by Nhys Glover
But I was not used to injury. My body had always been strong and reliable. It felt like a personal betrayal that it refused to respond as it should. But this was not an ordinary injury, and it had come after prolonged deprivation. I knew that. My body was just taking longer than usual to recover. That was all. One day soon I would be fighting fit again. I just had to keep reminding myself of that fact.
I glanced away from our adoring supporters to see Accalia, dressed as Cassius, standing at the entrance to the training field. She was scowling at me pointedly. I loped over to her, ready to get my lecture over and done with fast so I could see her smile.
My she-wolf had put on weight since we’d got back, her cheeks filling out, softening the haggard lines that had appeared there, her body gaining back its delicious curves. Not that I could see those curves at the moment, what with the shapeless tunic and bound breasts, but I could at least see those long, glorious legs.
“Talos, you are not supposed to be down here!” she snapped at me, her storm-cloud eyes almost shooting lightning my way.
I shrugged, looking down at the ground like the naughty boy she was making me out to be.
“If I had to stay in that bed one more day I would have gone mad. I’m not overdoing it. Our pack won’t let me,” I groused.
“Just because you feel restless does not mean you are ready to return to practise. You are barely able to walk!”
“Did you just see me come to you? I wasn’t walking, I was running. You are going to make me soft if you keep mothering me like this.”
“We still do not know if there were any splinters left behind when they pulled that wood from your side. If there are and they pierce something important because you are moving before you should...”
“You will just patch me up again,” I said lightly, enjoying the banter. For all I argued that I didn’t want to be mothered by her, the fact she did, filled me with happiness. My own mother had not cared nearly as much when she found out about my injury.
“Do you know what it costs me to do that kind of healing?” she spluttered indignantly.
I slumped my shoulders. Yes, I did. I had heard all about it from my pack. And taking it for granted as I was doing now was not only ungrateful, it was disrespectful. Even if I was only joking.
“I know. I’m sorry. It was meant as a joke. I’m not going to push myself too hard, I promise. It’s not like there’s a rush to get back into form. There’s nowhere for us to fight now.”
The gladiators belonging to the Master had all found their way home from Rome. From the stories we had heard, many of the other gladiators had been less willing to return to their masters, and those who were new captives had tried to make a break for it. There was no revolt, just more escaped slaves on the roads and in the hills, causing problems for travellers.
I felt my brothers coming up behind me and Accalia’s big smile told me how happy she was to see them.
Would she lecture them too, or were the rebukes all for me? I didn’t care. As long as I could be with her like this, she could take a whip to me if she wanted.
“You have as many supporters here as you had in Rome,” she observed before changing tack. “And who let Talos join you? He is not supposed to be out of bed, no less training yet.”
So they were going to get a lecture too. I smiled smugly and looked over my shoulders to check out my brothers’ reactions. They simply grinned at her like lunatics. If everybody didn’t already know that Cassius was really Ennia Corva they would take us for weaklings, allowing ourselves to be harangued by a lad. But though she kept up the disguise, no one was fooled anymore. She was our mistress and our healer and was perfectly within her rights to castigate us.
I was going to tell her to start wearing gowns when she came to the barracks because I was now only too aware of the bashful looks her legs attracted from the boys filing past her out of the training field. But there was something about being dressed as a lad that made her presence here acceptable. If she dressed as a noblewoman the dynamic would be very different.
“Gods, it’s the Master!” came a cry of warning from the front of the barracks.
I saw Accalia’s face split with joy and then horror as she realised how she was dressed. But before any of us could react, to hide her, or to even stand in front of her, Ennius Corvus hobbled onto the training field.
He looked like a very old man, his body little more than skin and bones. His gaze, as it flicked over us, was dull and lifeless.
Standing like frozen deer, we all saw the moment the Master realized that the lad we were speaking to was really his daughter. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so frightening.
“Ennia?” the old man choked out, his hand rising to his chest to press there as if it pained him.
Accalia swallowed hard and nodded. “Yes, Pater. It is I. I am so glad to see you home. I wanted to get a message to you that I was all right, but I lost your itinerary in the fire.”
She was babbling, trying to cover her crime with words, much as a seamstress patched a hole with new cloth.
“What are you doing here dressed like that?” he choked out.
“I...” she tried to speak, but her throat had closed over in fear.
“She’s our healer,” Orion spoke up for her. “She has been for many years. And she dresses like a boy because that’s the only way she could do her work here. No one knew who she was... until... recently.”
The Master blinked several times as if unable to take in Orion’s words. His eyes remained on his daughter, his expression unreadable.
“I thought you were dead. I saw my cousin and he said you were dead.”
Accalia let out a whimpering moan. None of us had thought to find the uncle and tell him Accalia was found. We had been too keen to get back home and see to Accalia and Talos’ recovery.
Accalia rushed forward, and for a split second I thought her father was not going to open his arms to her. But he did, on a cry of such grief and pain I grimaced in sympathy.
He had rushed home from his tour, yet again, only to be told his daughter had died in the fire? What must that have been like for him? I know it had been agony for my pack-mates, because they’d said as much on several occasions since our return. Every time they spoke of it, or I saw the pain in their eyes, I felt guilty for not trying to get Accalia out sooner.
“What happened?” he asked her, running his fingers through her recently cut hair.
“In the fire?” she asked.
He nodded mutely, still fingering her hair and shaking his head. His expression was a mixture of relief and annoyance.
“I went down to try to help the victims. My guards came with me. When I realised my uncle’s place was at risk, I sent Janus back to tell them to leave. Ramus and I went to the Forum to help the injured. When it became clear that the Forum was going to be surrounded, we left. But when a woman cried that her daughter was still in a burning building, I rushed in. Ramus tried to stop me but was hit by a beam.” She paused. So far she was sticking to the truth, but I wasn’t sure how she was going to handle the rest.
“Why... Why would you do that?” Corvus said in utter bemusement.
“Try to help? Because I am a healer, Pater. That is what I have been doing while you have been away. That is why I dress like this, so people do not know who I am and will let me help them. And so I thought I could help those who were burned. And I did. I just... I just made a mistake. I was too tired to make good choices by that stage.” She paused again, looking up at her father, pleading for him to understand.
We shifted restlessly as one, wanting to comfort her but knowing we couldn’t. We couldn’t even stop the Master punishing her if he saw fit. I hated being a slave in that moment.
“So you ran into a burning building. Is that why Etruscus thought you dead?”
She nodded and swallowed. “When Ramus regained consciousness he found Uncle in the field of Mars and told him what had happened. Later, Ramus and Janus joined the Wolf Pack as t
hey searched for me. For me and Talos.
The Master’s eyes had grown round in horror. Accalia rushed on.
“The Wolf Pack asked permission to search for me when they received word I had gone down to the fire to help. Talos picked up my trail first and, when he heard I had rushed into the building, he came in after me. To save me.”
She looked across at me with a little smile playing on her lovely lips. I smiled back supportively.
“The floor and ceiling collapsed around us. We fell into a cellar of sorts that had water and fresh air. Talos was injured quite badly, but I had only a few bruises. When he was up to it, Talos started trying to get us out. And at the very same time as he succeeded, the pack were there trying to find us... me. And they did. We were both in a bad way, so they took us to Natalinus’ villa. From there we came home. I should have thought to find my uncle, but... but...” Her voice filled with unshed tears and Corvus tightened his grip on her. In comfort, I was relieved to realise.
“How long? How long were you down there?” he asked, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Five days. Almost as long as the fire blazed. And we all came home because... because there was no ludus anymore and... and it seemed the only choice for them. And they would never have let me travel home with only two guards, anyway. Not with all the escaped gladiators on the loose.” She was pleading again. This time for us.
Corvus looked up take us in. “Men, I owe you yet another debt of gratitude. You had no need to risk your lives for my daughter, but you did it anyway. I cannot express how profoundly I am moved by your loyalty.”
I felt my cheeks redden. My shoulders squared a little of their own accord, and I lifted my chin in pride. I wished I didn’t feel the little seed of guilt, though. The way Accalia had told the story, I had been injured for the whole time we were underground. That safeguarded her reputation and my life. Had he suspected the things we had done together down there, and why we had taken so long to make our escape, it would have been another story all together.
Corvus went on. “I offered Asterius his freedom after saving Ennia Corva last year. This time I offer it to you all. I know you will want to return to the arena, as your fame has spread across the empire. But you could do so as freedmen, contracting yourselves into the arena. It is happening more and more often these days. Then your earnings would be your own. You could make good money. Enough to make good lives for yourselves after a few years.”
Accalia looked over at us, her face alight with joy. And something else. Something like grief. There would be no reason for her to supervise our contests if we were free.
“There is no amphitheatre in Rome any more. And no ludus,” Orion pointed out.
“I can find you places anywhere. Your reputation has spread far and wide. I was in Britannia when I heard about the famous Wolf Pack who had become the toast of all of Rome.”
“Talos is still injured. He will not be able to fight for some time,” Orion continued, pointing out all the issues.
The Master looked at me in surprise, re-evaluating just how badly I must have been hurt in the fall.
“You can remain here until he is well. In fact, I will insist on it. I must return to complete my tour. And the way my daughter gets into trouble... She needs more than two retired gladiators to keep her safe.” He looked down with indulgent annoyance at his daughter, who looked dutifully contrite.
When he looked up again, it was as if years had dropped from his shoulders. Finally it had sunk in. His girl was safe!
“Stay on here as my slaves, guarding her, until I return. Then you can tell me your decision.”
“Might we stay on permanently as her bodyguards?” I asked cautiously.
This was dangerous ground. But I needed to know. I had begun to hope and make plans that might allow Accalia to be in our lives forever. Plans that could not possibly come to fruition.
Yet hadn’t we proven that, as new gladiators, we could achieve heights others believed would be denied to us so soon. And hadn’t my brothers proved that hope could sustain you until you achieved the seemingly impossible? Had there not also been a time, as I cleared away the barriers to our freedom, when I had started to believe Accalia and I would never find a way out? Especially after I was injured. And yet we had. We were doing the impossible over and over again, as if making the impossible possible came naturally to us.
So why not this? Why couldn’t we have a place in Accalia’s life permanently?
“Permanently? No, not as freedmen. I have no freedmen on the estate. And once I am home, Accalia will have no need of anyone but me to keep her out of trouble.”
My disappointment shouldn’t have been so great in that moment. But it was. And it almost made me miss Typhon’s next comment.
“She is well-loved by everyone on the estate because of her healing ability,” he said. “It was she who sewed up the dagger wound when I was thirteen. Several of the babes born to the breeders survived only because of her intervention. Her healing doesn’t get her into trouble, it saves lives.”
Accalia blinked back tears of gratitude.
It hadn’t entered my head that the trouble the Master was going to try to keep her from might include her work as Cassius. Typhon was always fast that way.
“I... I assumed that was Ariaratus. It seems I have assumed too much in the last six years.” Corvus looked disgruntled now and Accalia fearful.
But I pushed my concerns aside. Whatever happened in the future, we still had several more months here with our girl before any decision had to be made. That was still more than I expected when I was trying to find our way out. It would give us time to think through all the possibilities and make plans.
How much would I need to earn as a freedman before I could become an acceptable husband for Accalia? No amount of money, I realised sadly. Patricians married patricians. They didn’t even marry ordinary citizens, and certainly not freedmen who might or might not be able to buy their citizenship. If I was free, I would be even further away from Accalia than I was now.
But there had to be a way!
It wasn’t until later that night that I saw Accalia again. She had assigned us a room in the house-slave’s quarters because we didn’t fit in anywhere else anymore. The rest of my pack-mates were taking their evening meal with those same house-slaves now and a tray would be brought to me after they finished. I was, much to my annoyance, still consigned to my bed.
When Accalia slipped into the room with a tray and put it on the floor beside me, my heart lifted with joy. Discomfort followed too quickly after it. I suddenly felt shy around her. Now her father was back, and her reputation was at risk, we could not relax around each other anymore. It felt as if we were strangers.
“How do you feel?” she asked, sitting cross-legged beside me on Asterius’ pallet. She wore a gown but no wig. It was like old times. But not. Because her father was here.
“Better for seeing you. Has your pater said any more about your healing work?”
She sighed heavily and shrugged. “He is ignoring it right now. Acting as if it did not happen. I think he is just so relieved to find me alive he does not want to look for problems. It is a bit like how he was when he realised Asterius and I had spent so much time alone together. He does not want to have to punish me, so he ignores my lapses, hoping they will not be repeated.”
“It was masterful how you placed my injury at the beginning of our ‘ordeal’.” I grinned, knowing neither of us saw it as an ordeal. Except for the last part, of course.
She rolled her eyes. “It seemed the safest way, and it explained away our extended time down there while protecting my innocence. With a hole in your side you could hardly take advantage of me, could you?” She batted her lashes at me playfully.
“I would have found a way,” I admitted seriously.
She shook her head in rebuke, but a smile played at the edges of her lips. When she went on she was more serious.
“What will you do? Pater’s off
er is a good one. Free and able to go back into the arena to earn your own money? That would make a great start for a new life.”
“A new life that couldn’t include you?” I said sadly.
She sighed. “Do you know how many hours I have spent trying to find some way where we could all be together? There is no way. I am as much a slave as you are. My life belongs to Pater. He might be a loving owner, but he is still my owner. And he cannot grant me my freedom as he is doing for you. And even if I were free to marry whom I chose, I could never choose four men. I could never marry four men. It is unheard of. It is illegal. I might go so far as to say it is immoral.”
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Though I knew it was a risk, I took it anyway. Leaning over, I wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. She clung to my side as easily as she had done in our safe haven.
“I love you so much,” she whispered into my tunic. “It hurts to love so much.”
I nodded. “I know. That’s how it is for me. But don’t give up. While ever we are together there is hope. My pack-mates told me that they always sensed you were alive, even when everything pointed to the fact you were dead. That kind of connection. Our kind of bond... it can’t be broken. And we’ll find a way to be together. Somehow, we’ll find a way.”
She turned her face up to me, and it was the most natural thing in the world to kiss her mouth. And I did, pouring all my love, hope and belief into that melding of lips. Though all seemed hopeless, deep inside me I knew that one day we would find a way to be together. All of us. Just as my brothers stubbornly kept looking for us, I would stubbornly keep looking for a way to keep us together. Because anything else was impossible to contemplate.
When we broke apart I saw the tears trickling from her eyes. I brushed them away with my thumbs.
“No more tears. We have months to enjoy each other’s company before anything is decided. We never thought we’d have our time in that hole or these next few months. So don’t give up. It’s not over yet.”
She forced a grin. “If anyone had asked me which one of you was the optimist I would never have thought it was you.”