We arrived a few minutes later, chucking money at the driver and practically rolling out of the car.
“Over there.” She pointed to the apartment block across the road and we headed toward it, an unsettling nervousness brewing in my stomach.
We stopped outside her door and she turned to me, her eyes sparkling. “Do you want to come up?”
I knew what I should have said, but my head bobbed and she tugged me inside. I followed her up the one flight of stairs and nibbled the back of her neck as she unlocked the door, pressing myself against her butt and letting her know my exact intentions.
She didn't seem to mind. The second we were inside, she slammed the door shut and threw herself at me. Pressing her body against me, she moved us back to the couch, her tongue assaulting my neck again. Her breathing was rapid and laced with the smell of wine.
I ran my hands into her hair and tried to focus on the feel of her breasts pushing into my chest and the aching desire in my pants. I needed to relieve this pressure and get my head straight again.
Yanking up my shirt, she pulled it over my head, running her nails lightly down my flesh. My skin prickled.
It felt wrong.
I almost looked away as she whipped off her own shirt and threw it to the floor. Two seconds later, her bra was dangling from her fingertips and I was staring at two very gorgeous breasts.
I reached for them, her eyes lighting with pleasure as I rubbed my thumbs over her nipples.
It felt wrong.
My lips met her neck, and I tried to ignore my thoughts, diving into the erotic moment. I wouldn’t stay the night. In an hour or so, I’d be back in my dorm, tucked up in bed with a smile on my face.
My dorm.
Ella.
She’d no doubt be in bed with David.
Ugh. Perhaps I'd go for a shower instead.
Songbird.
“Oh, that feels good.” Trisha breathed in my ear as she scrambled for the button of my jeans.
I jerked back.
“What's wrong?” Her eyes rounded as I stepped away from her.
I frowned, running a hand through my hair and clearing my throat.
I couldn't do this.
It felt wrong.
“Why'd you stop?” Trisha put her hands on her hips.
“I don't know you.”
“Excuse me?”
“We don't even know each other.”
“We just spent the whole night talking.” She sniggered.
“Did we?” I reached for my shirt, closing my eyes as I put it on. Tugging it down over my back, I looked her straight in the eye. “You don't know me.”
Not like Ella did.
“If you didn't want this, why the hell did you come up?”
“I'm sorry.” I stepped away from the couch, grabbing my jacket off the floor. “I thought this would help me forget about my problems, but I...this isn't gonna work for me. I'm sorry.”
I tutted, hating that I'd just lost the casual sex card. Stopping at the door, I gave her one more apologetic smile before stepping into the hallway.
“You're such a jerk.” I zipped my jacket as I sped down the stairs.
I didn't see a cab anywhere, so I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked to the bus stop. It would take way longer to get back to my dorm, but I needed to cool off.
Hearing Trisha whisper that I felt good just made me feel sick. It was the wrong voice.
Checking that the street was clear, I ran across it and continued my fast-paced clip.
I had wanted Ella's voice in my ear. She knew me. I'd told her stuff that only Nina and Malachi knew...privileged memories and dreams that I kept hidden from everyone. And now the only person I wanted touching me that intimately was her.
I didn't want sex. I wanted to make love...to Ella. Images of her petite body moving in time with mine scorched my brain. I imagined running my hands over her perfect form and looking into her large eyes, having them smile at me, smothering me with sunshine while I slipped inside her. I wanted to make her body tingle, I wanted to send her over the edge of pleasure. I wanted my touch to undo her.
“You're so frickin' screwed, you idiot.”
Despair washed over me, my mood becoming blacker with each step. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to get over Ella. This was killing me.
A bus pulled up just as I reached the stop. I jumped on, swiped my card and slumped into a seat near the back, my dark thoughts turning my brain into a maelstrom.
An hour later, I was walking into my room. For a second, I forgot where I was and slammed the door shut. I winced, hoping I hadn't woken David. I glared at his door, wondering if Ella was cuddled up beside him. I didn't want to stick around to find out.
Snatching the towel off the back of my chair, I headed straight out again, closing the door as softly as I could. I needed to wash off Trisha's scent. I needed to unwind. I needed to purge myself of this unrest and get my damn life back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ELLA
I flinched as the door slammed, my head popping off the pillow.
“Damn it, Cole. We're trying to sleep here, you freaking night owl,” David mumbled into my shoulder.
Cole.
My body tensed.
I hadn't been able to get him out of my head since my Skype call this afternoon. I'd felt so restless after it finished that I'd left the dorms, needing to walk...to think, to try to work out what the hell I was supposed to do with my life.
The fresh air did me no good. My brain was so filled with scattered thoughts I couldn't control them. Three men whirled before me, and I craved them all for different reasons.
David equaled security.
Cole equaled magic. I felt so alive when I was around him.
And shower guy...shower guy equaled passion. He set my body alight.
So which was the best choice?
My head told me security. It was logical. It made sense. But my heart protested, squeezing inside me and shouting that magic and passion would make my life brilliant.
David had texted me around six, asking me to come over. I went right away, guilt driving me there, along with the desire to try to make our relationship something that it wasn't.
We spent the evening in bed, me trying to get my body fired up, but it just didn’t work. Sex with David was nice. It was comfortable, but my body wouldn’t sing.
At least David was happy.
He'd moaned and groaned pleasantly throughout both encounters, tucking me against him and feeling triumphant once we were done. I'd laid there tense and silent while he chatted about his day of study. Finally, the light had gone off and we'd drifted to sleep...well, David had.
Reaching for his bedside clock, I looked at the time.
1:05 a.m. There was no way I could lie here awake for the rest of the night. I had classes tomorrow. I needed to be in my own bed.
I shifted the covers and tried to wriggle free of David's embrace.
“Stay,” he mumbled.
“I have an early class,” I whispered. “And I won't be able to sleep properly if I stay.”
“Maybe if you stayed more often, you'd get used to it.”
I froze, swallowing down the boulder that was lodged in my windpipe. “I don't think you realize how sexy you are. I'm not gonna be able to sleep with you lying here naked all night.”
The lie bolstered his ego, and he relented with a little chuckle, lifting his arm off me. I reached for my clothes and fumbled them on in the dark, not even bothering with my underwear.
“I love you,” he muttered sleepily before rolling toward the wall.
“Love you too,” I eventually whispered back before sneaking to the door. He was asleep before I even left the room.
I gazed through the dark at Cole's door, wondering if he was sleeping on his bed now. I couldn't help imagining the pleasure of sleeping next to him at night, tucked up against his strong side. I closed my eyes and let out a soft moan.
“It'd be heaven.”<
br />
I yanked open the door and scurried down the corridor. My room was black and empty, isolation creeping over me as I perched on the edge of my bed. Flicking on the lamp, I squinted in the brightness, taking in my surroundings and feeling that familiar loneliness.
“I need a shower.”
A little singing and warmth would ease my mind. I wanted to wash David off me as well, which felt bad. I should have wanted his scent to linger all over my body, but not tonight.
Reaching the bathroom, I eased the door open and headed to the back stall. Flicking on the spray, I undressed quickly and felt the temperature before stepping under the water. I let out a slow sigh.
Yes, this was exactly what I needed.
As always, my thoughts turned to shower guy. I wondered where he was at this exact moment. In bed? Sleeping beside another girl or lying on his own...just waiting for me.
I closed my eyes against the thought and pushed my head under the spray, enjoying the feel of the water washing over me. A song flittered through me, a smile creeping over my lips as it filled me with warmth.
Pulling my head back, I turned to face the shower head and stopped.
A voice filled the space before I could, rounding over the melody of “Let's Call The Whole Thing Off.”
It was him.
His smooth voice was punching out a song that always made me smile. Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald sang the perfect version of it, teasing each other for liking different things, but knowing at the end of the day, in spite of their differences, they couldn’t live without each other.
I touched the wall, feeling his words run through me, loving the way they pressed against my skin and filled me with such deep longing. Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the cool tiles and listened.
I wanted to join him. Open my mouth and relish the sound of our voices blending together…but I knew I shouldn’t.
He was getting to my favorite part of the song. I loved the way the tune jumped and Ella always nailed it, her sweet voice gifting the song a cheerful beauty.
He sang the line of doubt...questioning what would happen if things were called off, and I responded before I could stop myself, knowing the truth. If things ended now, it would break my heart, just like the song implied.
I heard his shower flick off. The air went still around me. Was he leaving?
Probably. Last time, I'd told him a big fat no and just walked away when he was still calling out to me.
I deserved nothing less.
Pressing my fingers into the tiles, I tried to ward off the tears, but they didn't have time to fall, because he kept singing. A smile spread across my lips, my insides bursting as he sang the lines, and then I joined him.
There would be no calling off tonight.
He cut the final, long note short and cleared his throat. “Stay there. I'm coming to you.”
I flicked off my shower, breaths punching out of me. I knew I should have been calling out and telling him no, but I couldn't. I wanted to see him. I wanted to look into his eyes and know.
I had to put a face to the voice.
Biting my bottom lip, I reached for my towel and wove it around me, not bothering to dry off.
What would happen when we saw each other?
Would he be handsome?
Was he tall, fat, short, skinny? What color was his skin? Did he have brown eyes, blue, green?
Was his hair long?
I bunched my shaking fingers into fists and pulled back the curtain.
The door squeaked open and I held my breath, stepping out of the cubicle.
My insides froze as I caught sight of him, hope sinking through my body and puddling on the floor at my feet.
“Oh, no,” I whispered, tears instantly lining my lashes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
COLE
My mouth dropped open, my eyes transfixed on the exquisite form in front of me.
“Ella.” The word came out as a breath. I was too astonished to make another sound.
It couldn't...but it made so much sense.
The pull that I’d felt for her, the way she affected me.
My songbird was the girl I’d been craving.
I smiled. “I can't believe it's you.”
She shook her head, a tear escaping.
I stepped toward her, wanting to brush it away. Actually wanting to do a hell of a lot more than that. She stood there in nothing but a towel and my insides were going crazy. Her wet hair, long and straight, caressed the top of her breasts. I wanted to reach out and gather her in my arms, but she raised her hand and moved away from me.
“Don't. It can't be you.” She sounded broken, as if this was the worst thing that could have ever happened to her.
It hurt, like a sledgehammer through my chest.
“Why'd you never tell me you could sing?”
“Ditto.” She pointed at me.
I grinned and nodded my head, holding the towel around my waist. If it fell, she'd get a glimpse of exactly what I was feeling, and I had a sneaking suspicion that wouldn't fly.
Thankfully she was gazing at my face, staring into my eyes with an agony that was breaking my heart.
“What are we supposed to do now?”
She let out a splintered laugh. “There's nothing we can do. We just have to pretend like this never happened.”
“I can't do that.”
“He's your roommate. Your best friend. We don't have a choice, Cole.” She clutched the towel, her delicate knuckles turning white. “No one can know about this.”
I wanted to reason with her, talk sense, but she was right. This was a catch-22 neither of us were prepared for.
Rock, meet hard place.
I closed my eyes with a grimace. “No one will,” I finally muttered.
My heart was crushed beneath those words. It didn't help that when I opened my eyes, her face bunched with tears. She was as devastated. That should have been some kind of comfort, but it wasn't.
I couldn't look at her as she grabbed her stuff and fled the room. I was too shell-shocked to follow her. All I knew was that those heartbroken sniffs as she ran away from me would be the only music I’d hear tonight.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
ELLA
Professor Mishan's voice washed over me as I sat in class.
My pen whirled over my paper, curving around a large C before circling the o beside it. A second later it was looping up for an l and then swirling around an e.
Cole.
The name stared up at me...a taunting reminder of what I couldn't have.
I scribbled it out and tried to focus back on the professor's words, but I couldn't. All I could see was Cole's half-naked body standing in front of me. I was right; he was Superman.
His chest was broad and perfect, the curve of his muscles turning my legs to jelly. My blood had run hot as I watched him clutch his towel, trying to hold it in place and hide his erection. It hadn't worked.
Man, he'd wanted me. Big time.
If I'd lost control like I'd wanted to, I would have had him there on the cool bathroom floor.
My cheeks grew hot and I rubbed my mouth, squirming in my seat to eradicate the tingles firing between my legs.
It felt like cheating. I know I hadn't done anything, but my mind had made love to Cole in so many ways since that night, and I couldn't seem to make it stop.
It'd been over a week since I'd seen him standing in the girl's bathroom, and the images were still crystal clear. I'd rushed back to my room, thrown myself onto the bed and cried like a baby.
Cole.
Why did it have to be Cole?
It made sense in some ways. We seemed drawn to each other, magic and passion. It was an addictive mix, and I wanted a taste of it so bad. Not just a taste. I wanted to swim in an ocean of it.
The last ten days had been hideous.
I'd been in major avoidance mode, trying to make sure I didn't bump into him. I'd stopped singing in the shower and started spen
ding more and more time with Morgan, who had broken up with Brad and was feeling just as miserable as I was. She said they were going to remain friends, but I had a feeling it was pretty awkward and difficult right now. I think she was appreciating the company.
I hadn't seen Cole in six days. The last time had been uber-uncomfortable. David sat between us at the basketball game, and he would have been completely numb not to feel the tense vibes circling around him. When he'd asked me about it, I'd just said he was imagining things and then blamed my period when I declined his invitation to spend the night.
After lying straight to his face, twice, I'd gone into turtle mode; that was what my dad used to call it.
“Watch out,” he'd say, “Ella's in turtle mode again.”
It was my way of dealing with things. When something got on top of me, I found it easier to just close off the world, hide inside my shell and keep my lips sealed. I'm sure Mom and Dad used to bet on who could get me to open up first. They had their different prying techniques, and one of them would always break me.
That was now Morgan's job, but like hell I’d let her in on this.
She knew something was up. I knew she'd start working me soon, getting under my skin with her little comments. I remained her grace period for now, but the expiration date loomed near.
Cole had popped around twice this week. The first time, he'd made the mistake of identifying himself. I'd jumped back from the door and crept to my room, hoping he would think I wasn't there. After five minutes he gave up. It was a double-edged sword of disappointment and relief that tore through me as I listened to him walk away.
The second time, Morgan had answered the door, and I hadn't been there. He'd kept his mouth shut about why he wanted to chat to me, and when Morgan asked me about it, I hedged big time, which was why I knew she was getting ready to yank my head out of my shell and make me talk.
She said she wanted a girls' night this weekend, and I had no choice but to agree. I was sort of dreading it, but maybe it would be a relief to get it all off my chest.
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