I laughed and shook my head. “I thought the ice would help. Are you saying it doesn’t?”
He leaned over and kissed my neck. “You make everything feel better by just being here. I missed you tonight.”
“I’m sorry.” I pulled back and looked at him. I hadn’t told him about Joseph yet, or Craig for that matter. He knew I’d been hurt, but not the extent of it.
He reached up and touched my face. “What is it?”
I touched his hand. “I want to tell you something, but I can’t talk about all of it yet. Is that okay? Should I wait until I can say it all?”
Dennis turned his body a little and pulled me into his arms. “You tell me what you are ready to tell me. I won’t ever ask for more than that.”
I took a deep breath, too nervous to say too much, but also nervous that it wouldn’t be enough. “I spent the afternoon with Joseph.” His arms tensed around me, and I already regretted my first sentence. “No, I didn’t mean . . .” I sighed. “Joseph is my therapist.”
I thought my confession of Joseph’s identity would have eased the tension in his arms, but Dennis only held me tighter. “Are you okay?”
“I’m trying to be.” I cleared my throat. “There was a difficult relationship that I need to work through. I’m not very proud of some of the things I allowed to happen in that relationship, and until I can figure out the reasons why I allowed them, I’m not sure I can handle another one.”
I found myself holding my breath again. I relaxed when he kissed my cheek. “We’ll take it slow and only move at a pace you can handle.”
I sat up and turned to look at him. I needed to see his face. “You’d be okay with that? You’re not worried that I’m in therapy?”
Dennis shook his head and smiled. “I’m more than okay with the fact that you’re a strong woman who knows when she needs help and isn’t afraid to get it. Who would walk away from that?” He held his arms open, and I sank back into his embrace. “Now, tell me what you’re comfortable with letting me in on. I want to be here for you, Drew.”
I spent the evening in his arms, telling him about Joseph. While I never mentioned Craig’s name, I told him that it was a very bad relationship and that I was trying to get out of the grip that a lot of things still had on me. Dennis spent the evening encouraging me, promising that he would be patient and supportive. He thought we were worth investing in and could see a future for us. That scared me and caused me to stupidly fall back to old habits.
I sat up and took the melted bag of ice off his lap. Had we really talked that long? I placed it on the floor and looked at him. “How’s everything?” I looked at his crotch.
“It’s been better, but it isn’t as sore as it was earlier.”
“I was wrong to give you the ice.” I got to my knees between his legs. “I should have offered to kiss it and make it feel better.”
Dennis stopped my hands from unfastening his pants. “No, don’t.”
“I don’t mind. I want to.” I tried to unfasten his pants again, and he grabbed my wrists. “What’s wrong? Oh, I’m too crazy for you.” I stood up. “I understand.”
Dennis grabbed me by my waist, pulling me on top of him and winced when I landed. “Stop it, Drew. You’re not going to push me away, no matter how hard you try.” He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “We will get to all of that and more, but not tonight. We’re not ready for that.”
I put my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Chapter 5
I walked into the Pre-K room, and Amy was sitting by herself looking very sad. I thought that she must have been thinking about her mom. I sat on the floor next to her and pointed to her doll. “How’s Daisy today?”
“We’re not supposed to talk to you anymore.” Amy wouldn’t look at me.
I was startled by her remark. “Did I do something wrong? I’d like to fix it if I did.”
“Daddy says you’re not a princess and I can’t talk to you.”
“Oh. Well, he is right that I’m not a princess. That title is reserved for only very special and pretty girls like you and Daisy.” I thought for a moment. “Does your daddy call you a princess?”
She nodded her head, but still wouldn’t look at me.
“He’s right again.” I stood up and she finally looked at me. I kneeled back down to her. “If your father told you not to talk to me, then I don’t want to upset you by making you talk to me. Just know that I will be talking to him, and I promise we can talk soon. Okay?”
“Promise?”
“Yes.” I stood up and walked to the office more pissed than I’d ever been in my entire life. “Peggy? I need the number—”
She held up a piece of paper. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you to hear of his request.”
I had made my way to my makeshift office and had to take a couple of deep breaths before calling Carl. I didn’t want the rest of the center to hear some of the words I really wanted to use. I took a few more deep breaths as his assistant connected the call.
“Miss Clayborn, are you ready to accept my dinner invitation?” Carl didn’t seem at all surprised to hear from me.
“Wait. You are using your daughter to get me to say yes? How cruel is that?”
“I’m simply protecting my daughter. There isn’t anything cruel about it.”
I was dumbfounded. Everything I wanted to say had left my mind. I was going to accuse him of using his daughter, but never expected him to come out and admit it. “How is not letting me speak to her until I say yes to your dinner invitation protecting her?”
“It’s quite simple really.” I could hear papers shuffling in the background. “I’ve invited you to dinner to which you said no. I sent you and your . . . not defined yet boyfriend a very nice gesture and it was returned to me. Then I tried to treat you nicely, and you ran from me. I’d say that you’re a mean person and not one I would like to have around my daughter.”
“But—”
“Now if you were to agree to my dinner invitation and allow me to say thank you, I may reconsider and think you’re kind enough to speak with my daughter again. I would even be willing to offer the bottle of wine you refused and give you a second chance to remedy that mistake as well.”
I looked out the door to watch Amy playing. I didn’t want to give in to his controlling demands, but it wasn’t fair that she was paying the price because her father couldn’t take rejection. If it would remove that sad look in her eyes, I could make it through one dinner. “Just one dinner?”
I could hear his smile. “That’s all I’ll need.”
Hearing his cockiness come through the phone made my stomach churn. “No.”
The noise from the papers in the background stopped. “Excuse me?”
“I said no. I will not be bullied into a dinner with you just so your daughter may speak to me again.” It wasn’t fair to Amy, and I was struggling to hold my ground. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt a child, but I had to remember that it wasn’t me hurting her. Sadly, it was her father.
“I can’t believe you to be so uncaring that you would allow your actions to—”
I hung up. I rubbed my fingers into my temples, trying to ward off the massive headache I was starting to feel. I didn’t want to hurt Amy, but I couldn’t give in. It may cost me my job, but giving in could cost me so much more. I went to see Peggy to discuss assigning me to any room but Amy’s until this was resolved.
~*~
A week had gone by, and nothing I did would make Amy talk to me, not even a simple greeting in passing. She just looked away any time I was near. Peggy agreed to assign me to different rooms at first, but you could still see that Amy was affected by my presence. We both agreed that it would be best if I stayed behind the scenes until Carl came to his senses. I needed to learn the paperwork side of the center anyway, but I was beginning to doubt that Carl had any senses to come to.
It was late, and Amy had already been picked up by her aunt, so I was allo
wed out of the back. Almost all of the other kids had gone home. Peggy skipped out, too. It was just Julio and me. His parents weren’t usually late, but car troubles don’t care if you have a child to pick up. I didn’t mind. Julio was one of the best kids we had at the center, and I was enjoying my evening after being stuck in the back office for the last few days. After having an extra snack to hold him over until his parents could get him dinner, he decided to color.
The doorbell rang. “Stay here and keep coloring, Julio. Let me see if that’s your parents. Okay?”
Julio nodded his head, causing his dark brown hair to bob up and down. “I hope they let me finish it.”
I smiled as I left the room. Julio was a great kid with an obvious passion for life, even if it was just coloring for the moment. I hope nothing happens to ever take that away from him. My smile was lost as I rounded the corner and saw who was at the door. Carl tried the door once more and reached for the bell again. He stopped as we made eye contact and raised an eyebrow when I stopped walking. I didn’t want to unlock the door for him, but I didn’t want him to make a scene when Julio’s parents showed up, either.
I slowly made my way to the door and unlocked it. “What do you want, Carl? I think Amy should be home by now, waiting on you.”
“I just want to talk.” He tried to make his way in, but I stood my ground. “I think we need to settle this. Amy isn’t sleeping anymore.”
I reluctantly stepped aside to let him in and turned with crossed arms to face him. “Any sleepless nights Amy is having are all on you. I’m not the one causing the stress.”
“I’m sure we can come to some understanding.” Carl started looking around.
I narrowed my eyes. “I understand you perfectly. What are you looking for?”
He looked back to me. “I was just wondering if we were alone.”
I suddenly wished I hadn’t opened the door for him. I wasn’t afraid of what Carl would do. The fear I felt was not because I thought Carl would hurt me. It was that I would hurt myself with him. “We’re not alone.”
Carl looked around again and caught sight of Julio still coloring where I left him. He turned back to me and nodded. “Okay. Look, I’m really not a bad guy. You just need to get to know me a little better.”
“I think anyone who would use his daughter to get a date out of someone is pretty low. I know all I need to.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Single fathers take their children to the park or sign up for daddy-and-me classes all the time in the hopes of,” Carl checked to see where Julio was before continuing, “getting laid, so don’t tell me that I’m the worst father you’ve ever met. I’m just asking for dinner to thank you.” Carl straightened his jacket and tightened his tie. “I don’t see how having one dinner with me is all that much of a hardship on your part.”
“It’s the cocky attitude that keeps me away.”
“I can’t say anything right for you. Why do you twist everything I say?”
I stood up straighter and raised my voice. “How . . .” I looked at Julio and back to Carl, lowering my voice. I took a step closer to speak low, but stern. “How in the hell is not allowing your daughter to speak to me until I have dinner with you not to be taken as an egotistical, selfish, and a downright asshole move? Get real.” I started to walk back to the door and turned to give him one more piece of advice. “Just so you know, Carl, most of those single mothers at the park and mommy-and-me classes are looking to get laid, too. Men don’t own the market on casual sex.”
Before I made it to the door to let him out, Carl had turned me back around and held me by my wrists. “Someone needs to teach you how to be a lady.”
“Well, it isn’t going to be you.” I fought to free my wrists, and he fought to pull me closer. He won, pinning my arms between my chest and his. He locked me in a bear hug, lifting me off my feet to look me directly in the eye. “Let go.”
“Not until you agree to have dinner.” I looked away. “It’s just dinner. What are you afraid of?” Carl’s eyes sparkled when my eyes locked on his. I tried to look away again, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to know I was afraid. I didn’t want him to see the terror I felt being in his arms, but he saw, and he was amused by it. A slow smile spread across his lips. My eyes kept darting between his eyes and his mouth.
Julio cleared his throat, and Carl slowly set me down. “Is he hurting you?”
I walked over to Julio and kneeled down. “No, not at all. This is Amy’s dad.”
Julio looked thoughtful for a moment while he stared at Carl. He suddenly pointed to him and said, “That’ll get you corner time.” He turned to me. “We’ll need a bigger chair.”
I laughed and looked at Julio’s serious glare. “Julio, he’s leaving.” I walked over to the door as Julio’s parents pulled up. “Oh, your parents are here. Go grab your stuff and we’ll all walk out together.” I looked at Carl, letting him know we were finished talking.
Just as I unlocked the door, Julio’s mother walked up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it, Angie. These things happen. I had a great time with Julio tonight.” I followed her gaze to Carl. “Oh, this is Amy’s dad.”
Angie visibly relaxed. “I thought we kept you from a date or something.”
“Nope. It’s just business and Carl was just leaving.” I turned to Carl and watched him pull his checkbook out of his jacket pocket.
“I need to pay for this month’s fees.” Carl walked over to the counter and started writing the check for fees he knew were already paid.
I walked Angie and Julio out, but didn’t lock the door. “Please, Carl. It’s late and I want to go home. Stop playing games.”
Carl put his checkbook away and turned to me. “I’m not playing games, Drew. It’s dinner.”
“It’s manipulation and that’s a game. There’s nothing you can say that will make me have dinner with you.”
Carl walked slowly over to me as if I were his prey. I fought with myself not to back up. I didn’t need to show him any more fear. “You want to blame me and say that I’m unreasonable.” He stopped walking. “It’s dinner, Drew.” He looked me up and down and started walking again. “Let’s discuss the real reason you’re saying no. You’re afraid.”
I crossed my arms and cleared my throat. “I’m not afraid of dinner, Carl. I eat dinner every day.”
“But not with me.” He stopped directly in front of me as close as he could without touching me. He slowly put his hands in his pockets and smirked. Leaning down, he whispered in my ear. “Boo.”
I closed my eyes. I desperately tried to not have a reaction. I tried to slow the shaking I felt coming on. I couldn’t hide the tremor in my whisper. “Carl.”
To my surprise, he backed up and walked to the door. “It’s just dinner, Drew. It’s not an unreasonable request.” Carl sighed and looked at Amy’s room. “I’ll tell Amy that I was mistaken and she doesn’t have to stay away from you.”
I tilted my head to the side and narrowed my eyes. “What’s the catch? I didn’t agree to dinner.”
Carl shrugged. “I was mistaken. You’re not a bitch. You’re just afraid of what you feel for me.”
“I’m not afraid.” As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I should have said that I didn’t feel anything for him.
“If you’re not afraid, then have dinner with me.” Even though I looked away, I could feel Carl staring at me. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow night.”
My gaze snapped to his. “I didn’t say yes.” Carl smiled and walked out.
~*~
“I still can’t believe you’re going.” Terri was watching me as I was putting on my earrings.
I looked at her in the mirror. “You know why I’m doing this. I can’t let that little girl suffer because her father is an asshole.”
“He’s already given you the go-ahead to talk to Amy again, so I’m not buying that.” Terri stood there and looked me over. “Why do you have to look so, so . . .” Terri g
estured to my clothes.
“I’m sure he’s going to try to impress me with some place extremely fancy, and I don’t want to embarrass myself with jeans and a t-shirt.”
“I just wish you’d let Mark and me go with you. Double dates worked for Dennis.”
I turned to her and placed my hand on her crossed arms. “I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be fine.” I could only hope.
Mark did the big brother stare down when Carl came to pick me up. Terri tried her best to calm Mark down, but he wasn’t happy with the manipulation Carl had used to get me to dinner. No one was happy about it, except for Carl. I promised Mark I wouldn’t be too late and showed him that I had my cell phone in my purse.
“They are very protective of you.” Carl was driving to our destination, which he refused to tell me about.
“They’re my best friends. It’s what you do with friends.” I looked out the window, trying to figure out where he was taking me.
“What else do you do with friends?” My eyes shot to his. “Well, you live there, don’t you?”
“That’s disgusting. They are like my brother and sister.” I looked out the window again. “Comments like that make me not like you very much.”
Carl laughed. “And honesty like that makes me like you very, very much.” He put his hand on my knee and I pushed it away. “I thought you were going to be nice tonight.”
“Not that nice. If that’s what you are expecting . . .” I watched as he pulled into a driveway. “What are you expecting, Carl?”
Carl sighed. “I may be hopeful, but I don’t expect anything. Nothing will happen that you don’t want.” He looked at his house and back to me. “I told you I would serve you the wine I purchased for you. You didn’t think a restaurant would allow me to bring it in, did you?”
I shrugged. “Is Amy—”
“Amy is with my sister tonight.” Carl looked at his house and back to me. His house was huge and showed off wealth. I suspected that everything Carl did was for show. The windows were large and allowed you to see inside. From the outside, the front room looked warm and inviting. There was a fire going in the fireplace, and it added to the cozy feel. It all made you want to go inside.
Striving for Normal (Striving Series) Page 5