by Lake, Keri
“Easy, Pistol Lips.” His cheeks dimpled with a grin, eyes sparkling with humor. “I like when you’re pissed off. It’s like foreplay.”
I smiled. “You like aggression, huh?” I asked, stealing the opportunity to dig inside his head. “Want me to tie you up and beat your ass?”
He shivered, though whether fake or not, I couldn’t tell. “Don’t tease me.”
“Nick … when we were together the other day, I wanted to ask you. There was a point when …” My stomach coiled when his gaze fell away from mine. “… you seemed different. Like … something else … something darker was inside of you and you were … trying to keep it hidden from me.” Still, his eyes shied away from mine. “I sense there is something more to you.” Unfurling my tight fist, I clutched his arm. “I want you to know, Nick. I like what I saw. I’m not afraid of it.”
“What exactly did you see?” The interest in his voice told me I was on the right track, and the innocent sweep of his tongue across his lips had my predator sensors on high alert. I wanted to take those sweet lips into my mouth and bite down.
“I saw a tormented mind. Conflicted. I know a part of you wants to hurt me. Punish me for what happened. The other part of you … the calm, humane side wants to stuff those thoughts away and touch me with gentle hands.” I lifted his knuckles to my lips, closing my eyes as I kissed them. “I want both.” Perhaps bringing the two desires together might heal his torn mind.
“I told you, Aubree. You’re no longer my retribution. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m not saying you consciously want to hurt me. But I think, deep down, something inside of you craves an end to your pain.”
His chest heaved, and he cast his eyes away from mine as if the request made him nervous. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I don’t want you to hide from me. If this is what keeps you at a distance. If it’s why you wore the gloves when you first touched me. Why you hold back when you’re inside of me. I want both sides to come together—the hate and the gentle. I want to show you that … I understand both sides.” I chewed on the inside of my lip for a moment, in an effort to choose my words carefully. “Whatever happens at the end of this … I gave you all of me. My fears. My desires. It’s all yours. And now I want all of you.”
He pushed me onto my back and straddled my body. Arms at each side of me, he caged me beneath his massive body, pinning me between his powerful thighs.
I didn’t fight him. Didn’t want to. Instead, I waited for him—whether he’d tell me to fuck off, or not, I waited for one shred of evidence that I was right. That he was holding back.
“I do have a darker side to me, Aubree. I’m not sure you want inside that shit.”
“But I do.”
Whether it was ingrained in me from the start, or the result of my fucked up life with Michael, a part of me was drawn to darkness. Craved the kind of sex that spiked my adrenaline. I wanted both of us to come undone, unravel, until we lay completely exposed. I wanted to breach the uncertainty with him, and fall into the intensity of his rough hands on my flesh. Sex with him was perfect, but I wanted his chaos. A moment of entropy. For him to abuse me with passion, unleash his wrath and let go. Not rough and cruel, as it was with Michael, or those men with their dirty hands all over me. I wanted raw sex. Primal. Powerful. Uninhibited. Beautiful, but gritty. I wanted to feel him deep inside of me.
His countering groan rumbled against my lips, growing louder when my hands drifted down his stomach. Pressing his chin into mine, he parted my lips, and for a moment, our breaths mingled. The anticipation of what was to come tightened my stomach. Gripping my crown, he traced my mouth with his tongue before pushing past my teeth to tango with mine, and waves of heat rushed straight to my core, as the man annihilated every bit of what I thought I knew of a kiss.
Buried beneath the armor, the steel that guarded his heart and caged his soul, was something deeper, darker. Painful. I wanted to tear him open and expose his secrets, stroke them so that I could lay them to rest.
The menace in his eyes exhilarated me. I had no idea what to expect. I’d opened a box with Danger! plastered all over it, and might’ve flipped the detonator switch, threatening to blow myself into a million pieces. Yet, whatever darkness lurked in his shadows, I wanted it. I’d caught a spark of it the night we’d first had sex. He’d bound my hands, then, as if something else battled inside of him, he released me, opting to have me touch myself, instead. I needed to know how far he’d go. How deep were his depths?
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
Was the goddamn sky blue? Of course I was sure. I wanted him to see something more, something beyond the blurred edges of his future.
“Yes.”
My tongue raked against my back teeth, as he leaned over to the nightstand and produced a black cloth from the drawer—perhaps the same black cloth he’d used to blindfold me the night he kidnapped me.
“This violence, though … it’s in my blood. I don’t want to hurt you, Aubree.”
“I think we’ve proven you’re incapable of hurting me, Nick.”
His chest heaved with each breath, the intervals of inhalations growing shorter, his pupils dilating as if he’d somehow gotten high off the thought. My God, what kind of tormented and abused woman did it make me, for thrilling in what would come? I might’ve had confidence the man wouldn’t hurt me, but that was the only card he’d shown me so far. What twisted pleasures hid behind that smile, those intense blue eyes, was yet to be seen, and I couldn’t wait to make myself his willing victim.
I’d never given the reins to a man before, never allowed one to take total control over me. That came with trust, something I didn’t toss out like candy. It was hard earned, and after the experience in the bathtub, I’d decided Nick was the only man on the planet that I would follow into the water the way I had.
It’d troubled me that he’d kept his desires on a short leash—that he felt he couldn’t let go entirely with me. That was something I could give back to him.
I wasn’t a fragile woman. I’d been hardened. Trained to withstand even the darkest desires. A small part of me was ashamed to admit that I found solace in that darkness. That I craved depravity and pain. Not deep, penetrating pain, like the cuts I endured from Michael’s knives, or the whips he used across my backside , but the animalistic desire to claw, bite, smack, tear him apart, unable to stand the thought of not having him inside of me. That was how I felt about Nick.
Unless I’d read him wrong, he craved it, too.
He opened the drawer beside me once more, and the clunk at my ear had me turning to see the long blade he set atop the night stand. The serrated edge caught the light, mocking me as I stared back at it. I forced a swallow, my heart kicking up in my chest, blood cooling to panic. Perhaps he misunderstood.
I wanted passionate pain. Not mutilation.
From the edge of the bed, the heat of his stare burned holes in the side of my face, while I studied the sharp teeth of the knife, and I lifted my gaze to his. Those powerful, predacious eyes studied me, looking for any sign of fear, I suspected.
I didn’t misread him. I was right about him, and I planned to prove it. Even if he thought for a moment he could hurt me, in my heart, I knew he couldn’t. That darkness beneath the surface was the rage of his pain, and I intended to give him release—the same release he’d shown me in the bathtub. The elation of conquering a fear, the ghosts that kept us at a distance. I wanted him to breach the darkness, the way I’d breached the waters.
I eased back onto the pillow in surrender and gave a nod.
The intense pinch of his brow was the last image I carried into the darkness of the blindfold.
Only the sound of tearing, the cold hilt sliding along my chest, and a slight chill against my breasts gave brief warning, before he trapped my arms behind my back, using the sleeves of the shirt I’d borrowed.
“I like slicing clothes off of you. I want to buy you a whole fucking
wardrobe of shirts and panties that I can rip to shit whenever I feel like it.” He bit my bottom lip, dragging it into his mouth, before letting go.
“Or I can keep borrowing your clothes.”
With the shirt holding me captive, he peeled back my bra, and his teeth gently grazed my nipple to a hard peak before he bit me.
Moaning at the exhilaration of having my arms bound while he toyed with my breast, I tipped my head back, both peaks jutting forward, and allowed him to do the same to the other side.
“Look at the way your body responds to me. As if it was made especially for my play.” The gravelly tone of his voice, the sound so deep and rich and full of menace, had my thigh muscles working overtime. It’d morphed from before, calm but commanding.
His warm hand slid along my thigh and inside the loose boxers, until he found my wet slit. The boxers slid down to my ankles, shackling my legs as he tightened the fabric around them, and squirming atop my arms, I surrendered my knees to the side, giving him rein to play with my clit.
He kept me there, writhing, waiting for his touch.
“Please, Nick.” Licking my lips, I lifted my ass up off the bed, grinding my hips against nothing, as pain tugged deep inside.
“Why, Aubree? Haven’t you seen what I’m capable of? Why do you want to taunt this side of me?”
“Because,” I said, “I want all of you. And if this is who you are, then this is what I crave.” Through blackness, I imagined Nick’s features—those eyes, jaw, face tight and hard, his body taut, as he railed into me with such intense concentration and curiosity. My legs scissored beneath him. “Please, touch me. Do something.” Heat pulsed through my body, the need to feel his hands driving me mad. I’d have touched myself, if not for the binds at my wrists.
His skin feathered against my nipples as his lips caressed my throat, and I let out a long, droning moan that probably resembled that of a wounded animal. His fingers slid into me, pumping like two pistons in sync.
“Nick, give me more.”
“You want more?”
“Yes, give me more.”
Pressure hit my shoulder and the soft tickle of hair, like his head had rested there. “Okay. I’ll do this. God forgive me if I hurt you.”
He set my hands free from the shirtsleeves and stretched them above my head, where they were tethered to the bedpost, though he didn’t remove the blindfold.
The warmth of his body left me, and the sound of the door clicking shut had me lifting me head up off the pillow.
“Nick?” I tugged at the binds, kicking against the mattress, as I lay naked. Exposed. Dying from the anticipation of needing to be filled.
At another click, I sucked my lip into my mouth. I tipped my head back and let out a pained sigh, grinding against the cool sheets on the bed. “Please, Nick.”
A grip to the back of my head lifted my shoulders up off the pillow, and the scent of whiskey stung my nose.
“Drink this. Trust me, you’ll need it.”
My jaw tightened, as the whiskey coated my mouth, burning when it slipped down my throat.
Forehead pressed to mine, the sweet liquor on his breath fanned against my face, and he tugged the hair at the back of my head. “How far do you want to go?”
“Until you feel free.”
His grip tightened, the sharp sting across my scalp parting my lips. “How can you be the one thing I’ve craved this whole time?”
“Because I know how it feels to hide behind a mask.” I blew out a shaky breath, neck stretched taut. “Now, show me what’s behind yours.”
A tickle hit my breast, shooting pleasure straight to my core. I lifted my hips in offering. What I estimated to be a feather drifted lower, to my bare feet, and I laughed, brows knitted in pain from both need and the tickle he incited there.
Up my calves, he dragged the feather, then across my thighs, and I cried out, arching my back. “Nick!” When it reached my ribs, I laughed aloud, twisting into the agonizing tingle.
Soft plumes danced across my skin, higher, until he reached my breast again, leaving my mouth agape as the sensation consumed me, pulled me into desperation. I wanted every inch of his body touching mine, his cock filling me, pushing me over the edge into the stratosphere. I needed to come so badly, an ache wound inside my stomach.
“If this … is your dark side … feel free … to pull me under … anytime,” I said between pants of breath.
Grabbing my hips, he flipped me over, and my arms crossed over one another, pulled rigid by the chains, as I propped myself onto my knees.
Skin slid across my inner thighs, and a solid force hit the back of my knees. “Ride my face.”
Oh, fuck, his words!
As he commanded, my hips undulated against the scruff of his jaw, and I took in the harsh tickle against my folds. “Jesus!” The wet probing along my seam dipped inside, and I arched my back as his tongue curved up like a pussy-licking master. Half laughing, half wanting to cry, I surrendered to the sensation, the knot pulling deep inside my stomach, itching to explode all over him.
Chains rattled against the headboard, the sound a cadence to the bouncing and squeaking of the bed. My muscles pulled, my hands growing numb from the tension, as I rode him faster, in complete abandon. The unrelenting dip of his tongue, the sucking, licking, blowing, vibrating groan against my sex had me galloping toward the finish line.
Fire blazed in my thighs, and my stomach drew up with the arch of my back. My mouth gaped in pain and pleasure, as I coiled into a tight ball of tension ready to burst.
His fingers dug into my thighs, and two dipped inside of me, fucking me as he licked and sucked.
From my toes, the flash of lightning climbed my legs to my spine, higher, and smashed into the back of my skull in a blinding wave of light.
Heat spread through my muscles, tingling as each shuddered breath pushed past my parted lips. “Oh, fuck!”
The crack of his hand against my ass echoed in the room, and I cried out a curse, lazily rolling my hips as he milked the last of my orgasm.
Sliding my knees out to the side, I lowered myself, resting my pubic bone against his chin, as I tried to catch my breath. “Goddamn.” I could barely speak.
His body slipped out from beneath me, and he grabbed my hips, angling my ass into the air once more.
A hand cupped my breast and pinched, and I bucked against him. “Nick!”
“You asked for dark. I’m going to give it to you.” His cock pushed inside of my ass, and my scream bounced off the walls. “You are the violence inside of me, Aubree. My most exquisite destruction.”
45
Nick
I lay beside Aubree on the bed, fingers entwined, bodies tangled in the sheets. Her left arm draped across my chest, as if she feared I might up and leave.
She’d begged for the depravity inside of me, and much as my conscience battled against me, I gave it to her. She took all of me, for hours, until both of us had collapsed. In ecstasy. No blackouts. No screams of fear. No pain. Only Aubree and me, lying in the blood and sweat of what we both had craved.
Two days had passed since the call from Bojanski, and Devil’s Night had arrived. The final show. The one I hadn’t planned to come back from.
My head swam in questions, to which I suddenly didn’t have answers. Like, What now?
Should I pursue my vengeance? The final plan to destroy Michael Culling and all of the gangs at once? To blow them all to hell, and let Alec turn the gun back on me.
Or should I walk away?
What would Alec say, though? All the work. The planning. The surveillance. The years we’d invested into the final act of revenge—all of it—out the window for some woman?
Not some woman.
Aubree.
Her fingers gently clutched my jaw, and she guided my stare back to her. “You’re somewhere else right now.”
“Just thinking.”
“What’s troubling you?”
I shook my head, and rolling over her
until I’d caged her beneath me, I kissed her, transported back to no more than an hour ago, when the chains had dissolved from my mind. I was free. Consumed by nothing but my dark craving for this woman. When I pulled away, her downward gaze told me something troubled her as well.
“Nick … I know this isn’t what either of us planned.” Her eyes trailed back to mine. “I’m not going to trap you. But I can’t let you run off into certain death, either. Not now. I’m too invested in you.”
“Invested?” I huffed an exhale, and fell onto my back once more. “Aubree …”
Christ, I felt like I’d just given the same speech to Lauren. I hated having to say the words again, but my life came with too many risks. Even if I decided not to go through with the plan, to run off into the sunset with her, I’d pissed off too many people who’d soon be on a warpath for revenge. Aubree would be the perfect target.
“I think it might be best for you to get as far away from me as you can,” I finished.
“Why would I do that?” She rubbed both hands down her face. “You’ve got my head spinning right now. You hate me. You want to fuck me. You can’t let me go, but now you think I should walk away?”
I couldn’t blame her for the confusion. Christ, I didn’t even know what the hell I wanted.
One minute I wanted to kill her, the next, I wanted to kill every cocksucker who’d ever laid a hand on her.
“Culling and Cox have to die. I have to finish this.”
She shot up and planted her hands on either side of my body. “I’m with you on this, Nick, believe me. He’s hurt so many people. Including me.” Her fingertips drifted down my cheek. “You want revenge? Let’s get out of here. Get the fuck out of here and never come back. We’ll smile at him from a place where the sun shines and the world is right. Come with me.”
If only I could. If I thought I’d never be hit with the remorse, remembering my wife and son in those final moments, I’d go with her. Attempt to put some semblance of a life back together and see what the fuck happened. Maybe I’d be happy again someday. With her, I probably could be.