by Carol Queen
Now who am I? Am I that woman who ignited when strangers stared at her? Or have these years away from the game caused the lushly- felt rush of adrenaline to dry to a trickle? Is my buzz too depleted to catch?
The only way I can find out, I think, is to lay myself out in front of eyes. That’s my flirtation with death, the way I win another lease on life, another rush. And really the only set of eyes that interest me now are yours. I’m not sure whether either one of us has to take this too seriously; I’m not sure whether I take it more or less seriously than I did when I was in my 20s and thought the person making my blood zip was the only person worth impressing. I think it doesn’t matter, in the end, whether this is a crush or the needle on my compass finally, finally moving.
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Starting Your Own Erotic Reading Circle
Jen Cross
The Erotic Reading Circle was developed in the early days of Good Vibrations in San Francisco before being taken on by the Center for Sex & Culture, where it is facilitated by CSC founder Dr. Carol Queen and Jennifer Cross (founder of Writing Ourselves Whole).
If you wish you had an Erotic Reading Circle in your area, the easiest way to get one might be to form one yourself. To aid you in that endeavor, we’ve put together this list of considerations for the care and feeding of a healthy Erotic Reading Circle:
• The Circle should be a place where all kinds of erotic writing are received with the same energy and celebration. People can read anything they like, their own work or someone else’s. “Non- judgmental listening is guaranteed” means people will be asked to not speak hostilely or negatively of anyone’s work—we practice giving a wide range of feedback without shaming or cutting anyone’s work down.
• At the beginning of the meeting, we give a brief introduction and welcome to the Circle, state our intentions for the space and our time limits on readings. Then we go around the circle and introduce ourselves. This is how we do introductions at the Erotic Reading Circle in San Francisco: we say our name (sometimes folks give a pseudonym for the night), say the town/neighborhood where we woke up, say what our preferred pronoun is, and then respond to some sort of ice breaker—like a favorite dirty word, a favorite erotic writer, or a favorite piece of erotic writing. (Why do we ask about preferred pronouns? Our San Francisco Circle meets in a community that is fairly queer and genderfluid, so we ask for folks to give a third person pronoun that is right for them, so that we don’t make any assumptions about a writer’s gender identity. Common third-person pronouns include he, she, they, and sie or ze.)
• We ask for about a 10-minute time limit on readings, so that as many folks can read as possible—a 20-minute piece has taken up nearly 45 minutes of Circle time, with feedback and conversation! Ask someone to contact you ahead of time if they have a long piece to read; you might choose to make that reading a special feature one night.
• Cultivate and model a commitment to safe space for all kinds of voices, all writing abilities, and work at all stages of development.
• Listen attentively to one another’s readings and offer clear and specific feedback. Some of us will take notes, jotting down specific phrases that are especially strong for us. Encourage and model respect for all participants: turn off cell phones; don’t text/Tweet/ Facebook/email during the Circle, and please don’t talk while someone else is reading.
• Work shared in the Circle can be polished or a first draft: we honor it all, and if anyone wants to have feedback, we first tell them what we liked about the piece. (Pat Schneider, of Amherst Writers & Artists, says that folks have no business criticizing a piece of writing if they can’t also describe what they liked or found powerful about the piece.) People desiring constructive criticism/editorial feedback can ask for that as well. If writers have specific sorts of feedback they are looking for, we ask them to tell us that—are they concerned, for instance, about the dialogue or descriptions, or whether the acrobatics of the sex is believable, or whether anyone else finds the piece hot? Sometimes people don’t have specific questions—they are open to any responses. When offering “critical” feedback, we continue to model respect: we make I-statements (“I wasn’t sure what was going on here” versus “That part was totally confusing!”) and talk about places where we were pulled out of the story or felt confused. We try not to make blanket statements or offer wholesale criticism of a piece or a writer. We respond to the words of the narrator of the story rather than assuming the story is the personal experience of the reader (saying, “I liked when the narrator spoke of their desire for …” versus “Wow, I didn’t know you were into that!”). Remember that each person’s response is simply an individual opinion and not a judgment from on high; we can be direct and honest with one another without being harsh or unkind.
• We try to keep feedback to around five minutes per person, again so that there’s enough time for as many people to read as possible.
• The facilitator’s job is to send out monthly reminders about the event; spread the word; arrive early to set up the space; open the Circle and welcome folks into the room; invite readers to share; ask for appropriate feedback; watch the time and give a heads up if someone has gone well over the time limit; keep the Circle moving (redirect conversation back to the writing at hand when necessary, for instance); welcome new members; encourage a culture of generosity and respect; close the meeting on time; clean up. The facilitator doesn’t have to do all this alone, however! Get help from volunteers or your co-facilitators.
• Pick a date and time for your Circle that will remain consistent from month to month—we’ve been meeting on the fourth Wednesday of the month for nearly 10 years now! We meet once a month for two hours, and usually have time for 8 to 10 readers. The facilitators will read if there’s time.
• Get the word out! Put up flyers in the community, post an ad on your local Craigslist calendar, send a blurb to your independent local weekly newspaper and other event calendars, create an event on Facebook or Meetup.com. In any advertisements, include relevant details: time and place, a brief description, requested donation or fee, time limits on readings and content restrictions i(f you have them). Include an email, phone number, and/or website where folks can get more information. Advertise widely and consistently, so as to encourage a diversity of voices and writing styles.
• Consider making water or tea available, as well as some small snacks, like nuts or cookies—sharing new writing in front of strangers is hungry work!
• You might ask for a donation to cover the cost of food, space rental, supplies, and so forth; consider also offering a no one turned away for lack of funds (NOTAFLOF) option so that all can attend.
• As you get established, you might consider meeting informally at a nearby coffee shop or restaurant before or after the Circle, so that folks can get to know each other better, talk more generally about their writing, ask questions and share resources, pass on calls for submissions or other publishing opportunities, and in other ways deepen the Circle’s supportive community.
• Now and again, the Circle members might want to share their work more broadly. We have hosted readings and put together anthologies to share the breadth and power of the work read at our Erotic Reading Circle.
• Consider making calls for submissions available to Circle participants, or copies of the magazines or journals that accept work with erotic or sexual content. You might also bring copies of books about how to write erotic stories such as some of those listed in the bibliography.
• Find a meeting location that’s easily accessible and private, a space where folks can have their words held in confidence without worrying that passersby might overhear. A private home is okay if you feel comfortable inviting the public into your space—otherwise, consider asking about space at a local college or university (the women’s center, gender studies department, queer student union or other student spaces may have space available). You might have a sex-positive boutique with meeting space that you could partn
er up with; community organizations or independent bookstores might be a great fit for your new venture, too. Don’t forget to consider other accessibility issues—is the space accessible to folks in wheelchairs? Will those with chemical sensitivities be able to participate? Will the place feel welcoming to folks from varying backgrounds?
• Let it be okay for folks to come in and just listen without reading anything.
• You might choose to have content restrictions on the material shared at your Circle. We have not chosen to institute any content restrictions and we don’t ask writers to censor themselves. Some Circles have indicated to their participants that they don’t want material with characters who are under the age of 18, or that contains anything appearing to be nonconsensual, or that deals with bestiality, etc. Make the decision that’s right for your Circle. If you do institute content restrictions, let your participants know about them ahead of time, so that readers can make an informed decision about what they bring to the Circle.
• Consider having two or three facilitators/hosts for your Circle, folks who show up regularly and are reliable—it helps to share the responsibility, and it’s useful to have folks to cover when someone is sick or out of town.
• Be consistent, meet at the same time at the same place every month, collect contact information so you can send out monthly email reminders—and watch your gorgeous creative erotic community grow.
These suggestions grow out of what has worked for us, and for others we know who have begun their own Circles elsewhere. What’s at the core of these spaces is the intention to create safer space for writers to share their erotic work, space in which that writing will be celebrated and respected. Take what works, then incorporate your own innovations and Circle-y creativity. Remember that mistakes and stumbles are par for the course when one is co-creating any cultural/creative space. Try to be as generous with yourself/yourselves as you are with the folks whose writing you celebrate—and don’t forget to let us know about your Circlings! Good luck, have fun, and go change the world!
Further reading for those intrepid readers seeking inspiration for their own writing and circling:
Elizabeth Benedict, The Joy of Writing Sex: A guide for fiction writers. Holt and Co., 2002.
Susie Bright, How to Write a Dirty Story: Reading, Writing, and Publishing Erotica. Touchstone Press, 2002.
Circlet Press Collective, The Erotic Writer’s Market Guide: Advice, Tips, and Market Listings for the Aspiring Professional Erotica Writer. Circlet Press, 2006.
M. Christian, The Burning Pen: Sex Writers on Sex Writing. Alyson Books, 2001.
Audre Lorde, Sister/Outsider. The Crossing Press, 1984. Includes the essay “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power.”
Carol Queen and Jack Davis, Sex Spoken Here: Good Vibrations Erotic Reading Circle Selections. Down There Press, 1997.
Michael Rowe, Writing Below the Belt: Conversations with Erotic Authors. Masquerade Books, Inc., 1995.
Pat Schneider, Writing Alone and With Others. Oxford University Press, 2003.
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The editors would like to thank …
Dorian Katz for the cover art and for getting Center for Sex & Culture Press off the ground with SAFE SEX BANG: The Buzz Bense Collection of Safe Sex Posters.
Robert Morgan Lawrence, EdD, co-founder of the CSC, for ongoing support and general curmudgeonly fabulousness.
Core staff and interns at the Center for Sex & Culture, without whom there would be no CSC! Thanks especially to Heather Russell, our intern, for help with design work, promotional materials, and more.
Good Vibrations, Joni Blank, and Jack Davis for their support in initiating and nurturing the Erotic Reading Circle.
All of our magnificent IndieGoGo donors, whose generous support ensured that Sex Still Spoken Here could come to fruition: Aaron Spielman, Adam Morrison, Alex Jacks, Alexis Lucas, Alla Rivas, Allison Biehl, Ami Lovelace, Brian Estlin, Brian V. Hughes, Candida Royalle, Carol Rosenfeld, Cecilia Tan, Charlaine Lapointe, Cheral Stewart, Christina Accomando, Christina Jenkins, Chuck Clanton, Cindy Scott, Clara Dunham, Corinne Farago, Creatrix Tiara, Crystal Robinson, Cynthia Badiey, Darlene Pagano, David Kirby, David Steinberg, Debra StJohn, Diane Korach, Duane Ludwig, Elise Stengle, Elizabeth Ferguson, Elizabeth Ferguson, Emilio M Garcia, Erling Wold, Frank, Gina Lovoi, Glenn Wright, Holly Zwalf, Janice Sheng, Jay Mays, Jen Grimes, Jennifer Hogsflesh, Joan L Price, Joani Blank, Joanne Scott, John Crandall, John Hoelle, John Ullman, Karynne Boese, Kathy Elwell, Kelly C Gallamore, Kimberly Dark, Leila Barreto, Linda Poelzl, Lovings Webmistress, Lynn Sunday, Lynnette Garcia, M V Antonakos, MacKenzie Stuart, Maren Martin, Marty Williams, Melinda Adams, Michael Cohn, Michelle Murrain, Miss Ian Callaghan, Morris Taylor, ms. darling, Pamela Rosin, Peter Pasquale, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Rachel Macalisang, Rachel Macalisang, Rebeccalyn E Bilodeau, Ritch Davidson, sade huron, Sezin Koehler, Steve Imboden, Susan Murray, Sybil Holiday, Tho Vong, Timothy Kelly, Tina Femea, Todd Wilms, Tonya Netjes, Tracy Pinkelton, Tracy Y Bartlett, and 30 anonymous donors.
Self-publishing and social media gurus who helped us launch our new venture: Cheral Stewart, Alison Moon, Mel Reiff Hill, & Dorian Katz.
Videographer Mark McBeth, for recording the editors’ conversation, as well as many underground cultural performances.
Tiffany Sostar for her efforts beginning and running an Erotic Reading Circle in Calgary, Alberta.
And, never least, every single person who has ever walked into the Erotic Reading Circle, whether or not they chose to share their writing. Thank you for your presence, your creative work, and your efforts, large and small, to co-create space for creative risk and innovation in the world. We are so grateful for you.
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About the Center for Sex & Culture
The Center for Sex & Culture was founded in 2001 by erotic writer, essayist, lecturer and sexologist Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence, a sex educator who holds double doctorates and has been in the field for 38 years.
The space itself is a non-profit community center that hosts events, classes and parties ranging across topics related to sexuality, gender and sex education. It is an internationally significant model that makes sex educational resources available outside of an academic or specialized institution.
CSC is also home to a gallery and huge archive and library of sex-related materials. The materials range from academic journals and papers to what has been called the largest erotic zine library in the world, to pulp and porn from the 1950s through the present. The Center for Sex & Culture is entirely powered by a volunteer board of directors, staff volunteers, interns and fiscal support from philanthropic institutions and committed and kind individuals.
This is the second publication in 2014 from of the newly formed Center for Sex & Culture Press. More publications coming soon!
Follow the Center for Sex & Culture …
on the web: www.sexandculture.org
on Twitter: @centrsexculture
and on Facebook
Follow this book …
on the web: www.sexstillspokenhere.com
on Twitter: @ssshanthology
and on Facebook:
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Thanks for reading our book. We hope you are inspired! If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave us a review at your favorite retailer? Word of mouth is the most important factor in helping a book be discovered by new readers. And remember, all proceeds from this book support the Center for Sex & Culture.
Thanks!
Carol, Jen, and Amy
co-editors of Sex Still Spoken Here
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