Could I let him control everything?
Stay and take what you want. You deserve it, a selfish voice whispered inside my mind. You’ve always been kind to others, even when you were tossed aside time and time again. Take it, and never look back.
“Never look back,” I whispered.
I awoke to the sound of my bedroom door closing. I lay still as I strained my ears for the sound of someone moving around my room. When I heard nothing, I slowly pried my eyes open and glanced around. I gasped in shock as I stared around my room. Every surface and even parts of the floor were covered in roses—red roses, pink roses, yellow roses, white roses, and even multicolored roses. Everywhere I looked, there they were.
I took a deep breath, letting the floral scent invade my senses. I had no idea how I hadn’t noticed it before.
I stood slowly and looked around at dozens upon dozens of roses. “Dear Lord,” I whispered, still in shock.
I knew who they were from—Robert. He was trying to apologize for what had happened yesterday evening.
My decision to stay was the right choice. I would be a fool to leave someone who cared about me the way Robert did. Judging by the amount of flowers surrounding me, I knew he was truly sorry for overstepping his boundaries.
I walked to my dresser and pulled out sweatpants and a tank top along with a bra and underwear. I was careful not to knock any of the roses over as I crossed my room and opened the door. I headed toward the bathroom, not bothering to glance at Cooper’s door this time. No matter what he said, I wouldn’t listen to him. He had been toying with me, hoping to hurt not only me, but his father as well. It had almost worked yesterday, but I wouldn’t fall for his act again. I was going to make this life with Robert work.
After a quick shower, I headed downstairs in search of Robert. I found him sitting at the dining room table, which was covered in food—eggs, bacon, hash browns, pancakes, waffles, turkey bacon, bagels, and a few other breakfast items. He was really pulling out all the stops today.
“Claire,” he said as soon as he saw me. He stood and walked over to where I was standing. “I’m so sorry for what happened yesterday.”
I stayed silent as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight. After a moment’s hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him. He held me a few seconds longer before releasing me and stepping back.
“Please forgive me, Claire. I only want what’s best for you.” He stared down at me.
“I forgive you, Robert,” I said.
He opened his mouth to reply, but he clamped it shut as a look of disbelief covered his face. “You do?”
He’d obviously expected me to make things harder for him. I gave him a weak smile, trying to reassure not only him, but myself as well.
“I know you were only trying to help, but next time, talk to me before you pull a stunt like that.”
“I will. I promise. Did you enjoy your flowers?”
“I did. Thank you. They were lovely.”
“Not as lovely as you.” He took my hand and pulled me to the table. “I had my maid make breakfast for us. Eat whatever you want.”
We sat down, our hands still linked.
“You didn’t have to do all this, Robert.”
“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.”
“Well, I appreciate it,” I said quietly as I put some eggs and bacon on my plate.
After a few minutes of silence while we ate, Robert finally spoke, “I have some bad news.”
I swallowed my food before looking up at him. At this point, I was afraid to even ask, “What is it?”
“I was contacted about a case last night. It’s huge, and there’s no way I can pass it up.”
“Okay…” I said, still confused as to where he was going with this.
“We’re going to have to push our marriage back for a couple of weeks. I’m so sorry, Claire, but I can’t let this one go.”
I was shocked at the relief I felt at his words. I still have time. Thank you, Lord. “I understand. I want to be honest with you. I’m kind of relieved that we have to postpone things.”
“Why are you relieved?” he asked.
“Because we’re moving too fast. This will give us some time to get used to living together and being a part of each other’s daily lives.”
He seemed to consider my words. “I think you’re right. I’ve pushed you into this, haven’t I?”
I sighed. I was relieved that he’d understood what I had been trying to tell him, and he hadn’t gotten upset.
“A little bit. It’s not that I don’t care about you, Robert, because I do. It’s just that we’re moving so fast.”
He nodded. “You’re right. Sometimes, I forget to think about others. I only focus on what I want.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed it lightly. “This will be good for both of us. I can feel it.”
He smiled. “I wanted to talk to you about something else as well.”
“What is it?”
He sighed. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an ass, so I’m just going to spit it out. I want you to start sleeping in my room with me.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Oh.”
“I want you in my bed, Claire. It drives me crazy to know you’re so close, yet you’re still so very far away from me. I’ve been patient with you because I know your history, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been with anyone. I need you.”
I felt my cheeks turn red from embarrassment. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll stay with me. I promise we’ll take our time. You have nothing to fear from me.”
I couldn’t believe we were sitting here, eating breakfast, and talking about our potential sex life. I stared at Robert, debating on what to do. I was attracted to him—that much was obvious to me—but I’d never really cared about sex. My one and only time had been with a boy I dated in high school, and it was nothing to brag about.
You’re engaged to the man. Why didn’t you factor sex in, idiot?
“I’ll stay with you,” I said quietly.
He smiled. “Thank God. I wasn’t above begging.”
I closed my eyes as he leaned over and kissed me softly. I tried to lose myself in the kiss, but all I could think about was the fact that I’d just agreed to have sex with Robert. That was another huge step that I would be taking with him.
“I’ll have Ellie move your things into my room today. You don’t have to do anything.” He kissed me again before pulling away and standing. “I have to go to my office for a bit. I’ll be back later though.”
“Okay.” I watched him walk away.
I looked down at my almost full plate of food and pushed it away. I was no longer hungry. My stomach was too full of butterflies to fit any actual food in there.
I kept repeating to myself, This is my choice. I can do this. I want this. Everything will be just fine.
Despite Robert’s assurance that I wouldn’t have to help the maid move all my belongings to his room, I still felt that I should help.
I met Ellie, Robert’s maid, in the kitchen. She seemed surprised to see me there, but once we started talking, she was very friendly. She insisted that I didn’t need to help her clean up breakfast, but I ignored her as I wrapped the uneaten food and stuck it in the fridge.
Ellie was older, probably in her early sixties. She was tiny, even compared to me. I doubted if she was five feet. Her gray hair was cut short, the way most older women wore it. Everything about her screamed dainty and fragile.
Once breakfast was put away and the dishwasher was running, we headed up to my room to start moving all my belongings to Robert’s room. After several trips back and forth, we had most of my clothes in his closet. The rest would have to stay in my room since his closet was now full. It felt strange to see my clothes next to his. It made everything more real to me.
After Ellie and I finished moving my things, I followed her around the house as she cleaned and did laundry. The only t
ime I didn’t follow her was when she had to go into Cooper’s room. I hadn’t seen him yet today, and I hoped I wouldn’t.
Ellie chatted about her grandkids as she worked, and she even showed me pictures of them. She had two, Emily and Evan, who were five-year-old twins. They were the cutest kids I’d ever seen. Both had bright red hair and a face full of freckles. Ellie told me that they spent every weekend with her. I laughed when she said she always filled them with candy on Sunday before sending them back to their parents.
I was sad when it was time for Ellie to leave. It had been nice to have someone to talk to in the house. I also liked the fact that Ellie hadn’t made a single comment about the fact that I was moving into Robert’s room. She obviously knew I was his girlfriend, but she’d kept her thoughts to herself. I appreciated that more than she could know. It had seemed like everyone had an opinion when it came to my relationship with him, and it was refreshing to hear nothing.
After Ellie left, I spent the rest of my day reading by the pool. I had to admit, having an e-reader was probably the coolest thing ever. I had millions of books right at my fingertips. Once the sun started to set, I put my e-reader down and closed my eyes.
It seemed like just minutes had passed when I felt someone gently pushing on my shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly to see Robert standing beside me.
I gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I guess I fell asleep.”
“It’s okay. I got home a few minutes ago. I couldn’t find you, so I figured you were out here.”
I sat up and stretched. “Did you have a good day at work?”
He nodded. “A very good day. The case I mentioned is going to require a lot of work, but I have no doubt that I can win it.”
“What kind of case is it?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s get you inside.”
I frowned as I stood up. Robert never gave me much information on any of his cases. He would mention them briefly, but when I asked for more, he’d brush me off. I knew he couldn’t tell me a lot about them, but he could tell me something, anything. I wanted to be a part of his life, and that included his job. I felt as if he thought I wasn’t capable of having a serious conversation about his work, or maybe he thought I wouldn’t be able to grasp it. That thought hurt more than I’d expected.
“I meant to tell you earlier that we’re going to a function tomorrow night.” Robert took my hand and led me inside.
“What kind of function?” I asked.
“Every few months, some of the lawyers in town get together. Last time, I held the party here, but my friend and colleague, Brad, is throwing it this time. It’s formal. You should be able to find something nice to wear.”
I couldn’t help but feel nervous over the fact that I would be meeting his colleagues. “Why do I need to go?”
He looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Why wouldn’t you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just that you’ve never really brought me to anything like this before.”
“We weren’t engaged before. It’s time my colleagues finally meet my future wife. I won’t lie. I can’t wait to show you off,” he said as we climbed the stairs and turned toward his room.
I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at his words. He was proud of me, and he wanted his friends to meet me. I forced my nerves away. I knew that I’d have to meet them eventually, so I might as well get it over with before we were married.
“Do you think they’ll like me?” I asked.
“I have no doubt that they will. I’m sure they’ll be shocked to learn that I’m engaged, but once they talk to you, they’ll understand why I love you so much.”
I smiled as we walked into his room. “You know, you can be sweet when you want to be.”
He closed the door behind us and turned to me. Before I could blink, he had me pressed up against the wall.
“Is that so?” he asked quietly.
My nerves returned instantly, but it was for a whole new reason. His body pressed into mine, and I felt his erection against my thigh. He was already turned-on, and we’d just walked in. I had no doubt about where this night would lead.
“Yes,” I whispered.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. “I’ve pictured you in my bed all day, Claire.”
I gazed up at him, my stomach in knots. “Is that so?”
“Definitely. I know you’re nervous, but I promise you’ll enjoy yourself.”
He leaned down and kissed me again as his hand slid under my shirt. I shuddered as desire began to build inside me. God, I was so scared, but I wanted him, too. I wanted to feel loved, and I knew he’d take care of me.
Slowly, I pulled his shirt out of his pants and started unbuttoning it. Once the last button was undone, I slid it off of his shoulders and ran my hands down his bare chest. He moaned into my mouth as he pressed his hips against mine.
“I love your hands on me,” he whispered after he broke our kiss.
He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and tugged it over my head. Next, he pulled the string on my pants and shoved them down my hips. He stepped away so that I could kick them off.
He picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He laid me down on top of the covers and stared down at me. I had the sudden urge to cover myself, but I refrained. He smiled as he undid his belt and then the button on his pants. I watched as he took them off and climbed into bed.
His body looked just as amazing as I had expected. I only had a second to glance at it before he leaned down and kissed me, but it was enough time to know just how lucky I was. He continued to kiss me for a few minutes before pulling away again.
“Are you on birth control?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, I haven’t…done this in a really long time.”
“It’s okay. I’ll call the doctor tomorrow and set up an appointment for you. Until then, we’ll use protection.”
He leaned over and opened a drawer in his nightstand. He pulled a condom out before closing the drawer. I watched with rapt attention as he stood and removed his boxers. I bit my lip as I stared at his cock. The one and only time I’d had sex, it had been in the dark. I blushed as I realized I’d never seen one before. God, I was so innocent compared to him. He’d spent years with his wife. How could I compare to her?
No, don’t think about her, I chastised myself. You can’t compare yourself to her. What they had was special, but she’s gone now, and he wants you.
He climbed back into bed and lifted me so that he could unsnap my bra. Once it was free, he pulled it off and tossed it onto the floor. He stared at my breasts with an animalistic desire in his eyes. His gaze slowly traveled down my body to my underwear. He reached down and tugged on them. I raised my hips, and his fingers slipped them down my legs before I kicked them off. We stared at each other, both of us completely naked. I’d never felt so vulnerable in my life. Robert was finally seeing me like this.
“God, Claire, you’re perfect,” he whispered. He slid his hand up my stomach until he was cupping one of my breasts. “So beautiful.”
My breath hitched as he pinched my nipple between his finger and thumb. Tingles shot through my body, all of them landing in one spot. I rubbed my legs together as my core began to ache.
Robert released my breast, and he ripped the package open before rolling the condom on. I watched in fascination. Once it was on, his body covered mine, and he kissed me deeply. For the first time, I felt something from his kiss. That feeling alone brought me so much joy that I was momentarily stunned.
I was brought out of my stupor when Robert thrust into me. I cried out in shock and pain as my body tried to adjust to his size.
“God, you’re so tight.” Robert pulled out and then began thrusting into me.
I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to fade. Finally, it did, and I was able to move with him. My hips rose to meet his, and I felt my body building with pleasure. I gripped his shoulders as his thrusts became harder and more erratic.
Suddenly, he shouted incoherently as he released into me. I expected him to continue pumping into me, so I could find my own release, but he stopped and dropped his head onto my shoulder.
“That was incredible, Claire,” he said once his breathing had returned to normal.
“Yeah, incredible,” I said.
He pulled out and stood. I watched as he removed the condom and tossed it into the trash. He scooted me over and pulled the sheets down on his side of the bed.
After he climbed in, he turned to me and smiled. “Good night, Claire.”
“Good night,” I whispered as I watched him close his eyes.
He was asleep within minutes. Once I was sure he was asleep, I stood and redressed before pulling the sheets down and climbing in next to him.
I stared up at the ceiling, knowing that sleep was nowhere to be found for me. My body was still trying to understand what had just happened, and my mind was going in twenty different directions.
What just happened? I expected…more from sex.
I’d thought it would be different this time. I’d thought I would enjoy it. In high school, I’d heard so many girls talk about sex, telling each other how amazing it was.
Maybe I had expected too much, or maybe I was broken.
That has to be it. Great, my vagina is broken. I snorted out loud at the thought alone.
Finally, I drifted off to sleep, my dreams filled with broken vaginas. Awesome.
When I woke up the next morning, Robert was gone. In his place was a note, letting me know that I needed to be ready for the party at five. He’d had to go to work, but he would pick me up tonight.
I climbed out of bed, feeling sore between my legs. I frowned as I walked to the dresser and opened the one drawer I had. I pulled out a pair of black shorts, a tank top, and underwear. I opened the door and walked across the hall to the bathroom. After a quick shower, I made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat.
I was surprised when I saw Cooper sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal. He normally didn’t show his face around the house—at least not when I was around. He looked up when I entered and gave me a smirk. I ignored him as I walked to the pantry and pulled out a box of cereal. I grabbed a bowl and a spoon before walking to the fridge to get a carton of milk.
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