7. A TREACHEROUS TRIP IN A TRUCK
Hey, call me a coward, but this was WAY WORSE than being trapped inside a locker or a Dumpster.
It was NEXT-LEVEL terrifying! Like being stuck in a really BAD, NEVER-ENDING NIGHTMARE! . . .
THE BUNGLING BURGLARS, MAKING A GETAWAY WITH US IN THE TRUCK!
“Max, are you okay?” Erin whispered.
Of course I was NOT okay!! DUH!
“You’re, um . . . breathing funny,” she added.
NO JOKE! On top of my TOTAL TERROR, I was having an asthma attack! And there’s nothing funny about an asthma attack. FOR REAL!
The truck turned out of the school parking lot with a loud screech and swerved onto the main road.
Ralph was ranting like a madman. “The wife’s going to STRANGLE me because I missed her mom’s birthday! And NOW I’m coming HOME without a GIFT!! I could have given her a brand-new computer from that school! But you two NUMBSKULLS messed it up!”
YIKES! Ralph was taking us HOME with him?!
“Sorry, boss! But that was all MOOSE’S fault!”
“No way, boss! It was all TUCKER’S fault!”
“Just shut your TRAPS! It was both of yers fault! I’d punch you both in the gut if I wasn’t driving this truck!” Ralph snarled.
“I have an idea, Max!” Erin said. “At some point, we’ll stop at a red light. When we do, let’s jump out of the truck and make a run for it!”
“But what if they see us?” I asked.
I couldn’t tell if Erin’s face was really green or if it was a reflection from the Christmas tree she was lying next to.
“I’d rather risk them seeing us NOW than risk them seeing us at Ralph’s house LATER, right?” she muttered.
If that was supposed to make me feel better, it DIDN’T!! The next three minutes were the longest minutes of my life.
Since it was past midnight with less traffic on the roads, we kept hitting green lights.
Ralph seemed to be speeding up, not slowing down.
I was starting to believe we’d NEVER get out of that truck ALIVE.
My life flashed before my eyes.
Suddenly Ralph swerved the truck and the tires squealed loudly.
I slammed into Erin, and the Christmas tree fell on top of both of us.
I thought for sure Ralph saw everything in his rearview mirror. But then he yelled, “Look! A drive-through! And it’s STILL open! I just got a genius idea!”
I could NOT believe our luck!
Was he REALLY stopping at a drive-through?
I couldn’t decide if Ralph was the WORST criminal ever, or the BEST! I mean, if you’re on the run from the law, a few double cheeseburgers would definitely help keep up your energy level, right?
“Welcome to Crazy Burger! May I help you?” came a garbled voice on the speaker.
Erin and I looked at each other, and then at Ralph, who was staring at the drive-through menu.
“So, does a TOY come with the Crazy Burger Kiddie Meal?!” he asked. “I need a birthday present for my mother-in-law. She likes pink. Do you got any of those cute little toys in pink?”
“HUH?” the voice said, totally confused.
“Hey, boss! Can I get a Kiddie Meal too? I’m STARVING!” Moose whined.
“Me too, boss! I want the Kiddie Meal with Tricky Chicky Nuggets. It has the best toy!” Tucker said.
“Come on, Erin!” I exclaimed. “Let’s get out of here while they’re distracted with their Kiddie Meal orders!”
We had to make our leap to freedom! It was now or never!
“On three?” I said, and Erin nodded. I held up one finger, then two, and finally . . . THREE!
I think we both must have gotten a HUGE rush of adrenaline or something, because we frantically scrambled out of the back of that truck FAST!
Like two very desperate kids being accidentally KIDNAPPED by three VERY DANGEROUS, CRAZY FELONS.
Wait a minute!
We WERE two very desperate kids being accidentally KIDNAPPED by three VERY DANGEROUS, CRAZY FELONS!
What an AMAZING coincidence!
Then we ran to the front of Crazy Burger and dived into some bushes. We lay there in shock, trying to catch our breath.
There must have been a vent nearby blowing air from inside the restaurant, because we started to smell delicious burgers!
Within minutes both of our stomachs were growling like garbage disposals.
Grumble-grumble! Grumble-grumble!
I sighed and looked at Erin.
I was dying to pull a Moose-’n’-Tucker impression and obnoxiously whine, “BOSS, I’M STARVING!! Can’t I at least go inside and get a Kiddie Meal? PLEEEASE?!”
But before I could ask, Erin rolled her eyes and shot me a dirty look. “No, MAX! Just . . . NO! Don’t even THINK about it!”
DANG, girl! Can’t a bro get a burger around here?!
Now I totally understood why so many superheroes work ALONE!
I’m just SAYING!!
8. NIGHT RIDERS ROCK!
We waited until Ralph got his order and pulled back onto the street. Then we raced down the alley next to the restaurant and started walking.
“Well, I think we should get you home first, Erin! So, where do you live?” I asked.
Erin and I were fairly new friends at school, so I’d never been to her house before.
“I live on Windy Hollow Court near Bentbrook Drive. We’re probably about two miles away,” she answered.
In spite of the disastrous evening, part of me was happy that the night wasn’t quite over yet. I’d get to walk Erin home!
“We need to make a left here to get to your house, correct?” I asked.
I stepped toward the street, but Erin yanked me back into the alley. “What if they see us?!”
I looked out at the empty street. “WHO?!”
“The POLICE! Once they finish up at the school, they’ll probably cruise around, looking for suspects.”
YIKES! Erin was TOTALLY right!! And we didn’t exactly blend into the night.
My ice princess costume superhero suit was made out of the reflective material cyclists wear that practically glows in the dark! I was like a huge billboard saying HEY, POLICE! I’M RIGHT HERE! COME ARREST ME NOW!!
“So how are we going to get home?!” I asked.
“VERY CAREFULLY!” Erin said. “Let’s go!”
We traveled at a snail’s pace, hiding behind trees and ducking into the shadows whenever a car passed.
After about two blocks we were passing a secondhand store that had assorted items sitting in front on the sidewalk.
“Hey, Erin! Take a look at this stuff! It’s FREE!” . . .
WE LOOK AT SOME FREE STUFF!
I noticed a rusty blue bike with a busted seat. However, the tires were full of air and looked okay. Plus, there were even two helmets!
“Did you see this wooden wagon?” Erin asked. “It’s a little beat up, but still sturdy.”
That’s when we both came up with a creative idea.
We could hook the wagon up to the bike and be at Erin’s house in less than ten minutes.
“So, who’s going to ride the bike? Do you want to flip for it? Loser gets the busted seat!” Erin teased.
“Well, I’m not really feeling that wagon. The splinters from that wood could be brutal,” I teased back.
What a relief Erin was okay with the wagon! It was MY fault that Erin was in this mess. I didn’t want to have to argue over who was getting what.
“OKAY! I’ll take the raggedy wagon. You get the busted bike!” She grinned.
We looked around and found an old jump rope on a bookshelf.
We tied the wagon to the back of the bike, and we were finally ready to roll!
The broken bicycle seat was a little tricky.
It wasn’t that bad as long as I was sitting on it. But if I stood up, it would flop over at a weird angle.
Then I’d have to stop and adjust the seat again, which was pretty annoyin
g.
I finally got the hang of it, and soon we were gliding quietly down the sidewalk with my cape flapping in the wind, almost like I was flying!
It was actually kind of COOL! . . .
Finally, we reached Erin’s house! I was surprised it was just a few blocks from mine.
“Thanks for the ride home, Max.” Erin smiled. “That was A LOT of fun!”
“No problem! Thank YOU for rescuing ME from the Dumpster.” I smiled back. “Unfortunately, that WASN’T a lot of fun!”
She actually laughed at my little joke! SWEET!!
“Well, you could always join the computer club. THAT would be FUN!” she said. “We could hang out after school!”
Did I mention that Erin was PRESIDENT of the computer club?
There was a slight breeze, and I couldn’t help but notice she STILL smelled AMAZING!
I must have had a sensory overload or something, because my brain completely shut down and I couldn’t think of anything else to say. It was SO quiet, I could actually hear the crickets chirping. . . .
“LOSER!”
“LOSER!”
“LOSER!”
“LOSER!”
“LOSER!”
Okay, the “LOSER” part was probably just my extreme insecurity vivid imagination.
I needed to say something . . . ANYTHING!
“So, Erin, has anyone ever told you that you have a really cool, um . . . mailbox? Ours is old and crappy, but my dad is too cheap to buy a new one!”
Of all the great things about her, I could NOT believe I had just complimented her MAILBOX!
“Actually, I think it came with the house. But thanks,” Erin answered as we both stared at her mailbox.
“So, Erin, I, um . . . want to apologize for ruining your ice princess costume. My clothes got messed up, and it was kind of an emergency. I’ll pay you for it!”
“NO WAY! Max, you put that costume to better use than I EVER could have! It’s weird, but it kind of gives you this . . . SUPERHERO vibe! Especially with those great boots! You actually look pretty AWESOME!”
I AM NOT LYING!
She actually said that to me!
For a moment I thought my head was going to EXPLODE from my super-inflated EGO!
“WOW! You REALLY think so?! The whole SUPERHERO thing NEVER crossed my mind! AT ALL!” I lied. “But thanks for the compliment!”
Then we both smiled and kind of stared at each other like they do in all those teen movies my older sister is OBSESSED with. . . .
ERIN AND ME, HANGING OUT IN FRONT OF HER HOUSE
Suddenly a light flicked on inside Erin’s house!
FOR REAL!! It was NOT my night!! DANG!!
“OMG! I better get inside!” Erin exclaimed as she turned and bolted up the driveway.
“Is that your PARENTS?! I hope you’re not in even BIGGER trouble!” I said, feeling really guilty again.
“Don’t worry! That light is my brother’s room. He’s probably just grabbing a midnight snack. Thanks again for the ride home. Good night, Max!”
Then she opened the front door and waved.
“Sure! Thank YOU for . . . everything!” I said. “And . . .”
But she disappeared inside and closed the door behind her before I could finish my sentence.
“. . . good night, Erin!” I muttered to myself.
I suddenly felt like a total WEIRDO standing there on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, staring at Erin’s house on a busted bike pulling a raggedy wagon.
WAIT! I AM that total WEIRDO!
Soon I saw a second light flick on in the house.
I guessed that it was probably Erin’s room. Unless it was . . . HER PARENTS’ ROOM?!!!!
OH, CRUD! What if her dad saw me out here?!
Any second now he could fling open the front door and chase me around the block with a broom or something.
SORRY! But Max C. was NOT going down like that!!
I took off on my busted bike with that raggedy wagon and quickly disappeared into the night.
9. MY DESPERATE DITCH AND DASH!
I pedaled toward home as fast as I could.
I wasn’t that worried about my neighbors seeing me, since all of them were asleep by now.
The challenge was going to be slipping inside my house without being noticed. And then acting like everything was TOTALLY NORMAL in the morning.
You know, like I hadn’t been up most of the night hanging out with COPS and ROBBERS!
I was almost home. And soon this whole nightmare would be over!!
Since I was EXHAUSTED, I decided to take a shortcut across our neighbor’s lawn.
Mr. Howell is the head of the neighborhood association. He’s eighty-two years old and meaner than a junkyard dog!
He leaves nasty notes taped on our trash bins if my parents leave them out an hour past pickup.
And once he called the police to report a “very loud and out-of-control party with excessive drinking!”
It was my little brother’s birthday, and a group of four-year-olds were playing Duck, Duck, Goose in our backyard and sipping juice boxes. GO FIGURE!!
My mom says Mr. Howell is lonely and just wants to be invited to our social events.
Anyway, if he caught me dragging a busted bike and a raggedy wagon across his PERFECTLY MANICURED LAWN, I was VERY sure he’d have a complete MELTDOWN.
I was sneaking across his yard when I heard his front door open.
Mr. Howell came rushing out of his house in his pajamas, SCREAMING his head off. . . .
MR. HOWELL, SCREAMING AT ME!
At first I froze like a deer in headlights. Then I panicked!
I am NOT proud of the fact that I DITCHED my busted bike and raggedy wagon on Mr. Howell’s beautiful front lawn.
But I really didn’t have a choice.
If he actually called the police, they’d interrogate me under a hot light like they do on TV. In less than thirty seconds, I’d totally CONFESS I was at school most of the night.
It would be a DISASTER!
Erin would HATE ME!
The cops would ARREST ME!
And my parents would KILL ME!
It was SO much easier to just leave my stuff there, jump over the fence into my yard, and disappear!
Mr. Howell put that stupid fence up a year ago for “more privacy.” I thought it was a good idea.
I mean, it’s NOT like I WANT to watch him sunbathing!!
The dude is so old and wrinkled, he looks like a human-sized PRUNE in swim trunks, sunglasses, and flip-flops. . . .
Anyway . . . FINALLY, I WAS HOME!!
HOME SWEET HOME!
I had never been so happy and excited to be at my house!
For some reason, I felt like a completely different person.
It seemed like only yesterday THUG had locked me inside my locker and totally RUINED my life!
WAIT! That WAS only yesterday!
But it felt like WEEKS!
Now I’m STRONGER and SMARTER! I could challenge THUG to a one-on-one basketball game and totally kick his BUTT!
I had successfully survived the past twenty-four hours and made a new friend! That made me a WINNER in the GAME OF LIFE. . . .
OH, CRUD!
I stopped at my front door and just stared!
There were LIGHTS on in my house?!! My parents were usually in bed by ten p.m.
That could only mean one thing. . . .
Maybe they knew I HADN’T gone to my grandma’s house for the weekend and they were waiting up for me!
And what if they found out about all the DRAMA I’d been through at school?
They’d FREAK OUT and literally FORCE me to go back to being HOMESCHOOLED by my GRANDMA! Then I’d NEVER get to attend another day at South Ridge Middle School.
Or join the computer club.
Or hang out with Erin.
MY.
LIFE.
WAS.
OVER!!!
10. I SNEAK IN AND FREAK OUT!
What if my parents were waiting up for me?! I was pretty much DEAD!!
I should have just stayed in the back of that truck and taken my chances with Ralph, Moose, and Tucker!
I didn’t have a choice but to ring the doorbell, spill my guts, and beg my parents for mercy. Erin would get in big trouble too, and I’d probably never see her again.
I felt like I was drowning in a HUGE wave of despair.
Finally it was GAME OVER!
SORRY! But Max C. wasn’t going down like that!!
In the past twenty-four hours, I’d managed to evade a bully, three burglars, a half dozen police officers, and a senile, lawn-obsessed elderly neighbor.
I’d escaped from a locker, boiler room, ventilation system, boys’ bathroom, Dumpster, and more.
I’d successfully made the treacherous trek from school to home in the middle of the night (and I STILL had a HUGE adrenaline rush from that romantic moonlit ride with my crush, Erin). So I was NOT about to give up now that I was less than fifty feet away from my BEDROOM! FOR REAL!
If Erin could sneak OUT of her house to rescue me, then I could at least sneak INTO my house to save my butt. I just had to figure out how to do it.
That’s when I remembered that the lock on the family room window was loose. My mom had been nagging my dad to fix it for months.
I could sneak in through that window and make it up to my room without my parents seeing me.
Then I’d just pretend I’d come home from my grandma’s house earlier that evening and hung out in my bedroom playing video games until bedtime.
PROBLEM SOLVED!!
I crept along the side of the house to the family room window and peeked inside.
A light was on in the hallway. But the room itself was totally dark except for a dim night-light or something that I’d never noticed before.
I slowly raised the window and cautiously stuck my head inside the room to listen for my parents.
Suddenly the lamp next to the window clicked on! It was so glaringly bright that I was briefly blinded.
When my eyes finally adjusted, I gasped in horror!
The Misadventures of Max Crumbly 3 Page 3