She needed to give him some space. “Ryder, I’m going to Nick’s tent, so you’ll have a chance to change, then we can get Tony into dry clothes.”
Relief washed over his features, and his breathing eased somewhat. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Do you want Nick to come in, or will Tony be okay?”
Ryder glanced at Tony before responding. “You can come in, Nick. Just don’t touch him.”
“Sure thing.” Nick stepped away from the flap to wait for Carm to leave. She grabbed her clothing and met him at the opening.
“Follow Ryder’s lead,” she instructed Nick. “He knows how to deal with the situation.”
“I’m a 9/11 survivor. I know the drill.”
She hadn’t been aware that Nick had been close to Ground Zero on that horrific day. God, the awful things he must have experienced!
After Nick went inside the tent and closed the flap, she turned to Shawana at the cookstove. “I’ll take coffee in to them when it’s ready. Thanks for making it.” The fewer people inside, the better off Ryder would be.
“Sure thing. How is he?”
“Hasn’t come out of it yet.”
“Poor man.”
Carm had been taught that pitying someone during or after a PTSD episode wasn’t the right thing to do, but she’d thought the same thing.
Looking up, Carm caught a glimpse of blue sky. “Looks like it might let up soon.” Good. Maybe not hearing the rain any longer would help Tony pull out of it faster. Carm ran to Nick’s nearby tent, wanting to get back to Tony as quickly as possible.
When she returned to her tent, Shawana had two full camp mugs ready for her. “For Tony and Ryder. I’ll pour yours and Nick’s next.”
“I’m fine for now. But thanks for getting Nick’s.”
Inside, she noticed that Ryder had changed clothes, and Tony appeared to be in dry pants as well. Hard to tell under the blanket whether he wore a shirt.
“Here’s a cup of black coffee to warm you up, Ryder.” Carm handed a mug to him. “Nick, Shawana has a mug for you too.” She motioned toward the exit. He seemed to understand that he needed to go, nodded, crawled toward the flap, and left the three of them alone.
Resuming her spot on Tony’s right side, she held the remaining mug in front of his nose. “Tony, would you like to take a sip of some hot coffee?” Carm hoped the scent might jar him out of his stupor. He blinked rapidly a few times and began surveying his surroundings before his gaze settled on her. Carm couldn’t believe it had worked.
The blanket slipped off his shoulders, and he glanced down to find himself shirtless then met her gaze. “What’s going on?”
“We got caught in a downpour soon after we returned to the camp.” Should she say anything more about his episode?
Before she could, Ryder added, “Someone in the campground was wearing a wet Broncos shirt.”
Tony shuddered, as if that held some significance. So it hadn’t been the rain that had triggered him.
“Everyone okay?” Tony seemed to be asking Ryder, but his gaze remained on her.
She nodded. “We’re all warm and dry. Rain’s letting up now.”
Then he did turn to Ryder. “Listen, man. Don’t say anything about this to anybody back home.”
Oh, Tony. Don’t ignore this warning sign. Please talk to someone.
Tony had no memory of seeing the shirt, but combined with the rain, apparently he’d been triggered. Shit. No way did he intend to start cracking up with PTS issues. Last year, one of the rookies had quit when he couldn’t deal with his first bad call. But Rafe had been through several during his early years with the department, and he’d handled them and moved on without having problems or needing to talk to a shrink. So would Tony.
“I won’t—provided you talk to someone when we get home,” Ryder said. “They gave us a list of names at the meeting this morning. Remember?”
Tony nodded but hadn’t kept the list, certain he wouldn’t need help. Maybe if he had another episode, he’d call someone, but this was just a fluke. He didn’t remember a thing since the rain started. How often would he come across a wet Broncos T-shirt?
You live in Colorado, you dumbass.
Ryder handed him a long-sleeved, navy-blue shirt. It fit tight across the chest and shoulders, but all that mattered was that it was dry. He left the hiking-style shirt unzipped to give him a little more breathing room, then thanked Carmella for the coffee she’d brought him.
“Has it stopped raining?”
Carmella nodded.
Good. He turned to Ryder. “When do you think the chopper can come and pick us up?” He wanted out of here in the worst way. He hated having Carmella see him in such a weak-ass state.
Ryder shrugged. “It’s getting dark.”
How long had he been out of it?
Ryder pulled out his phone. “I’ll call in and see where we are in the lineup.” Tony hadn’t heard any rotor sounds since coming to, so he didn’t hold out much hope.
While Ryder made the call, Tony crawled outside to put some distance between Carmella and himself, but she followed. Damn.
The others from her group stood around the cookstove, several of them also drinking coffee and all of them shooting pitying glances his way.
He stared up at the darkened sky to avoid looking around the campground, fearful that he might be triggered again. He doubted the chopper would be back tonight.
Ryder exited the tent and confirmed his suspicions. “Grounded until morning.”
Figured. “Looks like you’re going to have a couple of tent crashers tonight, Carm,” Tony said, remembering she called herself by the nickname inside the tent rather than Carmella. “Hope you don’t mind.”
The worry lines on Carmella’s forehead softened when she smiled. “No problem. We’ve got room. You can sleep in my tent.”
Tony pictured himself sharing a sleeping bag with Carmella. He didn’t feel quite so cold and numb anymore. Tony doubted that anyone had a couple of spare sleeping bags, so thoughts of snuggling up with her tonight weren’t totally unfounded.
However, she dashed his fantasies. “I’ll swap places with some of the guys.”
Too bad. But as Angelina’s sister-in-law, she wasn’t his usual one-night stand.
Nick spoke up. “If you guys are okay with it, Carmella can sleep in my tent, and Roger and I can bunk here with you two.”
Sounded like Tony and Ryder were destined for a long, cold night in a tent shared with two other guys. Pity that. Campfires were prohibited at this elevation, so the best they could do was bundle up in the blankets several from the group offered.
But with four people in there, would these quarters be too tight for Ryder?
Over the next few hours, he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to go inside the tent. He sat at the edge of the group circle while everyone shared stories about past climbs and mountaineering exploits. Tony made a point to keep his head down for fear of seeing the Broncos shirt again. At some point, he remembered he’d been expected at Mama’s for supper and texted her why he hadn’t made it.
When he pocketed his phone again, he noticed Carmella stifling a yawn. Guilt washed over him for keeping her from her tent and a good night’s sleep, so he feigned a yawn and a stretch. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m beat. Thanks for the tent, Carm, and for the blankets, clothes, coffee, and company, everybody.”
Nick and his tentmate soon vacated their tent for Carmella and moved their belongings into Carm’s tent. On the positive side, with four bodies in there, they ought to be able to stay warm.
Everyone turned in, but less than an hour later, Tony awoke from a disturbing dream and crawled past Ryder, who slept as close to the exit as possible. Tony slipped outside the tent and fired up the cookstove to warm up the leftover coffee, staring down at the propane flame as if mesmerized.
“Can’t sleep?” He glanced up to find Carmella—Carm—standing beside him with a thermal blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “A
ren’t you freezing, Tony?” She held out a second blanket, but he waved it away. Ignoring him, she unfolded it and placed it across his shoulders anyway and sat down next to him on the log.
“You have to be exhausted, Carm. Why aren’t you asleep?”
She shrugged, offering no excuse. “I could ask the same of you.”
Her intoxicating scent wafted to him, and he nearly groaned. His hormones rivaled those of a teenaged boy around her tonight.
“You should hear the racket in there,” he said, laughing as he pointed behind them to the tent. “We have some snorers in the firehouse, but they pale in comparison to these champs.” He’d let her make the assumption that’s why he’d awoken although the sound wasn’t that bad and didn’t even carry to where they sat. “You have a long hike back to the trailhead, though. You really should get some sleep.”
“I’m a big girl. Don’t worry about me. Besides, it’s mostly downhill. Piece of cake.”
They sat in silence a moment before he said, “Sorry I stole your tent.”
“Nonsense. I offered it to you. I’m just thankful you two were able to rescue those climbers. I was never so glad to see SAR volunteers in my life.”
Coming so close on the heels of losing the drowning victims, having a successful rescue under his belt went a long way toward restoring his self-confidence. I hope so, at least. “I needed that rescue more than they did.”
“How so?”
Too late, he realized he’d revealed more than he’d intended. Couldn’t back off now. “We had a bad call Sunday.”
She cocked her head. “Bad call?”
“Trade talk for going on a call that had a bad outcome.”
“Oh, Tony, I’m so sorry.” She placed her hand on his blanket-covered forearm to comfort him, but her touch electrified him instead.
He pulled away with the pretense of adjusting the blanket. “It happens to all of us in the fire service at some point.”
It just never happened to me before.
After an awkward pause, she said, “I didn’t know you were an EMT too. Guess I assumed that you had Marc and a paramedic already at the station.”
At least she hadn’t asked about the call.
He shrugged. “Nowadays, most firefighters are. It’s not mandatory in my county yet but Rafe encouraged me to get my EMT certification after I completed my associate’s in fire science. He and Franco put me through college. I owe them a lot.”
“I can see how close all of you are. Not just your brothers, but Angelina too. It’s nice to have siblings, isn’t it? Someone always has your back.”
“Yeah.” Even when you don’t want them around.
“Sandro and I were almost a second family after Gino and Marc. I was born only 22 months after Sandro—but he was almost nine years younger than Gino.”
She became silent for a moment, perhaps thinking about the brother she’d lost in Afghanistan. Marc had shared a little about him one night on C shift back in February, just before the anniversary of his older brother’s death. Tony’s brothers might be overprotective and a pain in the ass sometimes, but he couldn’t imagine losing one of them.
Which probably explained Rafe’s anger at him for releasing his safety line in his last-ditch attempt to rescue the mother and toddler from the river. Tony ought to cut his brother some slack, he supposed.
A blast of cold air sent a shiver through Carm, and Tony thought to extend the blanket around her, pulling her closer before realizing too late he should have just given her the damned thing. Wide-eyed, she stared at him a moment before pressing her body against him just a second too long. A glutton for punishment, he closed the gap and almost captured her lips with his before coming to his senses and putting space between them again.
“You need to get back in your tent,” Tony said in a husky voice, relinquishing the blanket to her once and for all.
“I will if you will.” Her voice came out in a hushed whisper.
What? Did she mean each of them return to their tents or that she wanted him to join her in the one she now occupied all by herself? His cock stirred at the thought. God, he wanted to bury himself inside her in the worst way.
No. Not Carmella. But he definitely was ready to go back to daVinci’s as soon as he returned to Aspen Corners. He needed a woman, just not this woman.
Clearly, she wouldn’t go back to her tent unless he did, so he stood and stretched. “Okay. Let’s both get some sleep.” Fat chance. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He held out a hand to help her to her feet only to be jolted again by the electricity arcing between them as she placed her hand in his. Tony hadn’t had that kind of response to a female since middle school. The speed with which she yanked her hand away made him wonder if she’d felt something too.
“Good night, Tony.” He watched her turn and walk away. The blanket hid her ass from view, but he imagined how it would look bare as she strutted from his bedroom to the bathroom or kitchen.
So much for getting any sleep tonight. This attraction could go nowhere. Carm was way out of his league and not the kind of no-strings woman Tony usually messed around with. She had commitment written all over her face, but he wasn’t the kind of guy to settle down.
So why did she make him wonder what it might be like to at least date her more than twice?
Chapter Ten
All through dinner the next night at her condo, while trying to enjoy a salad from her favorite Greek restaurant, Carm couldn’t stop thinking about Tony. No, worrying about him. Ryder had said he’d make sure Tony talked to a professional about what he’d experienced—both during the bad call and in the aftermath at the campground. That alleviated some of her concern, but not all of it. And then there was that talk outside their tents.
She couldn’t stop thinking about that moment when she thought he might kiss her. The fact that she’d wanted him to shocked her. Tony Giardano? The two had rubbed each other wrong since the night they’d met.
She remembered back to that night at the café near the resort. She had been talking with Angelina after a spat with Marc had nearly sent her running when Tony came barging in to rescue his sister. Carm supposed their loyalty to each of their siblings had been the initial reason for the friction between her and Tony. It had just been perpetuated throughout the months of wedding planning.
But maybe she needed to let go of that first impression and take a closer look at the man. Yesterday had shown her that Tony wasn’t the carefree ladies’ man she once thought he was. Not that he was her type.
I mean, Tony as serious family-man material? Not a chance.
Well, he certainly loved his mama and siblings.
But Carm would be lying to herself if she didn’t confess she had wanted him to kiss her last night. Maybe his vulnerability during the flashback had brought out her protective instincts. Surely that’s all it was.
Yet, when he’d touched her, it had felt as if a lightning bolt coursed through her body, much like it had during that stupid garter reversal Saturday night. Tony wasn’t her type by any stretch of the imagination, and yet she couldn’t deny the spark of physical attraction.
The man was built like a linebacker with his broad shoulders and muscular arms and legs. His face was nice to look at too. But at this stage in her life, she wasn’t interested in hooking up with a man who couldn’t commit to more than a date or two. Carm wanted to build something long-lasting with a man.
You’d do well to keep that in mind when your libido tries to get the best of you next time.
After finishing dinner, Carm stretched out on the couch and picked up the first of four daily newspapers that had been delivered while she’d been on the mountain. Below the fold in Monday’s edition was a photo of Aspen Corners firefighters with a ladder truck parked along a riverbank. She looked more closely to see if Tony was among them, but couldn’t tell with all their gear.
We had a bad call Sunday.
Oh God, no! A mother and her young child had drowned!
She sat up and pored over the article about the drownings, certain this is what had triggered Tony. It had to still be so raw. What a heavy burden, one he’d probably carry for the rest of his life.
Nothing could be more devastating to a first responder than losing someone, but to lose a child had to be the worst of all. Had the mother been wearing a Broncos T-shirt like the one Ryder said Tony had seen before being triggered at the campground?
Carm picked up Tuesday’s newspaper only to learn that Tony and Ryder had been the two SAR volunteers who’d found the victims the next day. Dear God! As if Sunday’s tragedy hadn’t been bad enough to witness. Those poor men!
What on earth was he doing responding to the call on Capitol so soon after that tragedy? Was he trying to push himself over the edge or simply wanting to replace the tragedy with a positive rescue? First responders wanted to save everyone. Was he blaming himself for not being able to do so this time?
She wished she’d known about all this yesterday. If anyone needed a comforting hug, it was Tony. Ryder, too, although he seemed to be handling it better, outwardly at least, and he liked to keep his distance. Ryder had been on that rooftop in Iraq where Marc and Damián had been injured and their sergeant killed. Still, how much death and destruction could one person be exposed to before cracking? Both men had their coping mechanisms and support networks in place, but thank God Marc hadn’t gone on that run Sunday. Regardless, he’d eventually have bad calls like this one that would haunt him the rest of his life too, but she hoped it would be many years from now.
Marc and Ryder had strong, supportive women at home to keep them from suffering in silence, but Tony lived alone. Would his family and friends watch for changes in him and be there when he needed someone to talk to?
Of course, all three were grown men who had chosen career and volunteer paths that would result in hits to their mental and physical well-being. There wasn’t a damned thing she could do or say to change that.
But as she prepared for bed later that night, she hoped that Tony’s brothers, mama, or sister would notice if he had another crisis moment and get him the help he needed to process this nightmare.
TONY: Slow Burn (Raging Fire Book 1) Page 10