Debra must have sensed the shift in Alanna’s mood. Without a word said, she seemed to know that she had touched on a delicate subject. She patted Alanna on the hand. “No matter what happened, you’re here now and that’s all that counts.”
Alanna didn’t know what to say. She refused to fabricate another lie when the last one had begun to weigh heavily on her heart.
Abruptly, Debra’s eyes widened and her hand slid to her belly. She laughed. “I think the baby agrees.”
Alanna’s eyes widened. “Is the baby all right?”
She rubbed circles on her belly. “He just likes to kick me in the ribs every so often so that I don’t forget he’s there.”
Her baby had never moved. “What does it feel like?”
Debra took Alanna’s hand and laid it on her stomach. “Let’s see if he’ll move for you. He can be quite the show-off when it’s just the two of us, but when anyone else is close he can be so still. Very maddening for Thomas.”
Alanna sat very still, holding her breath. She’d known her share of women expecting but she’d never touch their bellies. It simply wasn’t done.
“Your stomach is rock-hard. Is that normal?” Alanna asked.
“My mother says yes.”
Debra’s stomach rose and fell with each breath she took, but there was no sign of the baby.
“Maybe he’s asleep?” Alanna whispered.
“He’s awake. He’s just being difficult. Give him another minute.”
As the seconds clicked by, Alanna’s disappointment grew. She wanted so much to feel the baby move. Then just as she was about to withdraw her hand, she felt a fluttering under her hands. “Oh my!”
Debra nodded, satisfied. “Meet Edgar Thomas Davis Randall.”
Tears burned her eyes. “Like butterfly wings.”
Debra groaned. “More like a butterfly with an anvil or hammer.”
On cue, the baby kicked hard under Alanna’s hand. She drew back her hand, laughing. “Oh my! That must be so wonderful.”
Debra’s eyes softened. “It is. I can’t wait to hold him in my arms.”
Alanna imagined her own baby in her arms. And abruptly the joy of the moment evaporated. Again, she was faced with all that she’d lost.
Lost. No, lost was not the right word. She’d not lost Caleb. She had tossed him aside. If she’d not been so impulsive or if she had had the courage to face up to her father after the accident, she could have had a life with him. There was no saving the first child but there could have been another baby.
Debra studied Alanna. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.” No.
“You and Mr. Pitt will have children one day,” she said softly.
Sadness jolted Alanna. There’d be no other children for her and Caleb and the realization tore at her heart. She wanted to explain everything to Debra, but she denied the impulse. No good would come of it. “You are very kind.”
Again, Debra seemed to understand the power of the emotions in Alanna. She made a point of yawning widely. “I think the day’s turmoil is finally catching up with me. Perhaps, I had best retire. Are you going to be all right alone?”
“I’m fine. And you should rest.”
Debra rose. “I shall sleep like the dead.”
Alanna smiled. “If you need anything just knock on my door.”
Cupping her hand under her rounded belly, Debra rose. “Second door on the right?”
Alanna opened her mouth to correct Debra, and then she caught herself. Caleb’s room was the second on the right. The young sailors now slept in her room. “Yes.”
Debra hugged Alanna. “Thank you again, Mrs. Pitt. Alanna.”
Taken aback for a moment, Alanna stood stiff. Then slowly she raised her arms and hugged Debra back. A sense of happiness spread through her. “I’m glad we were here for you.”
Debra drew back. She looked tired. However, this time the woman wasn’t trying to smooth over a delicate moment. She was truly exhausted.
“Go to bed,” Alanna ordered.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Alanna watched as the young woman lumbered down the long hallway to her room. When she closed the door behind her, Alanna turned back to the kitchen. Since she’d arrived this room had felt like a haven. Here she felt safe.
But as soon as she’d wiped off the tabletop and filled Toby’s water bowl, the weariness overtook her. Suddenly, she could barely keep her eyes open.
All the rooms were full and if she wanted to sleep in a bed, it would have to be Caleb’s. There was the couch in the parlor, but if Debra or any of the others came looking for her in the middle of the night it would make for an awkward situation.
Alanna moved down the hallway to Caleb’s door. She pressed her hand against the cold wood as if somehow she could gauge whether or not he was sleeping. Her heartbeat thrummed in her fingertips as she waited.
Encouraged by the silence, she wrapped her fingers around the cold knob and slowly opened the door. She peeked inside. The room was dark, and she could hear Caleb’s deep even breathing.
He had to be exhausted. A part of her softened as she pictured him again, battling the seas.
Nibbling her lip, she eased into the room and closed the door behind her. It clicked and she flinched, half expecting him to wake. She waited for fear the slight sound would wake him. He’d always been such a light sleeper.
Stay asleep, please! Desperately she wanted to slip into the bed without him knowing.
When she didn’t hear him stir, she tiptoed across the floor. Closer, she could see he lay on his side, his face to the wall.
The bed was large enough for the two of them and all she needed was a couple of hours of sleep. Alanna lifted the covers.
Caleb shoved out a breath.
Alanna stopped breathing. When he didn’t move, she released a silent breath. With her clothes on, she slipped under the blankets, careful not to jostle the mattress. She stayed so close to the edge of the bed, her right foot peeked out from under the covers.
Despite the awkward position, the warmth of the blankets slowly started to seep into her bones. After several minutes, Caleb remained asleep. She started to relax.
This was going to work. She could get a few hours of sleep and be gone before Caleb was the wiser.
Caleb awoke. Instantly, he was aware of Alanna beside him in bed. And he was stiff as a poker.
Chapter Eleven
In a perfect world, Caleb would be driving into Alanna right this very moment. She’d be wrapping her naked legs around him as she accepted all of him. He’d hear her soft moans in his ear and feel her fingers clinging to his back. He’d kiss her breasts, coaxing the nipples into soft peaks and listening to her cries of pleasures as he found his release.
Lord knows, he’d dreamed of stripping her down naked and making love to her enough times over the last two years.
But this world was far from perfect.
With sheer will, Caleb reined in his desires. He clamped down on the need driving him and tried to ignore the way his body throbbed with unspent desire.
Alanna moaned and wriggled her bottom against him.
It was going to be a long night.
Muttering an oath, he rolled on his back and tucked his hands behind his head. He stared at the bands of moonlight that slashed across the ceiling. He counted to ten. He thought about the storm’s damage and the days of work it would take to repair everything. He imagined cold rain pelting his body.
Yet, the harder he tried to ignore Alanna, the more her sweet scent floated around him. From the corner of his eye, he noted the way her rosy lips parted slightly as she slept. His gaze skimmed down the length of her delicate jaw to the curve of her neck to the gentle rise and fall of her chest.
He rolled on his side and faced her. As he stared at the thick cable sweater, he remembered how the sea had ruined her undergarments. He knew she wore no corset or chemise. If he were to slip his hand under the sweater his fingertips would touch the warm flesh o
f her flat belly. Inches away, he’d find the naked underside of her breast. Even after two years he remembered how her breast fit so well in the palm of his hand.
Caleb’s erection began to ache. He groaned.
God, what was he doing to himself?
Entertaining these thoughts was folly at best. He had plenty of things that were far more important to think about other than Alanna. And still, his thoughts circled back to her.
Aye, she’d been brave today. Hell, she’d been more than brave. She’d been a warrior goddess who had held on to the oars when he knew she was terrified. And when he’d lost his balance and nearly fallen into the sea, her cool hands wrapped around his waist and steadied him.
He was in her debt.
Sighing, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. A bit of bravery did not change all the barriers that stood between them.
Caleb raked his hands through his hair. He re-focused on the chores that needed doing. The surfboat would need to be dried and restocked. The lenses in the lighthouse would need polishing. There’d be rope that needed rewinding. He’d work until he’d worn out his body, until he could barely keep his eyes open. By then, pray God, the storm would have passed and everyone would leave him alone on the island.
Alone. He thought about the years ahead—the years that would be spent alone.
He glanced back over his shoulder at Alanna. Even in sleep, the worry lines remained on her forehead and around the corners of her mouth.
The sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose caught his attention. He swore he’d remember every detail of her face, but he didn’t remember the freckles. But then he’d never seen her face washed clean. Alanna had been a vain woman and she’d liked her powders and lotions. There’d been a time when he’d taken great pride in her appearance. She was a woman any man would like to have on his arm.
But seeing her faced scrubbed clean, he was struck by how young she was. Her birthday had been just over a month ago and he knew she’d turned twenty-one. Had she been only eighteen when he’d met her? She’d moved with the grace and poise of an older woman so it had been easy for him to forget she was so young.
He liked her better like this. Clean and natural, he felt as if he was seeing the true woman this time.
Gently, he brushed a curl from her forehead.
Every day these last two years, especially during the darkest days after the accident, he’d thought about her. At first, he longed for her and then after she’d refused him, he’d cursed her.
But no matter how angry or lonely he was, he conjured the image of her long blond hair, the gentle curve of her nose, and the faint cleft in her chin. Try as he might, he simply could not let go of her.
Aye, no matter what had happened in the past or what would happen tomorrow, she’d been amazing today. Most women would have weighed the risks, then run screaming from such a dangerous rescue.
Not Alanna.
She was as impulsive and fearless as ever. A half smile tipped the edge of his lips.
Alanna stirred, then rolled on her side toward him. She started to mumble as if she were trying to say something. A tear streamed down her face and then abruptly she started awake. Gripping her belly, she stared wide-eyed at the ceiling as if she was unsure of where she was. Her breathing quickened and she sat up.
He touched her shoulder. “You’re safe.”
She started and pulled away.
“Easy,” he said.
Slowly her wild gaze focused and she realized where she was. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and pressed the heel of her hand into her forehead. “How long have I been asleep?”
“Not long.”
She nodded. “It feels like it’s been days.”
He swung his body back on the bed and moved behind her. “You’re exhausted and I doubt fully recovered from your fever.”
“I’m fine.” She cleared her throat. “I should check on Debra. She may be hungry.”
“The house is quiet. No one else is up. Lie back down.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s too wise.”
“Alanna, we’re both too tired to do much of anything.” He tried to keep his voice even, disinterested. “You need the sleep.”
She pushed her bangs off her face. “I’m fine.” Rising, she padded over to the hearth and spread her fingertips out to the glowing embers. “Debra is worried about her possessions. They carried everything they owned with them on the boat.”
Her voice sounded far away, distant. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
She tossed a small log on the fire. The embers spit and popped, then started to lick the edges of the log. “When the ship breaks apart, will the goods wash up on the beach?”
He rolled on his side and propped his head on his palm. The strain on her face puzzled him. “Sometimes.”
“Is there a way to track down their things if they do?”
“It would be tough. But not impossible. Why the sudden concern? You barely know the Randalls.”
She poked at the embers with a stick. “I like Debra. She’s got a good heart.” She shoved out a sigh. “And she’s expecting a baby.”
“Aye.”
Firelight glowed on her profile. “It’s their first. Due in November.”
The hint of sadness in her voice tugged at him. “Why do you care so much?”
She shrugged. “It’s got to be scary. She’s lost just about everything and she’s got a baby on the way.”
Instinct had Caleb rising. He couldn’t say what it was about her, but he knew something was wrong. He tugged on his pants and moved to the fire and squatted next to her. “Alanna? There’s more to this than the Randall’s furniture.”
She sighed, and then tossed the stick onto the flames. “There isn’t really.”
“Like it or not, I do know your moods. I know when something is wrong.” For a long time she stared at the flames. He’d begun to think she’d not tell him what was wrong.
She brushed a tear from her cheeks. “After the accident, our friends abandoned me. And Father was so distraught over his business he had little time.”
Her quiet even voice held his attention. He understood she wasn’t complaining. She was simply setting the stage for something else. Something bigger. So he waited for her to continue.
“In one moment I seemed to have the world in my hands and the next I’d lost everything. The creditors started arriving almost immediately after the accident. And for a time I thought we’d lose the house.”
He’d heard about Obadiah’s financial troubles and at the time he’d been glad. He’d wanted the old man to suffer. He’d wanted Alanna to suffer. Yet, as he looked at her right now, she looked so very small, so vulnerable. And he regretted all the hell he’d wished upon her.
Alanna was silent for so long that he thought she wouldn’t speak and then she said, “I found out I was pregnant.”
He could feel the blood drain from his head. His world started to spin. A baby! Was the child a boy or girl? What was his name? So many questions, so many possibilities. “Good God, Alanna!”
Another tear trickled down her cheek and she savagely whipped it away. “I lost our baby eight weeks into the pregnancy.”
For only moments the possibility of a child existed in his mind, yet he’d bounced from shock to joy to sadness. Caleb felt a crushing sense of loss. While he’d been in the hospital going through his own private hell, Alanna had been trapped in hers.
Suddenly, he wanted to take her in his arms and grieve for the child they’d both lost. He laid his hand on her shoulder. The weight of all they’d lost suddenly was more than he could bear. “I wish I’d been there for you.”
She laid her hand over his. For the first time in years, he felt the deep connection he’d once shared with her. It warmed his body, melting the ice in his veins. His heart beat faster, as if it had been in limbo and now had come back to life. The hate and anger vanished with the ice and a weight lifted from hi
s shoulders.
“I should have had the courage to be there for you, but I was so afraid. Father would have thrown me into the streets if he’d known I was pregnant and there wasn’t a friend that would have taken me in.” She closed her eyes. “God help me, but I didn’t want to be poor or alone. And the thought of caring for a child alone terrified me.”
He tried to clear his mind of emotion and think. “What happened?”
She pulled her hand away and stared into the flames. “The night before your trial started, I began cramping. I lost the baby two days later.”
He remembered the day of the trial and how he’d cursed her for not coming to him. “I came to your house the night after the inquest.”
She swallowed back tears. “Father never told me you came, but if he had I couldn’t have seen you. I was too ill with terrible bleeding. I refused to tell anyone what was going on. One of my maids panicked when she saw the blood and sent for the doctor. He helped me and I begged him to keep my secret. He did.”
“No one knows.”
“No one.”
“I would have moved heaven and earth to be with you, if I’d known.”
A faint smile touched her lips. “I know.”
He reached out for her, but this time she drew away. The brief connection they’d shared was breaking and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Fisting his fingers at his side he fought the urge to speak.
“That’s why I didn’t respond to your letters. It was all just too painful.”
He remembered the angry words in his second letter. All his frustration had spilled onto the page. He was glad now she’d not read them. “The letters are best forgotten.”
“I’d always taken money and security for granted until that time. I’d never once worried where I’d live or feared if there would be enough food. But as the world around me started to crumble, I began to worry.” She sniffed. “You would not recognize Father’s house now. I’ve sold everything inside it to pay the creditors. My mother’s jewels, the silver. Everything is gone save for a few pieces of furniture. The house sold at auction two months ago. I’ve been staying with Henry’s aunt since then.”
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