by Azzurra Nox
“I would imagine.”
“They never understood my passion.”
“Who?”
“Blake, Dior, and Bailey.”
“Oh.”
“I only tried out for cheerleading because Dior acted like she expected me to.”
“Isn’t it exhausting to always have to do something to please her?”
“A little, yes. But it’s even more exhausting trying to find where you belong. Maybe she’s a little demanding, and kooky, and snobby, but we were a tight group. I didn’t have to worry about who I belonged with, I just happened to fall into their group because Blake and I were close.”
“It is a little hard trying to fit in.”
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“How do you manage to fit in a new place every few years? You said that you traveled a lot because of your dad’s job.”
A nervous laughter escaped her, followed by an awkward silence. Then Lena answered with a dose of honesty, “It’s never easy. You just learn to adapt, for better or worse.”
“For how long did you live in Europe?”
“Fifteen years.”
“That’s almost all your life.”
“Yeah….”
“Don’t you ever…miss it?”
She shrugged, “Not really, no.”
“Really? I mean, weren’t you used to it?”
“It was all I knew. But every place we lived at has always felt like a motel. A temporary residence until we’d find our permanent one.”
“So is L.A. permanent?”
“I don’t know. I just hope to finish school here. I don’t really want to move in my senior year. That would be horrible.”
“I know. I’d be terrified to start anew. You’re brave.”
“I’m not brave. Just someone who’s had to deal with a certain circumstance,” she murmured, grabbing a brush from her messenger bag and running it through her long hair. The two remained quiet for a few minutes. There was no sound in the room but for the running of a fan, and the faint rolling of tires from the cars passing by the dance studio. Just as when Lena was about to break the silence the door opened. Her heart somersaulted when she noticed the familiar figure. There he stood with a regal aura, a messy mane of chestnut waves framing his face and those emerald eyes that could pierce a hole right through the center of her heart. Bull’s eye. She was shot. Without a second thought she jumped up, and ran to him. It wasn’t likely of her to show this much enthusiasm, but she couldn’t mask her feelings when it came to Michael.
“I’ve missed you like crazy! I thought you were never coming back!” she hugged him tightly in a way to prove herself that he was real. That he was flesh and bone because she could feel his strong muscles and the smoothness of his skin. She had forgotten that Bethany was there, until she came up to them and with a polite smile said to the two of them, “I should be going. It’s good seeing you, Michael. Have you been sick?”
“I had things I had to get sorted out. Personal matters.”
“Gotcha. Okay. Well, see you at the prom!” she said before disappearing out of the door.
“When is prom?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“You going?”
“I don’t know. I guess so. I mean, I should since I got a dress and all. But I also promised Hope that I’d help her with the protection spell she wants to place around St. Lucy’s Academy.”
“Let me come with you. You guys might need my help.”
“Where were you all this time?” she couldn’t help but sound a little needy, as her voice cracked. She quickly blinked away the tears, not wanting to seem lame.
“I was busy. And I had to stay away.”
“Away from me?”
He merely nodded. She looked down. At this point she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She did something that was fairly uncharacteristic of her. She put herself in a vulnerable position. Getting to her knees, she looked down as the tears blurred her vision.
“Lena, you don’t understand the risk you’re running to be with me. What happened that day could’ve surfaced terrible consequences for the both of us.”
“But I can’t live without you,” she sobbed. “I tried to pretend I didn’t care, but my heart was breaking. I couldn’t breathe.”
He got down on his knee to embrace her tiny frame. His arms felt strong, far more secure than she had last recalled them to be.
“It’s because I love you that I know we can’t be together.”
“Why? Tell me why!”
“I can’t assure you that I won’t hurt you. I can’t control myself, not when I’m bombarded by emotions. Especially when I’m not supposed to feel anything. But you make me feel. And that’s both thrilling and scary at the same time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Lena, you’re so naïve,” he said but in a way that denoted tenderness and not mockery. “What you don’t understand is that if we get physical, I can turn like Adriel. That’s the curse for my kind. We can’t love. But when we do…we’re in danger of becoming a fallen.”
“You mean that Adriel used to be like you?”
“She was, until she fell in love with a young Frenchman a couple of centuries ago.”
“Oh,” she bit her lip. A sinking feeling plummeted at the pit her stomach like an anchor. Tears rolled down involuntarily. She had no control over them, and yet she didn’t care what he had just told her. There was no way that she could imagine having to do without him.
“I don’t care,” she clung to him almost desperately. “Just don’t leave me! We’ll be careful. Not being able to see you is far worse than any other kind of consequence.”
Pulling away a little, he looked down at her. He shook his head with a sigh, “Lena, how can I say no to you? You make it too hard to,” he dried her tears, and kissed her. His kisses were intoxicating, like taking a hit of the most potent drug. Even if she was hit by images of swords and bloodshed, but soon everything was clear by a blinding light.
She didn’t care what the outcome would be. They’d be careful, she wouldn’t permit herself to reach the threshold of no return as it had happened so easily last time.
“I’m sure I look like a mess,” she quipped knowing that her black liner had melted down to her cheeks because she could feel the sticky residue on her face.
“Impossible,” he kissed her again. He let his lips linger upon hers before he pulled away stating, “You haven’t seen Adriel during my absence have you?”
“No, not at all. Neither has Jon.”
“That’s good. But we can’t be too certain. She’s probably still around. She doesn’t give up that easily.” He stood up, pulling her with him. She was still in her en pointe shoes feeling the pain in her toes come back to her now that she was back on her feet. Her toenails scrapped against the tight shoes, but ignored the pain till it dulled out.
“What’s this?” he asked looking at the mirror pendant in shape of a tear hanging from her neck.
“Hope gave it to me. She said it’s got a protective spell on it, and it should keep Adriel away.”
“Because of the mirror…”
“She said that soulless creatures can’t bear to see their reflection?”
“It’s true to some extent. It’s not their reflection they see when they peer into a looking glass but the light of the Divine. That’s what blinds them.”
“This Divine you always mention, isn’t that the same as God?”
“Humans have given Him many names throughout the centuries, and many guises. But He’s unchangeable, and He’s everywhere.”
“If He’s everywhere, then why can’t He stop her?”
“You can’t apply logic on something that is illogical, Lena. That’s the mistake that your kind makes. He could stop her if He wanted. He could stop all the men who have ever done anything terrible to humankind. But He won’t stop someone from a choice that person has made. We’re all given free will, what we
do with it is the end result of our rise or demise.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know, it’s hard to comprehend, and even harder to explain. All I can say is, that we don’t fall apart because of fate, nor because of our design, it’s for our choices and desires that we may fall apart.”
“Shouldn’t you be immune to this? After all, you’re a heavenly creature or something like that.”
Michael couldn’t help but chuckle at little at her definition of him, and attempted to explain, “When we angels begin to have feelings, or desires, that’s when we become less heavenly so to speak, and more…human.”
“So to become a fallen angel is to become human?”
“No, a fallen angel is someone who gave in to human desires and is forever plagued by having fallen from grace and condemning not only their existence, but that of the person they loved. This is why I’m so afraid. Not for me, but for you.”
She nodded, finally understanding what he was trying to tell her. So many more questions navigated in her head but she tried to clear her thoughts, feeling the oncoming of a migraine approach like a stealthy cat wiggling its way into a half closed door. She closed her eyes for a moment. Then remembered. She had forgotten to take her pill.
“Sorry…I..have to get something,” she quickly told him, stepping away and crouched down to look through her messenger bag for the small bottle of pink tablets.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just need to get my meds,” she pulled out various things from her bag, a couple of notebooks and shrugs, until she saw the white plastic bottle nestling at the bottom of the bag between a pair of en pointe shoes. She pulled it out, grabbing the water bottle as well, and quickly uncapped the container and swallowed down two pills.
“What’s it for?”
“To keep me sane. Or something. It keeps me in check. Or at least it kills my libido enough that I’m sure that’s why my dad agreed to having them prescribe me this.”
“How long you’ve been taking them?”
“Since my mother died.”
His face looked grave. His features darkened and she couldn’t understand why, so she added, “It’s okay. I was kidding about my dad using them as an effective way to keep me a virgin. I just..it was difficult to move on with my life after my mom’s death.”
“Any death of a loved one is hard to overcome.”
“You wouldn’t know, you’ll never die.”
“I’ve seen others die for centuries. Sometimes their pain has become my own.”
“I wouldn’t know. I just know about my pain, and that’s enough baggage for me to carry,” she said a little too bitterly as she pulled off the en pointe shoes and slipped into her Doc Martens. “My dad’s probably waiting for me outside, I have to go,” she stood up, grabbing her bag. Michael blocked her path.
“Wait, I feel like I’ve offended you. What’s wrong?”
“Michael you speak of not understanding emotions, how you can’t feel, so how can you feel the pain of others?”
“I can’t. What I meant is that I see them suffer. I feel the greatness of their pain and its weight.”
“Sorry, I just..I’m not good with talking about how I feel. Especially about my pain. Okay?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made it sound like I was belittling your feelings,” he reassured her. “I know we’re risking everything there is to risk, but I love you.”
A small smile formed on her lips, even though it shouldn’t have. Not after what he had previously mentioned in regards to the risks they were running by remaining together. But every time he uttered those three little words, her young intrepid heart would melt in various degrees. Love was nothing but a dangerous creature, and although the notion should appall her, she was seduced into the mechanisms of this impossible love, because like any other young girl crazily in love before her, she was certain that she could change their fate. Their love could be possible. Giving up something that she strongly believed in wasn’t something she could easily allow herself to concede to. Now that he had returned to her she fully intended on keeping their love secure. Allocate it in a vault, and preserve its purity so that the outside world couldn’t mare it with its unreasonable expectations.
Chapter Sixteen
The full moon shone down like a spotlight casting the city of Los Angeles under a luminance that almost mimicked that of day. Jon drove along the street in direction to Sydney’s home. He had promised that he would pick her up. His appointment with Hope was at the school’s courtyard at midnight. The stark white dress shirt made him feel stiff, or maybe that’s because the garment was new, and hadn’t been lived in. His mother had insisted on him wearing a black dinner jacket, stating how he couldn’t look dressed down for his Prom. He wanted to tell her that he was only going to make Sydney happy since she seemed so attached to the idea of the two of them going together. But his thoughts were focused elsewhere and allowed his mother to get carried away with the grooming and dressing.
Tonight would be the most important night of the year for many highschoolers, but that wasn’t the case for Jon. Or rather, it was important but not for the reasons that his classmates thought it was. When he saw Sydney for the very first time that night he remained speechless. The pale pink dress she wore seemed to hug her curves, and her hair was styled in loose waves that fell down along her shoulders. Her legs seemed to be covered in white opaque stockings that glittered with rhinestones like a million stars.
He couldn’t hold back a grin, “You’re gorgeous,” he gushed not holding back, as his eyes scanned over her body and noticed the ornamental flowers with veils placed strategically over the area of her face with the birthmark. From far away, you wouldn’t even be able to notice her blemish.
He almost forgot to give her the corsage he had bought for her, until she asked him what was in the box he was holding. Jon had gotten her a pink rose corsage decorated with baby’s breath. It had a classic romantic feel to it. Her mother was very persistent in having them pose for a few photos. She was so nice about it that he couldn’t bring himself to decline nor rush her. Once they could escape the traditional prom night routine, the two of them were in his car driving towards the hotel that was holding the reception. Sydney gazed out at the moon, and he found himself saying, “When I was little I thought Night was a beautiful woman wearing a black cape that took away the sun and the stars were the holes in her tattered cloak.”
Sydney smiled at him, saying, “That’s beautiful. I like that image a lot.”
“In my fantasy the beautiful woman was always a blonde, maybe you can be my Night.”
“Oh, Jon, you don’t have to woo me,” she said with a laugh. “Are we there yet?” her face was pressed against the window with awe, like a little child seeing the snow for the very first time, enthralled by the white snowflakes dancing in the air.
“Just a few more blocks,” he said, unbuttoning the first button on his white shirt. “Do I really have to wear a tie? This thing is killing me.”
“Take it off, I don’t care. I just want to dance with you.”
It was as though he was waiting for her permission to do so, because the second she said that, he quickly tugged at his tie, until it loosened and he pulled it off, throwing it on the backseat. “I thought I was going to choke!”
He ran his hand through his hair, pulling through the black strands that fell along his cheek. The hotel came into view and he could see a lot of his classmates walking along the lighted stairs whilst others took photos at the gazebo. Many of them had decided to come in limousines that stretched out for miles. A fleeting thought hit him at that moment, was he supposed to do that too? He hadn’t even thought about it.
“I apologize for my lack of impressive ride to the prom.”
“Are you crazy? There’s nothing wrong with your car!”
“Maybe not, but look at how everyone else is getting here.”
“Who cares about the others? Besides, I don’t
even like limousines they remind me of Connor’s hearse.”
She sounded sincere, and his apprehension fled him. Something caught his eye as he was driving into the parking lot. A pink limousine drove in, and when the occupants walked out he saw the Honeys with their respective dates, but what made him stop to look was that Lena was there with Michael. While most of the girls wore long gowns, Lena stood out for wearing a short above the knee black dress with a small satin bow on one of the spaghetti straps, as a choker with a cameo adorned her white neck, but she still wore the silver rosary that fell down the front of her dress. Her hair was the color of honeysuckles against the light of the moon. She hadn’t done much to style it, except for placing what seemed to be a diadem of little black roses around her head. He despised himself when his heart fluttered at the mere sign of her turning her head in the direction of his car, and he suddenly made a brisk turn.
“Hey, be careful! What’s wrong?”
“Uh, nothing. Thought I saw a cat on the road and didn’t want to kill it,” he quickly stated, the white lie so convincingly that he almost believed it himself.
“Oh look, there’s Lena and Michael! We should say hi to them later.”
“Yeah, sure,” he mumbled parking the car. If he didn’t want to be at Prom before, now he was certain that he didn’t want to be there, and his eyes desperately sought for a means of escape. But then he told himself that he couldn’t run to avoid Lena and Michael because he’d most certainly would be seeing them both at the courtyard with Hope.
Jon parked the car. The music was already blaring from the dance room, whilst the DJ shouted things to get the teenagers pumped for the night.
“Looks like we should get going,” he said trying to sound a little excited but his tone sounded more like that of an inmate on death row who was walking towards his execution. Sydney didn’t seem to notice his somber mood, and the two of them made their way towards the dance. The steps were made of white and pink marble and there was a fountain with a statue of a cherub angel with roses adorning its feet where water sprouted from. He shook his head and knew why the Prom committee had selected this location now, especially since Sister Agnes was the sponsor for it.