He bundled me into the back of car, climbed in beside me and pulled me back onto him. I winced in pain at the movement and he kissed me again “Sorry” he grimaced and my vision blurred and everything tipped sideways “Mason…How did…I thought…Mason…” I rasped “I don’t…feel…” and then his beautiful face disappeared.
Oooh Jesus!!! I ached everywhere. My head was thumping dully, my ribs hurt and a pain shot through my nose and cheek every time I moved a single facial muscle. I opened my bruised eyes and fought against the blur for a few moments.
I could make out Mason sat in a chair in the corner, his head was slumped to the side and he was snoring softly as a streak of sunlight filtered through the vertical blind and lit his face, I was amazed how angelic it made him look. I snorted to myself; Mason was many things but definitely never an angel.
I lifted my head off the pillow but as the roaring pain squealed through my head I decided against it and placed it back onto the pillow. Looking around I found a buzzer for a nurse and stretched out timidly to press it; within a minute a nurse was rushing through the door. She glanced at Mason and then turned to me, a bright smile revealed perfect white teeth and I was sure I saw them dazzle. I inwardly thought she should advertise toothpaste.
She ventured over to me and I put a finger against my lips to shush her as I knew Mason wouldn’t have had much sleep “Let him sleep” I whispered and winced as a pain tore through my cheekbone and jaw as I spoke
“Fuck!” I hissed and the nurse smiled sympathetically “No smiling or talking for a while Ava” she fiddled about with some equipment at the side of my bed and the blood pressure cuff tightened against my arm as she shone a light in my eyes with an ultra-bright torch and made me follow it.
“How are you feeling Ava?” she asked eventually and I squinted “I’m not sure, my head and face hurt, my ribs are a little sore but…” I shrugged. She nodded “The police are wanting to talk to you” she sat on the edge of my bed and grasped my hand “Honey, I’m so sorry to tell you but we found evidence of a sexual assault” she said gently and I wanted to laugh. How many times had I heard those bloody words?!!!
I nodded and looked at Mason “I know” I said quietly and she tipped her head “Were you conscious when it took place?” she asked and I nodded again “I think I passed out after he strangled me” I told her, burrowing my eyebrows as I tried to remember. She nodded and squeezed my hand “Do you feel up to talking to the police yet?” I pursed my lips and glanced at Mason again “I would rather wait until I’ve spoken to my boyfriend. I need to…to…well, you know, tell him what happened. How long has he been here?” I asked, dreading the thought of him nipping out to score “All the time Honey” she smiled and I sighed in relief “He wouldn’t leave your side” she glanced at him and sighed dreamily, and I knew he’d affected her as he did many other women. I cringed in anticipation of filling him in with the details but I was more in need of answers from him, but I knew I had to tread carefully knowing this could send him back massively.
I sighed and the nurse patted my hand in reassurance “How long have I been out?” I asked as she gestured to the water jug and I nodded, then immediately winced “About 18 hours” she informed me and my poor bruised eyes widened and then screamed at me in protest and I swiftly relaxed them “You have some extensive bruising to your brain Ava, your body simply shut down to recover. You’d be amazed at the human natural healing abilities” she smiled again “I’m Teresa and I’ll be looking after you for your stay in the wonderful Royal Hotel…5 stars and nothing less” she winked and I smiled at her as she held a straw to my lips and I sipped, the cool water soothing my painful throat. I liked her at once, she was a large bubbly girl about my age but what struck my attention were her perfect teeth and her bright blue eyes, they reminded me of Nate, the sharpness and twinkle in them set you at ease straight away.
Mason stirred and mumbled something and then his eyes flicked open. It took him a few seconds to focus and then his eyes widened on me and he shot out of his chair and over to me. “Baby” he breathed as his hand stroked my hair of my forehead so he could plant a tender kiss “Jesus Ava…I’m so sorry baby” he exhaled heavily and I palmed his cheek “Hey” I scolded as his eyes closed in relief “Oh god Ava…” he choked and planted another kiss, this time on my cheek and I winced at the pain “Sorry” he grimaced “How are you feeling?” he asked, his fingers touching all the wounds on my face as he grimaced with each one. I shrugged “The babies?” I asked and he smiled “They’re fine, Kerrie and Courtney are watching them” he explained and I nodded.
I glanced at Teresa “Could you leave us a moment please?” I asked and she smiled understandingly “I’ll be back in about ten minutes, I can’t give you any longer with the head trauma you’ve had, I’m sorry” I nodded an acknowledgement as she closed the door quietly behind her.
My eyes turned to Mason and he looked down and sighed “I’m so sorry Ava; if I’d have known he’d…he’d…” I grasped his hand “I know Mason, he was your best friend” I expressed and his eyes found mine again, confusion, relief and gratefulness displayed in them. He nodded slowly “I tried, after he did what he did, I so wanted to kill him Ava but…” he shrugged and sucked on his lips “We’d been friends for years and I just couldn’t do it” he stood up, took a deep breath and chewed on his bottom lip “But I won’t make the same fucking mistake again Ava” he closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing as his fists clenched.
I patted the bed to the side of me “Come here” I said softly and his face screwed up in pain but he did as I asked and perched beside me. I took his hand “Mason, I need to tell you something” I took a deep breath “He…he raped me” I closed my eyes and swallowed, waiting for the outcry but his lips brushed over mine “I know baby, I know…I’m sorry…” I opened my eyes to see the devastation in his “Why are you more worried about me than yourself Ava?” he asked, confusing marring his face. I frowned “I dunno” I scoffed “It’s not exactly new for me Mason, although…it doesn’t get any easier but I know what this has done to you, how you must feel knowing that Dane…that he…touched me when I’m yours” I shivered and he stretched out on the bed beside me and turned to face me, his fingers tracing the contours of my face “I can’t believe you at times Ava, you never stop amazing me. You’re strong, confident and so fucking incredible. I thought you’d have my balls for the biggest fuck up I’ve ever made” he sighed sadly and I knew he was torturing himself “Mason, I understand…hell, if it was Courtney I don’t think I’d be able to hurt her never mind…” I closed my eyes and relished him as his lips found mine and he kissed me so softly I could barely feel him
“Did you find him?” I asked and sighed when he looked away “No” he said simply and I gulped “He was a mess Mason, what did you do to him?” I probed but he shook his head “You don’t wanna know Ava” I grimaced at the thought “Did you set fire to him?” I asked cautiously. He glanced at me quickly but looked away and his actions confirmed my thoughts. I pulled in a breath as visions of Katie’s gruesome death swam in my head. I gagged as the smell and sound of her horrifying screams flooded my memories. Mason clung to me tightly “Baby, don’t” he cautioned and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“What do I tell the police?” I asked, knowing Mason would want to deal with this himself “He wore a hood and you have no idea who he was” he informed me levelly and I nodded “It was him who stabbed Greg” I divulged and he sighed “We thought that”
I frowned “You knew!” I was gobsmacked “You knew he was out there and you left me alone with Courtney and the babies!” I shook my head in shock and despair “Ava…we weren’t sure” he defended and I could see the shame and guilt on his face but it was too late for excuses and I was stunned he would do this
“Whoa Mason, I can understand why you let him go before but he stabbed Greg for fucks sake. Did you not think he would come for me?” I rubbed my face with my hands and then jolted at the pain.
“Baby, I didn’t know he would do this…” I snorted and stared at him “He killed our baby Mason, he tried to rape me before, he beat me up and you didn’t think he’d come for me...” I shrank back from him “You knew Mason; you knew how much he hated me for how I split you two up, yet you left me alone with your babies…YOU RISKED YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN MASON!!!” I screamed “how could you?” I stared at him with utter disgust.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, placing his face in his hands “I know…” he whispered so quietly I struggled to hear him. He looked at me and his hand reached for me and I reared back “Don’t fucking touch me!” I spat “Just go, I don’t want you anywhere near me” I turned away from him, the sight of him sickened me “Ava please…” he begged “GET FUCKING OUT” I cried and curled up within myself. How could he do that? He left us alone while he must have known Dane would come for me, he risked me and his children when he left
“Ava…” he breathed, his voice was raspy and low “Go and get fucking high Mason, I know that’s what you want. Block me and your children out of your poor fucking excuse of a life!!!” I snarled. His sheer disregard for our safety hurt so badly, it was like a physical pain ripping my inside. The thought of what would have happened if Dane had got hold of Katie or George was too terrifying to think about.
“I’m not leaving you Ava” he growled and a sudden thought occurred to me and I spun around, disregarding the pain that shot through me “Who’s with Courtney and the twins?” I asked slowly, my heart was speeding up and my breathing became erratic at the chilling thought of them being alone “Ava calm down, Sam and John are with them” he said quickly and I breathed a sigh of relief “Oh thank God” he smiled as though he thought he was forgiven “Shame you didn’t think of us before he beat the shit out of me and raped me!” I spat as I curled my lip in abhorrence.
He looked down at the floor “I’m sorry Ava; I don’t know…” he lifted his head and his eyes pleaded with me “Go!” I hissed as the nurse returned. She looked between the two of us but Mason just sat in the corner chair and crossed his arms over his chest and I sighed heavily “Why do you never do as I ask?” I yelled at him but he just shrugged “I told you, I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU. AVA” he said slowly and dominantly and I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him “The police are here Honey, you ready to talk?” Teresa asked and I saw Masons eyes flit to mine in a warning. I sighed “Bring it on”…again!!!
CHAPTER 40
I was allowed home two days later and against my wishes, back to Masons. I had wanted to return to the cottage after what Mason had done but he wouldn’t let me, refusing to let me be alone. I hadn’t told Courtney what Mason had done, I was too angry and I was frightened how she would react about Greg’s stabbing. Greg was doing brilliantly and would be home in a few weeks and Mason had insisted Courtney stayed at his for her protection until they found Dane.
The first thing I did when I walked through the door was huddle my babies up and kiss and kiss and kiss them, I had missed them so much; they were now my life and I couldn’t bear to be apart from them. Mason was desperately trying to win my forgiveness but this latest fuck up was huge and I was struggling to even look at him. I was also fraught with worry about Dane getting to the babies, I wasn’t coping well over the rape; I felt dirty, used and guilty and I was frightened in the house in case he came back and the memories were haunting me…I was a mess, mentally and physically and I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke.
Once I had put Katie and George to bed after enjoying bath time I went straight to the freezer and pulled out a bottle of vodka, needing to obliterate my inner turmoil. Mason eyed me sceptically but I just glared at him and downed the first glass, pouring another immediately after.
I closed my eyes and exhaled as the alcohol hit my sore throat and trickled into my stomach, but the effect wasn’t instantaneous and I downed the second one. I needed to feel numb, stop the emotions and thoughts that were drowning me “Ava…” Mason warned and reached for the bottle “Don’t” I snarled as I moved it away from him “I need it…I need to blot it out!” I warned and walked away from him and into the lounge.
Courtney was curled up on the sofa watching a movie and she eyed me when I walked in “Hey babe” she smiled and I settled down beside her and poured another glass full. She frowned and tipped her head to the glass “You okay?” she asked as Mason sat in the chair opposite; his eyes firmly fixed on me “It’s been a bit of a shit week so I thought I’d get fucking pissed” I shrugged and swallowed the full glass and filled it a fourth time.
Masons face was dangerously dark but I was in the mood for a fight so I tipped my glass at him and consumed it all in one go. His breathing was getting heavier and faster and I could sense Courtney’s eyes swinging between the two of us “I’m gonna go to bed, I’m shattered” she said as she stood and kissed my head “Night babe” she glanced at Mason “Night” he nodded at her but never removed his eyes from me. I smirked and poured another glass.
The vodka was just starting to hit my senses and I sighed contentedly as it started its numbing magic and rested my head on the back of the couch while I closed my eyes. The room was silent but I could hear his steady breaths and I bit my lip as tears threatened to surface. No damn it, I would not cry…or I would not let him see me cry. I sat up, guzzled the vodka, slammed the glass on the table and walked up the stairs, neither of us uttering a word.
I checked on the babies and then turned on the shower in the en-suite and stripped off before I climbed under the hot stream.
My life was a mess! One big fucking mess! I was a mess! Another man had violated me…again!!! What the fuck was wrong with me? Did I have a sign hung around my neck saying ‘Hey, come and rape me’? I rested my forehead against the tiles and closed my eyes. I felt dirty and I knew Mason was afraid to touch me, I could see the disgust on his face…another man had violated his woman; fucked the pussy that belonged to him!
I bit my lip severely to try and stop the thoughts I knew deep down weren’t true but they still kept spinning around my mind, tormenting and torturing me. Was this payback for Dean and Lee or was its Gods way of saying I didn’t deserve to be happy. I was a slut, a fucking whore; Dane said so, Lee said so…I must be the biggest whore around.
I felt something snap inside me and I yanked at my hair in self-disgust, trying to tear it out in revulsion as I clawed at my face, wanting to rip away the dirty skin, my filthy, foul skin. A sob broke out as I continued to pull and claw and scratch at myself, wanting to peel my skin away from me, it was poisonous and toxic. It’s what held the evilness inside me, the badness and vice held beneath it and I wanted to rip it away and pull all the sinfulness out and wash it down the drain, watch it swirl into hell.
Blood trickled down my face from under my finger nails as I tore at my skin, ripping it off me and I heard a keening noise and I didn’t realise it was coming from me until Mason appeared from nowhere and pulled me from the shower and pinned me onto his lap.
I could see his mouth moving, his eyes drowned in worry and anguish but the humming in my ears was getting louder. It was deafening, a long high pitch hum that was driving me crazy. I screamed and held my hands to my ears to try and stop it. I couldn’t stop screaming and scratching and I faintly saw Courtney in front of me through the blur but I felt the sharp sting of her slap across my face. The singe of the slap halted the humming and screaming immediately and I froze
“Ava…god damn it!” Mason choked out as Courtney patted his shoulder and smiled tenderly at him before she left us alone
“Baby…” he sobbed “Look at what you’ve done!” he reached into the bath behind him and took the facecloth and started to gently wipe at my face, wincing and cringing as he wiped away the torn skin and blood “Why Ava…why…?” he rasped as he continued to clean me up “Jesus baby…” I couldn’t talk, I was too numb and I wanted to be numb, I didn’t want to feel or think or smell. I just wanted to die!
Mason gent
ly laid me on the bed and huddled in behind me “Ava…” he whispered as he stroked my hair tenderly, his other arm gripped round my stomach, holding me tightly to him. “Baby…Why?” his voice was full of pain and desolation. I just stared at the wall and wondered what would come next. My life had been one long fucking struggle, a daily toil
“I need to get it out” I whispered and I felt Mason still behind me “What? Get what out baby?” I shook my head… was he stupid? “The filth Mason” I told him “I don’t understand Ava” his voice was quiet and apprehensive “The filth Mason! The dirt, the smut…the sin. It’s inside me and I can’t get it out” I shivered at the thought of it crawling round my body, through my veins and clogging every pore.
Mason swallowed heavily and was silent for a while “Baby, why do you think that…that you’re dirty?” he asked low and hesitantly and I huffed “Even you can see it Mason, I feel it, inside me, crawling through me, attracting monsters and evil…they’re always after me because I’m riddled with it and they come after it” I hissed. I felt him slip out of bed and he left the room.
Leaving me alone in the darkness I saw shapes shifting and swirling on the walls, trying to reach out to me. The evilness from the pits of hell, had they come for me? Finally ready to drag me down with them, take over what was left of my soul and deliver it, take it where it belonged…in hell! I cocked my head at them and I reached out to them too. I was ready, ready to burn, ready to pay and ultimately ready to join Katie…But Katie wouldn’t be in hell, she would be in heaven; she was everything that was good and pure and she wouldn’t have been dragged down, she would have been flown upwards to the heavens. I didn’t want to go with them…not to hell, even though I knew that’s what I deserved.
Tolerance (Heart of Stone) Page 27