‘I know that, darling, but you don’t have to find someone one hundred percent perfect. People are flawed, but the right one, the girls will love anyway.’
‘Hmm,’ I muse, already deciding to ignore her advice. She lucked out with getting the perfect nanny for me. I doubt much thought went into it at all.
There’s no time for flawed people helping to raise my children. They deserve the very best, especially with the bad hand they’ve been dealt.
‘Just promise me you’ll try, darling?’
I look up to see her eyebrows raised in such hope. She’s always been an optimist.
‘Fine,’ I huff. ‘I’ll try.’
Chapter 8
Barclay
I let myself in at 7pm. I’d hoped to be home sooner so I could tell Jessica how proud of her I am today but work just got away with me. With it being Christmas every single company on our books is having at least one Christmas event and each thinks they’re more important than the other.
I notice the quietness of the house immediately. Where are the girls?
I run into the kitchen where Marge is covering four plates of dinner in tin foil.
‘Where are the girls?’ I ask her, already feeling frantic. They’re always here when I get home.
‘I was hoping you’d tell me, Mr Rothchester, she says, her jaw tense. ‘I’ve called and left several messages asking them what time they’d be back for dinner, but I’ve heard nothing.’
Shit. Where the hell are they?
I pull my phone out and call Ruby’s number. No answer. For fucks sakes, Ruby. My biggest bug bear is people not answering their phones. I call Mrs Dumfy next.
‘Have you seen the girls?’ I ask, before she’s even finished saying hello.
‘No, Barclay.’ I hear her moving around. ‘They’re not back yet? That does seem late for them.’
‘Doesn’t it just,’ I grunt. ‘I’m sick of Ruby not sticking to the rules. Now I have no idea where my children are at this time of night.’
‘I’ll keep trying to call her myself,’ she tries to reassure. ‘But I really wouldn’t worry.’
‘Ok thanks.’ I’m about to hang up when I remember my mum. ‘Oh, you didn’t tell my mother anything did you?’
‘Like what?’ she asks, sounding like she doesn’t know anything.
‘Oh, nothing.’ I hang up. I don’t want her knowing I’ve fired her this early on and have all of them judging me and calling me unreasonable.
I start pacing in the hallway, watching every second on the clock. It’s getting to the point now where I think I’m going to have to call the police. Get a search party going. For all I know Ruby is a complete unhinged nutcase and me firing her has sent her over the edge. She could have thrown them in the Thames just to spite me for all I know.
That’s it. I’m calling them.
Ruby
We had the most amazing afternoon eating beautiful glazed doughnuts from Hole of Glory. A bit inappropriately named if you ask me, but they’ve decorated it so beautifully for Christmas. It’s got so many Christmas lights and so much fake snow it’s like a Santa’s grotto.
The girls loved it and they even got to decorate their own babychinos. They of course chose not only just marshmallows, but also whipped cream, chocolate sauce, smarties and chocolate chips.
I tried to encourage them away from the smarties, but hey, it was a celebration! We had so much fun, with Jessica chatting about her classmates. It was nice to finally put faces to the names. We talked about how Fenston has a crush on Figgy, but how she likes Titus. How Wigbert picks his nose and eats it and how Tansy likes to dress up as boys. Honestly, some of the names are ridiculous. I was half expecting her to mention an apple or netarine.
Even the walk home feels beautiful with all of the houses lit up with fairy lights in the darkness. It would be easy to mistake it for midnight instead of quarter to eight. The girls are giddy at having been spoilt and out so late; their cheeks rosy from the cold.
A quick bath, story and bed for these two, I think.
‘One more time,’ Jessica begs, pulling on my arm.
I roll my eyes, but my cheeks are sore from smiling and laughing with these beautiful girls.
‘Okay,’ I relent easily. ‘See you later, alligator.’
‘In a while, crocodile,’ Jessica says back with a huge grin.
‘Bye bye, butterfly,’ Lottie sings. We both giggle.
‘Be sweet, parakeet,’ I say through a chuckle.
Jessica’s giggles are so loud we’re actually causing a public nuisance. I’m half expecting someone to turn a light on and shout out for us to shut up.
‘Give a hug, ladybug.’ She says it with so much sass that I crease up over again.
‘See you soon, racoon,’ Lottie says, clearly delighted at herself for remembering so much of it.
‘Amazing! Well done girls. Only five more verses to learn. I’m so impressed you’ve got it nailed so quickly.’
We open the door to home, but our giggles taper off as we immediately know there’s something wrong. The atmosphere seeps out. I try to ignore it for the sake of the girls, but then I hear his thudding footsteps.
‘Ruby? Is that you?’
Well, he’s finally on first name terms with me. Although I was hoping the first time he said my name it wouldn’t be with so much rage and contempt.
‘Yes, it’s us,’ I shout back, taking the girls coats off.
He skids into the main hall, his tie pulled down in that annoyingly sexy way he does.
‘Sorry, false alarm,’ he says into his phone before hanging up. ‘Where the hell have you been?’ he cries, bending down to check the girls, as if expecting them to have been damaged while in my care.
‘We went for hot chocolate and doughnuts, Daddy,’ Jessica says with a smile.
‘Just like you suggested, remember,’ I say to him, with a wink. ‘To celebrate Jessica’s success in her nativity.’
He seems to cotton on quickly, but that doesn’t stop him and his rage.
‘I assumed you wouldn’t be staying out until nearly 8pm on a school night.’ He says it like its eleven pm. ‘They’ve missed their dinner. You should have told someone.’
I sigh. No matter what I do he’ll always find a problem with it. We’re just so different.
I take a discreet deep breath to calm myself. ‘Sorry, but you said you probably wouldn’t make it home tonight anyway. I didn’t feel like we should bother rushing.’
‘Well, you should have told Marge,’ he retorts sharply. ‘And you should have answered your phone.’
I take it from my bag to see fifteen missed calls from him, seven from Marge and five from Mrs Dumfy.
I grimace. ‘Ah. It must still be on silent from the nativity. But I did message Marge and tell her we wouldn’t be back for dinner.’
I check the message, but it’s only as I go to present it to him that it suddenly gets a second tick. ‘Ah, it mustn’t have gone through.’
He bends down to the girls, ignoring me. ‘Don’t worry girls. Marge kept you some dinner.’
‘We’re full of doughnuts,’ Lottie says with a grin. ‘And smarties.’
Oh God, way to rat me out Lottie.
His nostrils flare as he sucks in an angered breath. ‘How on earth is filling them up on sugar before bed time a good idea?’
God, was this guy ever a kid?
I shrug. ‘Sometimes you just have to throw out the rule book.’
His eyes shoot daggers at me as if I just told him we snorted some cocaine.
‘I want to be informed of any changes to their routines. Understood?’
I salute him again. ‘Yes, sir,’ I say sarcastically.
He falls to his knees to talk to the girls. ‘Did you have a good time?’ he asks, a tiny bit cheerier.
‘The best time, Daddy!’ Jessica babbles; filling him in on all our silly adventure.
‘And you’re sure you’re not hungry for dinner?’ he presses, sliding me an ev
il side eye.
‘Sleepy,’ Lottie says, rubbing her eyes.
‘Okay, well then, quick bath and bed I think.’
Just like I was going to do before he threw a tantrum. Honestly, it’s like looking after three kids.
Jessica’s eyes light up. ‘Are you giving us a bath and putting us to bed?’
His eyes look pained for a second, before he pulls it back and puts his impassive mask back on. What the hell is his deal?
‘Afraid I can’t sweetheart,’ he admits with a grimace. ‘I have to get ready for a work event. But Ruby will help you.’
My heart falls at exactly the same time as the girls do. I put on a smile and take them up to do our normal routine.
When I’m tucking Jessica in, she looks serious, her little forehead puckered with lines.
‘What’s on your mind, kitten?’
She smiles sleepily. ‘I’m not a kitten.’
I stroke her cheek. ‘I know you’re not. You don’t have any whiskers. Now, your teacher Mrs Engleton. She could be a kitty.’
She bursts out laughing. What? The woman has a ridiculous amount of facial hair!
‘But tell me, what are you worrying about?’ I smooth her blonde locks off her forehead.
She chews on her bottom lip. ‘I’m just worried Daddy is going to drive you away.’
Oh God, my heart. Little does she know he already has.
‘Do you think I look scared of that man?’ I make a funny face, which makes her giggle.
‘No, but he doesn’t like you.’ She says it so matter of factly. She doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings; she’s just being perceptive.
I scoff a laugh. ‘Well, luckily he doesn’t have to like me for me to do my job. And even luckier is that my job is to look after you beautiful girls. Can you even believe they pay me to do this?’ I cuddle her up in her duvet, kissing her cheek.
She grins. ‘Are you sure? All of the others went.’ She looks so hopeful.
‘Well, all of the others weren’t me, were they?’
I feel awful lying to her, but I can’t have her worrying about this. She’s too young for this type of responsibility.
She giggles. ‘Okay.’
‘Why don’t I teach you those last few lines of the song, to take your mind off it?’
She grins back up at me, her eyes full of excitement.
‘So, the next bits go;
“out the door, dinosaur,
take care, polar bear,
so long, king kong,
blow a kiss, goldfish,
toodle-loo, kangaroo.”
What do you think?’
She beams back at me. ‘I love it.’ But there’s something more she wants to say. I can tell by the way she’s twiddling with the leg of her teddy bear.
‘What is it, sweetheart?’
‘Well, I was wondering if you could find something for me?’ She looks down shyly at her hands.
‘Of course, honey. What?’ I’d give this girl the world if I could. I’ve already joined the bloody PTA for her. Clementine’s been sending me emails practically every twenty minutes.
‘A picture of my mummy.’
Oh, my heart. My eyes sting with the tears I want to shed for her.
‘I can’t remember what she looks like and that makes me sad. I’d like a picture of her I could put next to my bed.’
The poor little mite. I wish I could take all her heartache away and bear it as my own.
‘Of course. I’ll do my very best.’
‘Thanks. Night night, Ruby.’ She smiles dreamily.
‘Night, night, baby. Love you.’
And in that moment, I realise that I do. I do love her.
I close the door, the tears already falling silently down my cheek. I’m in big trouble.
Chapter 9
Friday 6th December
Ruby
Okay, so I need to find a picture of their mum. The next day I’m on it as soon as the girls are at school. Well, as soon as I’ve finished reading through the bloody PTA itinerary for tonight. God, if it’s any indication of how the groups going to run, I’m bloody terrified.
I’ve quizzed Marge about a photo, but she’s said she has no idea. Apparently, she was hired after she had passed. Their mum used to do all the cooking. I like her already. Every time I think of her missing out on the girl’s lives, I want to just break down and cry.
So that’s how I find myself speaking to Mrs Dumfy. I don’t know why, but I’m more uneasy asking her.
‘Why do you want it?’ she asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
‘It’s not me, it’s for Jessica.’
She sighs, checks no one is around us and pulls me to one side. ‘Mr Rothchester doesn’t like pictures of her up around the house.’
I knew it.
‘Why not?’
‘Too painful for him.’ She purses her lips. ‘Her face is a constant reminder of the life he used to have that can no longer continue. I think it breaks his heart.’
Who knew the beast has a heart after all? Mrs Dumfy seems to know him so well.
‘I can understand that, but he can’t stop his daughters, surely?’
She sighs. ‘I think he considers them better off not feeling the same sadness and loss that he has. Thinks they’d be better off to carry on without her. That they’ll be better off that way, not remembering.’
‘But that’s bloody ridiculous!’ I can’t help but shriek. These girls can’t just forget she ever existed.
She rolls her eyes in agreement. ‘You’re telling me. I’ve worked for the family for several years and it breaks my heart. Mrs Rothchester was such a loving, warm lady. I really think it’s a shame for her memory not to live on.’
I think for a second about his loss. I can’t even begin to imagine finding the love of your life only then to lose them. I saw how much it broke my mum when my dad died. She never truly recovered and if I’m honest with myself, it’s the reason I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I like to blame the job, but the truth is that handing over that kind of power to someone scares the hell out of me. The power to break me to a point of no return.
‘Okay, so tell me where her photos are, and I’ll be the one that gets in trouble. That’s if he even finds it. He spends so little time with the girls.’
‘I don’t know where the photos are,’ she admits with a sigh. ‘You could check in the storage room, but something makes me think he’d have kept it closer and safer than that.’ She winks conspiratorially, a twinkle in her eye.
‘His office!’ I run off towards it. ‘Thanks, Mrs Dumfy!’ I shout back.
I burst into his office, already wondering where I can rummage, when I realise, he’s sat behind the bloody desk.
‘Oh!’ Shit. My heart nearly leaps out and smacks him in the face.
‘Jesus, Ruby. What the hell’s wrong?’ He stands up, his eyes wide. ‘Is it the girls?’
Well, how do I style this out?
‘Oh no, I just...I wanted to know...’ Think Ruby, think. Engage your brain.
He stares at me intently. It’s making me panic more. My mind is blank.
‘If... you’re allergic to milk,’ I randomly blurt out. Milk? Is that the best you could come up with? Come on, Ruby.
His lips quirk up on the right. Is he trying to hide a smile?
‘You want to know if I’m allergic to milk?’ he repeats bemused. God, I’m an idiot. ‘Why didn’t you just ask Marge?’
‘Ah, what a good idea!’ I giggle, like a complete and utter bimbo. Way to gain his respect.
‘And dare I ask why you need to know that information?’ he questions, a rare grin spreading. ‘Not attempting to poison me, are you?’ He looks back down at his papers, but I can tell he’s entertained at the idea.
It pisses me off. Mate, if I wanted to kill you, you wouldn’t see it coming. You’d be clutching at your throat and foaming at the mouth before you even cottoned on.
‘Oh just... something me and the girls hav
e planned.’
Crap, now I have to plan something with milk. Must put that on my to do list.
‘Well, any surprise will have to wait until tomorrow. I’m out at a work event tonight.’
Ah, so his office will be empty. Nice. That’s when I’ll have a root through.
With him being out tonight it would have been perfect for me to rummage through his office, but I forgot I’ve got to be at the bloody PTA meeting at Lucinda’s house. I let the girls stay up later than normal to watch Elf and then after putting them to bed I stupidly pour myself a glass of wine and sit down. Big mistake.
I wake up to my phone alarm going off. Shit. I must have dozed off. Thank God I had the foresight to set it.
I get an uber round there, trying to make my hair more presentable in the rear view mirror. Oh well, they’re going to judge me anyway. I might as well look as much of a mess as I feel.
Lucinda’s house is just as big as Barclay’s. She opens the door clutching a huge glass of wine. More like a small vase.
‘Hi, I’m Ruby. I’m here for the PTA thing,’ I mumble, fumbling with my hands, feeling like a fool.
‘Ah, yes, the nanny.’ Ouch. ‘Come on in,’ she says, actually appearing half friendly.
I follow her down the stairs into their basement kitchen. It’s the entire floor; so bloody enormous. All chrome and black gloss. It’s not to my taste, but even I can admire it.
‘Would you like a glass of pinot?’ she offers, already going for the fridge.
‘Yes please.’ Looking around at the others who are glancing at me with distaste, it seems I’m going to need it.
That’s when I spot Juliette; the friendly mum. I didn’t know she was on the PTA. She waves over at me.
I take the glass, thank her and begrudgingly move to where the others have congregated in the sitting room area. I wave a meek hello at them.
‘Right,’ Clementine says, clapping her perfectly manicured hands together. ‘Let’s start, shall we?’
Everyone starts sitting around the enormous table and chairs. There must be fifteen women here but there’s chairs for all of us. That’s how big the room is.
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