I grew rigid, and forgot to breathe as I remembered the extent of our fight in the afternoon. “…oh….”
“…a good friend wouldn’t have done that….”
I refrained from biting my lower lip. “I didn’t exactly make it easy for you.” I lowered bowed my head. “I’m sorry for teasing you….”
“Yeah…you are a tease. I’ll give you that much.”
I raised my head sharply. “Huh?”
“If you were a real girl, you’d be a handful.” Abruptly he blushed hotly and turned away. “Ah, I mean not that kind of handful.”
My eyes narrowed slightly. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m feeling like a Cee-cup right now.”
He faced me in a hurry. “What? Really?”
I allowed my expression to darken as I now glared at him. “Is that all you think about?”
Tobias jerked back before retorting, “Says the person obsessed with a gravure model.”
I clenched my jaw for a moment. “She’s not a gravure model. She is the gravure model. Number one. Numero uno. Get it.”
“She was only ranked third last year in terms of popularity.”
“She’s number one in my books.”
“You don’t speak for the masses.”
I sucked in air loudly through my nose. “The masses have little taste.”
“I’m sure they would disagree with you.”
“What does Mercy have to do with your obsession with my breasts?”
“I’m not obsessed with your chest,” he defended though with every word his gaze wandered back and forth between my breasts and face.
I breathed in slow and deep, and closed my eyes for a few seconds. “By the way, and before I forget, but why am I dressed in a baby doll.”
I opened my eyes to see Tobias looking away.
“Blame my sister for that,” he muttered. “She had the maid on her boat dress you up while you were asleep. She said she had more where that came from.”
“I see….” I lay back on the pillows and stared up at the cabin’s ceiling. “Mat, you’re a pervert just like your sister.”
I heard him sigh long and heavily. “Rather than calling me that, I think you should take a look at yourself in the mirror over there.” He indicated the built-in closet at the far end of the room with mirrors mounted to its doors.
“Why?”
“Just do it.” He hesitated before saying, “Also, my sister left you a change of clothes.”
I saw him point to a chair with a bundle of clothes lying on it. “Wonderful….”
Tobias rose from his chair. “I can wait outside while you get changed.”
After he stepped outside the cabin, I looked about the interior, noting the sloped ceiling, the wide window on one side of the room, the built-in wardrobe, and the door to what was possibly and en-suite bathroom. Placing the glass of water on the bedside table, I tossed back the bedsheets, and slung my legs over the side of the bed. Padding barefoot, I walked to the closet mirrors and examined myself in front of them.
“…oh…shit….”
It was evident that whatever program Ghost had triggered had finished its job while I was unconscious, and I was no longer the Ronin Kassius that woke up this morning.
The baby doll promoted my curves, and hid very little from me. I felt strangely hollow upon the realization there was no longer anything between my legs. Everything about my appearance was undeniably female. I had slender, smooth feminine legs, gentle hips, a narrow waist, and full sized breasts that were well beyond the humble Bee-cup. Studying my face, I could recognize myself but all my features were softer, rounder, and definitely those of a girl. The resemblance to my mother and sister was stronger than ever. No one seeing us together would doubt for a moment that we weren’t family.
The longer I studied the pretty girl in the mirror, the emptier I became. I now resembled the very thing I had never wanted to be. Even if this wasn’t my true body but a copy with shape shifting abilities, I was trapped within it with no means of escaping my appearance as a teenage girl
Some guys might fantasize about possessing the body of a pretty girl, but I wasn’t one of them, and revulsion and despair welled up inside of me, filling up the emptiness within my heart and soul. Eventually the vile mixture of emotions turned into outright nausea and I had to rush into the bathroom where I heaved into the toilet bowl what little bile remained in my otherwise vacant stomach, then knelt on the tiled floor and cried softly to myself.
- II –
I opened the door to the cabin, and looked out into the surprisingly wide corridor outside the room.
Tobias was sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, head bowed and knees bent, but he looked up at me when he heard the door open.
“You can come in,” I told him.
He looked up at me, his gaze travelling slowly over me from head to toes, taking in my sailor girl attire complete with short navy blue skirt and soft deck shoes. He paid particular attention to my legs and I heard him whisper, ‘Jeezes’ under his breath.
I sighed softly. “Mat, please don’t make it harder for me.”
“Cass, I’m sorry. It’s just…well…how do I say this?”
I breathed in slow and very deep. “Say what…?”
“You’re…really pretty….”
The abrupt urge to gag choked my retort in my throat, so instead I turned away and walked back into the cabin. Tobias came inside a short while later, closing the door behind him as I sat down on the edge of the bed while he watched me from beside the doorway. To say the atmosphere was awkward would be an understatement.
Tobias cleared his throat. “Cass, is it so bad to look like a beautiful girl?”
I met his eyes. “Is that what you see?”
He nodded faintly.
“You’re not in my shoes,” I said to him. “If you were, you wouldn’t be asking me that.”
He leaned his back against the wall behind him. “I’m sorry.”
“This isn’t a fantasy for me, Mat. This is a nightmare. Some guys might enjoy this. Some guys might get a buzz out of the idea of becoming a girl.” I touched my chest, aware of my large breasts snug in the new larger bra I wore under the girlish sailor blouse. “I’m not one of them. I never wanted to be a girl. Regardless of how I looked before all this, I never ever wanted to be a girl. Clarisol did this to me. I have no doubt that she set all this up to torture me. Not physically but mentally. She wants to hurt me. And I don’t know why? I don’t know why she hates me. She’s like an evil witch from a fairytale, the kind that would curse the people she despises.”
“Clarisol likes girls. It’s the way she is. And I don’t believe she hates you.”
“So what then? She turned me into a girl so that I could be another of her pets? Another plaything for her? Another girl in her harem?”
“Probably….”
I looked away from him. “That’s sick. She’s sick. And the way you’re looking at me is making me sick.”
“And how am I looking at you?”
“Like I’m a girl.” I threw him a glare. “You like the way I look, don’t you?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “What if I do?”
“You’re sick. You’re disgusting.” I bowed my head. “Your sister was right. I’m right in your strike zone. I’m just your type.” At a sudden thought I raised my head and stared at him questioningly. “Do you look at me and think of Giselle?”
“No, I don’t.”
I was surprised to realize he sounded honest, but I was also puzzled by the faint twinge in my heart. “But we’re similar. We’re both short. We’re both busty brunettes.”
“Similar, yes. But you’re not Giselle. No one would confuse the two of you.”
“So who do you prefer?”
Tobias frowned at me. “Why are you asking? Are you jealous or envious of her?”
“No. I’m asking who do you prefer? If you had to choose then which one of us would it be?”
“Coward.”
Tobias pushed himself away from the wall and strode up to me with a stern expression that made me panic and scoot back on the bed. But Tobias grabbed me by a shoulder and pushed me down before climbing over me on the bed.
“Get—get off me!”
“I’m not on you!”
I reached up to hit him but he grabbed both my arms and used his strength and weight to match my Simulacrum abilities and hold me down.
“I’m going to kick you,” I threatened him as I slowly inched my arms up, lifting him higher above me.
“Do you want me to answer you? Do you want to know whom I prefer? Do you want to know who I would choose?”
I stopped struggling against him, and looked up at his open, honest, and pained expression. “No….”
“Why not?”
“Because it doesn’t matter.”
“Then why did you ask me?”
I swallowed down my constricted throat and chose not to answer.
Tobias continued holding onto me. “Whenever we were together doing stuff after class or on weekends, and girls happened walk up to us—”
“They walked up to you.”
“—I could always feel you glaring at me. Why?”
“Because I hated it. I hated the way they looked at you. I hated how they would swarm around you.”
“Why? Why did you hate it? Was it because you envied me, or because you were jealous of them?”
I closed my mouth and breathed as calmly as I could while my heart gradually began to slow down. But I was having trouble sorting through my feelings and thoughts, and it took me a while to find an answer for him.
“I envied you. I envied the attention they gave you. I envied the way you handled them. I envied everything about you. You were a guy. A real guy. The kind that girls flocked to. The kind of guy I wanted to be. Someone who would never be mistaken for a girl—ever!”
He released my hands and climbed off the bed.
I lay on my back for a moment, watching him standing beside the bed, before pushing myself up and then scooting to the end of the bed. Sitting on the edge, I looked down at the carpeted floor, thinking of the times Tobias made me feel worthless and unmanly through no fault of his own.
“I hated it…I hated envying you…but I couldn’t stop myself….”
I heard him swallow a couple of times.
“Cass, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” In the mirror, I glimpsed his reflection slip its hands into its trouser pockets. “All those times, I figured you were envious of the girls.”
I snorted loudly and looked at him. “What? Are you serious?”
He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. “I thought…well…maybe…you had feelings for me.”
“Hah?”
He shrugged again. “And it really bothered me.”
My mouth hung open and stayed open.
Tobias glanced at me twice before exhaling heavily. “I’m not into guys, Cass. So it really bothered me when you looked at me the way you did.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “You thought I liked you?”
“…well, yeah….”
I stood up off the bed and walked around to him, trying to ignore how my large breasts bounced against my chest despite the form fitting bra, then planted my hands on my hips, realizing too late that I was standing more or less how an angry girl might.
“Mat. I don’t see you that way. You were—hopefully still are—my best guy friend. I envied your manliness. However, I was not jealous of you. Do you understand what I mean? I never saw you as my possession that other girls would want to steal.”
His eyes widened slowly but then narrowed. “And now that you’re a girl?”
“That hasn’t changed. I still envy the fact that you’re a guy!”
He shirked back a step and raised his hands. “There’s no need to shout.”
“Then stop making me angry.”
“So does that mean you’re not interested in me?”
I growled as I tossed my hands into the air. “So just because I look like a girl, I’m supposed to think like one?”
“I was just wondering if the change had affected you in other ways.” His voice fell. “I’d be disappointed if you turned out to be a lesbian….”
“You can only call me that if I’m a girl. And I’m not. Just on the outside. How many times do I have to tell you?”
“Well, it’s still disappointing…in a way….”
I folded my arms in frustration but it served to bring attention to my annoyingly large Cee-cup bust and I started to blush. But I noticed his somber expression and whatever words I wanted to hurl at him died in my chest.
“My sister was right,” he said softly. “You should have been born a girl because then it wouldn’t have bothered me when you looked at me the way you did.”
“I told you already. I was envious of you. Not jealous of you or the girls.”
“Well, then if you were a girl, I wouldn’t have been bothered by those girls, now would I?”
I realized what he meant and my breath froze in my lungs. “You mean…they’d have thought I was your girlfriend…?”
“Yeah….”
I started to gape at him. “Wait. Aren’t you getting way ahead of yourself?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, in order for me to have been your girlfriend, you would have had to confess to me.”
“That’s true.”
“And there’s no guarantee the girl me would have accepted your confession.”
Tobias blinked slowly and his quiet scrutiny made me uneasy as I could only imagine the thoughts behind his eyes. Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders and smiled faintly. “If you were a girl, I would never have let Clarisol steal your first kiss from me.”
Involuntarily, I held my breath for a short while. “…Mat….”
“Yes?”
“When you say stuff like that…it makes me feel…really confused.”
He nodded shallowly but his gaze continued to brush my face. “Sorry….”
I opened my mouth but then closed it slowly as my thoughts stole my voice.
His admission had been entirely founded on a hypothetical premise, and it had me thinking along those imaginary lines. Had I been born a girl, had I met Tobias, had I struck up a friendship with him, had I developed into the petite beauty that I was now, would something other than friendship have formed between us?
I looked at Tobias with a critical eye.
Would I have said yes to his confession, or would I have confessed to him first?
I swallowed again as a nervous thought crossed my mind.
Would I have been happier as a girl?
I shiver broke out along my body and my gaze grew distant.
Did the Fates make a mistake and gift my mother with a son when they should have bestowed upon her another daughter?
“Cass? Are you still there?” Tobias asked me softly with caution and tenderness that made my heart skip anxiously for a few moments.
As my awareness returned to the present, I frowned up at him. “If I had been born a girl, would this situation have still happened? Would your family have still picked me to be Mirai?”
Tobias visibly stiffened, then averted his gaze. “I can’t say because I don’t know why my family chose you to represent them as a member of Team Novis.”
“Then answer me this. If I was a girl and your girlfriend, would you have kept secrets from me?”
I could have been mistaken, but I thought I saw him wince as he further averted his eyes.
After taking another deep breath, I was a little surprised to hear my voice shudder when I asked, “Mat, who are you?”
This time he faced me sharply, and a new conflict broke out across his face. When it settled into something reminiscent of resignation, Tobias said, “I’ll tell you but you won’t believe me.”
“Mat, take a good look at me. I’m
in a body that isn’t mine. Am I freaking out?”
“…no, I guess not….”
“Wouldn’t you say I’m pretty open minded considering everything that’s happened today?”
“…yeah, you are….”
I crossed my arms under my bust. “Mat, are you really my friend?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Then I want to know who my friend is. Tell me.”
His lips worked themselves in different shapes reflecting the conflict renewed within him. Eventually, the tension bled out of him and his eyes met mine.
“Okay. I’ll tell you….”
- III -
“My name is Matrim Kallum Sanreal Erz Novis.”
Standing before me, he paused for a moment.
“I’m the youngest son of the main branch of House Elsis Novis, formerly House Alus Novis.”
“So Felicia was right. You’re a rich boy.”
He winced and glanced away. “Well, not anymore. I mean—never mind. That’s not important.”
“So you’re a member of this House Novis. What does that mean?”
“Cass, it means that I’m part of the family that did this to you. It’s my family—my blood family—that chose you to represent them as a Gun Princess.”
“Mat, where are you from?”
He blinked sharply. “What?”
“In the limo, I heard you ask Clarisol something about this realm or yours. What did you mean by that?”
His gaze roamed my face, searching it, but I didn’t know for what. After a few moments, he sighed heavily, then sat down on the edge of the bed. I chose not to join him and watched him while standing.
After a while, he broke his silence. “Clarisol and I refer to this as a realm, but to she and I this is an alternate reality.”
I forgot to blink as my eyes widened. “What?”
“Clarisol and I were not born in this reality—in this universe. We were born in another universe where humanity’s level of science and technology is well in advance of what you find here.”
It was my turn to search his face, to look for the lie, but the more I studied him, the more convinced I was of his sincerity that begged me to ask, “Another universe?”
Gun Princess Royale: Awakening the Princess, Book One Page 36