Reach for Heaven

by Marie Higgins

  Sliding her arms around his waist, she pressed closer to him. She didn’t know what had taken over her body and mind, and right now she didn’t care. She enjoyed kissing him this way no matter what strenuous efforts it took to push away the guilt.

  Her heart knocked crazily against the wall of her chest, the sound echoing in her ears. In fact, it sounded like heavy footsteps in the kitchen...

  Clint is home!

  She quickly pulled away, breathlessly. “Gage. It’s Clint.”

  “Clint?” he asked, dazed.

  “Yes, your friend.”

  Clint’s voice boomed through the house, startling Adella to her senses.

  “Gage? Are you here?” Clint called.

  Groaning, Gage fell back on the bed, flinging his arm over his eyes. “Yes, I’m in the bedroom.”

  Adella stood and quickly ran her shaky hands over her dress, then over her hair, patting it in place. She hustled out of the bedroom and met Clint just outside the room. His eyes widened.

  “What’s goin’ on here?” he asked warily.

  She swung her arm toward Gage. “I don’t know how he did it, but he got himself stinking drunk. Can you believe that? He was walking into walls and embarrassing himself, so I took it upon myself to help him home.” She tried to calm her hurried speech. “I would have come to get you, but he didn’t want any help.”

  Clint’s gaze moved over to the bed then back to Adella. Her cheeks burned hot as coals, and she hoped he didn’t notice when she bit her swollen lips.

  Clint smiled sheepishly. “Gage? Did ya drink Hires’ root beer?”

  “Yes,” Gage called from the bedroom.

  Chuckling, Clint shook his head. “Jed Hanson had laced it with liquor. No wonder you’re drunk.” He gave Adella a wink. “I’ll take care of him now. Do you need a ride home?”

  “I’ll just borrow the wagon, if you don’t mind.”

  “That’ll be fine.” He walked her to the door.

  “He’ll have a tremendous hangover in the morning, I’m afraid.”

  He nodded. “I’m sure he will.”

  “Good night, Clint.”

  “’Night, Adella.”

  She stepped out and he closed the door. By Clint’s mischievous grin, she surmised he’d guessed what was happening before he entered the cabin, but she hoped she was wrong this time.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The early morning sun peeked over the hills and shone into Adella’s bedroom window, waking her from a most refreshing sleep. Stretching, she yawned then turned and slid her feet out of the bed onto the wooden floor. She hurried to the closet and pushed through the gowns hanging on the rod, contemplating what to wear for the day. Her hand brushed across the dress she wore last evening, and she paused. Gage.

  She really shouldn’t have touched his bare chest and kissed him so passionately. Never would she forget the way her body had tingled, but guilt overrode her excitement and her heart grew heavy. Violet would never forgive her. Adella didn’t think her cousin would understand that Gage was on her mind constantly.

  Yet, did Gage have the same disturbing feelings? Could he be thinking of her this very moment as she thought about him?

  She slid a yellow dress over her head and arranged it around her body. She glanced in the mirror as she fastened the buttons, and liked the way the bright sunflower material lit up the auburn highlights in her hair. She brushed out the night’s tangles in her hair and pulled it away from her face with a matching ribbon.

  Unable to control the giddy feeling from last night’s kiss, and especially, Gage’s confession, she smiled wide. He had enjoyed her touch, and she knew he enjoyed kissing her.

  The happiness in her heart was ready to burst, and she wanted desperately to tell someone. Unfortunately, nobody here would understand. Times like this she needed her sister. Both of them, actually.

  She glanced at the small desk in the room. Paper and writing utensils were stacked neatly in the corner. Perhaps it was time to write a letter to her sisters and explain why she’d come here. She really did want Lydia and Charity with her, but until the Buchanan Gang was captured, her sisters were better off staying in Lewiston.

  After sitting behind the desk, she prepared a paper and ink pen. Once she started writing, the words poured from her mind. She apologized to her sisters for the lie she’d told them, and proceeded to explain where she really was—and more importantly the real reason she was here. She warned her sisters to stay in Lewiston until the Buchanan Gang was captured...which hopefully would be soon since Clint and Gage and other lawmen were hot on their trail. Adella ended the letter by telling Lydia and Charity how much she missed them and how badly she wanted to talk to them about the man Adella couldn’t stop thinking about.

  As she folded the letter and placed it in the envelope, she prayed her sisters would understand and not hate her.

  She hurried downstairs and out the front door, heading toward the post office. Nodding at people on the street as she passed, she hurried toward the building. She tried not to be obvious in her pursuit of scanning the street, but she did want to see Gage. Thinking about last night and how much root beer he’d consumed—without knowing it was laced with alcohol—had her chuckling. Indeed, that man would have a headache this morning.

  After dropping off her letter at the Post Office, she stepped outside the building. Immediately, her gaze fell on a man in a wheelchair. Uncle Marvin...and the man that stood beside him. Clint. Violet stood behind the wheelchair, pushing her father while he and Clint conversed.

  Taking a deep breath, Adella squared her shoulders and headed for the three, mainly keeping her eyes on Clint. She didn’t have to ask him what he was thinking last night when he came home. She knew! Question was, would he say anything to her or her uncle and cousin? When Clint noticed her, his smile widened and his eyes twinkled. She almost turned and headed in a different direction.

  “Oh, there’s my sweet niece,” Marvin said. “I wondered where you were hiding this morning since you didn’t come down for breakfast.”

  She leaned down to give her uncle a hug. “I was in my room writing a letter to my sisters.” She stood and motioned to the building behind her. “And I just mailed it.”

  “That’s good, my dear.”

  She switched her gaze to Clint. “How are you today?”

  His smile broadened. “I awoke with a small headache due to last evenin’s memorable activities. But I found rememberin’ them makes my day brighter.”

  Adella’s cheeks grew warm, and she silently cursed him for saying it that way. “I agree. I had a grand time yesterday and especially at the barn dance.”

  “Yes, you were quite the belle of the ball, weren’t you?” Clint winked.

  “Indeed, she was.” Violet nodded eagerly. “There were several men asking me about my cousin last night.”

  “Is this true?” Marvin asked, his eyes growing wide. “Will our little Adella finally get herself a beau?”

  There was no stopping the full-fledged blush covering her face now. Inwardly, she groaned. “Uncle Marvin, really! I’m not ready for a beau.”

  “And why not?” Marvin shrugged. “You are the right age. What is so bad about wanting to court? The men in Bonner County are fine men, indeed.” He patted his daughter’s hand. “True, Violet probably got the best out of all of them, but there are still others who I will approve of.”

  “Pa, please...” Violet’s face reddened, as well.

  “Gage Grayson is a good man, and I’d feel mighty proud to have him as a son-in-law.” Marvin moved his focus back to Adella. “And one day you’ll find a man just like him.”

  Adella couldn’t have replied if she’d wanted to. Her constricted throat and achy heart threatened the cry of anguish already gathering on her tongue. She nodded and gave him her best smile. How could she entertain the idea of Gage loving her when it was obvious Uncle Marvin wanted Gage to marry Violet?

  The realization sank deep within the pit of her stomach a
s dread washed over her. It didn’t matter how she felt about Gage, he must marry Violet. Gage wouldn’t be able to tell Uncle Marvin the truth now, especially in his condition.

  She quickly excused herself from the conversation and headed back to the house. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them away. No matter what happened, she must stay strong—at least while staying in Bonner County. Although she should be heading back to Lewiston, she wondered if she was just trying to run away. It would be easier to get Gage out of her mind if she didn’t have to see him every day.

  Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to rest until the Buchanan Gang was captured. Decision in mind, she would remain here and just try her hardest to stay far away from Gage.

  The rest of the day passed slowly. She helped her aunt as much as she could around the house, and even assisted in preparing the evening meal. The family didn’t notice how unhappy she was, only because she tried her best to hide it. There was no other way. She couldn’t let them know how her heart was breaking.

  Feeling as if she also needed solitude, Adella decided to go to the livery stable. She walked slowly to the stable, and once inside with the animals, comfort settled in her chest. This would always be her haven. She smiled and patted Junior’s nose. No matter what her problem, she could always come here and find peace and solace. Just like now. Junior had been bedded for the night, but she still picked up a brush and stroked his mane.

  She smiled. “Hello, handsome.” He whinnied and she chuckled.

  “You look so much like Buck. No wonder you’re my favorite.” She leaned forward and nuzzled the side of his head.

  A rustling noise came from behind her as someone cleared their throat. “I wish you’d be as sweet to me as you are to that horse, Adella.” Gage’s voice purred in the quietness of the barn.

  Letting out a gasp, she swung around and faced him, her hand flying to her chest. “Land sakes, Gage.” Her heart jumped. “Why in the blazes do you insist on sneaking up and scaring me all the time?”

  “I didn’t think I was sneaking. A corpse could have heard me coming.” He nodded toward the horse. “Even Junior heard me, so why couldn’t you?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I was in deep thought.”

  “About what?”

  She chuckled, although humor was the farthest thing from her mind. “Now that, Mr. Grayson, is a good question, but one I’d rather not answer.” She turned back to the horse and stroked his nose.

  He stepped closer and touched her arm. “There must be a lot on your mind. Care to talk about it, my darling Ella?”

  Her heart lodged in her throat again, as his touch shot waves of pleasure throughout every part of her body. She cursed her weakness, reminding herself that Uncle Marvin wanted Gage to marry Violet. There was nothing Adella would do to stop it. Making her uncle happy was what matters the most.

  “No, I’m fine.” She stepped back and broke the contact. “How are you?” She managed a teasing grin. “Did you have a splitting headache this morning?”

  “Yes.” He leaned back against the stall and stuffed his hands in his pant pockets. “I can’t believe I didn’t know alcohol was in the root beer.”

  She shrugged. “Well, if you’re not used to drinking alcohol, how would you know?”

  “Good point.” He paused, as his gaze swept over her. “I want to thank you for bringing me home last night. I really don’t know how you did it.”

  “You can’t remember helping me? I was ordering you around like a commanding officer.”

  “I don’t remember much...except after we reached the house.” He heaved a sigh. “I do recall being upset at the barn dance though, which led me to drink more root beer.”

  She glanced over her shoulder and met his stare. “You told me you were jealous of all the boys I danced with, especially Clint.”

  “Clint isn’t a boy, Adella. There’s a difference between boys and men, which I’m certain you’ve already discovered.”

  Heat scalded her cheeks and she quickly faced the horse again, continuing to pet his nose. The hay underneath Gage’s boots crunched as he stepped closer. She knew when he stood close to her because the heat from his body radiated and stroked her skin. The musky cedar scent he wore nearly made her knees buckle. She fought the urge to turn and press herself against him and get swallowed by his comforting embrace.

  “You shouldn’t be jealous,” she said softly. “Not of Clint. You shouldn’t feel this way toward me, either.”

  “I thought I explained things last night. My mind was a little fuzzy, but I’m quite sure I expressed my feelings.” His fingers took a lock of her hair and caressed it. “The imprint of your hand on my chest still tingles, and whenever I think about the kiss we shared, butterflies dance in my stomach. I’ve been waiting all day to come see you, but I had a meeting with a man who might help me finance my cattle ranch.”

  She turned her head and looked at him. “That’s good. I know how badly you wanted this.”

  “I do.” He caressed her cheek. “But lately I’ve found something I want more.”

  Confusion made her mind swim, and she wanted to cry and kiss him at the same time. She’d do neither.

  Leaning her face against Buck’s neck, she sighed heavily. “Oh, Gage. What are we going to do?”

  “What do you mean, my darling?”

  She spun around. “Quit calling me that. I can never be your darling.”

  His arms circled her waist and heat surrounded her again. Her thoughts scattered. “I can’t help what I feel, because yes, Adella, you are my darling.”

  “But...but Uncle Marvin wants you to be Violet’s darling.” Her voice choked. “It’s what he wants, and I cannot take it away from him, especially now.”

  Gage released a heavy sigh and rested his chin on her head. His hands moved across her back in small circles. “I’m torn, Adella. I don’t want to disappoint your uncle, but at the same time, I can’t live a lie.” He withdrew and looked down into her eyes. “Do you remember last night when you told me to let Violet go so I could make her happy?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you still feel that way?”

  She nodded again.

  “So do I.”

  Her brows lifted. “Are you going to break off your engagement?”

  “Fact of the matter is, it’s already been done.”

  Her jaw dropped. “Really? What did Violet say?”

  “She agreed with me. She only loves me like a brother. I finally realized the mistake I made in asking her to marry me. We don’t love each other the way two people getting married should. I love her, but I’ve never desired her. She’s always been a really good friend.”

  “You know the difference?”

  He grinned. “Yes. Don’t you?”

  “Maybe,” she whispered.

  He tightened his hold and pulled her up against him. She liked the feel of his strong arms around her. It made her feel safe. Comforted. Protected. Loved.

  She peered into his eyes, wanting to give into passion, but not daring. There was still Uncle Marvin’s wish to consider, but the more she stared into Gage’s hazel eyes, the more she became drawn to him. She dropped her gaze to his mouth, remembering how exciting it was to kiss him last night. Although she shouldn’t, she couldn’t help but want to feel his heady kiss one last time.

  As if reading her mind, he lowered his mouth to hers, brushing his lips back and forth with hers. The kiss was soft and meaningful. She responded, answering him back. Pleasure spread through her just as it had last night...but then so did guilt. Unfortunately, guilt’s emotion was stronger and she turned her face away. His lips caressed her cheek.

  “Gage? Please don’t do this. You make it so hard to refuse.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “I have to.”

  “No you don’t.”

  “Yes. It’s Uncle Marvin’s wish that you marry Violet.”

  “I don’t want to marry Violet and she doesn’t want to marry me. Your unc
le will understand.”

  His lips trailed down her neck, leaving feathery soft kisses on her skin. Could passion really be this wonderful? Turmoil and confusion amid pleasurable tingles clouded her thoughts. Yet, she wanted him. She wanted what every girl her age wanted. If he kept kissing her this way, she’d want more...much more.

  “Gage, we shouldn’t be doing this. It’s wrong.”

  “No.” He nibbled on her neck. “It’s not wrong. Not this. Not us.” He captured her mouth again in an aggressive kiss.

  The energy flowing through her left her breathless, but she couldn’t allow him to continue and broke the kiss. “Gage? If we keep doing this, it will lead...to more.”

  “I know.” He nuzzled her ear.

  “And this is what you want?”

  He lifted his head and met her stare. “Yes. Isn’t this what you want?”

  “I—I don’t know.” She heaved a sigh. “If this is what we both want, are you...um, well, are you going to do the right thing by me?” She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t even believe she thought it.

  His brows drew together. “What?”

  “I think you know that I’m not that kind of girl. I can’t do this without...”

  He stared at her face for a moment before his forehead creased and eyes narrowed. “Are you talking about marriage?”

  She hesitated, wondering if that was really what she wanted. After all, they have always argued. They have competed with each other since they first met. He’d angered her since their first meeting. But...he’d also been the only man to make her dream silly fantasies of love and marriage. “Yes.” She didn’t retract the words after they left her mouth, but as mixed emotions crossed his face, she wished she’d never said it.

  He pulled away. Confusion marred his expression. “You want me to marry you?”

  Pain like no other she’d felt before ripped through her heart at the awkward tone of his voice...from his clear refusal. “Wrong answer.” She folded her arms and took fast breaths to keep from crying. “Mr. Grayson, you’re the most ignorant man on earth, and I hope you live a lonely life.”