by Sara Cate
Shielding my eyes from the sun now peeking through the clouds, I stare down at Cadence. I knew this about Sunny, didn’t I? Cadence sees loyalty as a fault, but I know it’s Sunny’s passion, her integrity.
“What do you mean ‘how much it costs her?’”
“She’s only twenty, and she’s the most talented person I know. Did she tell you she dropped out of art school because my parents split? Sunny could have stayed, but she took all the blame for their split.”
“I’m trying to help her, Cadence. I’m not holding her back. I’m not your father. When the mural is finished, I’m doing a big PR campaign to get her name out there. I’ve even pushed her to take an internship with the university.”
She nods with a small smile, but I can see the hesitation on her face. And I don’t like how much I sound like I’m defending myself. I love Sunny. I’m not going to be blamed for something I haven't even done. I would never hold her back. Unlike the rest of her family, I’ll be the one to push her.
“She won’t take it.” Cadence’s words feel like a punch to my gut. Because I know she’s right. Deep down, it rings true.
“I’m just looking out for her. She’s better than us, Alex.”
With that, she turns away, putting her earbuds in and starting up her jog. I try to ignore her words, shaking off the feeling she left me with.
As I walk up the front steps toward the house, I have to remind myself of everything I thought before I ran into her. I love Sunny. She makes me happy, and I’ll do anything she needs me to do.
She’s better than us.
Cadence’s words echo in my ears as I walk in the house. I see Sunny in the pool house, still busy at work. Deciding to hit the shower first, I go to the bathroom, intent on washing off the weird feeling I have now.
Standing under the hot stream, I try to quiet the thoughts plaguing my mind. Sunny is better than me, but I can still take care of her. I can shower her with everything she never had. I’ll give her the world.
Just then, the shower door opens, and a cool breeze hits my skin as Sunny steps through the steam.
“Mind if I join you?” she says with a smile. Feeling her bare tits against my chest as she wraps her arms around my shoulder and presses her lips to mine makes all the thoughts in my head disappear.
“Yes, please,” I mumble against her mouth.
Letting my fingers drift down her back, wetting her hair in the water as she grinds against me, my cock stirs to life.
“How was your run?” she says with a gasp as I turn her around, her back against my chest.
“Not as good as this,” I murmur with my lips on her shoulder. Cupping her soft tit in my hand, I drag my tongue along the back of her spine. She lets out a heavy sigh, arching her back and pressing back against me like she’s begging me to enter her.
As I slide my dick easily into her folds, I wonder how I went so long without this. When I’m inside of her, it feels so fucking right. And not just because it’s like heaven, but because Sunny and I fit. Every goddamn thing between us is meant to be together.
I start with my hands around her body, trying to kiss her while I move, wanting to taste her and be consumed by her at the same time, but she pulls away, planting her hands on the wall and rocketing her hips back against mine.
Fuck, this girl will kill me.
It takes the air out of my lungs to watch her move against me, hungry for her own pleasure, and I want to give it to her. I want her to have it all.
Grabbing her narrow hips, I meet her thrusts, deepening each one until she’s so out of breath she can’t even form a sound.
When I come in her, I gather her body up against mine again. I want to feel her orgasm, the tension in her muscles, the heavy beat of her heart, the strangled sound of her cries. I need to know it’s enough for her, that I’ve done right by her, and I try to memorize it all. I have her orgasm in the palm of my hand, and still I’m left feeling like it’s not enough.
When she crawls into bed with me that night after spending another four hours on the ladder, I welcome her warmth against my body.
“Guess what,” she whispers, kissing my chest.
“What?” I smile.
“I’m done.” Her smile is bright from ear to ear.
“What?” I ask, setting my phone aside to curl a lock of hair behind her ear.
“I’m fucking done!” She practically squeals with excitement, so I gather her up in my arms, kissing the top of her head.
“I’m so proud of you,” I whisper. When she pulls away, her eyes fall on mine, and I do my very best to hide the lurking worry hiding in my mind. My smile is forced, and she senses it right away.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, resting her chin on my chest.
“Nothing, rain cloud. I’m happy for you.”
“Well, I still have to finish a few outlines and touch-ups here and there.” She says it like it’s supposed to make me feel better, as if her being done with the mural would be bad news for me. Does she think I’m worried she’ll leave when she’s done?
“Sounds good.” My fingers trace her neck to her shoulders where a smudge of yellow paint has dried. Laying on my chest, she trails her fingers down my chest in the same way I trail them down her spine. It’s quiet, comfortable, and I want to hold onto this moment, pushing the doubts in my head away.
I can talk her into the internship. And if she doesn’t want to do that, she’ll get plenty of jobs after we showcase her work here. Then, an idea pops into my head.
“We should have a party,” I whisper. “Like a showcase for your mural.”
“Who would come to that?” she asks, sounding skeptical.
“Lots of people. People with influence, followers, designers. It could be a huge breakthrough for you, Sunny. If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah…” she mumbles. “Or we could just stay in bed by ourselves.” I know she’s being playful, but her answer doesn’t make me feel any better.
Just when I’m about to press her about it some more, she touches a tender spot on my side, just above my hip. “What’s this?” she asks, fingering the raised scar about the size of her index finger.
“Oh, that’s from a very careless trip to Mexico last year,” I tell her, looking down at the warped skin that runs parallel to the elastic on my boxers.
“It looks like a mountain range,” she says with a laugh. “Can I draw on it?”
I answer with a chuckle. “Have at it.”
Jumping off my chest, she scurries to her bag on the floor and comes back with a felt-tip pen, crawling back on my body and facing the scar. The pen is cool on my skin and makes me jump a little as she stretches a long line along the ridge.
“So, tell me the story,” she says, biting her lips while she concentrates.
“I wish I could say it was from bungee jumping or jet-skis, but the reality is that I drank too much in Cancun. Got myself in a little trouble with a friend, and he threw me against a table. A glass top table. Sliced through my side like a knife through butter.”
“Ouch.”
The sharp movements of her pen make me wince. I wish that story was better, and I don’t have the heart to tell her the rest of that story. How I was so drunk, I didn’t even know I’d been cut. Or how my best friend and business partner left me for dead because I fucked his wife in the hot tub the day before. How I spent two days alone in the hospital in Cancun and had to catch a flight home alone on my birthday, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.
“A little trouble, huh?” she asks, and I grab her arm with my hand, stopping her drawing.
She looks up at me with a question in her eyes. “What is it?”
“There are things in my past that I don’t want you to know, Sunny. And it’s not because I don’t trust you to stay, but there’s a lot of ugly back there. It doesn’t belong anywhere near you.”
Moisture fills her eyes, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat. Dropping the pen, she scoots her body up my chest unt
il her face is inches from mine.
“I love your scars, Alex. I know that under your skin is a whole lot of shame that you think you need to protect me from, but I won’t leave you for it. I won’t let you try and scare me away.”
Taking her face in my hands, maybe a little too hard between my fingers, I pull her lips just a breath away from mine. “I love you, Sunny.”
She blinks, a tear spilling over her lashes. “I love you, too,” she croaks.
I crush her lips to mine, like today is the first day of my life. There is nothing before now, and every moment from here until the end of my life will belong to her.
Sunny
Cadence: Labor Day BBQ today at 1. You two should come.
I’m busy finishing the outline on the girl’s long brown locks when I hear the ping from my phone. Brush in hand, I glance down at my phone and see the text. Before I answer, I let the question stew in my mind.
It’s been over a month since I’ve seen my mom. Not that I’m complaining, but I know things will only get worse if I don’t make some effort to mend the bond. I realize it’s not up to me, and that she’s the one who screwed things up between us, but my sister is stuck mediating, and I hate to leave her like that.
Labor Day was always a major holiday for us. My dad loved throwing BBQs in the backyard, inviting his fancy friends over with their high maintenance wives and fresh out of rehab kids, none of whom I got along with, and everyone would have a pretty miserable time until they were properly drunk at which point I escaped to my room and pretended they were all gone, even when they weren’t.
Since my dad left, the parties have changed. The guys rarely come to my mom’s parties, but the wives do. The kids follow their mothers even though they’re not kids anymore. Fischer and Liam will roll because Dad’s gone and Mom can’t handle it while she’s drinking. Cadence will keep them company, and I will sit alone hoping the few guys who did come won't come over and talk to me because it always gets awkward when they do.
This year will be different though. I have Alexander. I can stay by his side. Hold his hand. Claim him as mine and pretend that none of them exist.
“My sister just invited us to a BBQ today,” I call over to Alexander, who’s lounging on the couch, stretched across the cushions while he replies to emails to his publicist.
“Okay. Do you want to go?”
He leaves it up to me, which I love, but it’s not a choice I want to make. I miss my sister. I miss certain things about my mother. I don’t want to meet them on their terms. I want to meet them on mine. I want the version of them that doesn’t make me hate myself.
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
A few moments pass while I keep up my work on the scaffolding, outlining, fixing small spots, perfecting something that’s already perfect. A gentle touch on my neck pulls me out of my trance.
“We can go for a drive, if you want.” His eyes are soft, loving, and I feel connected to him. A drive would be nice. Get out of town for a while.
But as soon as I consider it, I know that I’m going to the BBQ. I only needed him to offer another option before I knew what my gut would settle on.
“I should at least make an appearance. I haven’t been over there in two weeks.”
He offers me a warm smile. “Okay then, rain cloud. We can go.”
I touch his fingers with mine and lean down to kiss him. It’s not supposed to be this easy.
His hands squeeze the flesh of my thighs as I deepen the kiss. I can't get into anything heavy at the moment, but I love the idea that we could just get into it at any moment.
When he pulls away and walks back to the couch, I set down the brush and text my sister back. “We’ll be there. What can we bring?”
I smile at how much like a couple we sound.
“Just yourselves,” she replies.
A heavy sigh escapes my lips, and I can’t focus on the mural anymore. Placing my brushes in the cup to clean, I climb down and walk over to where Alex is lounging on the couch. It only takes one look before he’s opening his arms to me.
“It’ll be fine, rain cloud.”
I crawl onto the couch, laying my body against his, and he wraps me in a tight hug. He doesn’t have to say anything or make this right for me, but his support, his arms holding me down when I want to run settle the fear in my chest.
We walk to the BBQ hand-in-hand. He pauses before we cross the yard and looks at me with a question in his expression. He’s asking me if I’m ready for this. For people to know we are doing this now. And I aim the question right back toward him. With a wink and a kiss on my forehead, he pulls me through the opening in the fence, and we enter the party.
It’s bigger than I expected, and everyone’s eyes are on us as we make our appearance. As a couple.
My mother is the first one to drop her jaw.
Cadence doesn’t even look surprised at all.
Alexander hands her the drinks he carried under his arm, and she gives us both a hug, all the while we keep our fingers locked. When my mom comes down from the porch to greet us, I flinch at the fear of how she might react, but a gentle squeeze of my fingers makes me relax.
When she engulfs me in a hug, it’s a strong one. I feel her chest quake as she holds me, but I don't feel anything. I’m not sorry or sad, but I’m also not angry, so at least I can be glad about that.
“I'm so glad you guys came,” she says through her tears when she pulls away.
“Of course,” Alexander says stiffly from beside me. He’ll be cordial with my mom, but I know deep down, he’s seething and won’t bend that easily.
He and I settle by the side of the pool while Cadence fills us in on some courses she’s signed up for with the community college. I’m glad to hear she’s trying to do something for herself, but I can’t help but notice the tension between her and Fischer and Liam. The guys haven’t spoken to her since we arrived, instead standing soberly by the grill.
“Alexander, will you please go help out those idiots,” Cadence says to him when a waft of smoke blows through the party.
I tense, smiling at my sister. I can already feel the onslaught of questions. She’s about to interrogate me, and I brace myself for it.
“So,” she says leaning back with her drink once he’s out of earshot. “When did this happen?”
“Does it matter?”
“Are you happy?” she asks when I ignore her first question.
Considering her question for a moment, it’s not a yes or no answer I’m preparing. The answer is emphatically yes. But there are other emotions there, too: fear, excitement, paranoia. I just don’t know exactly how much I’m sharing with my sister.
“I am happy,” I say truthfully. “He cares about me, Cadence. We care about each other. I know how it looks.”
“Good,” she says. “Because if you didn’t know how it looked, I’d be worried.”
When her eyes start to mist up, I bite my lip. When did things with my sister become so strained? So heavy.
“Why are you so worried?” I ask.
“I just want us to be close again, Sun. I wanted you to share this stuff with me.”
By this stuff, I know she’s referring to the sex. I lost my virginity, and I didn’t go running to my best friend to tell her about it, like I always thought I would have.
“We will, Cadence. I just needed to be away from her for a while.” My eyes glance over to where our mother is laughing with her friends.
“I know, and I’m glad you’re happy. I just...want you to be careful, Sunny. It’s easy to get attached to the first one…”
I have to clench my jaw to keep from looking too angry with my sister. I know she’s looking out for me, but every cautious warning only taints the peace and happiness. Yesterday, Alexander told me he loved me. Nothing my sister says will ruin that.
When I don’t answer, she continues. “I’ve heard stories about him, Sunny. About what he’s like with women.”
“Stop,” I bark at my
sister, and a few heads turn, including Alex’s. I send him a reassuring glance and a smile. I’m ready to go home, to be alone with him.
“I’m sorry,” Cadence mutters, reaching for my hand. “I just...I don’t want you getting hurt.”
When I look at my sister, I see years of feeling like she was the only person who loved me because she gave me attention when my father didn’t and stood between me and my mother when her tirades were the worst. I grew up knowing nothing but toxic cries for affection, and now I have someone who is actually trying for me, and I can’t express this to Cadence because I know it will crush her.
So, I touch her hand. “Thank you.”
Mom doesn’t talk to me much for the rest of the day. She doesn’t go anywhere near Alexander, but just when his eyes find mine from across the yard and we’re both sending each other the let’s get the fuck out of here vibes, she links her arm through mine, stumbling with me into the yard.
“I just want you to know that I’m okay with this.” Her breath smells like vodka, but her eyes are still sober enough while she bores them into me.
“Okay with what?” I mumble.
“You dating a man twice your age, Sunny.” She whispers it roughly against my ear, and it sends chills down my spine.
I pull away. “He’s good to me.”
“Yeah, middle aged men are good to young girls at first, Sunny.”
I shouldn’t be shocked. This was coming either way, but it still hurts to know her true feelings about me. This is how everyone will feel about us, and I knew this would happen, but it feels like a slap in the face regardless.
“I had a great time, Mom. Thanks for having us.” With her mouth hanging open, I pull her into a hug, and walk away, meeting Alex in the middle of the yard so we can walk back home alone.
“You okay?” He squeezes my hand.
“Yep,” I say, forcing a smile.
As we go through the motions back at the house, getting ready for bed—in his bed since we don’t even mess with the guest room anymore, we talk about the party, and I think about the first time Alex walked over to my backyard. What it was like seeing him in person for the first time. He was so out of reach, so mysterious, and I try to compare that first impression with the man I see now.