“I’m going to have to agree with you,” Odette said.
Urgo got to his feet and turned back to the mechanical mold-ogre. He cupped his hands around his mouth. “The Grand Slouch has arrived!”
Wily heard a burst of murmuring and excitement. Suddenly, rope ladders dropped out of the statue’s nose. Secret doors on every toenail swung open. The jaw of the statue clicked open as well, and a collapsible wooden slide dropped out of the mold-ogre’s lips and extended all the way down to the ground.
From the hidden compartments, dozens of hobgoblets came climbing, running, and sliding out. They were all cheering and repeating the same words over and over. “Grand Slouch. Grand Slouch. Grand Slouch.”
“Why is everyone cheering as if they’ve just found the most valuable treasure in the world?” Roveeka asked.
“Because we have!” Urgo yelled. “You.”
16
UNDERTOWN
The hobgoblets, each with varying wart sizes and tooth lengths, gathered around the companions, waiting for a chance to get close to a very confused Roveeka and kiss her hand, like Urgo had.
“What is the Grand Slouch?” Pryvyd asked.
“She is! She is!” all the hobgoblets shouted in unison.
“We have been waiting for you,” an older female hobgoblet called out from the crowd.
“We will return to the Above at last,” another said.
“I’m sorry,” Odette interjected, “but we really don’t understand.”
“You haven’t heard the legend of the Grand Slouch?” Urgo asked incredulously.
Wily and the others shook their heads.
Urgo turned to Roveeka. “Surely, you know your own destiny.”
Roveeka shrugged her sloped shoulders. “I’m just as confused as my friends.”
The hobgoblets all looked at one another with shock.
“For two hundred and eighty-eight years, tales have foretold your arrival. Since the Flip of Decision when hobgoblets were sent down from the surface into the depths of the earth.”
“Sent?” Valor asked. “I thought hobgoblets have always dwelled underground.”
“Oh no,” Urgo said. “We used to farm and till the land. Roam with the trees. Man and hobgoblet treated one another like brother and sister. But that all changed after an argument over a mushroom patch. The humans said it was on their land. The hobgoblets said it was on theirs. It was a fierce argument. But no one wanted a war, fighting, or bloodshed. That’s when a wise young man made a suggestion.
“He said that both humans and hobgoblets should have their own countries. There was just one catch. To make room, one country would be underground and one would be on the surface. A golden coin would be flipped. On one side was a picture of a sun. On the other side was a picture of a cave. It would be called the Flip of Decision. The humans only requested to have the honor of being the ones to flip. The coin was tossed in the air and landed on the sun side. Hobgoblets keep their word, even if they don’t like it very much. So down we went.
“And there were many good things down below. Valuable gems and the best-tasting grubs. Plus it was safe from the dragons that roamed above. But it was also dark and lonely. A dozen years later, a mischievous hobgoblet snuck to the surface on her own. She sought out a great prophet, the Oracle of Oak, with a single question. Would hobgoblets ever be allowed to return to the surface? The Oracle read a message from her magical—I can’t remember what they’re called—”
“Acorns,” Roveeka said.
“Exactly,” Urgo said with a smile. “The oracle said that one day a hobgoblet from the Above would come flying down through the ring of fire. That hobgoblet would turn back time and bring us to the surface again. Since that day, we’ve been waiting for what we named the Grand Slouch. Now you have arrived. And we will get our day in the sun once more.”
Roveeka looked truly puzzled. “I’m no leader,” she said. She pointed at Wily. “I’m just here to help my brother.”
“She calls a human her brother!” Urgo said. “Just like in the olden days!”
“You will take us to the Above, Grand Slouch,” the hobgoblets chanted. “You will turn back time.”
“I suppose I could try,” Roveeka said. “But I’ve never really altered reality before.”
“Perhaps she could do that after we get to the Below,” Odette interjected.
“If the Grand Slouch needs to go to the Below,” Urgo said, “she can climb down the Million Rung Ladder. Then turn back time. Come with us!”
Urgo pushed through the crowd of bowing and curtsying hobgoblets toward one of the secret doors in the mechanical mold-ogre. “Move over,” he said. “Grand Slouch coming through!”
As Roveeka passed through the throng, hobgoblets reached out to touch her.
“The big green guy and the tall human will need to take the long way around through the larger tunnels of the slime garden,” Urgo said, “but the rest of you can fit through here.”
Wily ducked his head and entered the narrow door in the mechanical mold-ogre’s foot. The inside of the mold-ogre was a wonder to behold. Ropes and levers crisscrossed through beams and turning gears. These were the machines that made the arms, eyebrows, and eyes come to life. It was a feat of engineering that would have impressed even the most sophisticated locksage.
“Right this way,” Urgo said as he led them toward a dark tunnel at the back of the giant contraption.
It became so dark that Wily could barely see his own hand. He had to walk with his arms outstretched, following the lumpy bumps in the wall.
“I can’t see anything,” Odette said. And a moment later, “Ew, I think I just touched a filthy fuzz spider.”
“That’s my hair,” Wily said as he swatted her hand from his head.
“When was the last time you took a bath?” Odette asked.
“I’ve been a little preoccupied with saving all of Panthasos.”
“I found time to rinse my hair at least.”
After a few more bends in the darkness, Urgo, Wily, Valor, Odette, and Roveeka exited the tunnel into a huge cavern cast in an orange glow. As they came up and over the edge of the slight incline, Wily found himself beholding a magnificent sight.
Before him was a sprawling underground metropolis of hundreds of stone buildings. Some were built directly into the cave walls. Others were freestanding, leaning in all sorts of strange and uneven ways. Most were as curved and twisted as a hobgoblet’s spine. It was almost as if the buildings were leaning on one another for support; Wily wondered if one toppled, would the others all come crashing to the ground? Even from this distance, he could see glowing rivers flowing through the city.
“Is that lava?” Odette asked.
“A long time ago,” Urgo began, “we realized we couldn’t keep the lava out. It would seep through the cracks in the walls if we tried to block it. So instead we decided to make it our friend. We welcomed the lava. We built alleys for it. There are some things that you cannot stop, so instead you must work around them. Now we cook our food with it. Warm our houses with it. And light our streets with it.”
“It’s beautiful,” Roveeka said.
“We call this place ‘Undertown,’” Urgo said. “Because it is a town that is under the ground.”
“Yeah, I think we all figured that one out,” Odette said.
“It’s a very clever name if you ask me,” Roveeka said.
As they approached the edge of the city, Moshul, Pryvyd, and Righteous reconnected with the group.
“Even the path we took was pretty tight quarters,” Pryvyd said.
“It’s our way to keep the ‘bigs’ from attacking our city,” Urgo said. “If a huge monster can’t fit through the tunnel, they aren’t going to be able to attack the city. And to be quite honest, there are a lot of rather unpleasant creatures that live down here. It’s easier to just keep them out.”
As they entered Undertown, hobgoblet families peered out of their windows at the strange guests.
&n
bsp; “This is the Grand Slouch,” Urgo called out. “She’s going to turn back time.”
The group passed by a stand where a hobgoblet was selling soup. The soup ladler called out to Roveeka. “Soup for you? Black sludge soup. With or without cricket chips.”
Roveeka happily took the sample and drank it in one gulp. “It’s all gooey and gets stuck to the back of my throat.” She turned to Wily. “Yum! I need to find a way to turn back time and bring the hobgoblets back to the surface just so I can get her a job in the palace kitchen.”
“Yes,” Urgo said, his voice full of joy. “We can all work in the palace kitchen!”
“We might be able to find some other jobs for you,” Wily said, eyeing the unappetizing gruel in the black cauldrons.
“As you can guess,” Urgo said, “there are not a lot of job opportunities down here in Undertown. We really have very limited choices. Every once and a while a cavern mage or a vile sorceress will make the trip down to hire some hobgoblets to work their dungeon. But that’s only for the lucky few. What a happy life they lead!”
Wily looked at Urgo strangely. “How can you be sure that they’re happy when they go to those dungeons?”
“It’s obvious!” he said. “They never come back. They must be having such a wonderful time that they don’t want to leave. Which is why we have been so eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Grand Slouch. So we will all have wonderful lives in the Above!”
Wily thought it might not be the best idea to tell Urgo the truth about what it was like working in a dungeon.
The group walked through the bustling streets of Undertown. Rumors of the hobgoblets’ savior had spread like wildfire. Young hobgoblets came out of their houses to see the Grand Slouch and cheered as she passed.
“It’s hard to have everyone looking at you with hope in their eyes,” Wily said, worried Roveeka might be crumbling under the pressure of expectation.
“Hard?” Roveeka said. “I think it’s wonderful.”
“But you can’t turn back time,” Wily said. “Even cavern mages can’t do that.”
“I can figure something out,” Roveeka answered.
“But what if you fail?” Wily asked. “They’re all counting on you.”
“My knife instructor always used to say, ‘Sometimes you hit the target, other times you don’t. But if you spend all day polishing your daggers, you won’t hit anything at all.’”
Wily watched as Roveeka slouched proudly down the street with a crooked smile on her face. He was glad that little piece of advice made her feel better, because it certainly didn’t make a lot of sense to him.
When they reached the edge of Undertown, Wily saw a deep hole with a heavy wooden ladder leading downward into an abyss. The ladder quickly disappeared into the total darkness below.
“This is the Million Rung Ladder,” Urgo said. “It is named that for its…”
“Million rungs?” Odette asked.
“Yes. Exactly. How did you guess?”
“I’m starting to figure out how you guys come up with names for things here in Undertown.”
Moshul walked up to the hole and gave the ladder a firm shake.
“I think it should be strong enough for you,” Urgo said. “At one point, a hundred hobgoblets were climbing up and down the ladder at the same time. And you’re not as heavy as a hundred hobgoblets, are you?”
Moshul touched his stomach self-consciously.
“Why don’t you go down it anymore?” Wily asked.
“A hobgoblet wandered into the Below and was torn to pieces by Palojax, the lair beast,” Urgo said. “But you guys have fun down there. And be sure to come back soon and turn back time.”
Wily and Odette shared an uneasy look.
“Moshul, why don’t you go first,” Pryvyd suggested. “If you slip, I’d rather not be under you.”
With a nod of agreement, Moshul took hold of the ladder. His fireflies spread from his body and drifted down into the pit. Wily followed right behind the moss golem. The rest came after him.
Wily had used ladders like this every day in Carrion Tomb and had learned a trick to make trips down them much swifter. He tucked his feet on either side of the ladder and let himself slide down. He knew how to hold the ladder so the palms of his hands were tucked into the bottoms of his sleeves to prevent splinters. After what still felt like an hours-long descent, Wily’s feet finally touched solid ground. He stepped off the ladder and moved next to Moshul. They waited in the glow of his fireflies as, one after another, the others caught up with them.
Despite their long climb, it was hard to tell the difference between the dark tunnels above and these dark tunnels far below. They all looked the same to Wily. He and Valor took the lead, and the companions started down a sloping corridor.
As Valor walked alongside Wily, she looked around at the cold, damp tunnels. “I don’t know how you did it,” Valor said. “Being stuck underground without ever seeing the sun. It must have been horrible.”
“There were a lot of good parts growing up underground,” Wily said, feigning enthusiasm. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of confirming how dreary it had been. “With no night and day, I never had a bedtime. And there are no mosquitoes in a dungeon. They can be really annoying and itchy.”
“That’s it?” Valor asked. “Those are all the good parts?”
“Plus, I got to spend a lot of time learning how to build things,” Wily added. “If I hadn’t been trapped underground, I might have been too busy doing other things.”
“That’s like saying ‘It’s great having a pocketful of rotten eggs because it keeps the skunks away,’” Valor said.
“I guess so,” Wily said. Then he quietly asked, “What’s a skunk?”
“It’s like a black-and-white rat that can spray a horrible smell,” Valor answered.
“Out of its mouth?” Wily asked.
Valor shook her head and pointed to her backside.
“Ewww,” Wily said. “Animals from the Above are gross.”
Valor let out a chuckle. Just as she did, Wily heard a distinct click. He knew that sound—he had heard it a million times in Carrion Tomb: Valor had just stepped on a pressure plate. He leaped forward to push her out of the way of whatever trap was about to strike. But before he could get to her, the floor dropped out from beneath the two of them.
17
CHAMBER MUSIC
Wily and Valor dropped through the trapdoor and onto a stone slide slick with grease. Tangled in a mess of arms and legs, they slipped down into the darkness together. Far above, Wily could hear Odette and Pryvyd shouting, but their words were lost as Wily and Valor descended rapidly around and around the curving slide.
Valor’s mouth was right next to Wily’s ear as she screamed in terror. He realized this was the first time he had ever heard Valor sound scared. He didn’t like it one bit, and it wasn’t just because the scream hurt his ears.
“Press the balls of your feet against either edge of the slide,” Wily shouted.
“Why?” she screamed back.
“Because we need to slow ourselves before we shoot off the end of the slide into a pit of spikes or gurgling acid.”
“I’m hoping there’s a pile of goose feathers at the bottom,” Valor said with fear in her voice.
“Unfortunately, it’s never goose feathers,” Wily yelled back. “Or pillows. Or a pool of sparkling fresh water.”
Wily spread his legs and pushed his heels against the walls of the slide, but the grease was so thick it didn’t seem to slow him at all. He tried using his hands and fingernails but couldn’t get a grip. “Unless it’s a pool of sparkling water with electric eels in it,” he added. “That can happen sometimes.”
Suddenly, the end of the slide arrived. Wily thought fast. He grabbed Valor’s hand just as he left the edge and spun around midair to grab the lip of the slide. But he was too slow, his fingers narrowly missing, and both he and Valor went falling—
into a giant pile of pillows
.
It took them a moment to realize what had happened. Wily looked at the pillows. Each was intricately woven with beautiful designs that matched the delicately painted patterns on the marble walls of the chamber. Wily patted the pillows with his hand. They weren’t as soft as they appeared, but they were much softer than a pile of spikes.
“You were saying?” Valor said with a triumphant smile.
“Trust me,” Wily said. “This never happens.”
“It just did.”
“Maybe these pillows are laced with sleeping powder,” Wily said. “Otherwise it wouldn’t be much of a trap.”
“It’s not a trap,” a gentle voice said from the far side of the marble room. “It’s a welcome slide.”
“It’s how we greet all our guests,” an equally melodic voice explained from the other side of the pillows.
Wily looked up to see a pair of tall elves with pearl white hair and pale yellow skin. Both of them were sparkling as if they had been dusted in gold powder. The younger wore a light purple dress and the older one a heavy gown made of small ringlets of metal.
“Oh my,” the elf in purple said. “You’re not dirty hobgoblets or trolls. What an unexpected treat!”
“Yes,” the one in the metal gown said. “A treat!”
“Actually, hobgoblets are quite lovely if you get to know them,” Wily said.
“You’re funny,” the elf in purple said.
“Very funny,” the other echoed.
“I am Gurta,” the elf in purple said, “and this is my mother, Sytle.”
“Hello,” Sytle sang like it was the last note of a song.
“It is a pleasure meeting you both,” Valor said politely. “If it’s not too much of a bother, could you just guide us back to where your … welcome slide … opened suddenly and sent us tumbling downward?”
“Of course we will,” Gurta said.
“We will guide you there right now,” added Sytle.
“But first they should join us for a chamber piece,” Gurta said to her mother.
“Yes,” Sytle agreed. “A chamber piece. You’ll love our musical gifts.”
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