She ran the tips of her fingers over his scruff to hear the sexy rasp. Unsure which part of the night he referred to, she chose to acknowledge her part in putting the gala together. “I’m so excited for you. To see you take something awful and find a way to make it better—”
He pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. “I wasn’t referring to that, but now that you bring it up, you’ve moved mountains for me, principessa.” He kissed her gently on the mouth but didn’t deepen it. “I’ll never be able to repay you.” When he pulled back, he searched her eyes. “More importantly, you made me feel safe after I woke from the nightmare.”
Carmella’s heart swelled at the thought she’d been able to help in some small way. Apparently, he had no memory of the declaration he’d made to her while sleeping. She’d keep that to herself for now, but she wanted a future with him, whatever it looked like, and knowing how he felt deep inside gave her hope. They’d figure out ways to deal with their geographic and career hurdles.
“I’m glad I could be there for you, Tony. I can’t imagine how frightening it must be to wake up from a nightmare like that alone.”
He nodded, but he didn’t seem ready to go back to cooking. She waited, wondering what else he wanted to say. He stared at her for a long moment, then blurted out, “I love you, Carmella D’Alessio.”
Carmella smiled, elated to hear those words spoken in the light of day with Tony fully aware of what he was saying. Perhaps his subconscious had been practicing earlier.
Before she could respond, he added, “I’ve never said I love you to a woman before, well, other than Mama, Angelina, and Nonna, of course.”
“Well, it’s funny you should say that, because I’ve grown to love you over these past few months too.” She kissed him, playfully at first, then more passionately. When she ended the kiss, she smiled. “How’d we let this happen, T.G.?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know, but I don’t care.” He stared into her eyes again. “When we’re apart, I can’t get you out of my mind, Carmella. We need to find a way to spend more time together, despite our jobs. Things should loosen up for me now, but with ski season starting in a couple of weeks, I know you’re going to be strapped for time.”
She sighed. “Yeah. You’re welcome to stay here as often as you’d like.”
“That’ll help some. I have two nights off for every one that I’m on duty.”
Not ideal, but better than nothing.
For now.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Shortly before noon, Tony walked into Mama’s house, calling out to her as he entered. He’d hated leaving Carmella’s early but had decided he needed to talk with Mama about something before the rest of the family showed up.
“In the kitchen, Bambino!”
Tony smiled. Where else would Mama be? She often said she didn’t know how much longer her kids would show up for these dinners, so she wanted to keep them going as long as she could. Tony would have missed this one, too, if he hadn’t traded shifts. Perhaps he’d be bringing Carm to these sometime in the near future. That was part of what he needed to talk with Mama about.
He found Mama doing food prep but wasn’t sure what she was making. “What can I do to help?” While Mama wouldn’t let his brothers in her kitchen, she always allowed Tony and Angelina to help. Maybe because they were the only ones who’d ever expressed an interest in cooking in their youth. Mama had shared a lot of her secrets with them.
“First, have you eaten?”
“Yeah. Eggs, bacon, toast. I’m good—until we sit down to feast on your dinner, of course.” You came hungry to Mama’s or you didn’t show up. But if what he’d eaten hadn’t met with her satisfaction, she’d have made him a full breakfast.
“Mama, I came by early hoping to get a chance to talk with you before everyone else gets here.”
Mama searched his face as if to ascertain how serious this talk would be. “Pour the espresso while I quickly finish up with this.”
Tony poured two cups and set them on the island in front of the bar stools, taking a seat while he waited for her to join him. He had practiced the words he wanted to say during the drive from Aspen, but now was at a loss. He didn’t want to tip her off about him and Carmella, not yet anyway.
Minutes later, Mama sat down. “I’m so proud of you, Tony.”
Mid-sip, all he could do was raise his eyebrows in question before setting down the cup.
“You had your first bad call and rather than block it out or wallow in the tragedy, you decided to make a difference. Papa would be proud too.”
Tony’s throat tightened a bit thinking about Papa being proud of the son he’d become. In high school and college, Tony had been a clown and a screwup. Papa died before Tony had graduated from college and done some growing up.
“I’m not sure if a dive team would have made a difference with the call in June, but I find so much peace scuba diving. It’s made an amazing difference for me. But I continue to train for swift-water rescues too.”
“My boys train so hard to be the best they can be. Papa and I always tried to instill in all of our children the importance of giving back to your communities, but each of you have far exceeded our expectations.” Tony’s throat constricted. He’d always tried to make his parents proud, but hearing he’d succeeded caught him off guard.
“Thanks, Mama.” Unable to say anything more, he filled the awkward moment by finishing his espresso.
“With all the money raised at the benefit,” he began, “I think the chief will look into starting a full water-rescue squad.”
“Wonderful! Carmella’s an amazing woman. And so well-organized! Paul and I had a lot of fun last night.”
“Yeah. I was blown away that she’d chosen my dive team for her fundraiser.” Tony didn’t want to say how much fun he’d had last night, although it might be written all over his face. To avoid Mama’s scrutiny, he picked up his empty cup and took it to the sink to rinse it.
When Tony sat down again, he met her gaze. “When my therapist suggested scuba diving, I never thought it was something I could pursue in Colorado. I did get to do some classes in warm waters when I went away that week in August.” He’d leave it at that. No way was he telling her he’d spent the week with Carmella in the Caribbean. “But you’d be surprised how many opportunities there are to dive in several lakes within a couple hours of here.”
“Rafe told me about some of his training dives. He’s enjoying himself too. I think you both might benefit from scuba diving.”
He and his oldest brother hadn’t really talked about it much—everything was happening so fast—but Tony was happy to hear that. Starting the dive team had sparked a new intensity at the station, that’s for sure.
There would be divers from outside the department’s staff as well—Luke, Ryder, Megan, and other local SAR workers were among those who’d already begun to train. It would be ideal if at least two divers were on call for each shift in case they were needed to join in an underwater rescue situation at the reservoir or somewhere.
Tony decided to get back onto the topic at hand before the first arrivals. He didn’t want any interruptions. Mama also would want to get back to fixing dinner soon.
“Mama, can I ask you something?”
“Always, Bambino.” She sipped on her espresso.
Tony took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He’d never talked with his mother about the kind of stuff he was about to. “Mama, why did you choose to marry someone who had chosen a dangerous career path?”
She cocked her head and set down her cup. “I loved him.”
“I mean, did you think about the danger he was in?”
Her eyes narrowed momentarily. “That was a long time ago. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious.” Yeah, right.
“Well, at first, I was too young and naive to worry. We were invincible like all you young people think you are. I didn’t really know what his SAR work involved, and it was mostly seasonal duri
ng the winter. There weren’t as many calls in those days. Honestly, most of the time, I didn’t think about it at all.” She took another sip. “I was more worried about him getting sick on the job.” Everyone assumed Papa’s lung cancer had been due to exposure to asbestos in his early years as a pipe fitter before the laws changed to protect workers, but no one really talked about it around Mama.
Tony nodded. Unfortunately, due to Marc’s involvement at the same station, Carm wouldn’t be as naive about the risks Tony faced. “You said at first. When did that change?”
“There was a close call before you and Angelina were born. Another avalanche, only he made it out of that one. That unsettled me, though. I had three babies to think about, so I began to worry about how I’d take care of you all if something happened to Papa. I still never imagined…then…” Her voice cracked.
Tony stood and gave Mama a hug.
While he felt like a heel for prompting her, he needed to know what it might be like for Carmella now that they were becoming serious. The thought of dying on the job and leaving her alone nearly paralyzed him. Almost as bad as the thought of saddling her with a disabled firefighter if he suffered a severe injury.
“Sorry to bring this up, Mama, but how’d you cope when Papa went out on rescues after that close call?”
“The same way I do now when I hear calls for the ACFD go out on the scanner. I pray the rosary. I pace the floors.” She shrugged. “It’s what mothers and wives of first responders do.”
He didn’t want Carmella to worry like that, but thankfully she wouldn’t be living within scanner range of his station. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard for her.
After he sat down again, Mama stared at him a long moment. “Why all these questions?”
He couldn’t really explain. Not yet anyway.
“No reason.” He became suddenly interested in playing with the saltshaker.
“Antonio Giardano Jr.” Her admonishing tone made it clear that he was going to have to answer her.
He met her gaze. “I guess I just don’t understand why you chose to be with Papa knowing he put himself into dangerous situations all the time.”
“Because I loved him.”
She made it sound so simple. “How did Papa feel about making you worry?”
She shrugged. “Papa didn’t know. We never talked about it.”
Of course, Papa went out on nearly forty calls a year by the end, when recreational activities in the wilderness had ramped up. How could Papa not think about his own mortality and how it would affect his family? Maybe he did and kept that from her as well?
“He came home to me every time but that one…” Tears shimmered in Mama’s eyes, and Tony squeezed her hand. “I just assumed he always would. But when the priest and an off-duty firefighter who also served with the SAR team showed up at my front door to tell me what had happened, I collapsed. Thank God you kids were at school. It took me an hour to compose myself enough to send for Angelina at the high school. While I waited, I managed to call you boys home from college.”
Tony pulled a napkin from the dispenser and wiped her tears.
“I remember coming in the door,” Tony said, “and seeing your face I knew immediately it was worse than I’d expected. I had thought maybe Papa had been injured on the job or something.”
“I was so certain you’d all have to drop out of college, because we didn’t have enough savings to pay several more years of tuition, but Rafe and Franco put their degrees on the back burner to make sure you and Matteo finished yours on time.”
Tony had known his two oldest brothers had helped a lot. Had he ever expressed his gratitude sufficiently? He owed them both so much. Fortunately, his oldest brothers had been able to finish their degrees eventually by going to night school.
“I’m sorry to bring up all these bad memories, Mama. I only…” How could he explain? “I’m just curious about why any woman would want to take up with someone who can’t promise to be there the rest of her life. And now you’re dating a man who works in the fire service. You’re a glutton for punishment.”
Mama grinned but didn’t say anything more about her relationship with Paul. “If you’re worried about Carmella, she can handle it better than most women. She’s experienced tragic loss before.”
Tony nodded, then did a double take. How did she know he was thinking about Carmella?
Mama’s smile grew wider. “I saw how you two looked at each other last night at the gala.”
Had they been so obvious? Who else knew? Hell, if their secret was out, Tony wished he’d kissed her like he’d wanted to at the benefit.
Needing to finish what he’d come here to talk about, he met Mama’s gaze again. No beating around the bush. “I don’t know if I have anything to offer her, Mama.”
Mama frowned and tilted her head as she stared at him. “She seemed happy with you at the gala.”
Now that the cat was out of the bag, he might as well tell her everything he was worrying about. “But if we did get more serious, I’d want to provide for her.”
Mama shook her head. “You Italian men and your foolish pride.”
“It’s not a macho thing. I—”
“Isn’t it?”
Under his breath, Tony said, “Okay, maybe a little.”
Mama chuckled, letting Tony know she’d overheard him. “She has an excellent career and stability. You will provide her with nonmaterial things that no amount of money can buy.”
He hadn’t thought of it that way. “But, Mama, I don’t want to have her worrying about me all the time, because stress is a killer. Besides, it might affect how I do my job.”
“Could you give up your vocation for her—or any woman, for that matter—in order to live a safe life?”
“No, Mama. Firefighting is who I am. I couldn’t love someone who asked me to quit.”
“Exactly. But don’t expect Carmella to give up her career and sit at home waiting for you. After all, I did work before my babies came along.”
Tony hadn’t even thought about how things would change if children came into the relationship. He ran his hand through his hair. He had a lot to think about but hoped they’d have a few years to get to know each other better before starting a family.
Look at you already acting like she’d marry you in the first place.
One thing was certain, Tony needed to let go of his worries about whether they were right for each other. No one else could compare. “You’re right, Mama. And God forbid something happens to me—”
She placed her finger on his lips. “If you love her, and she loves you back, you will make every day count as if it might be the last. Nobody is promised tomorrow, no matter if you work in a bank or you put your life on the line as a first responder.”
True.
“All we can do is live and love and take care of our families with every breath we take.”
Tony nodded.
“But it’s ultimately her decision as to whether she wants to take on the role of firefighter’s wife.”
Tony wasn’t sure he wanted Mama thinking about him marrying just yet. “Mama, we’ve dated a few times, but I don’t want to leave you with the wrong impression.”
Mama smiled enigmatically but didn’t say anything.
Not wanting to pursue this conversation any further down the road Mama was headed, Tony stood. “What can I do to help get dinner ready?”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Over the next week, Tony spent every night off at Carm’s condo. He returned to Aspen Corners for work and fire station drills, but the dive-team members focused on swimming and individual skills, so he had more time to be with Carm. Once the team’s skills were more solid, they’d start training in the lakes again, because they’d need to learn to work in frozen lakes too. While Tony wanted to be up and running yesterday, he didn’t want anyone getting hurt because they answered a call before they were ready.
Carmella had given him a key to her place, and he tried to be there in t
ime to prepare a nice meal for the two of them while she was still at work. He missed having her in the kitchen helping him cook, but she spent long days at the resort preparing for the onslaught of guests that would ramp up this coming Thanksgiving weekend.
Tonight, though, after having dinner at Mama’s, he chose to take Carm out to eat at her favorite Greek restaurant where they had dined over the summer. He wanted this evening to be special.
As they sipped their after-dinner drinks, Tony’s heart pounded. No amount of amaro was going to help his digestion tonight. His nervousness stemmed from the fact that he had a diamond ring in his pocket. After all these months, he knew with certainty Carm was the only woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He’d been waiting for the perfect moment but seeing the glow of the firelight on her face, she’d never looked more beautiful.
The time had come for Antonio Giardano Jr. to say what was in his heart and take the biggest step of his life. Without a word, he stood up, and Carmella gave him a puzzled look until the moment he went down on one knee and retrieved the ring box from his pocket. Her mouth formed an O as her eyes opened wide.
Tony could hardly hear the words he spoke due to the beating of his heart. “Carmella D’Alessio, would you do me the enormous honor of spending the rest of your life with me as my lover, my partner, and most especially my wife?” He opened the jeweler’s box and displayed the sparkling engagement ring. It wasn’t as elaborate or expensive as she deserved, but it was paid for. Tony waited.
She sputtered a moment, as if trying to find the words, and Tony started to worry when tears filled her eyes.
“Oh, Tony.” Her lips trembled. She pressed her fingertips to her lips as if to still their shaking.
Shit. Tony braced himself for a rejection. He should have waited longer. Sometimes his impulsiveness didn’t work out. However, until he heard her say no, he’d remain on his knee. Sweat broke out on his forehead and his heart pounded so loud he was afraid he’d just missed her response.
TONY: Slow Burn (Raging Fire Book 1) Page 37