by Anayo Ordu
“And if she doesn’t get on it, I’ll be sure to help make it happen,” Tessa said as she let out an evil laugh.
I thought about their proposition. Instead of thinking too deeply into it, I closed my eyes and fell asleep, soaking up the summer sun under one of the most beautiful views in the world.
CHAPTER SIX
I was slowly but surely falling in love with dancing at Joplin every day. I had never worked this hard at dance in my life. If I wanted to perform with the best someday, I had to get used to how they did things as soon as possible.
We were a few weeks into the summer, and it was time to start preparing for the end of program recital.
Miss Blair had mentioned earlier that she would be making a shortlist of potential leads. I didn’t expect to be on the list, whatsoever. There were so many girls returning to the intensive for their second, third, and even fourth years. They had earned the right to be the featured lead. They had put in the work all these years.
“Bianca, are you ready to see your name up on the shortlist?” I asked her.
“Not at all. Way too much pressure. You don’t have to be the main star of the show to get a little shine! That’s why I keep it cute in the back and just steal some of the show every other scene.”
Sometimes I wish I had that girl’s level of confidence and carelessness.
“Alright, dancers. It’s time to announce our shortlist for the leads in our production of Cinderella,” Miss Blair said. “For the gentlemen I have Armani, Leo, and Martin.”
That was no surprise. They were the most skilled male dancers in the entire intensive. I figured it would be pretty difficult for the faculty to choose just one of them. They were all amazing.
“For the ladies I have Amanda, Jasmine, and Jane.”
My body froze. She didn’t say Jane. She said Julian. There was a girl at Joplin named Julian who danced so gracefully. She had to be talking about her.
“Jane – she said your name, go up there,” Bianca whispered as she gently pushed me to the front of the room.
I took my time as I made my way to the front and center of the studio floor. Amanda smiled for the rest of the room, then turned her to head to give me a sly smirk.
“We’ll spend the afternoon working with these dancers in Studio C. They’ll perform some combinations and technique for me and a few other faculty members. We’ll be announcing our leads tomorrow!”
I didn’t even have time to freak out. Our official audition was starting at this very moment in time. I honestly hadn’t even considered the thought of…being considered.
Was I actually good, or was this Miss Blair trying to boost my confidence and make me feel like I fit in? That had to be it. She was just being nice.
What if Amanda had been up to this? What if she suggested my name because she wanted to embarrass me? She seems like the type to scheme up that kind of plan.
What if by some glitch in the universe, they actually chose me? What if Armani was chosen for the male lead? I could barely hang out with him without feeling self-cautious. Imagine me dancing and rehearsing all those hours with him.
My mind was going wild with all the possibilities.
***
We moved over to Studio C. The plan was for the faculty to watch our technique, solo ability, and how we moved in certain pairs. This would tell them all they needed to know in order to cast the lead pair for the production.
First was technique. I had remembered Miss Blair complimenting me on the first day of class. Maybe I was actually better at some things than I thought.
The girls stood on one barre, the guys another. We went through our tendus, pliés, and other basic ballet movements. The faculty members watched in silence as they made notes on their clipboards. Is this what my Julliard audition was going to feel like?
Next was across the floor exercise. They wanted to see us separately, so the girls went first. We all took a space and spread ourselves out horizontally.
We leaped across the floor and back, using a different leading leg for each set. Next was chaine piqué turns, left and right side. In the middle of the set, I minded my arms. My ballet teacher at home would always tell me they could never be too controlled.
The guys did the same variation. I always loved watching them. My friend Ricky back home was the only male dancer I knew. It was amazing to see several young men who loved ballet the way I did.
Now it was time for the partner work. Two of the faculty members modeled the choreography, as Miss Blair talked us through the movements.
Amanda started with Armani. Jasmine was with Leo, and I had Martin. I was relieved Martin was who I’d be first learning the choreography with. We had a few short conversations on other days of the intensive. He was hilarious and even managed to make me laugh a few times during this intimidating process.
Once we had it down and memorized the combinations, it was time to switch partners. Amanda moved to Martin, Jasmine to Armani, and myself to Leo. This time the faculty had us perform the combinations, one by one.
For the most part, Leo was a solid partner. I think we were just a little uncomfortable dancing with each other. I was an inch taller than him, which made our partnership a little awkward.
It was finally time for the last rotation. I had to dance with Armani. I may or may not have dreamed of this scenario once or twice when I slept in my bed at night.
He smiled as we shuffled and stood next to each other.
“So, we meet again,” he said as he inched closer toward me.
I hadn’t seen him since we went to the Indian restaurant that one night. I still didn’t’ know how to process him waiting with me in the lobby until Bianca came back with my key card.
“We’re ready,” Miss Blair nodded her head to our pianist.
As soon as the notes started to play, my worst fear came true. This had only happened to me a few other times.
I had a small panic attack the morning I had to take my first attempt at the SAT. This wasn’t supposed to be happening when I was doing what I loved the most in life.
My body began to shake and tremble. I continued to hold Armani’s hands, even though he knew something was wrong. My breaths became heavier, and my body felt weak. My knees began to tremble.
I thought most of this was going on in my head, until Miss Blair rushed over to me.
“Come on, let’s go get some water,” she said as she held my arms and led me to the door.
Great. Aside from the fact that I had no chance of landing this lead role, I embarrassed myself by having a panic attack in front of faculty, and the five best dancers in the entire intensive. Armani probably thought I was crazy.
Miss Blair and I sat on a bench outside the studio. Thankfully everyone else had been dismissed early for the day, and wasn’t around to witness my incident.
“Honey, are you okay?” she asked empathetically.
“I’m better now,” I said to her. “Sometimes I just get really nervous about things and my body shuts down.”
“Anxiety. A lot of people deal with it,” she told me. “Ballerinas are especially fragile. There’s so much pressure to do everything perfectly.”
“I know. I love ballet. I just want to be the best I can be.”
“You are, Jane. You’re a beautiful dancer. I can tell you’ve been studying for years now. The only thing we need to work on is your confidence. You have to believe that you’re capable of executing any choreography or emotion on-stage, because you are.”
Those words meant a lot coming from Miss Blair. She was a veteran in the ballet world. I can’t believe she actually understood how I felt, and didn’t dismiss me for panicking.
She gave me a hug. “Are you ready to go back in there?”
I nodded my head and smiled. Actions always speak louder than words. Sometimes you just needed to show up and do what needed to be done.
I walked back into the studio with my head held high. Armani comforted me without saying a word. He grabbed my han
ds again and squeezed them gently, like he was telling me everything would be okay.
The time went by so quickly when I danced with him. I tried my best to focus entirely on the movement, but found myself getting lost in his eyes. They were a mesmerizing hazel color.
We completed our performance, and took our bow. If I got to dance with Armani, maybe I could handle the pressure of being the lead ballerina this summer.
***
Miss Blair let us know she’d be announcing the lead dancers at the next morning’s general warm-up session.
“Jane, how did it go?” Tessa asked me as we walked into the main studio.
“It was hard, but definitely fun,” I told her. “I’ve never danced with guys before.”
“She’s speaking figuratively and literally,” Bianca whispered as she winked and snickered.
I laughed and shook my head at her.
“We’re rooting for you,” she said as she grabbed me for a hug.
Once everyone was settled, Miss Blair took to the center of the room to go through our daily announcements. She reminded us about the date and time of the final performance.
I had to remember to ask my parents when exactly they were planning on flying up. My mom had been planning her weekend visit since the day I got my acceptance letter to Joplin. It wouldn’t be too hard to find something to do that she and my dad would enjoy.
“Next, we’d like to announce our primary dancers for this year’s production. Armani and Jane.”
I heard a “J” sound, so I registered that she was saying Jasmine. Wait. Did she say Jane?
The room applauded. Before I could process what was happening, Armani came and tapped my shoulder.
“Look at you, new girl,” he teased.
I was still in shock that the faculty actually chose me. Even if I was a decent dancer, they weren’t afraid I was going to have another panic attack the night of the show? I guess I was going to have to figure out how to cope and keep my cool.
When we got the cue to head to our breakout sessions, Bianca and Tessa nearly tackled me.
“Our girl did it! We told you amazing things would happen this summer if you let them,” Bianca said.
***
I had not been doing my best at keeping my promise to video chat with my parents every night. Between dance class, our trips in the city, and finding time to rest – I was exhausted. I was glad I’d be able to make up the missed calls with such exciting news.
“Hey y’all,” I said as they both appeared on the screen of my mom’s phone. At home we watched TV and ate dinner at the same time every night. My mom was adamant about having a routine.
“How’s our girl? You’ve been missing in action lately,” my dad said.
“I know. It’s been so busy. I have some news though,” I said.
The look on my mom’s face was overcome with worry.
“Jane, what happened?” she asked solemnly.
“It’s not bad news,” I laughed. “I was cast as the lead female dancer in our production!”
“Whew!” They both let out a sigh of relief simultaneously. I giggled at the fact that my parents thought any news I ever had to share could only be bad.
“Jane, that is wonderful,” my mom said. “I knew you would blossom and come out of your shell up there.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Your teachers have always told us you have so much talent as a dancer. The one thing holding you back has been your self-confidence,” she explained.
As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. Now was the time to show up and show what I could do.
“This will be the icing on the cake to our visit,” Dad said. “Do you have any ideas for our weekend? What should we plan to do?” he asked me.
I didn’t want to admit I hadn’t thought much about it at all.
“You know how New York is. You find the best restaurants, shopping, and little surprises when you’re not looking for them,” I said.
***
It’s funny how many more people started to come up to me, now that I was the prima ballerina of Joplin for the summer.
“You’ve always been so quiet. We had no clue you could dance as well as you do!” one of the girls said to me. She had been in Miss Blair’s morning session with me the entire summer.
I took it all in slowly. I was just glad to be meeting more friends. Everyone seemed genuinely happy for me, which I appreciated.
Amanda walked by, seeing the crowd around me.
“Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?” she asked.
I paused to consider what she might want. Instead of overanalyzing, I walked over to a bench and sat down with her.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting toward you,” she said. “I know I’ve been here the longest out of everyone. It really doesn’t make sense for me to be anything but friendly to new students.”
Wow. I never thought I’d hear kind words, let alone an apology come out of Amanda’s mouth.
“You’re a really talented dancer. Just don’t let this big opportunity get to your head,” she warned.
“Last summer I was the lead in the program production. No one told us, but apparently, there were representatives from Julliard in the audience.”
I got goosebumps. Would that be the case this summer, too?
“Remember, these guys watch for everything. I didn’t realize an admissions rep was nearby when I started getting upset at my mom after the show. I don’t even remember what the argument was about.”
I felt for her. People had mentioned Amanda had a reputation for having a certain type of attitude.
“You’re a great dancer, and a great person, too,” she said. “Just come out of that shyness and self-doubt. Then you’ll be a prima ballerina, and a rockstar, too.”
I smiled and hugged her. Even though I didn’t get any words in, her message was right on time.
I had to believe in myself 100% if I wanted to live up to my full potential in this crazy dance world.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Bianca was the type of person who didn’t forget about things. If you agreed to do something with her, you’d have to die to get out of going.
“Which night this week are we going to BDC?” she asked.
Broadway Dance Center was one of the most well-known studios in New York. Its choreographers worked with the best in the music industry, and taught classes whenever they were local. Music videos and performances from people like Jennifer Lopez and Rihanna were all their doing.
“Let’s see what’s on the schedule tonight.”
I really just wanted to get it over with. I was hoping if I didn’t disagree or complain, she’d forget she invited Armani, too.
“Sweet. Once we pick one, I’ll text Armani. He said he was down this morning.”
I spoke too soon.
Armani and I had already been spending more time together, preparing for the upcoming performance. We really didn’t get to talk like I wanted us to. Our hour spent together each day was solely about preparing for our roles as Cinderella and Prince Charming. There was a small possibility of us spending time together outside of the studio, alone. Only time would tell.
***
We got on the subway and rode into Times Square. The studio wasn’t a far walk from the subway station.
A wave of culture shock hit me when we walked inside. This wasn’t Joplin. This was commercial dance. Photos of faculty performing with famous singers at the VMA’s and Grammy’s adorned the walls.
I couldn’t help but wonder how much they got paid, or what their lives were like.
Everyone we saw was covered in streetwear. I knew “athleisure” was a trend, but they were on a level of fashion I didn’t recognize. This was New York Fashion Week combined with dance costumes.
After paying for our class card and signing in, we grabbed a space in the back corner of the room. Bianca and Armani wouldn’t admit it, but they were also nervous about taking c
lass with a room full of paid professional dancers.
“You guys look so young! Do you go to high school in the city?” a girl in Adidas track pants and a baseball cap asked us.
“We’re all from out of town. We’re spending the summer at Joplin for a ballet intensive,” I said.
“What? That’s so cool that you wanted to come take class. So many dancers get stuck in their mold and forget to branch out.”
I wasn’t sure how me looking crazy attempting hip-hop was going to help me land 20 fouette turns as Cinderella. I smiled back at her anyway.
It was 8PM on the dot, and the instructor made her way into the room. She was a tall, slender build, with lots of attitude in her walk. Her hair was dyed an electric blue.
“Alright, welcome back to Wednesday Night Hip-Hop at BDC!” The room roared in applause.
“Do we have any first time guests tonight?”
Us Joplin kids and a few other people raised our hands.
“I love it when the babies show up,” she said.
Did we all really look that young?
“Tonight’s combination is to a hot song right now – “Drip” by crazy Cardi B. I couldn’t get her to stop by tonight, so you all will just have to be happy with me,” she winked and laughed.
I only took hip-hop at my home studio when I was much younger. You know how they usually say it’s best to find your strength and focus on that one thing? I was definitely a ballet girl. Hip-hop required a lot of free movement, and structure was my thing.
She started by playing the song for us, in case no one had heard it. She reminded us that the song was about showing off, so we better do the same when dancing her choreography.
I will say the process of learning hip-hop choreography is a lot different from ballet’s. There are not only visuals involved, but also sounds. “Boom, kak!” Most choreography also hits not just on the upbeats, but downbeats and hidden tempos that you have to really listen to in order to catch.