seven forty-eight am, Eastern Standard Time.”
Tobias entered the apartment hallway and closed the door behind him. “See?”
I stared at him blankly, barely registering when his hand landed on my shoulder or the fact he was shaking me, my mind unable to comprehend that somehow the weekend had come and gone without my knowing it.
“Hey, Cass—I mean Ronin. Snap out of it. What the Hell’s the matter with you?”
I swallowed reflexively. “It’s Monday. How can it be Monday?” My attention focused on Tobias standing before me. “What the Hell happened to my weekend?”
His eyes searched my face. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I missed the whole weekend. How can I be feeling okay?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I was asking. And why didn’t you answer my messages?” He frowned deeply. “And where were you, by the way? I came by a few times but the Monitor told me you were out and it didn’t know where you’d gone. Not to mention you
didn’t answer your phone once these past two days. What the Hell is up with you?” He paused before quickly adding, “Are you still angry with me? Can we at least talk about it?”
I drew away from him, then walked to my tussled bed, and grabbed the alarm clock on the small table beside it. “Monday. Seven Forty-Nine am.” I put the clock back down on the table. “Did I sleep for the past forty-eight hours?” Staring at the window wall, I remembered my horrid dream, and clicked my fingers. “Maybe I was abducted. Yes, that’s it. I was abducted by little grey men instead of the angry grey men.”
I heard Tobias sigh heavily from where he stood a few feet behind me. “Look, we can talk about this on the way to school. We have homeroom in less than an hour. We need to get going.”
Tobias’ somber tone was so uncharacteristic it succeeded in breaking through my swirling thoughts and garnered my attention.
I turned to face him. “What’s wrong with you?”
“A lot of things,” he replied, and I noticed he looked deeply troubled and uneasy. “But since you’re asking, at the top of my list is our…disagreement…last Friday…outside the crêpe shop….”
“Oh.” I’d forgotten about the incident, but now it came back to me in an unpleasant rush, so I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Tobias’ shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry about what happened. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Monique.” He sighed away another piece of life. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you all of it, but I can say is that it’s family business.”
I frowned up at him. “Meaning what? She’s related to you?”
“Sort of,” he mumbled then noticed that I’d narrowed my eyes at him. “She’s my cousin.”
“Huh? How is that sort of?”
“Not by blood. I mean”—he took a deep breath and exhaled loudly—“you know how I was adopted into the Praetor Family when I was in elementary school, right?”
I nodded.
“Well, Monique is my cousin but not by blood.”
“…okay….”
Tobias looked down at me anxiously. “That’s all you’ve got to say?”
I bit my lower lip for a long moment before asking, “Are you dating her?”
His eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Date Clari—I mean, Monique?” He looked shocked and quickly waved his hands out in front of him. “No—no way. Definitely not happening.”
“But you’re not related by blood.” I made a disgusted face. “And she’s really hot too….”
I hated to admit it but Valjean was really beautiful. A total bitch, but a very beautiful one.
Tobias waved his hands again. “Trust me. I’m not dating her. Related or not related it would never happen.”
I was puzzled by his vehement denial. “Why not?”
“Just trust me on this,” he re-iterated.
I leaned back away from him. “Jeezes, you don’t need to deny it so loudly.”
“Yeah, but—”
I raised my hands high, and wearily said, “I get it. I get it. You can relax now.”
He visibly did so, and briefly palmed his forehead. “Thanks.” Abruptly, he jerked ramrod straight and stared at his wristwatch. “Shit—Cass! We need to go.” Again noticing what I was wearing, he pointed at me, but then inexplicably averted his gaze. “You’d better hurry and get dressed. We’ll go in together.”
“We always go in together. What’s the big deal?”
“It’s nothing. Just get dressed.” He was pointedly not looking at me as he walked past the foot of the bed and stood before the balcony windows.
I thought he’d looked uncomfortable when he walked by, perhaps a little embarrassed, and that was out of the norm for us. That is to say, he’d never been troubled at the sight of me in a tee-shirt and tracksuit pants, and other than the deep envy I felt when I looked at him, I wasn’t bothered when seeing Tobias in a state of undress. But Tobias was clearly perturbed by my appearance today, and I believed I knew why.
He was picturing me as Silver Blue. Of that, I was certain.
For a moment, I considered asking him what he saw when he looked at me.
Was it a guy, a girl, or Princess Silver Blue?
Then I asked myself if I wanted to know the answer, and I admitted bitterly that I didn’t.
Watching him was starting to make me feel depressed, so I muttered, “…yeah…sure…give me a few minutes.”
“If you want, I can wait outside.”
“What—out in the balcony?” I shook my head. “No. It’s fine.”
Collecting a clean uniform from my wall wardrobe’s drawers, I showered and washed up in a hurry, dressing quickly before leaving the bathroom to find Tobias had not moved from his position before the balcony windows, gazing at the city. I slipped on my school shoes, and not finding my carry-bag in the usual place, I spun around in a circle and spotted it on the floor leaning against a tall bookcase that was home to Mercy Haddaway merchandise. Slinging the bag’s straps over my right shoulder, I turned full circle yet again, and surveyed the inside of my apartment a little more closely.
Everything else was exactly where I remembered it, so why was my carry-bag not where I expected to find it? As I wasn’t cognizant of how I returned to the apartment, it was increasingly likely I had not done so by my own means.
I mostly succeeded mentally shelving the matter of my return and the missing weekend. Time was slipping by and I needed to be places. I couldn’t afford to dwell on the matter for too long as I would stop functioning in my daily life. However, it wasn’t easy doing so – not when I remembered the dream and the game I’d played.
I glanced down at my hands, turning them over yet again, then exhaled slowly.
I would worry about the dream and The Game later.
Glancing sidelong at Tobias, I announced I was ready, and after grabbing my phone and wallet from the top of my bedside table – oddly this is was where I was accustomed to placing them – I made my way out of the apartment.
Tobias closed the door behind him, and then quickly caught up to me.
As on countless times these past three years, we talked together down the hallway on our way to the Academy.
“We should take the mag-lev,” he suggested gloomily.
I stopped and sighed heavily. Bothered by my own perplexing situation, I didn’t need his troubles adding to my burdens, so I turned and fixed upon him a hard glare. “Look, I got my own problems. I don’t need you adding clouds to my already messed up morning.”
He stared at me for a long while, his gaze penetrating in its intensity.
Growing uncomfortable under his scrutiny, I found myself taking a step back. “What?” I asked.
Tobias inhaled deep but quietly, but before he could reply, we had to step aside for other students making their way down the hallway to the elevator bank. When we were alone again, he appeared to have reconsidered his words.
“Nothing,” he replied with a shrug, fixed up the shoulder straps of his carry-bag, and resumed walking down the hallway. “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”
Watching him walk away from me, I had a sinking feeling that Tobias had indeed been trying to picture me as Silver Blue, or worse he wasn’t seeing me as a guy anymore. Because of this, the way he was acting around me made me feel like I had cheated on him and had been caught out. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling. It was downright unpleasant and filled me with deep regret and worry. I felt guilty for not telling him about Silver Blue, but truthfully my cross-playing as the animated Princess was something I’d wanted to keep a secret from him for life. So in that respect it was somewhat like having an affair and then wanting to bury it in the back yard.
I knuckled my forehead.
Why was I thinking of our relationship – our friendship – that way?
I was a guy – not a girl – and Tobias was my friend – not my boyfriend!
Hefting my school bag’s straps a little higher on my shoulder, I came to a silent decision as
I trailed after him.
I didn’t notice until much later that my bag felt lighter than usual.
- IV -
Tobias and I walked the short distance to the elevated mag-lev station that rose above street level a few minutes away from the apartment complex. In the company of hundreds of Telos Academy students, we waited on the platform for the next train to arrive. A thousand other people waited as well, civilians on their way to work in various offices, shops, etc., within the boundaries of the massive sprawling city, some with coffee cups in hand, the warm liquid steaming in the morning air; others read the morning news on their phones or data slates, or engaged in conversation with their neighbors.
Feeling I was being watched, I discreetly swept my gaze about me, and noticed a gaggle of girls standing several meters away. Out of the ordinary, they had eyes on me rather than Tobias, and again my stomach sank as my doubts became certainties that grew stronger when I saw a number of students glancing furtively at me when they thought I wouldn’t notice.
I swallowed to clear the staleness in my mouth and throat, then asked Tobias, “Why all the messages?” When he didn’t reply, I looked at him and questioned, “Is this about Silver Blue?”
His stiffened and after a while his shoulders rose and fell as he exhaled heavily. “You dared Monique to tell everybody about your cross-dressing, and she did.”
“Oh, so the Witch came out swinging once I turned my back on her. I bet the whole school knows by now.” I shook my head in disappointment. “I doubt I’ll get past the front entrance in one piece.”
He shot me an angry sidelong look. “Would you please not call her that?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t care.”
“Well, I do.”
I rolled my head sideways to glare up at him. “No surprises there. And while we’re at it, aren’t you taking a risk by being around me? It’ll hurt your chances with Valjean.”
Tobias gave me an uncomfortable look, as though he was about to eat something he greatly distasted. “Is it true? Did you really cosplay as the Silver Blue Princess? Was that really you last year during Club Week?”
Gun Princess Royale: Awakening the Princess, Book One Page 14